# Women and sexual assault. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563 "2010-05-15T18:26:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/181 "2010-05-17T16:16:41Z")
> [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](#): > > I feel like you’re thinking of this in terms of you personally being treated badly because the deck is stacked against you – like you’re being profiled as a criminal – whereas to me it seems more like the case where you’re driving down the road and see a car backing out of a driveway ahead of you. Most people are good enough drivers that they’ll stop. They’re perfectly capable of seeing you there and not smashing into you. They have every right to back down the driveway like they’re doing. You’re still going to keep watching them pretty closely, aren’t you? You’re treating them like a potential a-backing-into-me-ist. Because you’d be a moron not to, and that’s how people get killed, by not paying attention. Good analogy. You can walk through masses of people every day and have your attention momentarily diverted by something - maybe you think someone is staring at you, maybe some stranger says something, maybe a friend of a friend is standing too close and you’re feeling backed into a corner. But then you look or reply or shift your position and things are A-OK and you move on with life. And occasionally, maybe it doesn’t work out that way. Some women are just afraid of getting run over; it doesn’t mean they’re going to take a tire iron to every car that passes, however. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/182 "2010-05-17T17:08:30Z")
Oh, **Jimmy**. Thanks for that. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/183 "2010-05-17T17:22:01Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I guess if you read what **Der Tris** has to say you might get discouraged about the level of understanding on the Dope, but on the other hand he’s a definite minority in here. I wholeheartedly agree with the rest of your post, and I’d like to agree with this bit. But there does seem to be a significant disconnect between genders on this (some of the brilliant men in this thread notwithstanding - thank you, you guys) - threads like [this one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12464358) illustrate the issue. The amount of people in there who are openly doubting the OP, outright saying she’s lying or misunderstanding the situation, and even if she’s not, she’s a coward for not having said anything earlier… It astounds me, and depresses me. If men on the SDMB are really some of the brightest around, the rest of the world is utterly fucked. ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/184 "2010-05-17T17:51:36Z")
I have read through most of this thread, and I wanted to throw this out there… For the women in this thread who say that they are automatically wary of a man, think of this: Replace “man” with “Black Guy” You’d immediately be accused of giving in to a racist stereotype, and rightfully so. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/185 "2010-05-17T17:58:22Z")
Well, yes. Because harrassing and abusive behaviour isn’t limited to men of just one race. I do understand what you’re saying - but as someone upthread pointed out, if women were to constantly hassle me while I was trying to live my life, or ask me out repeatedly and insult me when I turned her down, or comment loudly on my breasts or arse as I walked past, then I’d be upset and intimidated too. That has never happened, though. And if it did, I’d feel less threatened, because most women are closer in size and strength to me than most men. And no woman has ever tried to rape me, so there isn’t the past experience causing my adrenaline levels to shoot right up, like there is with men. ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/186 "2010-05-17T17:59:02Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > I have read through most of this thread, and I wanted to throw this out there… > > For the women in this thread who say that they are automatically wary of a man, think of this: > > Replace “man” with “Black Guy” > > You’d immediately be accused of giving in to a racist stereotype, and rightfully so. Check out [Post 180](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12464057&postcount=180). ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/187 "2010-05-17T18:23:54Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > I have read through most of this thread, and I wanted to throw this out there… > > For the women in this thread who say that they are automatically wary of a man, think of this: > > Replace “man” with “Black Guy” > > You’d immediately be accused of giving in to a racist stereotype, and rightfully so. I’m automatically wary of ANY male stranger. Regardless of race. As I said up above, is it sexist? Yep. To date I’ve never been sexually assaulted by another woman, I have been by SEVERAL men. But, as I said, I’d react the similarly to a strange woman coming up to me and asking me to go for a cup of coffee. Not physically intimidated or uncomfortable but I’d be immediately suspicious. Not that the woman was going to rape me, but that she wanted to use me for some purpose. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/188 "2010-05-17T18:37:37Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > There’s an underlying vibe here that I find very disquieting: that it’s not okay for someone who’s attracted to someone to verbally express that attraction - or worse, that people who do are classed as dangerous. I’m not talking about willy-waving or anything like that, just the attracted person making a comment. That’s wrong. Wait - what?! No it’s not! I am stunned that no one has said this yet. If someone just comes up to me, a stranger, and tells me I am beautiful, even in the most polite possible tone, and this person is not a child I’m going to assume that they are either a creep or that they have the mentality and social skills of a child. I mean, there are reasons to start a conversation with someone, and this is not one of them. You can see me in my David Bowie T-shirt and go, “Hey, Ziggy Stardust is my favorite album” and then if I’m interested I’ll start a conversation, but “Wow, you’re beautiful” is NOT an appropriate thing to say to a stranger. It’s just like any comment on a stranger’s appearance. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive. Would you go up to someone and say “wow, you’re tall!” or “wow, you’re so blond!” if you’d never met him? And if he doesn’t smile and feel flattered and/or start a conversation with you is that because he’s a judgmental jerk? And it’s also not appropriate in the workplace. Or the classroom. Or at a business conference. Or in a book club. You’ve talked to me a few times and you’re interested? Fine. Ask me out for coffee or even just give me your number. That is to say: **allow me a chance to say no. Allow me a choice.** But making comments on my appearance is _actually inappropriate and actually weird_. It’s not because I’m sexist or paranoid. Do you want to know why we use the phrase ‘rape culture’? It’s because it is our culture (and I mean human culture) that wants us to believe that, if I feel uncomfortable around someone, that’s because _I_ did something wrong, or that _I_ am the one being unfair and acting inappropriately because I want to choose who I interact with. Or that if someone rapes a woman and she take them to court (rape being a crime and all), _her_ sexual history is going to be on trial because if she has a history of drug abuse and promiscuous sex then she was probably lying about the rape. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/189 "2010-05-17T18:41:59Z")
> [@Sateryn76](#): > > I have read through most of this thread, and I wanted to throw this out there… > > For the women in this thread who say that they are automatically wary of a man, think of this: > > Replace “man” with “Black Guy” > > You’d immediately be accused of giving in to a racist stereotype, and rightfully so. And what if we replaced “man” with “neo-Nazi skinhead”. I’d be pretty fucking justified in being nervous around someone with a swastika on his sleeve, am I right? DID I JUST BLOW YOUR MIND? Seriously, the “if you replaced this word with this other word game” is tiresome, ridiculous, and proves nothing. Not all situations are equivalent. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/190 "2010-05-17T18:55:28Z")
> [@niblet\_head](#): > > I loathe the term “butthurt” and think it’s particularly inappropriate in a thread about sexual degradation. I understand you’re angry, but that word is simply uncalled for and disgusting in any context. Perhaps I misunderstand it, but I read it as implying that the hurtee should have just lied back and took it, or that they secretly wanted it but are now bitching about it, or that the hurtee should just submit and not complain, or realize their place. Yuck. Well, I am certainly impressed that you could get so much meaning out of a single term. That being said, until a mod comes in here and tells me not to use that word, or until you become a mod and demand that I stop using it, I have every intention of using it as I see fit. I feel that it accurately describes the entitled, pissy attitude I’m seeing from certain Dopers in this thread. The way they can spin this concept of ‘I am wary around men because of past sexual abuse from men’ into ‘I’m an evil bitch who will treat you like shit if you happen to have a penis’ is just staggering. The way they seem to feel that the \*possibility \*of getting their feelings hurt means as much or more as me or another female being violently attacked disgusts me. As I said before, a lot of Dopers like to self-congratulate on how we’re the cream of the crop, better than the average, sophisticated, intelligent, and rational. I’ve been on here for about a decade, and I’ve come to see that Dopers as a whole are no more or less sophisticated than the general population. Some still carry antiquated concepts of sexuality, rape, abuse, and women. Some have no capacity to see beyond the tip of their own noses and accept what is best for someone else, not what is best for themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/191 "2010-05-17T19:08:41Z")
Christ, calm down. I find it sadly ironic to use a term that implies sexual degradation in a thread about sexual degradation. Granted, I guess it can also imply getting one’s ass kicked and not just fucked. That’s not the way I interpret it when I see it, and I stand by my criticism of it’s use in general. So I guess unless a mod comes in here and tells me not express my opinion, I’m gonna keep right on doing it. BTW, I understand your argument. I don’t like the word you chose. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/192 "2010-05-17T19:35:20Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > Wait - what?! No it’s not! I am stunned that no one has said this yet. > > If someone just comes up to me, a stranger, and tells me I am beautiful, even in the most polite possible tone, and this person is not a child I’m going to assume that they are either a creep or that they have the mentality and social skills of a child. I mean, there are reasons to start a conversation with someone, and this is not one of them. You can see me in my David Bowie T-shirt and go, “Hey, Ziggy Stardust is my favorite album” and then if I’m interested I’ll start a conversation, but “Wow, you’re beautiful” is NOT an appropriate thing to say to a stranger. Umm.. you did note that I did not specify the statement of attraction? Beauty was never mentioned. You’re saying that it’s perfectly fine for a man to be attracted to you because of your David Bowie tee-shirt but not because of your beauty? Are you sure he isn’t a pervert thinking of the breasts underneath? What’s really the difference? ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/193 "2010-05-17T19:48:50Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > Umm.. you did note that I did not specify the statement of attraction? Beauty was never mentioned. You’re saying that it’s perfectly fine for a man to be attracted to you because of your David Bowie tee-shirt but not because of your beauty? Are you sure he isn’t a pervert thinking of the breasts underneath? What’s really the difference? I’m sorry, could you clarify what you mean by a statement of attraction then? Even if he is a pervert he has chosen to make a comment about some part of my appearance that I am deliberately choosing to broadcast, not a part of my body or something about my physical appearance. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that the act of commenting on my physical appearance isn’t perverted or misogynist, it’s just rude. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/194 "2010-05-17T20:05:21Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > (bolding mine) > > This is not a sensible statement. Just because someone’s spidey sense is not 100% foolproof doesn’t mean it’s unreliable in an absolute sense. Sometimes the bad guys slip through the cracks due to all kinds of reasons. That doesn’t mean it’s folly to be on guard for certain signs of creepiness and act accordingly. That’s just common sense. > > Guys that appear clueless or insensitive to body language and social boundaries do not automatically constitute a threat. But these are cues for wariness. A guy who will persist in touching a woman or asking her out or leering at her hungrily only until she gets so fed up that she has to scream obsensities at him before he backs off may not necessarly be a rapist. But a woman is not going to waste time on him trying to figure that out. Rightfully or wrongfully, she will judge him to be a suspect case. The question is, can you really blame her? > > In a natural selection point of view, I think of it this way: men who are good communicators (both as receivers and senders) have an advantage over those that are not, and rightfully so. It’s against a woman’s best interest to be around a man who can’t tell when she’s receptive or when she’s the complete opposite. Because at a minimum he’s going to be nuisiance. At worse, he will be a physical threat. Again, I’m not criticizing women for doing what they feel they need to do to protect their safety. Back in college one of my closer friends made me feel like she was afraid to be alone with me. I never posed a threat to her, but there’d be times she acted like she was afraid to be alone with me in my apartment (we did drive places alone together, so that was weird that she was ok with driving somewhere alone but not being in an apartment alone. And she seemed ok with being alone together in her apartment, but not mine). I’m not mad or defensive that she was doing what she felt she needed to do to guard her safety. As a tall, muscular guy I can’t relate to the concept of being on guard all the time or constantly worrying about being attacked. Its not something I have to worry about. The closest comparison I have is when I am walking around town and am constantly on guard against being attacked by a dog. When I do that I’m hypersensitive to loud sounds, looking for potential escape routes, fingering my can of mace and scanning for makeshift weapons on the ground. I’ve heard some women are on guard like that all the time. I don’t know what my point is. Because sexual abuse happens to men too (although it seems to be rare for us after we grow up and/or stay out of prison). And it cripples our insides too when it happens. But it seems like as a society, we haven’t found any truly effective ways to prevent or recover from it. Its just a hodgepodge of secrecy, shame and stereotypes that are largely useless or counterproductive floating around in a society where everyone either has been or knows someone who has been violated. And it sucks. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/195 "2010-05-17T20:07:27Z")
[QUOTE=Kyla;12459754 I just don’t think they realize how incredibly prevalent this sort of thing is, and I was mildly annoyed with the implication that women who are concerned with the potential of violence from men are unreasonably paranoid. [/QUOTE] This is the only time I’ve done this, but I haven’t read past mid-page 2, so apologies if this has been brought up already, but: It’s not even the idea that they are being unreasonably paranoid, but the implication that it’s our _egos_ or narcissism, thinking we’re “all that” so of _course_ everyone will want to “get into our pants”. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/196 "2010-05-17T20:15:48Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > It’s just like any comment on a stranger’s appearance. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive. Would you go up to someone and say “wow, you’re tall!” You’d be surprised. SpouseO is tall - he’s 6’6". People say this (or it’s variant, “How tall are you?”) to him _all the time_. Sometimes it’ll be the clerk during a transaction at a store (marginally OK), sometimes a random passer-by will just stop and say it (not so OK). He \*hates \*it. Absolutely hates it. Which is interesting - maybe this is our male corollary. (Even though it’s already been mentioned. A few times. But I’ll soldier on.) Men, if you had some sort of obvious external characteristic that people commented on, constantly, all the time, wouldn’t it start to bother you? Wouldn’t you gird up each time someone innocently started a conversation, just waiting for the comment to come up? Certainly, it doesn’t every time, maybe not even most times, but it does frequently enough that you expect it and get ready for your answer to it. It’s kind of the same thing. I’ve never been assaulted, only “made uncomfortable” by strangers. One was a guy in a car fondling himself while me and a couple of friends walked by. Another was a clueless idiot I met while taking out some trash who told me the weirdest of stories then asked if I wanted to come up for a drink. (After that story? Hells, no!) ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/197 "2010-05-17T20:54:43Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > But this is a poll for women. What a sad state of affairs that a thread for women to talk about being raped, molested and abused, has turned into this. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/198 "2010-05-17T21:38:55Z")
> [@Electric\_Warrior](#): > > I’m sorry, could you clarify what you mean by a statement of attraction then? Anything from the lewd and crude to the sublime; I phrased it quite deliberately. It means exactly what it says, no more and no less. Don’t overthink it; don’t try and read any subtext: there isn’t one. > [@](#): > > Even if he is a pervert he has chosen to make a comment about some part of my appearance that I am deliberately choosing to broadcast, not a part of my body or something about my physical appearance. I suppose what I’m trying to say is that the act of commenting on my physical appearance isn’t perverted or misogynist, it’s just rude. Nor have you picked up that I deliberately made my comment genderless. And is it really rude? Do you not choose to ‘broadcast’ ( **your** word, not mine), say, your hair with a particular style? Or with a nice patterned shawl? Maybe you choose to broadcast your legs by wearing cut-offs? Or well-cut full-length trousers / pants? Or perhaps by walking with a bouncy, happy, gait? Or perhaps you simply happen to have a nice smile? Or maybe she loves your voice? Or perhaps it’s the book you’re carrying - or the tee-shirt you’re wearing - that causes them to take a closer look? Or… There’s no difference. Or perhaps you wear a burqa most of the time? (And for those following, yes, that’s a reductio ad absurdum.) Politeness, firm if necessary, costs nothing. Now if things progress, that’s a different matter. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/199 "2010-05-17T21:51:08Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > Which is interesting - maybe this is our male corollary. (Even though it’s already been mentioned. A few times. But I’ll soldier on.) Men, if you had some sort of obvious external characteristic that people commented on, constantly, all the time, wouldn’t it start to bother you? Not at all. > [@](#): > > Wouldn’t you gird up each time someone innocently started a conversation, just waiting for the comment to come up? Certainly, it doesn’t every time, maybe not even most times, but it does frequently enough that you expect it and get ready for your answer to it. It’s kind of the same thing. I too am tall. Yes, it comes up (hehe) quite often. I never have any problem conversing about it. I also have buck teeth and a huge overbite. But all I do is say, “You should have seen me in my youth: I had three rows before the dentists fixed me up.” and we’re away. Similarly, I don’t wear a watch, but use a pocket watch. And I tend to wear a hat in summer. Both are good conversational gambits. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2010, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/200 "2010-05-17T21:56:46Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > And is it really rude? Do you not choose to ‘broadcast’ ( **your** word, not mine), say, your hair with a particular style? Or with a nice patterned shawl? Maybe you choose to broadcast your legs by wearing cut-offs? Or well-cut full-length trousers / pants? Or perhaps by walking with a bouncy, happy, gait? Or perhaps you simply happen to have a nice smile? Or maybe she loves your voice? Or perhaps it’s the book you’re carrying - or the tee-shirt you’re wearing - that causes them to take a closer look? Or… There’s no difference. There’s no difference between a comment on the book someone’s carrying and a comment on the attractiveness of someone’s _legs_? Are you possibly joking? Um, I am not at all sure if I’m clear on what you’re saying, but if a strange man says to me “I like your hairstyle” or “your shawl is pretty”, I’m going to think that’s a little creepy because it doesn’t actually show any interest in me as a human. On the other hand, if you display interest in my book or in my stegosaurus t-shirt, maybe you’re thinking “also you have a great rack”, but you’re at least _acting_ like you have an interest that goes beyond the sexual. Maybe we have similar interests! You think the historical period I’m reading about is fascinating and you’ve visited the country where the event took place! You also think dinosaurs are awesome! You are probably a person I would like to talk to! But if your “sign of attraction” is based purely on the physical, no, I won’t be flattered and I will find you creepy. If someone sitting across from me on the train says to me “your eyes are beautiful,” what am I supposed to say to that? When this did happen, I said “thanks,” and went back to my reading. The guy continued to talk to me about how beautiful my eyes are and am I wearing contacts because they’re such an unusual color. That’s creepy behavior, it’s not a turn-on, and I’m not flattered. **FloatyGimpy** , it is a bit dispiriting, isn’t it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563.md?page=11)