# Without warning, your spouse/SO says you need to go on the run, or risk death. What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 25, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348 "2012-07-25T16:07:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/81 "2012-07-26T03:09:30Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Here’s the sitch. Without warning, your husband/wife/significant other comes home in the most agitated mood you’ve ever seen them. Looking both deadly serious and terribly frightened, your partner says you need to stop whatever you’re doing and leave with them _that instant_. There’s no time to pack, no time to make any phone calls; you just need to put on your shoes, grab your wallet, and kids if you have any, and get the hell out of Dodge. There’s no telling when you’re return, or even if you’ll ever be able to. Why? Your family (meaning you, your partner, and your kids) is in immediate mortal danger. Details will take longer than you have time for right now; they’ll explain when you’re on the road. > > What do you do, and why? Grab kid, grab wallet, grab gun, and ask if I can have 2 minutes to get gold coins from safe, pointing out that credit cards can be traced and gold can be traded for cash anywhere, and that we won’t get far without cash or credit. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/82 "2012-07-26T03:23:26Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > My family actually has a code word for just this sort of situation. It was an idea I came up with as a single parent, when I say that word you do just exactly what I say immediately with no questions. So if any of them said the go word I would go, no questions, because that’s the agreement we’ve made. That is a really good idea. We have a code word for our son, and have from an early age, so he knows if someone shows up and says, “Your parents are sick/in danger and sent me to get you,” that person must also know our code word, and if he doesn’t, he’s lying. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/83 "2012-07-26T03:58:29Z")
A little over a year ago we were getting ready for this. Fortunately Fukushima didn’t go poof, so we didn’t have to run. Now I’d want to know a tiny bit more to help know how best how to flee. With two toddlers, it’s not like we could outrun anyone anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/84 "2012-07-26T07:40:23Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > That’s just the kind of thinking that gets people eaten by zombies. Its also the kind of thinking deal with daily and generally I inform the doctor that patient xyz is having another psychotic break and can I get a Haldol/Ativan IM Stat order before someone gets hurt. Sorry, I’m a mom first, nurse second, everything else comes after that. Panicked fugue states included. And ya know, I’m not sure I WANT to survive the Zombie Apocalypse. I would probably have to work a butt load of overtime. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 10:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/85 "2012-07-26T10:37:55Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I was specifically thinking of you when I wrote the poll. I almost named an option after you, and that’s no joke. > > Does it matter if there’s no apparent danger? Hurricanes and wildfires come with plenty of warning (though of course earthquakes do not). If I’d thought ahead I would have stipulated in the OP that you had no idea why your spouse was so agitated, but it’s too late now. No apparent danger is OK, he obviously knows something I do not. It still would not change the issue that I _have_ to grab my bail out bag, no meds puts me in hospital or dead. I would probably be OK with grabbing the cat, we keep the cat carrier in the trunk actually - we just got it back from a friend and haven’t bothered to move it out yet so grabbing the [furball]([Straight Dope Message Board - Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/) [![](https://i789.photobucket.com/albums/yy176/aruvqan/Miscellaneous/sleepyhead.jpg) ](https://i789.photobucket.com/albums/yy176/aruvqan/Miscellaneous/sleepyhead.jpg) ) is easy enough. To be honest, making and maintaining a bail out bag is easy enough that everybody should do it, as one can never tell if you will need to evacuate or not. Housefires happen, how many threads are there on the dope about my neighbors house burned/condo burned/apartment burned and I have to stay in a hotel until I can get back in. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/86 "2012-07-26T10:56:17Z")
I wouldn’t have any trouble trusting my spouse and leaving instantly on his word, but there’s no way I’d leave the cats behind. Since we have 7 this is problematic, especially since we don’t have all their carriers at home. I think you have just made me decide to go to my storage locker and get the rest of the carriers back. You know, just in case. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/87 "2012-07-26T11:30:06Z")
I posed this question to my girlfriend last night. Apparently she’ll be asking questions about to die as I’m heading back out. At least it will slow down the zombies a little while they eat her. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/88 "2012-07-26T11:43:24Z")
I definitely go. My husband isn’t a big traveler, so if he thinks we need to go, he must be serious. I’m also with the folks citing Pascal’s Wager: if he’s wrong or delusional and we go, we get some ice cream and come home (then call a shrink). If he’s right and we stay, we’re screwed. We grab Ivester and the dogs and head out. (The cat can come if he’s easy to catch, but I’m not wasting much time on his bitey ass.) ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/89 "2012-07-26T11:44:37Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > (for the record…if my spouse told me to get running, I’d demand a simple, 30-second, one-sentence explanation first.There are only about 2 or 3 possiblities, and it only takes one senence to explain. > Are we supposed to be running from a guy with a gun, a natural disaster, an explosion at the factory, or alien spaceships.? Yeah, I’d be like: “natural disaster, murder, Godzilla, or supernatural?” But other than that explain on the way is fine. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/90 "2012-07-26T12:31:12Z")
If it had been The Idiot Ex, I would have refused to move a hair without an explanation. If it had been The Bestest Ex: first, he would have been babbling the explanation and the problem would have been trying to make sense of it (I probably would have filed that for “later”), but I would have grabbed my laptop, wallet, cash, documents and car keys before he’d even stopped for breath for the first time. And then I would have had to run back in to go to the bathroom. > [@Loach](#): > > If she said it to me I better get an explanation, even a short one. If I said it to her she better be heading for the door. Don’t worry it makes sense to me. It makes sense to me simply from knowing you’re a cop. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/91 "2012-07-26T13:28:33Z")
I would go but we must pack a small bag first. My husband is diabetic and we would need his insulin and his pump supplies or he will be dead in a few days anyway. We also need to load up the diaper bag for the baby. I know my husband well enough to know that he would never just come home like that though, he would call me and have me pack stuff up while he was on his way home. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/92 "2012-07-26T13:36:45Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > I would go but we must pack a small bag first. My husband is diabetic and we would need his insulin and his pump supplies or he will be dead in a few days anyway. We also need to load up the diaper bag for the baby. I know my husband well enough to know that he would never just come home like that though, he would call me and have me pack stuff up while he was on his way home. They are listening to your phone. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/93 "2012-07-26T14:36:38Z")
HEll yes, I’d do what she said. It’d be just like old times. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/94 "2012-07-26T16:30:52Z")
It occurs to me that my parents once actually faced a similar situation. My dad was being carjacked in their own driveway, and he started yelling to my mom simply to “Call 911” before he could get into the house to explain. She called, and she initially told 911 that she didn’t know why she was calling, but her husband was having an emergency. > [@astro](#): > > My tolerance for panicked craziness has grown short over the years. On the other hand, mine has gone up. Life is too boring otherwise. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mops](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mops/32/16494_2.png) [@Mops](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mops)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/95 "2012-07-26T17:13:32Z")
My SO is sane and pretty levelheaded. I’d pocket my wallet, phone and keys, a coat if the weather is cool, head out the door with her, and as soon as traffic allows a conversation ask for an explanation. BTW I think of collaborating with others in terms akin to the OP’s hypothetical: If I told someone: “Please turn this crank, counterclockwise, immediately” there would be people who (a) first ask “Why?”, and after having been told begin turning the crank (b) begin turning the crank, then ask “Why?” Getting things done require the second type of person IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/96 "2012-07-26T17:27:21Z")
[A follow-up poll.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=659880) ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/97 "2012-07-26T17:38:10Z")
I would definitely go with him. I would gauge by his level of panic whether I had time to grab anything on the way out. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/98 "2012-07-26T19:20:33Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You are correct; it’s worth grabbing the phone. I can’t see caring about the ebook reader or (assuming it’s a video game) the DS. Some Kindle models have built-in 3G data connections and crude web browsers; you can use them for email in a pinch. This makes them back-up communication devices. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/99 "2012-07-26T19:58:27Z")
I’m grabbing the ‘GO’ bag and heading out the door. My wife doesn’t even have to be home to do this. If I get home and see a certain word on the fridge notepad, I know she’s already gone and where to meet her. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/100 "2012-07-27T15:32:43Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > Some Kindle models have built-in 3G data connections and crude web browsers; you can use them for email in a pinch. This makes them back-up communication devices. I am adding that to the list of reasons I refuse to get a Kindle. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348.md?page=6)