# Woman wants me to shave my bird and get a penile implant **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114 "2003-05-28T20:59:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![whatami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/85f322/32.png) [@whatami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatami)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/41 "2003-05-29T19:32:29Z")
I think I saw a show on the Travel Channel one time where they showed beer in bags. I think it may have been Mexico during spring break or something like that. Or I could be imagining the whole thing. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/42 "2003-05-29T19:41:18Z")
I don’t know what a bag of beer is, but I bet it’s better then a bag of shit. ---
**Author:** ![SCHLERMIE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@SCHLERMIE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCHLERMIE)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/43 "2003-05-29T21:03:16Z")
Bag of Beer? Is that like pizza in a cup? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/44 "2003-05-29T21:40:01Z")
Bag of Beer … the one thing I know I’ll never find at Wal-Mart. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/45 "2003-05-29T23:44:43Z")
I suspect the bag was only the outer covering of a cluster of canned beverages, possibly ‘Insanity XXXXXX Strength Lager For Men’ or Carlsberg Special Brew perhaps. Whether the beer bag was shaven, we may never know. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/46 "2003-05-29T23:47:11Z")
Actually now that I’m thinking about it, perhaps it’s beer in a pouch? Has Capri Sun started making malt beverages? ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/47 "2003-05-29T23:47:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*I don’t know what a bag of beer is, but I bet it’s better then a bag of shit. \*\* I dunno, I’ve had some pretty good bags of shit. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/48 "2003-05-30T03:10:55Z")
Maybe you could suspend the bag of beer from a rolling rack, like those bags of saline solution they use in IR’s. That way you don’t have to worry about finding a level place to set it down. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/49 "2003-05-30T05:14:20Z")
\>\>\>saline solution they use in IR’s\<\<\< Ya mean muh infar red is full of salt water? He had a paper sack full of a 6-pack. And it was O’Douls Amber. Incidentally, I’ve got a sack of nuts… ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/50 "2003-05-30T05:28:50Z")
If they can put chicken in a biscuit, they can put beer in a bag. ---
**Author:** ![Keith\_Berry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/22d042/32.png) [@Keith\_Berry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keith_Berry)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/51 "2003-05-30T07:31:34Z")
The OP and all of the follow-ups by Intraweb have set new standards for incomprehension. Sounds like he’s drunk and talking to himself. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/52 "2003-05-30T08:20:49Z")
I’m sure that any doctor planning to give you a penile implant will shave the area first. That way you can kill two birds with one stone. Don’t take me too literally on that though, for god’s sake. pan ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/53 "2003-05-30T10:29:13Z")
So, the woman in question hasn’t had sex in two years (am I right in assuming neither have you?), but she wants you to shave, and surgically extend, your wiener. The logical question that comes to mind, is: why would she care, if sex is obviously that low on her priority list? Other than that, I really don’t understand a word you’re saying. Bag of beer. The mind boggles. ---
**Author:** ![Opengrave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Opengrave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opengrave)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/54 "2003-05-30T11:43:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ethilrist \* > \*\*Maybe you could suspend the bag of beer from a rolling rack \*\* Or perhaps grip by its husk… Does she have huge tracts of land? ---
**Author:** ![Opengrave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/919ad9/32.png) [@Opengrave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opengrave)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/55 "2003-05-30T11:46:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kabbes \* > **I’m sure that any doctor planning to give you a penile implant will shave the area first. That way you can kill two birds with one stone.** You mean two stones and one bird? \ Thanks folks I’ll be here all week! Matinees are half price. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/56 "2003-05-30T12:41:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*Bag of Beer … the one thing I know I’ll never find at Wal-Mart. \*\* \ \ “Attention K-Mart shoppers…in aisle 9 for 15 minutes only…” ---
**Author:** ![intarweb\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a3d4f5/32.png) [@intarweb\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/intarweb_man)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/57 "2003-05-31T16:46:08Z")
I saw her again this morning and she told me she just wants to be friends on ICQ. I only live 4 townhouses down from her. 😕 for crying out loud. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/58 "2003-05-31T17:08:15Z")
Why would you need a penile implant? Don’t you have a _real_ penis? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/59 "2003-05-31T18:06:38Z")
Roofer boy aside everyone is talking about penile implants as if they are penile _extensions_. So far as I know a medical penile implant will not extend anything beyond it’s normal length, but will give the penis the ability to become erect if the person cannot achive or maintain an erection. Mostly older men get these because (for whatever reason, but typically medical) they can no longer become erect. Penile _extensions_ are fairly gruesome surgical procedures where they cut some of the attaching ligaments that anchor the penis (and are what make erections normally curve up) to allow the penis to “fall out” more and appear longer. Although the penis may achieve erections and look an inch or so longer hanging out because it is no longer anchored it will not curve up and out as before, and insertion is likely to require more assistance than before. Some docs also inject fat into the penis to make it appear thicker when doing these extensions. ---
**Author:** ![Mehitabel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Mehitabel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mehitabel)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114/60 "2003-05-31T18:10:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by intarweb man \* > \*\*I saw her again this morning and she told me she just wants to be friends on ICQ. I only live 4 townhouses down from her. 😕 for crying out loud. :mad: \*\* Awwww! Another great love story ends badly! ☹ And oh yeah, the TMI award for today goes to… **Astro!** 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woman-wants-me-to-shave-my-bird-and-get-a-penile-implant/178114.md?page=4)