# Witness haters--are you happy now? :( **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 2, 2013, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221 "2013-10-02T23:02:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/101 "2013-10-03T16:55:10Z")
> [@Uber\_the\_Goober](#): > > Well of course. [Ephesians 4:5](http://biblehub.com/ephesians/4-5.htm) > > Given the cited scripture’s obvious point - would you believe that the religion you choose to associate yourself with was the wrong one, or the right one? Of course, mine is the correct one. If the rest of you don’t mind the FSM flipping his middle noodley appendage at you, it’s your problem. Mock if you dare, but remember the Noodle Incident? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/102 "2013-10-03T16:55:57Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > Of course, mine is the correct one. If the rest of you don’t mind the FSM flipping his middle noodley appendage at you, it’s your problem. Mock if you dare, but remember the Noodle Incident? 🆒 Wait- Calvin was a FSM disciple??? ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/103 "2013-10-03T16:59:57Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > I know plenty of Christians- practicing ones- in my extended family who have no more problem in seeing gay sex than they would have watching any sex in general. That is to say, it’s private but not categorically more disturbing. Family members who worked on Obama’s political campaign and were lay leaders in their churches. My brother-in-law, my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law etc etc. > > Christian doesn’t always mean bigoted evangelical types. False equivalency. Perpetuated by a common “name” (Christian). I’ll restate. > [@](#): > > Yeah, again, let’s pretend to be oh-so-surprised and shocked and upset that a self-identified Jehovah’s Witness is more than a little turned off by gay sex. Let’s continue with THAT charade, how about it? > > If not, then which particular charade should we be working with? Got any in mind? > > Some people… ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/104 "2013-10-03T17:02:49Z")
> [@Uber\_the\_Goober](#): > > False equivalency. Perpetuated by a common “name” (Christian). > > I’ll restate. OK. I’m not surprised then. So? ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/105 "2013-10-03T17:05:45Z")
> [@Uber\_the\_Goober](#): > > Yeah, again, let’s pretend to be oh-so-surprised and shocked and upset that a self-identified Christian is more than a little turned off by gay sex. Let’s continue with THAT charade, how about it? Problem with that is, we don’t believe you. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/106 "2013-10-03T17:10:10Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > OK. > > I’m not surprised then. So? See, now you aren’t supposed to be able to label him a bigot because… well, we skipped a step where we were all hit on the head and forgot what he was saying. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/107 "2013-10-03T17:11:22Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > See, now you aren’t supposed to be able to label him a bigot because… well, we skipped a step where we were all hit on the head and forgot what he was saying. He’s a bigot with a really, _really_ good reason… or something like that. So all the people who might be offended that he’s disgusted by them, should just be tolerant of his disgust. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/108 "2013-10-03T17:12:59Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > He’s a bigot with a really, _really_ good reason… or something like that. So all the people who might be offended that he’s disgusted by them, should just be tolerant of his disgust. And he just won’t accept anything less! ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/109 "2013-10-03T17:24:12Z")
> [@monavis](#): > > I just ask them to prove the Bible was not written by humans, and who created the place for God to be, then come back. Over many years non have returned.’ Are you serious? You don’t think canned responses to ‘prove it’ were discussed in Evangelizing 101? Your position requires mountains of data, centuries of acquired human understanding. Theirs requires handy quotes from their god book and intentionally misleading data and a myopic understanding of the world they live in. Even if they were listening it would take months to explain, all the while they get to talk to you about their faith while your Cheerios get warm and mushy. “If you don’t get off my property I’m calling the police” is all the time and effort I feel they deserve. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/110 "2013-10-03T17:27:53Z")
> [@CLee](#): > > Problem with that is, we don’t believe you. Join the club. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![CLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f19dbf/32.png) [@CLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CLee)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/111 "2013-10-03T17:40:48Z")
> [@Uber\_the\_Goober](#): > > Join the club. 😃 You’ve got it backwards. Those of us who are unconcerned with homosexuality aren’t in a club; we’ve nothing to unite us in our apathy. It’s the Christians who blather incessantly about gay sex who are in an exclusive club full of longing, dwelling, pondering, pontificating, imagining, envisioning, obsessing, and fantasizing members who consider the positions, the possibilities and the wherefore and how-to of gay sex. Mmm… that gay, gay sex. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/112 "2013-10-03T17:43:02Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Most states have laws against firing into the air (falling bullets can and do kill people). It doesn’t sound like that’s what he’s being charged with, though. > > There are other cases where people get charged with aggravated assault for “warning shots” though. I think that’s probably what’s happening here. **Thirteen** warning shots? That guy must be pretty patient 😃 “Get off my porch! I’m warning you!” _BANG_ “I’m serious y’all.” _BANG_ “Don’t make me tell you again.” _BANG_ “Don’t litter up my yard with pamphlets!” _BANG_ “And don’t wake me up from my afternoon nap.” _BANG_ “Plus you ignored my ‘No Solicitors’ sign, that was another warning right there!” _BANG_ “I don’t think you are taking me at my word, so this is another warning.” _BANG_ “I’m warning you, if you go running around like that you’re going to fall and skin your knee.” _BANG_ “And stop that screaming, I’m warning you - this is a nice quiet neighborhood and you’re going to wake people up.” _BANG_ “You know, I’ve got carpal tunnel syndrome and if I aggravate it pulling this trigger I’m warning you that I will sue your butts!” _BANG_ “OK, I’ve got to reload so give me a sec - you better not try anything or I warn you I will get pissed.” click-click _BANG_ “That’s better…where were we? Um…you better lead clean lives and go to church or you’ll regret it! That’s a warning!” _BANG_ “You posted in the wrong forum and called a moderator a poopyhead, this is an Official Warning!” _BANG_ ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/113 "2013-10-03T17:51:43Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > “And don’t wake me up from my afternoon nap.” More like early Sunday morning, which is why they deserve the shark pool. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/114 "2013-10-03T18:16:31Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > I’ll save you a seat by the fire. 😛 That’s mighty kind of you! I think the funniest part of “By your own words you have condemned yourselves” is that I am not in fact a Witness Hater. Of all the religious solicitors that come by my house, the Jaydubs are my favorite. They generally come by once every couple of months around mid-afternoon, they are dressed very nicely and they are polite. When I say, “No thanks, I’m Catholic” they tell me to have a good day and they move on. They don’t try to “catch me out” for my beliefs like the Baptists kid who was all, “Oh, you’re Catholic? And just how do you think you’re getting to heaven?” (Dude, I know you want me to say by worshipping Mary or some such thing so you can tell me I’m going to hell.) ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/115 "2013-10-03T20:47:40Z")
I am not a Jehovah’s Witness. I find their beliefs bizarre and contradictory. They have predicted the coming of Christ Jesus several times, and guess what? It didn’t happen. They do not believe in gay rights, abortion, or blood transfusions (even if it’s necessary for sacing a life). And I never got around their belief that Jehovah is God is Jesus is a god, but there’s only one God, but Jesus is a god, yada, yada, yada. Chasing them with a sword is funny. Shooting at them is not. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/116 "2013-10-03T20:56:00Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I am not a Jehovah’s Witness. I find their beliefs bizarre and contradictory. They have predicted the coming of Christ Jesus several times, and guess what? It didn’t happen. Never officially, because we weren’t sure. As such, we’re currently of the mind that it’s \*soon \*™, but don’t know when. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > They do not believe in gay rights, abortion, or blood transfusions (even if it’s necessary for sacing a life). Believe in them? Sure we do. We just believe that they’re wrong, because God told us so, in the Bible. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > And I never got around their belief that Jehovah is God is Jesus is a god, but there’s only one God, but Jesus is a god, yada, yada, yada. I think you’ve got that confused with Catholics, or some other Trinitarian religion. We’re definitely not. Jehovah is God, Jesus is his son. The holy spirit is Jehovah’s “active force” - how we perceive him getting stuff done in the physical world. (him being a spirit and all) That’s how we read the Bible. > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Chasing them with a sword is funny. Shooting at them is not. Both very true!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![aNewLeaf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ac91a4/32.png) [@aNewLeaf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aNewLeaf)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/117 "2013-10-03T20:56:28Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > More like early Sunday morning, which is why they deserve the shark pool. Is it Shark Week already?? Personally, I’ve only ever encountered polite and nice Jehovah’s Witnesses. The ones who came to my door were great. I worked with a nice Nicaraguan guy who gave me a tip for learning languages. _The Watchtower_ is published in Spanish and a hundred other languages, and it’s easy reading. “It’s not,” he assured me, “that it’s dumbed down. It’s written to be accessible to a broad audience”. Words of wisdom right there. It may be propaganda, but it’s linguistically educational propaganda. ---
**Author:** ![Uber\_the\_Goober](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/58956e/32.png) [@Uber\_the\_Goober](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uber_the_Goober)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/118 "2013-10-03T20:57:14Z")
> [@Valgard](#): > > **Thirteen** warning shots? That guy must be pretty patient 😃 > > “Get off my porch! I’m warning you!” > > _BANG_ > > “I’m serious y’all.” > > _BANG_ > > **\** > > “You posted in the wrong forum and called a moderator a poopyhead, this is an Official Warning!” > > _BANG_ I think I love you. That’s hilarious! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vontsira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/51bf81/32.png) [@vontsira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vontsira)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/119 "2013-10-03T21:19:35Z")
> [@vontsira](#): > > Naive of me to ask, maybe; but is this genuinely what these folk believe, or are you taking the piss? It just sounds so amazingly convoluted, even by the standards of religious doctrine. simster replied: pretty much so, except that the “century” bit, supposed to be a God’s day or 1,000 years. Will just say: simster – thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2013, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221/120 "2013-10-03T21:21:28Z")
> [@Uber\_the\_Goober](#): > > I think you’ve got that confused with Catholics, or some other Trinitarian religion. We’re definitely not. Jehovah is God, Jesus is his son. The holy spirit is Jehovah’s “active force” - how we perceive him getting stuff done in the physical world. (him being a spirit and all) That’s how we read the Bible. Read John 1:1 is your own New World Translation Bible: In [the] beginning the Word was, and the Word was with God, and the Word was a god. The Word (Christ Jesus) was “a god.” Every other translation was “the Word was God.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-haters-are-you-happy-now/670221.md?page=7)