# Witty responses to 'How Dare You..' (and other public questions) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 30, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530 "2008-04-30T22:45:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/1 "2008-04-30T22:45:25Z")
On seeing the title of a Pit Thread, “How dare you tell me to F\*\*\* Off” My mischievous mind thought of a response (to the title)… “You just saw”. (as in, you just saw how it was possible for me to dare to tell you to F\*\*\*\* Off) It may seem like an obnoxious thing to do, but I wonder if there are other witty(er) responses one can use when someeone says “How dare you ” to you. Or, to expand the thread further, think of witty responses to other similar common sayings in public. Such as “Do you mind?” or “Is someone sitting here?” Or “Are you reading that newspaper?” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/2 "2008-04-30T22:48:51Z")
My favorite response to “Is someone sitting here?” is to look over at the empty chair, wave my hand above the seat as if checking for an invisible occupant, and then reply “No, apparently not.” ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/3 "2008-04-30T22:53:14Z")
Sometimes I hope some obnoxious kid will say “What Yoo lookin at” To which I will simply reply “You” and walk away. Seems completely lacking in wit, but there’s something about the obviousness of the reply that appeals to my sense of humour. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/4 "2008-04-30T22:57:03Z")
[QUOTE=Lobsang] Sometimes I hope some obnoxious kid will say “What Yoo lookin at” To which I will simply reply “You” and walk away. [/QUOTE] A better one, IMO, is a long pause followed by “I have absolutely no idea.” ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/5 "2008-04-30T23:06:42Z")
[QUOTE=Lobsang] Sometimes I hope some obnoxious kid will say “What Yoo lookin at” To which I will simply reply “You” and walk away. Seems completely lacking in wit, but there’s something about the obviousness of the reply that appeals to my sense of humour. [/QUOTE] Hee. The trick is the delivery. It must be entirely deadpan to work. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/6 "2008-04-30T23:09:51Z")
I’ll nod to [Al Jaffee](http://www.leedberg.com/mad/satsq/satsq.html). ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/7 "2008-05-01T01:54:07Z")
“Are you holding that door open because I’m a _woman_???” (angrily) “No, I’m doing it because I am a gentleman.” ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/8 "2008-05-01T02:14:54Z")
[QUOTE=Little Nemo] My favorite response to “Is someone sitting here?” is to look over at the empty chair, wave my hand above the seat as if checking for an invisible occupant, and then reply “No, apparently not.” [/QUOTE] Being deliberately obtuse by answering well-intentioned questions too literally is not witty. I doubt you want people coming up to you and asking “Excuse me, sir, but that chair next to you, is it the case that someone is using it, but has left intending to return and would be upset if I began to use it, and were still using it upon their return?” ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/9 "2008-05-01T02:21:43Z")
“Watch your language!” “English. Wots yours?” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/10 "2008-05-01T04:26:05Z")
“Is this lift going up?” “No, it’s standing still at the moment. You must be going down.” “Do you have the time?” “Yes. Do you have the inclination?” ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/11 "2008-05-01T12:52:42Z")
[QUOTE=TheLoadedDog] “Are you holding that door open because I’m a _woman_???” (angrily) “No, I’m doing it because I am a gentleman.” [/QUOTE] Beautiful! Absolutely brilliant! “How dare you \” “I’m just that kind of risk-taker” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/12 "2008-05-01T13:11:12Z")
I find a good response for “How dare you?” type of questions is “Well, _some_body had to.” ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Credible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a8b319/32.png) [@Justin\_Credible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Credible)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/13 "2008-05-01T13:28:33Z")
Does anyone know a good response to “Is that a threat”? That “no, it’s a promise” response went out with MC Hammer pants. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/14 "2008-05-01T14:03:55Z")
[QUOTE=Justin Credible] “Is that a threat”? [/QUOTE] Why, are you scared? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/15 "2008-05-01T14:07:17Z")
Sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, a newspaper on the table next to me. Lady sits down, picks up the paper, and then says “Are you reading this?” “Yes, telepathically” She put the paper down and grabbed a Readers Digest but I don’t think she really took her eyes off of me. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/16 "2008-05-01T14:12:26Z")
I heard a great way of dissuading people from sitting next to you in public places: When approached by someone who asks, “Is this seat saved?” Answer, “Yes! It’s saved . . . _for the Lord!_” ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/17 "2008-05-01T14:25:16Z")
[QUOTE=Sigmagirl] I heard a great way of dissuading people from sitting next to you in public places: When approached by someone who asks, “Is this seat saved?” Answer, “Yes! It’s saved . . . _for the Lord!_” [/QUOTE] Possible reply: “Well, I’ll keep it warm for him until he shows up.”, followed by turning up the iPod volume. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/18 "2008-05-01T14:28:42Z")
In the Nero Wolfe novel **Please Pass the Guilt** a client who has been caught in a lie says “You don’t dare…” to Archie Goodwin, to which he responds “I Dare Easy,” followed by a nutshell description of what she did and what he’d like to do in response. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/19 "2008-05-01T14:31:12Z")
I posted this in another similar thread… I was walking down 7th Ave one summer day, and noticed a very shapely young Latina who was wearing a tank top, and obviously not wearing a bra. Her nipples must have been poking through her shirt at least a half inch. As she walked past me, she said (in a playful way): “Why you be lookin’ at my tits?” I said: “Hey, they looked at me first!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530/20 "2008-05-01T15:46:50Z")
[QUOTE=TheLoadedDog] “Are you holding that door open because I’m a _woman_???” (angrily) “No, I’m doing it because I am a gentleman.” [/QUOTE] I shake your hand, Sir. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-responses-to-how-dare-you-and-other-public-questions/447530.md?page=2)