# Witty Things to Say While the Plane is Going Down **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 21, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621 "2003-08-21T07:16:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bullwinkle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@Bullwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/1 "2003-08-21T07:16:10Z")
According to my research, (some guy I talked to in a bar) it takes an airliner three to five minutes to hit the ground after the engines quit. I’m not the least bit afraid of flying. Not a bit. Not me. Nope. But, just to cover all the bases, I thought it would be a good idea to plan ahead and compile some one-liners to ease the tension on the way down. For example: “Well, that does it. I’m never flying this airline again!” “All right everybody, this is a hijack! This plane is now bound for UP!” “Are you going to eat those almonds?” (into cell-phone) “Arnie, sell my American Airlines stock. NOW!” “Stewardess, I specifically requested a vegetarian catastrophe.” “If you look to your left, you’ll see some guy screaming his ass off.” Any other ideas? ---
**Author:** ![Andy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aeb1de/32.png) [@Andy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/2 "2003-08-21T07:32:20Z")
Shit joke: Random woman on doomed plane, stands up, yells ‘Who can make a real woman out of me in my final moments?’ Enthusiastic guy stands up, rips off his shirt and throws it at her ‘I can, iron this!!’ Thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/3 "2003-08-21T07:59:33Z")
Good morning, Mr. Tyler. Going… down? ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/4 "2003-08-21T08:02:03Z")
“Looking back on my life, my only regret is that I didn’t have sex with more farm animals.” “You fool! If you want to have any chance of survival your tray must be in the full upright position!” “I’ve done a little math. I demand you open the door so I can jump out. My survival odds will increase slightly. I’ll get a magnificent view. And, I can finally get away from this shmuck and his annoying, nonstop chatter!” “The hell with this! If I’m about to die, I’m going to first class!” ---
**Author:** ![Planet\_of\_the\_Shapes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b77776/32.png) [@Planet\_of\_the\_Shapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Planet_of_the_Shapes)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/5 "2003-08-21T11:20:40Z")
Looking around… Cheer up, it might never happen… ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/6 "2003-08-21T11:56:06Z")
Please restore your seats and tray-tables to their fully upright and locked positions. If only the chicks went down this easy… _To the screaming people_: Shut up! It’s not the end of the world, you know. Oh good, an early landing. Help me, Jeebus! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/7 "2003-08-21T12:07:01Z")
Copilot: “I guess this means I’ll never make left seat.” (And that one will be recorded on the CVP. 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![ILovCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e99b99/32.png) [@ILovCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ILovCoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/8 "2003-08-21T12:20:38Z")
Assume crash positions ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/9 "2003-08-21T12:34:01Z")
That should hav been “CVR”. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/10 "2003-08-21T12:44:29Z")
I can see my house from here! And my car! And my bicycle! And my dog, and my cat, hey the gerbils escaped! ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/11 "2003-08-21T12:44:40Z")
“You don’t see _this_ every day.” Flight Attendant: “It’s all in a day’s work!” [_racing to the cockpit_] “Last to the ground is a rotten egg!” “Fuck you, the bunch of you!” ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/12 "2003-08-21T13:02:05Z")
“Oh, shit! I think I [forgot](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=205899) something!” (props to plnnr!) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/13 "2003-08-21T13:13:28Z")
over intercomm (from pilot): Thank you for flying Lufthansa Airlines! Flight attendants to individual passengers: Buh bye. Bye. Bye now. Buh bye. Buh bye. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/14 "2003-08-21T13:15:30Z")
Pete Rose is reputed to have said to a nearby player (on a team flight with excessive turbulence): “We’re going down! We’re going down and I’ve got a .300 lifetime batting average! How 'bout you?” ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/15 "2003-08-21T14:20:13Z")
(to stewardess): “I’ll have whatever the pilot’s drinking” “You, you, and you! Quick, get out and push!” ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/16 "2003-08-21T15:22:05Z")
[ul] [li] “Anyone got a spare parachute?”[/li][li] “So who’s gonna get my frequent flyer miles now?”[/li][li] “Good thing we’re over water. I’ve always wanted to see how well these seat cushions work as flotation devices.”[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/17 "2003-08-21T15:26:58Z")
Do you mind if I smoke? ---
**Author:** ![smam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@smam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smam)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/18 "2003-08-21T15:49:01Z")
Quick! release the back-up pigeons and open the windows. Aim for the trees. I’m glad I had that wank now, these handcuffs won’t mean shit when we’re dead. ---
**Author:** ![Extraneous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/0ea827/32.png) [@Extraneous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Extraneous)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/19 "2003-08-21T15:57:43Z")
“This is the last song I’ll ever sing for you…” ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621/20 "2003-08-21T15:58:57Z")
“What do you mean you’re out of peanuts? This sucks!!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/witty-things-to-say-while-the-plane-is-going-down/196621.md?page=2)