# Woman Says "I'll Take a Raincheck": Is This a Tactful Rebuke or an Invitation to Ask Again? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 18, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345 "2011-11-18T15:01:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/21 "2011-11-18T16:18:48Z")
“Raincheck” has a rather cold and impersonal ring to it. It’s probably a polite way of saying “no”, but maybe the woman was just caught off guard or isn’t too socially sensitive. I’m with the “try one more time” camp, but don’t get your hopes up, and look elsewhere if you get another non-commital turn down. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/22 "2011-11-18T16:23:57Z")
Me, I’d ask once more in a week or two. If she says she’s still busy, either give up or - if you _really_ want to go out with her - maybe say something like “Fair enough - hey, if you’re free and want to go do , give me a call.” ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/23 "2011-11-18T16:27:21Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > She knows you want to go out, why not let her make the next move? A lot of women wouldn’t, even though they have the opening. You know how a lot of women want men to make the first move? A good number also want him to make the second one, and the third, and so forth. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/24 "2011-11-18T16:38:31Z")
Next time it rains, show up unannounced at her house and don’t take “no” for an answer. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/25 "2011-11-18T16:39:53Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Next time it rains, show up unannounced at her house and don’t take “no” for an answer. And bring a check. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/26 "2011-11-18T16:43:05Z")
Without other context I would take it as lukewarm – not totally disinterested but also not secretly infactuated with you either. Basically, she’s giving herself the option to say yes (or no) if you decide to ask again. But that still could be the start of something, she could just need time to get to know you. That is the point of dating after all. If you’re actively interested in her then I would suggest asking her out for something with an open date, as mentioned – “next week” or “next weekend”. But of you’re not actively interested then it might not be worth the trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/27 "2011-11-18T16:46:12Z")
If someone asked me out and I was busy that night, but I really wanted to go out with the, I would suggest another time to meet. “Damn, I’m busy this Friday. How about next weekend?” sort of thing. That being said, she’s not me. If you’re really interested, ask again. If you get a similar response, walk away. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/28 "2011-11-18T16:47:00Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > She knows you want to go out, why not let her make the next move? Asking one more time in the next week or two wouldn’t be creepy, but I still think it’s unnecessary. Whenever I’ve gotten a real raincheck, like from a store, it’s been up to me to come back to the store and say “Oh hai, I got this raincheck that I’d like to use, please.” I don’t see why this metaphorical raincheck needs any different protocol. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/29 "2011-11-18T16:51:46Z")
If you ask her again and she gives you another ambiguous answer, you should say “Ok, I’m going to interpret that ambiguous answer as a polite no. Am I right or wrong?” It would help us guys out a lot to hear her response to that. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/30 "2011-11-18T16:55:40Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Whenever I’ve gotten a real raincheck, like from a store, it’s been up to me to come back to the store and say “Oh hai, I got this raincheck that I’d like to use, please.” > > I don’t see why this metaphorical raincheck needs any different protocol. Well, the woman said “I’ll \*take \*a raincheck”, not “I’ll _give you_ a raincheck”. Doesn’t that imply that she is the one with the raincheck, and gets to go back to the store? If that’s the case, then it’s her move. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/31 "2011-11-18T16:58:12Z")
Holy crap, there are real rain checks? I thought it was just an expression people used. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/32 "2011-11-18T17:01:30Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Holy crap, there are real rain checks? I thought it was just an expression people used. I’ve only ever heard of it in the context of a baseball game or outdoor concert. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/33 "2011-11-18T17:04:00Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > I’ve only ever heard of it in the context of a baseball game or outdoor concert. I wikied it and it also works for grocery stores who have run out of on sale items. Interesting! ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/34 "2011-11-18T17:06:56Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Holy crap, there are real rain checks? I thought it was just an expression people used. Yeah, the term comes from baseball. If a game gets rained out, you can save your ticket stub and get admission to another game later. Ergo, technically, it would be up to the person who took the rain check to redeem it. In common parlance, it’s come to mean “maybe later.” Along those lines, however, to paraphrase Jack Johnson, maybe pretty much always means no. The lady in question and I are in a writing group together, so the opportunity to talk more and perhaps ask her out again is there, but my proverbial hopes are far from up. That, and I’ve gotten this far without ever having a restraining order against me and I’d like to keep it that way. That said: ladies, has a second offer after a gentle rebuke ever been well received by you? I’m playing Devil’s Advocate here. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/35 "2011-11-18T17:21:09Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > Well, the woman said “I’ll \*take \*a raincheck”, not “I’ll _give you_ a raincheck”. Doesn’t that imply that she is the one with the raincheck, and gets to go back to the store? > > If that’s the case, then it’s her move. That was the meaning I intended. I suppose it was ambiguous. To restate: the ball is in the askee’s court now; she must make the next invitation or the OP will move on. It probably means “No thanks,” but there is an outside chance that the OP could be pleasantly surprised. ---
**Author:** ![brazil84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8491ac/32.png) [@brazil84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brazil84)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/36 "2011-11-18T17:23:02Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > The other night I asked a woman out. She said she’d take a raincheck, as she already had plans for that evening. > > In the vast dating experience of the Teeming Millions, does this usually mean “I am tactfully telling you no” or “I’d sure like it if you asked me again.” I realize that it could mean either, but I’m betting it means the former about 90% of the time. Unless she suggests another time, it means “no.” ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/37 "2011-11-18T17:23:32Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I wikied it and it also works for grocery stores who have run out of on sale items. Interesting! Yes, as when Target runs out of an advertised sale item, you can get a raincheck so that when they replenish their supply, you can get the item at the sale price. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/38 "2011-11-18T17:24:40Z")
Proper protocol: You find a guy who knows either her sister or her BFF and you ask the guy to ask his friend to ask the woman who is the object of your affections whether she likes you and would consider going out with you if you were to ask. Then wait for the answer to be relayed back. At least that’s how it was taught to me in high school. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/39 "2011-11-18T17:27:55Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Yes, as when Target runs out of an advertised sale item, you can get a raincheck so that when they replenish their supply, you can get the item at the sale price. And if the sale item is something perishable like milk or eggs and you don’t immediately need any more, you wait until late in the week when the store is sure to be out of the sale item and go in and request your raincheck. Then you can go back when you actually need the item and get it at the reduced price. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345/40 "2011-11-18T17:28:41Z")
I’m in the “one more time” camp. If she doesn’t say yes OR if she doesn’t counteroffer, she’s not interested. I’m a little more optimistic. If I didn’t want to go out with a guy, I’d just say “oooh, I can’t, I’m busy on Friday” and leave it at that. I’d say “raincheck” if I actually wanted to do it and was just simply otherwise engaged for that evening. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-says-ill-take-a-raincheck-is-this-a-tactful-rebuke-or-an-invitation-to-ask-again/603345.md?page=3)