# Women and sexual assault. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 15, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563 "2010-05-15T18:26:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/321 "2010-05-19T16:44:16Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Dangerosa, am I getting this right? Two situations: > > A)I’m reading a book on the bus. You make a comment related to it. I like it and we start talking. Line not crossed. > > B) I’m reading a book on the bus. You make a comment related to it. I don’t like it and smile in that polite but why-are-you-talking-to-me-I’m-trying-to-read way. Line crossed. No, the line is crossed if you carry on trying to have a conversation - particularly if it’s focused on getting a date - in the face of blatant signals like that smile coupled with going back to the book, or staring out the window, or whatever. It’s not really the making of the comment that’s a problem, it’s how you respond to our reaction. If the person you’re talking to is not interested and says so (preferably politely, but given past experience some people might tend to be blunter than politeness would demand), even if that’s non-verbally, it would be nice if people could take a hint and back off. Continuing to force a conversation with someone who’s not interested and can’t escape is the kind of behaviour that makes me uncomfortable - and from this thread, it seems I’m not the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/322 "2010-05-19T16:54:07Z")
Shodan, If your experience with your kids was like mine - when they were really little people would stare at your family. And sometimes you’d catch their eye and they’d look away and it was sort of “no big” - and sometimes they’d smile and you’d smile back and they’d come over and you’d have a talk about how their daughter arrived fifteen years ago - and it was lovely. And sometimes they’d just stare. And maybe they were staring because they were absent minded, or maybe they thought you some sort of race traitor, but it probably wasn’t really comfortable. And maybe you didn’t have this experience when your kids were little. No one is saying it should be illegal to stare at a woman, or talk to her at the bus. But being aware and respectful of her reaction and responding appropriately - the fact that people don’t is one of the reasons we aren’t comfortable - which is where this is coming from. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/323 "2010-05-19T17:07:47Z")
I am not going to be put in a position of having to defend myself in a thread about how damned often women have to defend themselves. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/324 "2010-05-19T17:12:41Z")
This is pretty much directed at **Wesley Clark** , although I don’t feel like doing the muti-quote thing, since he won’t listen anyway. You said that boys under 18 get molested, men in prison get molested, women of all ages are molested… I want to point out the common thread in all these is **respect**. Or, lack thereof, or, in even another word, **oppression**. Children are not fully respected in our society. Prisoners are not fully respected in our society. Women are not fully respected in our society. All these occur in varying degrees, at various times, but these are all examples of people who voices are marginalized and silenced. You are comparing rape to sex, and you had trouble understanding why rape continues to happen if there is prostitution. But, if you (for arguments sake) accept that rape is about POWER, like the feminists are always saying, well, a different picture emerges. Children are raped because they are powerless, and some asshole gets off on that. Maybe some guy who is a loser in his regular life. Children are an easy target, especially \*girl \*children. And, lookit that! They get molested more! What about women? If this was about power, then women who’s voices are further silenced would experience more rape, right? What about a black women? Do they experience more rape? They ought to, if this theory holds. [Looks like they do.](http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims) (These stats are a lot lower than some others I’ve read, but I’m using the least controversial number I found) This is the kind of thing feminists are talking about when they use the term “rape culture”. Its a whole system that marginalizes some people and leaves them open for abuse, and protects others and allows them to keep abusing. ETA: your joke was unfunny, and frankly disgusting. You are the problem. I was halfway giving you the benefit of the doubt up till there, but now we all see. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/325 "2010-05-19T17:16:58Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > You know, when we had the “book on the subway” talk pages ago, several of us said if he made a comment that was pertinent to the book, that was ok. A way of forming a connection. Which goes back to something **athelas** said earlier, and which was hotly denied by at least some in the thread - that the rule “it is a violation of a woman’s boundaries to try to strike up conversations with her” has an addendum “unless you are cute or charming”. Which is trivially true, but it rather mitigates against the notion that “talking to a person who is staring out the window is not as bad as rape but it has the same motivations”. The other factor is, men who said to themselves “she isn’t looking in my direction - she probably isn’t interested in talking to me” did not tend to be men whose genes got passed on. I’m not talking about rape. But “it doesn’t hurt to give it a shot” tends to be a strategy that is more successful than hanging around hoping to make eye contact before you get to your stop. And I would think it was obvious that the guy with the slick line and/or captivating eyes coupled with a willingness to hit on anyone who seems remotely available is going to do better than the guy in the McDonald’s shirt who smells of french fries and has no front teeth. > [@Jimmy Chitwood](#): > > Well, there has to be a least-offensive version of everything, right? I agree that talking to somebody while they’re reading is incredibly mild, but what about, say, telling somebody she has beautiful eyes while she’s reading? That makes more sense to me, at least, and I think that’s the spirit in which that point was made. You tell me. Is telling someone they have beautiful eyes on the same continuum that ends up at rape as remarking on the book they’re reading? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/326 "2010-05-19T17:16:59Z")
This thread is making me too angry/sad so I won’t be participating in it anymore. I just have to say that a thread for women to talk about being raped/molested/assaulted/abused becoming a thread for those same women (and a couple of men) to defend themselves for feeling vulnerable is truly pathetic and disgusting. The men putting us in the position, to have to defend ourselves and explain over and over and fucking over, should be utterly ashamed of themselves. I wonder if your mother was talking to you about how she’d been held down, had her clothes ripped off and some strange man shove his penis into her and how she now feels vulnerable, if you’d chastise her. In all my years on the dope, since becoming a member and the years before as a lurker, this is the most disturbing thread I’ve ever read. And that includes cesario wanting to fuck babies. People are entitled to their opinions, but to **choose** to shit all over a thread for women to talk about their experiences with sexual assault, is truly vile. The crazy thing is you don’t get that you are proving us right! How many times has someone, including me, typed “oh yeah I forgot about this time…”. We forgot! It’s so fucking common that we actually forget about the time some guy grabbed our crotch. So continue on, keep blabbing about how we’re wrong to feel the way we do. I for one will never take seriously another word you say about anything. How can I? ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/327 "2010-05-19T17:33:51Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Which goes back to something **athelas** said earlier, and which was hotly denied by at least some in the thread - that the rule “it is a violation of a woman’s boundaries to try to strike up conversations with her” has an addendum “unless you are cute or charming”. Which is trivially true, but it rather mitigates against the notion that “talking to a person who is staring out the window is not as bad as rape but it has the same motivations”. We’ve already pointed out the many, many times this has been demonstrably false. > [@Shodan](#): > > The other factor is, men who said to themselves “she isn’t looking in my direction - she probably isn’t interested in talking to me” did not tend to be men whose genes got passed on. I’m not talking about rape. But “it doesn’t hurt to give it a shot” tends to be a strategy that is more successful than hanging around hoping to make eye contact before you get to your stop. > > And I would think it was obvious that the guy with the slick line and/or captivating eyes coupled with a willingness to hit on anyone who seems remotely available is going to do better than the guy in the McDonald’s shirt who smells of french fries and has no front teeth. Why are you trying to justify this behaviour, in the face of numerous harrowing personal stories form women who have explained with grace and eloquence why they find it intimidating, offensive and upsetting? > [@Shodan](#): > > Is telling someone they have beautiful eyes on the same continuum that ends up at rape as remarking on the book they’re reading? Have you read this thread? Have you understood the things you’ve read? Because this has been explained. Context matters. This thread was started to explain why women can find men threatening. One of the reasons women find men threatening is because they have past experience with abusive behaviour from men. Behaviour which violated their boundaries, despite the woman’s express lack of consent. When you do something else which violates our boundaries, it is not unreasonable for us, based on past experience of interacting with strange men even in public, to be wary of you. But rather than have to defend something that ought to be entirely obvious to anyone with an ounce of empathy or compassion, I want to ask you something. You, and **Wesley** and **athelas** and **Der Trihs** and any of the other men who have thought we are acting unreasonably. Why are you defending this behaviour, even though you have been told, repeatedly, how uncomfortable people can find it? Why does it matter that some woman you don’t know doesn’t want to talk to you? What makes you feel like you have the right to demand to be entertained by passing members of the public, just because they happen to be in the same place as you? ---
**Author:** ![Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f475e1/32.png) [@Jimmy\_Chitwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Chitwood)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/328 "2010-05-19T17:52:56Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > You tell me. > > Is telling someone they have beautiful eyes on the same continuum that ends up at rape as remarking on the book they’re reading? > > Regards, > Shodan What are you, studying to be a Scalia? I _just said_ that remarking on a book is incredibly mild and that I think a different example - the unsolicited comment about physical features to an otherwise-occupied stranger - would be a better one for these purposes. I just said, hey, what about this other way of looking at it, it’s different, how about that. And you said, oh ho ho ho, why don’t _you_ tell _me_ why they’re the same? How about _that?_. You had the whole world of hypothetical bullshit positions to assign to me and chortle about, and you picked the only one I had just disclaimed. Good show. Seriously, well and truly met. I think I understand pretty well what you get out of these kinds of discussions, but if you can get satisfaction from that performance, my hat’s off to you. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/329 "2010-05-19T17:59:16Z")
never mind ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/330 "2010-05-19T18:01:03Z")
[Moderator Note]I think the debating on this issue should be taken to Great Debates.[/Moderator Note] ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/331 "2010-05-19T18:49:38Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > This thread is making me too angry/sad so I won’t be participating in it anymore. > > I just have to say that a thread for women to talk about being raped/molested/assaulted/abused becoming a thread for those same women (and a couple of men) to defend themselves for feeling vulnerable is truly pathetic and disgusting. The men putting us in the position, to have to defend ourselves and explain over and over and fucking over, should be utterly ashamed of themselves. > > I wonder if your mother was talking to you about how she’d been held down, had her clothes ripped off and some strange man shove his penis into her and how she now feels vulnerable, if you’d chastise her. > > In all my years on the dope, since becoming a member and the years before as a lurker, this is the most disturbing thread I’ve ever read. And that includes cesario wanting to fuck babies. > > People are entitled to their opinions, but to **choose** to shit all over a thread for women to talk about their experiences with sexual assault, is truly vile. > > The crazy thing is you don’t get that you are proving us right! How many times has someone, including me, typed “oh yeah I forgot about this time…”. We forgot! It’s so fucking common that we actually forget about the time some guy grabbed our crotch. > > So continue on, keep blabbing about how we’re wrong to feel the way we do. I for one will never take seriously another word you say about anything. How can I? QFT. Thank you for saying this. I am utterly disgusted by the shit being thrown around in this thread. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a girl who is exaggerating my feelings and experiences :rolleyes:. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/332 "2010-05-19T18:52:47Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > QFT. Thank you for saying this. I am utterly disgusted by the shit being thrown around in this thread. But hey, what do I know? I’m just a girl who is exaggerating my feelings and experiences :rolleyes:. You and me both, clearly. But **alice\_in\_wonderland** ’s comment in the thread for men on sexual assault clicked for me - I think they’re treating this like an academic discussion, something up for debate. Not something real and painful. Which might explain some of the more oblivious of the remarks. That or they’re just arseholes who have no concept of appropriate behaviour. I could be persuaded of that really easily, too. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/333 "2010-05-19T19:02:38Z")
[Moderator Admonition]The sniping back and forth stops _now_. If you have a complaint, take it to PM or The BBQ Pit. If you want to debate sexual abuse in general, take it to Great Debates. No “yea, but…”, no “I know we’re not supposed to, so I’m just going to say…”, no parting shots _at all_. Also, realize that different people have different opinions, especially when it come to polls. If you can’t deal with that, don’t participate.[/Moderator Admonition] ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/334 "2010-05-19T19:04:29Z")
> [@nicole1912](#): > > You and me both, clearly. But **alice\_in\_wonderland** ’s comment in the thread for men on sexual assault clicked for me - I think they’re treating this like an academic discussion, something up for debate. Not something real and painful. Which might explain some of the more oblivious of the remarks. > > That or they’re just arseholes who have no concept of appropriate behaviour. I could be persuaded of that really easily, too. I’m really trying to give people the benefit of the doubt about this - I realize that having an argument is a large part of the appeal of this board - debating issues, discussing alternative viewpoints, etc.; however, in a thread where people are discussing their real experiences with assault and their feelings arising from that assault, debating the merits of those feelings strikes me as being…really, really not so bright. Not everything is an argument that needs to be won and suggesting to a woman who’s been raped that she has no right to be fearful of men, or joking about her experience is obnoxious. **Czarcasm** - your post wasn’t there when I posted mine, and I don’t actually know who it’s directed at. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/335 "2010-05-19T19:15:39Z")
> [@](#): > > they’re just arseholes who have no concept of appropriate behaviour. I could be persuaded of that really easily, too. At least one of them has a history of declaring that he knows what women should and shouldn’t do in various situations, and what’s right and wrong for women to do. And one of them has a history of sticking up for every oppressed group…except, apparently women. Here’s the thing: not every woman is sexually available. And by sexually available, I mean “is willing to do something between mild flirtation and having sex in the nearest available spot with you”. And of those women who are sexually available, none of them will accept EVERY man’s advances. And men don’t have the right to EXPECT that a particular woman will be interested in chatting, or flirting, or giving out a phone number. I’ve had any number of advances made to me, anywhere from “Can I get your number?” to “Get in the car, we wanna party with you”, from guys varying on the physical attractiveness scale. My responses were never based on physical attractiveness, but on how comfortable the man in question made me feel. The guys who wanted me to get in the car with them were all quite physically attractive, but I got MAJOR alarm vibes from them. The gas station attendant (this was back in the days when there were such creatures) who asked for my phone number after a few minutes of chat was short, slight, extremely ugly, and incredibly charming and relaxing. He got my number, and we dated for a little over a year. I’d have married him if he hadn’t made it clear that after we got married, he wanted to continue his polyamorous ways (I knew he was dating other women while we were dating, and I didn’t have a problem with my BOYFRIEND having other girlfriends)(this was the 70s, after all). Women have a right to determine their own boundaries. So do men. People who don’t respect other people’s boundaries are not truly civilized. It’s OK to ask whether you can interact with someone. But if you don’t receive permission to interact further, you must stop. And women who play the “hard to get” game will have to learn a new game. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/336 "2010-05-19T19:20:59Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > I get the feeling that Wesley is trying to understand though. > > Regarding the abuse of boys, I’ll repeat a point someone else made upthread. You mention that the occurence of abuse of boys is similar to that of girls. > > After adulthood, don’t you think that changes drastically? If men were molested at the same rate as women, don’t you think we’d be hearing from them in this thread? You can’t meaningfully compare child abuse to the abuse of adult women. > > Here’s the difference: all children are equally vulnerable. After adulthood is reached, men are no longer vulnerable. But women are, partly because of culture but partly due to biology (men are bigger and stronger). I don’t know if it is believable, but I sincerely don’t want to contribute to making people afraid or vulnerable. And I don’t think (or don’t want to come across as saying) it is ok to just ignore women when they say they feel threatened. I am just not sure I am understanding everything going on here because I do not have to go through it daily. Like I said, I’m a tall muscular male and the closest comparison I have (to constant fear of assault) is trying to avoid being attacked by a dog when out for a walk. I’ve had women come on way too strong when I didn’t want their attention, but it was rare and I never feared for my safety. And I feel like the mentality is you are with us or against us on this thread. Either you agree with everything some of the women on here say, or you are a rapist or abuse apologist. Either/or. And I don’t see that. My sense of humor can piss some people off, so I’ll stop. Sorry. I do that in tense situations, sometimes it helps and sometimes not. This time it didn’t. No, grown men are not molested anywhere near the rate women are. Not denying that. A big issue of contention for me is I don’t agree that somehow we have a rape culture, and if we just respect women more sexual abuse will go away. My response to that is, again, sexual abuse happens to male children, male prisoners and is common in all societies. Meaning you can’t define it as caused by any particular culture that can be fixed, and eliminate the issue. And despite fact that as a society we do honor homicide far far more than we honor sexual aggressiveness, homicide rates are a tiny fraction of severe sexual abuse rates. Like I said in another thread, certain cultures are more egalitarian with womens rights than ours, and some less. However I"m certain that sexual abuse of male & female children, adult women and adult male prisoners happens commonly in all those societies. I don’t understand what the cause or cure is, but a huge network of underground, secret sexual abuse is the biggest public health issue facing many nations. Arguably bigger than things like HIV. If issues like power over helpless people, or lack of empathy/respect are the root causes of all sexual abuse and aggressiveness, then what can you do? Like I said earlier, it only takes 3-5% of people being overly aggressive with 20+ people each for almost everyone to be affected. If 5% of adult males are pedophiles, that means a minimum of 12.5%, and up to 75% of kids will be molested based on the statistics of 5-30 victims per attacker. My point is that, again, I don’t agree with the ‘with us or against us’ mentality I think I am seeing. I don’t think you can get 100 people to agree with what is appropriate (within reason. Virtually everyone agrees threatening someone is wrong, but talking to someone and being willing to walk away if they aren’t interested is a craps game). The best thing to do is try to have empathy and respect in your interactions with others, and show you understand that the other person has feelings, wants, needs and fears. Edit: Didn’t see the Czarcasm post ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/337 "2010-05-19T19:25:58Z")
I don’t even know what we are allowed to discuss in here anymore. Ugh. If I respond to Wesley, is that something that needs to go to Great Debates? ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/338 "2010-05-19T19:26:29Z")
What makes you think that “rape culture” can’t be applied to rape and sexual assault of males as well? If we live in a culture in which male sexual aggression is in many ways lauded, then some males are going to be victimized as well. “Rape culture” isn’t necessarily about male-female interaction, although the vast majority of rapes and sexual assaults are males on females. “Rape culture” isn’t about the victims, it’s about the _rapists_. If you don’t like it, take it up with them. ---
**Author:** ![nicole1912](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9de0a6/32.png) [@nicole1912](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicole1912)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/339 "2010-05-19T19:29:46Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > The best thing to do is try to have empathy and respect in your interactions with others, and show you understand that the other person has feelings, wants, needs and fears. Sure, and I would bet that you won’t find anyone here disagreeing with that. That seems to me to sum up what we’ve been saying about interactions - it’s not all about what you do (taking as read the obvious physically-assaulting-people-is-wrong bit) but how you do it - how you react when your approach is turned down, being alert to the body language as well as the spoken words, understanding that the person you’re talking to has their own internal dialogue and issues they’re dealing with. (Some, like me, may have more issues than others :p) I don’t think we’d disagree here at all. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563/340 "2010-05-19T19:32:36Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Moderator Admonition]The sniping back and forth stops _now_. If you have a complaint, take it to PM or The BBQ Pit. If you want to debate sexual abuse in general, take it to Great Debates. No “yea, but..”, no “I know we’re not supposed to, so I’m just going to say…”, no parting shots _at all_. Also, realize that different people have different opinions, especially when it come to polls. If you can’t deal with that, don’t participate.[/Moderator Admonition] I made a [Great Debates](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=12473685#post12473685) thread. Let’s move the discussion there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-and-sexual-assault/539563.md?page=18)