# Witness this FUCK WAD!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 14, 2002, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064 "2002-05-14T19:33:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/61 "2002-05-16T04:48:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phlosphr \* > **I mean has anyone ever, ever, been accosted by an Amish person? NO!!! They haven’t. I would consider the Amish peaceful peoples who do not push their religion on others…** OK. Let me first say that I do not condone this sort of door-to-door conversion attempts in _any way_. When they come to my door, I simply explain to them that I don’t believe, will never believe, and they are welcome to believe. Have a nice day! However, I must address **Phlosphr** ’s point here. In the vast realm of Christianity (mostly Protestantism), there are proselytizing religions and non-proselytizing religions. I grew up among two non-proselytizing religions (Episcopalianism and Presbyterianism–and before anyone asks, I’m aware of PCA, and _we weren’t it_.). My almost-ex-wife grew up in the Seventh-Day Adventist church, and I’ve known Southern Baptists, Methodists and Pentacostals (growing up in Oklahoma, it’s impossible not to). Such groups have it built into them that they must proselytize. Just fighting ignorance, here. The Amish are a non-proselytizing group (or non-evangelical, if you want to get technical), and that’s why they don’t push their beliefs on others. All that said, I still think (as a heathen atheist scumbag), that these kind of efforts do more harm than good. That is all. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/62 "2002-05-16T06:20:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phlosphr \* > **I mean has anyone ever, ever, been accosted by an Amish person? NO!!! They haven’t. I would consider the Amish peaceful peoples who do not push their religion on others…** OK. Let me first say that I do not condone this sort of door-to-door conversion attempts in _any way_. When they come to my door, I simply explain to them that I don’t believe, will never believe, and they are welcome to believe. Have a nice day! However, I must address **Phlosphr** ’s point here. In the vast realm of Christianity (mostly Protestantism), there are proselytizing religions and non-proselytizing religions. I grew up among two non-proselytizing religions (Episcopalianism and Presbyterianism–and before anyone asks, I’m aware of PCA, and _we weren’t it_.). My almost-ex-wife grew up in the Seventh-Day Adventist church, and I’ve known Southern Baptists, Methodists and Pentacostals (growing up in Oklahoma, it’s impossible not to). Such groups have it built into them that they must proselytize. Just fighting ignorance, here. The Amish are a non-proselytizing group (or non-evangelical, if you want to get technical), and that’s why they don’t push their beliefs on others. All that said, I still think (as a heathen atheist scumbag), that these kind of efforts do more harm than good. That is all. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/63 "2002-05-16T06:22:31Z")
God _Damn_ it! I tried _so hard_ to ensure no double post! The boards are _lying to me_!! That’s all there is to it! I did a shift-reload _three times_, and it didn’t show my post! Sorry, all. I’m a little worked up, is all. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Stiletto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@Stiletto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stiletto)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/64 "2002-05-16T06:31:29Z")
Boy. You heathen athiest scumbags are pretty high-strung, aren’t you? 😉 Have a better night, **Lindy**. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/65 "2002-05-16T13:13:19Z")
OK after a few days I have infact calmed down… Thanks \*\*Lindy]/b] for your post. It was actually quite informational. Growing up Catholic I was subjected to different kinds of religioius dictatorships, but suffice to say I was not exposed to pushy fundies in my realm of christianity…However, now I am quite agnostic and can not stand it when the little pushy fundies come to the door. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/66 "2002-05-16T13:28:24Z")
matt\_mcl: Or the young cute one will come back and you’ll have a good time. Did this ever happen? If so, tell us more.🙂 appropriately my sig ---
**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/67 "2002-05-16T15:58:31Z")
I’ve always been tempted to talk to them and get a chance to go into their church so I can see the sacred underwear. I’m just dying to know what it looks like! ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/68 "2002-05-16T17:58:43Z")
When I was a teenager, I was hell on feet for our local Jesus Crispies. I came up with elaborate stunts to pull just to annoy them. (These were the downtown ones, who delighted in telling us teenage punks & hippies about our hellbound ways). I was street-exorcised about half a dozen times One stunt that I never got to perform, though, is described below, in hopes that someday someone somewhere will be able to use it. The Skyfish Conversion Ingredients: 1 fresh large whole fish 1 woodburning tool 1 accomplice 1 Jesus Crispy, standing on 1 Sidewalk, next to 1 Building, with 1 stairway up the back leading to the roof. Directions: -Using the woodburning tool, inscribe the Greek letters for Jesus onto the fresh fish. (I don’t know if this’ll work; if it won’t, use a sharpie or something. But having the letters burnt on would be much classier) -Have your accomplice climb up onto the roof of the building. -Engage the Street Preacher in a conversation about Christianity from a basic, not-very-well-informed-but-confrontational atheist perspective. (“Oh yeah? If God’s so kind, how come there’s war, what about that? And How come there’s hell if God’s so kind?”) Don’t throw anything at them that they can’t handle. -Get the conversation around to proof of God. Say, “If God’s real, how come He doesn’t give me a sign?” -Throw your hands up to the sky and shout mockingly, “HEY GOD! YO! DOWN HERE! GIVE ME A SIGN! I’LL EVEN BECOME A CHRISTIAN!” -This is your accomplice’s signal to toss the inscribed fish down to the ground and then duck out of sight. -Stare at the fish in silent wonder for several seconds, and then tearfully convert to Christianity. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/69 "2002-05-16T18:19:41Z")
I’d pay to see that stunt performed!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/70 "2002-05-16T18:27:00Z")
Bonus points if the fish hits a Crispy… ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/71 "2002-05-16T18:50:20Z")
Bonus points if the fish hits a Crispy… ---
**Author:** ![Mac\_Guffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Mac\_Guffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mac_Guffin)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2002, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/72 "2002-05-16T18:56:27Z")
And more bonus points if it bounces and hits the crispy twice. (Damn it) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/73 "2002-05-17T01:55:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tinkertoy \* > \*\*What used to really piss me off is the JW from my area sent small children to our door. I guess they thought people wouldn’t slam a door in a kids face. > > \*\* ARe you kidding me? Isn’t that dangerous? What if they go to Chester the Molestor’s house? (Well, as long as they stay away from the rectories…) 😛 ---
**Author:** ![LindyHopper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/74 "2002-05-17T04:28:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by EchoKitty \* > \*\*I’ve always been tempted to talk to them and get a chance to go into their church so I can see the sacred underwear. I’m just dying to know what it looks like! \*\* Don’t bother. The Mormon church is very secretive about certain aspects of their religious system. I (until about two weeks ago) worked with a Mormon (and I’ve known many others); really nice guy, and he was pretty forthcoming about certain aspects of his religion. He really wanted to dispel certain myths that are commonly held, and actually welcomed questions about his faith. However, there are certain aspects that non-Mormons simply are not allowed to see or know about. Besides, you don’t think they keep the underwear in the _church_, do you? 😉 I’m sure some of the Mormon dopers ( **Monty** is the only one who comes to mind, but I know there are others) will be along shortly to either correct me or elaborate in much greater detail (and accuracy, for that matter) than I ever could. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/75 "2002-05-17T05:45:48Z")
Mostly I just politely tell the Mormoms (I haven’t had the pleasure of a JW as of yet) to scram but in one instance I couldn’t help myself. When I lived in the dorms in college we had these two Mormons who were determined to convert my friend who lived down the hall. They found out her b/f was Mormon at it became their “mission” to snag her. She made sure I was in her room every meeting they scheduled with her (she couldn’t say no to them for some reason) and I made it my month project to drive them INSANE. I read the Book of Mormon, and attended their service to get my ammo. Then I started shooting. Every discrepency I could find, I busted out. They actually TURNED RED during one meeting. (She was Filipino and her family was devout Christians who would’ve KILLED her if she converted, she told them that and they were still harrassing her. So I asked "um, isn’t one of the commandments “honor thy father and mother?” so you’re telling her to break a commandment in order to BECOME one of you? was the clincher) Both of them. Red as a tomato. They finally left my friend alone and that was my reward. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/76 "2002-05-17T13:15:53Z")
Its just a camisole top and bottoms; white, with an insignia on them. It doesn’t look odd or anything. It just seems interesting to those who haven’t seen themcause of the secrecy. Just underwear tis all. ---
**Author:** ![Eran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Eran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eran)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/77 "2002-05-17T14:26:33Z")
In at least the Mormon case, it does work; we are one of the fastest growing religions with 300,000 adult converts last year, many who joined as the result of missionaries coming to their door. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/78 "2002-05-17T14:29:59Z")
Ha! When I got my lessons, I called them. They thought I was joking, cause no one ever calls and Asks them to come over! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/79 "2002-05-17T14:49:26Z")
I got “trapped” in an elevator at my apartment with a couple of Mormon D2D fellows once. White shirts, black plastic nametags, the whole bit. Did my damnedest not to make eye contact. Didn’t work. “So, have you ever talked to a missionary?” I gave him my best piercing stare and said simply, “Your God is a lie.” Ah, the blissful peace of a silent elevator… ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2002, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064/80 "2002-05-17T14:59:40Z")
Of all the crispies I’ve encountered, actually, the Mormons were my faves. The two women I talked to basically explained that after death and pre-judgement, everyone goes to this great big waiting room in the sky, and Jesus comes around a schmoozes with you. I’ll be pretty happy to believe in Jesus once he schmoozes with me, and the missionaries told me that a conversion after death was perfectly valid. So I’m cool by Mormons. I don’t understand why anyone would convert to their religion pre-death, mind you. But they’re not saying awful and mean things to me about what’s gonna happen to me after i die, so I’m cool by them. Daniel [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witness-this-fuck-wad/109064.md?page=3)