# Woman Plagued by "Furious Masturbators" **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 30, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155 "2012-08-30T16:23:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/1 "2012-08-30T16:23:32Z")
From today’s _Phuket Gazette_ (and no, “Phuket” is NOT pronunced like you think): ‘Furious masturbators’ flash Phuket expat motorist in midday moment of madness – Keep an eye out for the recently sighted ‘furious masturbators’ of the jungle. If you get the urge, call the police.. Basically, a 36-year-old farang (Western) lady was unfortunate enough to pass by a couple of “naked Asian-looking men … furiously masturbating by the side of the road” as she rode her motorcycle. One was apparently wanking with one hand and throwing cans at cars with the other, an extraordinary feat of coordination, I’d say. Humorous too was the security guard she reported the incident to bursting out laughing. But she seems to attract this type, as she claims this has happened to her before in Phuket, a resort island down South. We’ve all been giggling about this all day, and no one I know has ever heard of this happening before. We’re very curious how she manages to keep, er, coming across such scenes. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/2 "2012-08-30T16:39:11Z")
This tale reminds me of a couple Japanese videos I have seen where a guy on the verge of climax will run up to an unsuspecting woman like in a library or something and bust a load on her face, then runs away. There’s probably a name for this sort of thing. I found it equal parts demeaning, hilarious and repulsive. The Japanese are weird. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/3 "2012-08-30T16:40:55Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > This tale reminds me of a couple Japanese videos I have seen where a guy on the verge of climax will run up to an unsuspecting woman like in a library or something and bust a load on her face, then runs away. There’s probably a name for this sort of thing. I found it equal parts demeaning, hilarious and repulsive. The Japanese are weird. That’s called _bukkake_. 😃 See here (NSFW): [Bukkake - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bukkake) ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/4 "2012-08-30T16:43:59Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > That’s called _bukkake_. 😃 > > See here (NSFW): [Bukkake - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bukkake) I thought bukkake involved willing participants. In the ones I have seen, its more like “Surprise! You have jizz on your face! I’m outta here!” ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/5 "2012-08-30T16:46:07Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > I thought bukkake involved willing participants. In the ones I have seen, its more like “Surprise! You have jizz on your face! I’m outta here!” Ah, I see. Sort of a Japanese version of _Candid Camera_. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/6 "2012-08-30T16:46:22Z")
Sorry about that. I’ll try to hide behind my newspaper from now on. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/7 "2012-08-30T16:47:42Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Ah, I see. Sort of a Japanese version of _Candid Camera_. Ha, yeah…except with goo. ---
**Author:** ![CoffinMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b9bd4f/32.png) [@CoffinMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CoffinMan)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/8 "2012-08-30T16:53:50Z")
Not limited to the Japanese (who admittedly have a lot of strange and perverted niche porn) but back in the day when I was a mall security officer during college there was a white guy who, on multiple occasions, would sneak up behind pregnant women in the mall and ejaculate on them and then attempt to run, each time to be taken down by a husband or a bystander. Each of the victims declined to press charges against the weirdo and our local PD had no choice but to let this freak go. The very last time this happened while I still had that gig, he got pretty severely punched out by the boyfriend of the victim before he escaped. To this day, I wonder if the beating he got was enough to cure him of this obsession. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/9 "2012-08-30T17:14:59Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > This tale reminds me of a couple Japanese videos I have seen where a guy on the verge of climax will run up to an unsuspecting woman like in a library or something and bust a load on her face, then runs away. There’s probably a name for this sort of thing. I found it equal parts demeaning, hilarious and repulsive. The Japanese are weird. That reminds of a porn I came (ha!) across once; the girls in were porn actresses and it was a fake dong squirting fake semen, but the girls seemed genuinely surprised. It was hilarious as all get out! 😛 Hopefully the girls in your videos were actresses as well, otherwise it’s less funny and more, well, mean. And the OP reminds me of something else as well, a story a friend told me about when she was a prison guard in a men’s prison. Yep, she’s female, and attractive (possibly not relevant to the situation). Apparently it’s kind of a game the inmates have when the female guards go doing the rounds for cell checks (or whatever the term is called), that they’ll masturbate and try to ejaculate on the ladies through the bars. Most miss, sometimes a fella might get a lucky shot and that. Incidentally, my friend laughed it all off and said in spite of stuff like that, she got on well with the inmates in general and that it was one of the best jobs she ever had. p.s. apologies to any prison guards reading for using that term, but I can’t remember what she said ya’ll all prefer, so. Corrections officer maybe? ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/10 "2012-08-30T17:24:15Z")
> [@CoffinMan](#): > > Not limited to the Japanese (who admittedly have a lot of strange and perverted niche porn) but back in the day when I was a mall security officer during college there was a white guy who, on multiple occasions, would sneak up behind pregnant women in the mall and ejaculate on them and then attempt to run, each time to be taken down by a husband or a bystander. Each of the victims declined to press charges against the weirdo and our local PD had no choice but to let this freak go. The very last time this happened while I still had that gig, he got pretty severely punched out by the boyfriend of the victim before he escaped. To this day, I wonder if the beating he got was enough to cure him of this obsession. How in the world would the police let someone go in that scenario? Its assault at a bare minimum…and isn’t there a more severe charge for assaulting someone with bodily fluids? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/11 "2012-08-30T17:25:52Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > This tale reminds me of a couple Japanese videos I have seen where a guy on the verge of climax will run up to an unsuspecting woman like in a library or something and bust a load on her face, then runs away. **There’s probably a name for this sort of thing.** I found it equal parts demeaning, hilarious and repulsive. The Japanese are weird. I’m guessing it’s “misdemeanor sexual assault.” ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/12 "2012-08-30T17:28:45Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > How in the world would the police let someone go in that scenario? Its assault at a bare minimum…and isn’t there a more severe charge for assaulting someone with bodily fluids? She had it coming. Alternatively, In your face, justice! ---
**Author:** ![Suil\_Dubh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85f322/32.png) [@Suil\_Dubh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suil_Dubh)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/13 "2012-08-31T00:12:01Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > How in the world would the police let someone go in that scenario? Its assault at a bare minimum…and isn’t there a more severe charge for assaulting someone with bodily fluids? No matter how realistic Japanese porn may seem to be, it’s all 100% staged. The women are all actresses, “innocent” bystanders are paid confederates, and if the scene’s not shot on an elaborate set, the producers will pay / beg / borrow to get access to various real locations after hours. _ahem_ Don’t ask me how I know all this. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/14 "2012-08-31T00:25:04Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > That’s called _bukkake_. 😃 Because the term “blooper reel” was already taken I suppose traffic authorities could put up “furious masturbator” warning signs, if college kids wouldn’t just as quickly steal them. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/15 "2012-08-31T00:43:10Z")
I am masturbating like a motherphuk! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/16 "2012-08-31T00:44:10Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#): > > p.s. apologies to any prison guards reading for using that term, but I can’t remember what she said ya’ll all prefer, so. Corrections officer maybe? Yes, C.O. for short. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/17 "2012-08-31T00:51:43Z")
I’ve heard that “angry sex” is the best kind, but I don’t think “furious masturbation” is what they meant. ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/18 "2012-08-31T02:40:06Z")
You know, all this time I thought bukkake involved pooping. What’s that called? ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/19 "2012-08-31T03:12:01Z")
> [@TheChileanBlob](#): > > You know, all this time I thought bukkake involved pooping. What’s that called? scat porn I think. I second the notion that east asian porn has some amusing niches. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_the\_Immortal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2012, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155/20 "2012-08-31T04:35:35Z")
Upon reading the preview of the OP, my first thought was, “How is Phuket doing nowadays?”. I was there in 2001 and it was lovely. I heard that it got hit by that tsunami a few years back, and was wondering how well it had recovered. Then you all had to make the thread digress into even jizzier territory than the OP. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-plagued-by-furious-masturbators/633155.md?page=2)