# WOMEN: Are these "signals" that I'm missing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 18, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941 "2005-04-18T20:47:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/21 "2005-04-19T11:59:05Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > Now if she’s married (I’m assuming she’s not but just in case), all bets are off and it could be that she just thinks you’re a nifty guy that’s fun to talk to. Cute single guys are “safe” to flirt with at work if you’re married. > > Signs to watch for: > > Preening. Does she play with her hair when she’s talking to you? Fiddle with her watch, rings, or necklace? > > Does she stand oh-so-casually against something, maybe resting her arm on the file cabinet so that her boobs and hips stick out? > > Does she stand there and play with one of her shoes with her toes while you’re talking? > > The more she touches herself – any kind of touching, even if she’s just brushing lint off of her shirt – the greater the chances she likes you. I’ll have to pay attention to those signs. I hadn’t considered how her being married or not might change the equation. She is, indeed, married, so I may actually just be a nice distraction at work. Interesting. So, the question now is, would the physical signs that **Abbie** listed mean more, or less, with her being married? ---
**Author:** ![BadBadger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BadBadger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BadBadger)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/22 "2005-04-19T12:11:07Z")
By the way, happy birthday! ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/23 "2005-04-19T12:23:32Z")
> [@BadBadger](#): > > By the way, happy birthday! Oh, and by the way - thanks to everyone who has wished me a happy birthday in this thread! ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/24 "2005-04-19T12:24:56Z")
> [@DirkGntly](#): > > I’ll have to pay attention to those signs. I hadn’t considered how her being married or not might change the equation. She is, indeed, married, so I may actually just be a nice distraction at work. Interesting. So, the question now is, would the physical signs that **Abbie** listed mean more, or less, with her being married? Less, most likely. Given she’s married: #1 - she’s flattered #2 - she’s just being friendly, and the reason she didn’t do the birthday thing the past 4 years is because you weren’t working together as much as you are now #3 - iffy. Could be she’s just bored and you’re fun to talk to, so she intentionally does come in when you’re there because she wants a 5-minute mental vacation from work. Could be she wants to jump your bones. At any rate, the fact that she’s married AND a coworker could only lead to trouble for you should anything happen. There’s nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, but it may be up to you to (nonverbally) set the tone that flirting is _all_ it is. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/25 "2005-04-19T12:34:50Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > Less, most likely. > > Given she’s married: > > #1 - she’s flattered > > #2 - she’s just being friendly, and the reason she didn’t do the birthday thing the past 4 years is because you weren’t working together as much as you are now > > #3 - iffy. Could be she’s just bored and you’re fun to talk to, so she intentionally does come in when you’re there because she wants a 5-minute mental vacation from work. Could be she wants to jump your bones. > > At any rate, the fact that she’s married AND a coworker could only lead to trouble for you should anything happen. There’s nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, but it may be up to you to (nonverbally) set the tone that flirting is _all_ it is. **Abbie,** thanks, this is good info. I probably should’ve made it clear at the beginning of the thread that I’m not planning on starting a relationship with this woman; I merely wanted to find out if what I was seeing might actually mean anything or not. I guess I wanted to determine if I should be feeling flattered or just indifferent. (Besides, who couldn’t use a little ego-boost, now and then, if the interest is genuine?) Any other opinions out there? ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/26 "2005-04-19T13:25:45Z")
> [@Stark Raven Mad](#): > > Don’t ask her out. Ask her if she knows it’s your birthday. Or if she wishes you a happy birthday first, just skip to the next bit and tell her she’s celebrating with you at X restaurant at 8pm tonight, though you might be a little late (because you’re a busy man, see, and _you’re_ making time that she might have the privilege to be with you on such a special day). I guess this is all a moot point now as we’ve discovered the lady in question is married but I have to say that this would be the exact way _not_ to approach the situation in my opinion. Tell her she’s going to dinner with you? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![butler1850](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/27 "2005-04-19T18:17:11Z")
Couple of warning flags went right up for me! 1. Married women should not be dated (except by the husband of said woman) 2. Work relationships can be dangerous, proceed with caution. (Use EXTRA caution since she’s a married woman) good luck either way though! ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/28 "2005-04-19T18:48:39Z")
> [@butler1850](#): > > Couple of warning flags went right up for me! > > 1. Married women should not be dated (except by the husband of said woman) > 2. Work relationships can be dangerous, proceed with caution. (Use EXTRA caution since she’s a married woman) > > good luck either way though! **butler** , you must’ve missed my last post where I said: > [@DirkGntly](#): > > I probably should’ve made it clear at the beginning of the thread that I’m not planning on starting a relationship with this woman; I merely wanted to find out if what I was seeing might actually mean anything or not. I guess I wanted to determine if I should be feeling flattered or just indifferent. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2005, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/29 "2005-04-19T21:32:07Z")
[QUOTE=Stark Raven Mad] Don’t ask her out. Ask her if she knows it’s your birthday. Or if she wishes you a happy birthday first, just skip to the next bit and tell her she’s celebrating with you at X restaurant at 8pm tonight, though you might be a little late (because you’re a busy man, see, and _you’re_ making time that she might have the privilege to be with you on such a special day). [QUOTE] Wow, that’s just about the worst way I could think to be asked out. I would think “what a pig” and never flirt with you again. Please tell me you’re kidding. **Declan** , however, has my take on it perfectly. However, since you’re not asking her out, just take these ideas and apply them to the next non-married pretty girl to flirt with you. ---
**Author:** ![butler1850](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@butler1850](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butler1850)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/30 "2005-04-20T18:36:53Z")
> [@DirkGntly](#): > > **butler** , you must’ve missed my last post where I said: DOH! Sorry about that. Still good advice for anyone else though. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2005, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941/31 "2005-04-21T00:40:28Z")
> [@Abbie Carmichael](#): > > Preening. Does she play with her hair when she’s talking to you? Fiddle with her watch, rings, or necklace? I’m not sure this is much of a sign. Some people just fidget, constantly. I know I do, I play with my name-badge (which I wear on a cord at my waist), necklaces, pencils, paper clips etc all the time. If I had to sit still for eight hours without something to manipulate with my fingers to burn off a little excess energy, I’d probably lose my mind. Of the things listed in the OP I think #2 is the most telling. #1 you expect that to happen now and then, and it’s easier to pretend it doesn’t than be confrontational over such a little thing. #3 depends on what you talk about. Do you gossip or gripe? If so, you might be someone interesting to talk to. Where I work the supervisors often visit each other to do both, and it has nothing to do with interest in anything but someone to share frustration or something amusing with. If you don’t talk about things that fall into either catogory, then yeah, that could be a sign too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-these-signals-that-im-missing/299941.md?page=1)