# Women: Are you embarrassed to eat out alone? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 24, 2012, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846 "2012-04-24T21:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/41 "2012-04-25T11:23:58Z")
I wouldn’t be embarrassed, I just wouldn’t want to because it would be boring. It would never be an issue though because I would just get food to go. Weird to me that this is actually apparently a problem for some women to the point that they’d arrange to meet up with strangers just to avoid it. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/42 "2012-04-25T11:24:52Z")
No, I’m not embarassed to eat alone, and I’d rather eat along than with a stranger. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/43 "2012-04-25T11:46:39Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I don’t particularly enjoy going out to eat by myself, but it doesn’t embarrass me. I mean, yes, I have a book to pass the time, but if I’m going to read while I wait/eat, I could do that at home. You know, where it’s cheaper and I can be in my underpants with a kitty on either side of me and dog on each foot. So the advantage of not having to cook the food and being waited on doesn’t appeal to you? Because that’s why I would go out alone in college. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/44 "2012-04-25T12:25:16Z")
When I was younger, I would sometimes feel embarrassed if I went out to eat alone. I always thought people were looking at me and thinking there must be something wrong with me that I couldn’t find someone willing to have a meal with me. Now I know that was just stupid of me. But it is still a little uncomfortable without something to read. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/45 "2012-04-25T12:34:30Z")
Of course not. I don’t venture out to the hottest places on Friday & Saturday nights. But I’ve been able to check out some surprisingly trendy places in convenient locales by arriving on my way home from work. A couple of drinks & an appetizer or two make a fine meal. Then there are the neighborhood standbys. If you don’t want the staff guessing what you’ll order–don’t always order the same thing! Always with a book, of course. And good tipping is a must… ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/46 "2012-04-25T12:44:16Z")
> [@secretsmile36](#): > > Yes and I always feel sorry for people dining alone at fine restaurants. But then, you get the whole bottle of wine to yourself 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/47 "2012-04-25T13:09:50Z")
There is this whole set of human beings that are incapable of ever being alone and will go out of their way not to be alone. I don’t understand this, I’m the best friend I’ve got! Well, that and my own mind. Anyway they say we should all practice eating alone. Like others, I never saw the big deal. I do lots of things alone. I even went to a Ren Faire alone a couple of years ago…got a lot of curious stares, but it was lovely to do whatever I wanted, no compromises. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/48 "2012-04-25T14:35:22Z")
I don’t mind it at all. In fact, some of my best daydreaming time has been at restaurants solo. I do a lot of travel, and it comes with the territory. That said, I’m not an introvert, and I love “shared table” situations. I’d also be open to the idea of a service like this, especially when travelling. Usually I stay at hostels and pick up companions from there, but it can be a lot of fun to have a “date” in a strange city. I imagine the “women only” thing is to keep it from turning into a dating/hookup service. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/49 "2012-04-25T15:55:47Z")
I have heard this before, and I find it more than a bit condescending. I am an introvert in a highly stressful business. I greatly enjoy being able to go to a restaurant and just relax, only having to interact with the wait staff, and having lovely food prepared just the way I like it and set before me with little to no effort on my part. The whole concept that this might be a problem confuses me. I get it for the elder folks who grew up nearly never eating in restaurants. It was an occasion to eat out, and occasions should be shared. But for me, and especially on business travel, a restaurant is a place to get some food and unwind. And for me, unwinding happens in solitude. And the better the food, the more likely I am to want to be able to concentrate on it, rather than on making conversation. I suppose if I had a friend who also truly appreciated fine food, I would enjoy trying out a new restaurant or cuisine with them. But most of my friends would really prefer a big plate of mac and cheese. One time in particular, my birthday happened to coincide with Celtling’s school “Movie Night.” I was beyond thrilled at the prospect of an uninterrupted meal, of adult food, on my day. I carefully chose a fine dining Italian place which had just opened - a place that made actual Italian cuisine as opposed to “noodles and gravy.” I walked in and ordered a full meal, from polenta with house-smoked mussels, to a sea bass in fresh herbs that sounded amazing and ending with a lovely raspberry-chesnut crespelle. I made the mistake of mentioning my birthday, and the owners wife just thought it was horrid that I should be in there alone. So she sat down and chatted throughout the entire meal, mostly about the lives of various celebrities I’d never heard of. Completely ruined the experience for me! It wasn’t long before I was contemplating canceling the crespelle and heading to Baskin-Robbins. And, just in general, it’s my feeling that what strangers think about me is really none of my business. We all build these little stories in our heads about the folks we pass by in the course of the day. It would be borderline delusional to believe that any of the stories are accurate, and they are welcome to enjoy whatever little vignette they perceive. Heck, I’d probably have a laugh if I could hear it! ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/50 "2012-04-25T16:11:15Z")
I used to find it a bit embarrassing, but I’ve done it enough now that I’m used to it. Actually, it’s been a while since I’ve dined alone in a proper restaurant. Last time I traveled alone was for a few days in Philadelphia, two years ago. All the restaurants were perfectly nice about my dining alone. I try to avoid peak times. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/51 "2012-04-25T16:32:41Z")
Embarassed? No. I don’t even understand the question. What would be embarassing about it? But it is a little boring, and takes the pleasure out of restaurant eating if I have to eat alone. When forced by circumstance, I prefer to eat at the bar where I can at least bug the bartender (I mean, if it isn’t busy). ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/52 "2012-04-25T16:36:31Z")
No, why should I be? A restaurant, for me, is a place to get food when I can’t or won’t cook it myself. I’m an introvert and don’t tend to pick up on nonverbal cues. I have eaten out alone a lot, and I have never noticed anyone looking at me strangely or the waitstaff acting any different than usual. But, given my blindness to nonverbal cues, that might well have happened, and I just didn’t see it. The inability to pick up on nonverbal cues generally makes being with people more stressful than being alone, for me. If I’m alone, I don’t have to care what nonverbal cues I’m sending or not receiving. I can relax when I’m alone, because I no longer have to try to figure out anybody’s nonverbal cues (which takes a great deal of effort, for me). Sometimes I remember to bring a book, but not often, just because I’m not that organized. I generally don’t eat in restaurants that Mr. Neville likes when I’m alone (unless there are no other choices), but that’s really the only constraining factor. > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > You know, where it’s cheaper and I can be in my underpants with a kitty on either side of me and dog on each foot. I’d certainly eat there. Except I’d probably get thrown out for excessive squeeing. But home has the additional advantage of not having to drive to get there, and not having to leave the house when the weather is bad. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/53 "2012-04-25T17:02:21Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Since I’m the only one owning up to feeling embarrassed, I’ll explain: > > I don’t like being recognized. I don’t like waitstaff to remember me enough that they can anticipate my choices. I don’t like when people are “familiar” with me. Don’t ask me why. All I know is that it has nothing to do with my gender. > > So I don’t mind going to new restaurants alone. I’m going out of town on business next week and I’m looking forward to visiting different places every night. But after the third or fourth time of going to the same place all by myself, the weird feeling becomes unpleasant. > > But I don’t eat at restaurants that often. I usually take stuff to-go, because I like eating in the comfort of home. I’m sort of the same way. If I’m working in a neighborhood away from my office I will often pop into a diner or coffee shop for a quick lunch. And I have no problem when I am at my favorite Bed and Breakfast, I always come down for breakfast and take my favorite corner table near the door. But this is the exception that proves the rule, I guess, I spend so much time at this place it’s like a second home and there,I like it that they know me…in other places, not so much, But aside from that, I don’t like eating alone in restaurants. It’s mostly because I am more comfortable getting the meal “to go” and eating at my own pace in the comfort of my own home. I’m not embarrassed to eat alone in a nice restaurant, I just don’t enjoy it like I should. I think a lot of it is the pacing, I am a very slow eater and when I am home alone I will often take a 15 minute or so “break” in the middle of the meal, reheating if needed. I can’t easily do this in a restaurant. When I was young and I got my first job in a strange city I made the effort to eat out alone in nice places. It wasn’t unpleasant and I wasn’t embarrassed…it was just that I found I preferred to have the same dinner at home and every restaurant will give you takeout if you ask nicely. OTOH, my late husband always went to really nice places alone when he travelled for business and he seemed to like it ( except he always seemed to get hit on by rich men when he was in these places). ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/54 "2012-04-25T17:16:53Z")
I suppose not, though my fine dining has been mostly confined to the food court at the mall! Or fast food places. For an actual restaurant, I don’t think I would mind, but I was traumatized, so to speak, years ago when I worked at a place I didn’t know anybody and went out to lunch by myself at a nearby greasy spoon. I’d sit in a booth myself and it was all fine until one day three businessmen in suits came in and sat at the counter. They were all staring at me, the waitress was staring at me - it was obvious that I should have gotten up and offered them ‘my’ booth. I was both embarrassed and ticked off, and I pretended I didn’t see any of them. I didn’t go back there again, though. The few times I have been eating alone, no man, rich or not, ever came on to me. I’m Not attractive enough, I suppose. (I do miss the days of the department store tea rooms, where a working girl could very comfortably eat alone or with others, in a nice, quiet, pretty lunch room. A Subway franchise, a hotdog-n-popcorn counter like in Target or Walmart, for the kids, is all that remains.) ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/55 "2012-04-25T18:00:14Z")
I sometimes travel alone so of course I’m eating meals alone. It’s no problem at all, since I always have a book with me. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/56 "2012-04-25T18:09:55Z")
Man checking in. If I eat alone, I’ll almost always go to someplace with a bar. I’ve met a few women in bars doing the same, but I wonder if some of you women just don’t want to be hit on when dining alone. At any rate, the bar experience can be pretty social. In fact, I even prefer eating at the bar when I’m dining out with other people unless there is a real need for the intimacy of a table. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/57 "2012-04-25T19:00:38Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > (I do miss the days of the department store tea rooms, where a working girl could very comfortably eat alone or with others, in a nice, quiet, pretty lunch room. A Subway franchise, a hotdog-n-popcorn counter like in Target or Walmart, for the kids, is all that remains.) I miss them too but unfortunately you could see the end coming as during the 80s and very early 90s, other than during holiday season there were rarely more than one other customer there when my family would eat at them. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/58 "2012-04-25T20:08:01Z")
I do find it a little uncomfortable unless it’s someplace super-casual, which is why I tend to eat in kebab shops a lot when I travel. (However, I would find it a lot _more_ uncomfortable to have to share a table with a random stranger.) ---
**Author:** ![Terra1041](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Terra1041](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terra1041)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/59 "2012-04-25T20:14:11Z")
No problems here, although it’s _extremely_ rare for me to eat out at a non-fast food restaurant. As in, I’ve done it once in the past 2 years. I’m a lesbian in Seattle, if a guy hits on me I just say I’m not interested. I’m pretty big and intimidating-looking, not a little petite girl at all, so I’m not scared of one guy. ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2012, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846/60 "2012-04-25T20:27:37Z")
When I used to travel for business, I always kind of liked eating alone. I would usually sit at the bar though, instead of at a table by myself. And I always brought a book for company! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-embarrassed-to-eat-out-alone/619846.md?page=4)