# Woman Says "I'll Take a Raincheck": Is This a Tactful Rebuke or an Invitation to Ask Again? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345 "2011-11-18T15:01:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/1 "2011-11-18T15:01:30Z")
The other night I asked a woman out. She said she’d take a raincheck, as she already had plans for that evening. In the vast dating experience of the Teeming Millions, does this usually mean “I am tactfully telling you no” or “I’d sure like it if you asked me again.” I realize that it could mean either, but I’m betting it means the former about 90% of the time. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/2 "2011-11-18T15:06:19Z")
Depends on how she said it. “Oh, darn I already have plans for Friday night. How about a raincheck?” is a lot different than “Ummm…I’m really busy Friday nights. Raincheck?” and hurrying away. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/3 "2011-11-18T15:12:43Z")
I don’t know the answer, but to the ladies out there: When you turn a man down, could you please do so in an unambiguous manner? 'Cause I’m sure too clueless to know the difference, and you telling me four times that you unfortunately have to shampoo the cat that night before I catch on just makes us both look like asses. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/4 "2011-11-18T15:17:43Z")
Everybody’s different and have different levels and communication abilities. If I got the response, I’d assume that they were not interested since they didn’t counter-offer an opening. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/5 "2011-11-18T15:21:37Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Everybody’s different and have different levels and communication abilities. If I got the response, I’d assume that they were not interested since they didn’t counter-offer an opening. Yeah, that was my take, too. Oh, well. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/6 "2011-11-18T15:32:25Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > I don’t know the answer, but to the ladies out there: When you turn a man down, could you please do so in an unambiguous manner? 'Cause I’m sure too clueless to know the difference, and you telling me four times that you unfortunately have to shampoo the cat that night before I catch on just makes us both look like asses. We will do that as soon as you guys quit saying “I’ll call you” when you have no intention of calling. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/7 "2011-11-18T15:33:29Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Depends on how she said it. > > “Oh, darn I already have plans for Friday night. How about a raincheck?” is a lot different than > > “Ummm…I’m really busy Friday nights. Raincheck?” and hurrying away. To clarify (and I apologize for not multi-quoting), her reply was much more like the former than the latter. However, this is someone who, I’d reckon, would counteroffer with another night if she were interested. I guess I read the signals wrong. I might make another offer sometime down the road as this is someone whom I’d really like to spend some time with, but I’m afraid this one is going toward the back of the prospect file barring any revelations of wisdom in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/8 "2011-11-18T15:35:03Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > We will do that as soon as you guys quit saying “I’ll call you” when you have no intention of calling. Data point: I have never, ever, ever done this. I’ve said “I’ll think about it” when a more honest answer would have been “no,” however. ---
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/9 "2011-11-18T15:42:10Z")
It could be either. I’d say make one more attempt, and then drop it after that if she doesn’t say yes. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/10 "2011-11-18T15:50:23Z")
I don’t see a “raincheck” response as a definite “no,” but you were there so only you know the level of sincerity in her voice, context, etc. I don’t think it would hurt to try again, but this time instead of asking a specific date, just ask if she’d like to go to dinner sometime. Then she can either say yes or no and an honest woman should say no if she’s really not interested. If she says yes, ask her to suggest a date that works for her. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/11 "2011-11-18T15:52:21Z")
> [@treis](#): > > It could be either. I’d say make one more attempt, and then drop it after that if she doesn’t say yes. This is what I was going to say. And I agree that using nonanswers to let people down is annoying, especially that particular one. At least ones like “I’m busy” don’t say the exact opposite of what they literally mean. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/12 "2011-11-18T15:52:43Z")
Good OP/poster name combo (thinking of Disco Stu from the Simpsons). ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/13 "2011-11-18T15:55:55Z")
I’d maybe try one more time but I’d be a lot more confident if she suggested an alternate date. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/14 "2011-11-18T15:57:33Z")
Not that Disco Stu didn’t get his share of the action… ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/15 "2011-11-18T15:59:36Z")
> [@treis](#): > > I’d say make one more attempt, and then drop it after that if she doesn’t say yes. Or if she gets a restraining order against ya. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/16 "2011-11-18T16:09:03Z")
Well she’s probably not head over heels for you but I’d give it another chance. Play it cool and don’t be too serious about it. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/17 "2011-11-18T16:11:23Z")
Tactful rebuke. If she had said instead, “Ouch, I already have something on Friday I can’t get out of, but how about lunch next Wednesday?” it would be different. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/18 "2011-11-18T16:15:32Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > I don’t know the answer, but to the ladies out there: When you turn a man down, could you please do so in an unambiguous manner? 'Cause I’m sure too clueless to know the difference, and you telling me four times that you unfortunately have to shampoo the cat that night before I catch on just makes us both look like asses. Agreed. I was actually forced to be super clear after realizing men don’t get hints. I wish they would because rejecting someone flat out always feels so… _mean_. It gets uncomfortable, so it’s much easier to just blow someone off, but it gets even more uncomfortable when he _keeps calling_, so I’ve just avoided the song and dance by being very clear in the beginning. But while we’re on the subject of terrible behaviors, can men please, for the love of John Jameson & Sons, stop asking women why we don’t want to go out with them? I dunno – maybe because you’re the kind of jackass who would ask this question. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/19 "2011-11-18T16:16:54Z")
She knows you want to go out, why not let her make the next move? Asking one more time in the next week or two wouldn’t be creepy, but I still think it’s unnecessary. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/20 "2011-11-18T16:18:46Z")
When I was single, ‘Oh, no, I’m busy Friday night,’ was a tactful no. ‘Oh, no, I’m busy Friday night, let’s do it some other time’ meant ‘Let’s do it some other time.’ If someone said ‘I’ll take a raincheck,’ I’d assume she meant she wanted to do it some other time, otherwise why say it? Why not stop at ‘I’ve got plans for Friday night’? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345.md?page=2)