# witless religious platitudes, or, fortune-cookie Christianity **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 12, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222 "2010-05-12T21:04:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Creole\_Tomato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@Creole\_Tomato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creole_Tomato)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/101 "2010-05-16T00:19:47Z")
Don’t know if this one’s been said yet, but, “Don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is.” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/102 "2010-05-16T02:01:09Z")
I heard it as “problems” instead of “storm”. It was hanging up on the wall of a my high school classroom. ---
**Author:** ![Creole\_Tomato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@Creole\_Tomato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creole_Tomato)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/103 "2010-05-16T02:14:10Z")
> [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](#): > > I heard it as “problems” instead of “storm”. It was hanging up on the wall of a my high school classroom. Did you ever explain to your final exams how big God is? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/104 "2010-05-16T04:02:06Z")
You know what they say–as long as there are tests in schools there will be prayer in schools. ---
**Author:** ![Leah\_M](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/57b2e6/32.png) [@Leah\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leah_M)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/105 "2010-05-16T04:19:59Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > God, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That’s what’s important! Valor pleases you, God… so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you! It’s just not the same without the accent. ---
**Author:** ![dhkendall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9adbd/32.png) [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/106 "2010-05-16T14:49:53Z")
> [@Nicolas\_Bourbaki](#): > > Luckily, it’s back. > [www.writeinbush.com](http://www.writeinbush.com) Thanks, that’s all kinds of fun crazy right there. And, comparing the earliest copies to the latest copies, they seem about as committed to their candidate as an ADHD kid … ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2010, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/107 "2010-05-16T16:36:20Z")
> [@Creole\_Tomato](#): > > Did you ever explain to your final exams how big God is? 😉 Musta worked, I got all A’s and B’s. ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/108 "2010-05-17T04:30:49Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Calling Jesus the carpenter irks me in the way that “were you there when they nailed Him to the tree?” and other lyrics and sermons that refer to him being nailed to a _tree_ irk me- he was nailed to a cross. True it was made of wood, but do you call your dining table or your barstool a “tree” if they’re made of wood? > [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > As for the “nailed to a tree” thing, I can’t resist the reference after reading Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It just so offhandedly blasts the entire religion as inconsequential and self-important. I would guess it is an accidental borrowing from [Norse mythology](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yggdrasil#H.C3.A1vam.C3.A1l). It certainly fits, and the similarities have been noticed before. And of course, it would have to be accidental, since Christianity would never co-opt other religious icons into their beliefs. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/109 "2010-05-17T12:14:30Z")
The phrase “nailed to a tree” is actually taken from Biblical sources. It’s in Deuteronomy 21: 22-23 and in the Letter to the Galatians 3:13, which is clearly recalling Deuteronomy. Christians were quick to adopt the Old Testament phrase as referring to Christ. So there’s plenty of precedent for using the expression. It’s not trerndy “fortune cookie” Christianity. In fact, IIRC, Jesus-existence-doubter G.A. Wells argues that the phrase works into his theory that Paul is actually referring to an event about someone actually nailed to a tree about a century before Paul, rather than referring allegorically to Christ nailed to a Roman cross. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222/110 "2010-05-17T16:09:31Z")
“If God answers my prayers, then why are you still alive?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witless-religious-platitudes-or-fortune-cookie-christianity/539222.md?page=5)