# Women - are you offended when a man tries to shake your hand? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 29, 2016, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714 "2016-06-29T16:18:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/1 "2016-06-29T16:18:38Z")
Since I’m like a dog with a bone, I’d like to continue the discussion of handshakes started in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=796475) thread. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/2 "2016-06-29T16:27:10Z")
Can you add a choice as to whether they would be offended if a man asked them if they are okay with a handshake? ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/3 "2016-06-29T16:29:15Z")
No. I’m offended when a man tries to give me a fingertip handshake because I’m a woman who couldn’t possible bear the grip of a man’s hand, though. ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/4 "2016-06-29T16:34:10Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > Can you add a choice as to whether they would be offended if a man asked them if they are okay with a handshake? That’s a good idea, but it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/5 "2016-06-29T16:35:30Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > That’s a good idea, but it’s too late. Can the mods do it? Perhaps you could report your own post with that suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![mtomm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@mtomm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtomm)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/6 "2016-06-29T16:37:11Z")
Not offended but I do understand that in the past it was considered bad manners for a man to offers his hand to a woman first. I vote we just do head nods and call it good. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/7 "2016-06-29T16:41:27Z")
I’d rather have a handshake than a hug, that’s for sure… But, no, I’m not offended. It always seems to be awkward to me, tho. The day I interviewed for this job, I met with and shook hands with probably 10 different people, and it never felt natural to me. ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/8 "2016-06-29T16:48:47Z")
In a business situation, I would be offended if they did not try to shake hands with me as they would a man. In a social situation, I think it’s awkward to shake hands. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/9 "2016-06-29T16:55:09Z")
No, but I’ve worked with men who are offended when I try to shake theirs. Not all cultures think that casual acquaintances of different genders should touch. I really don’t understand why this board seems to think this is that odd. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/10 "2016-06-29T17:01:05Z")
I’ve added an option the way I thought it made sense to phrase it, **beowulff**. But let me know if that doesn’t fit what you had in mind. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/11 "2016-06-29T17:04:44Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > No, but I’ve worked with men who are offended when I try to shake theirs. Not all cultures think that casual acquaintances of different genders should touch. I really don’t understand why this board seems to think this is that odd. I thinks it’s the elevation to handshaking being an expression of male dominance all the way to actual rape that puts it over the top. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/12 "2016-06-29T17:05:29Z")
One more thing. I want to make it clear up front that this thread is NOT to be used as an excuse to bash any particular posters. This is not the forum for that. As always, please remain civil. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/13 "2016-06-29T17:09:41Z")
I’m perfectly OK with handshakes. I’d expect them in an office, at least (Socially, they might feel a little too formal.) I’d be a little put off if I didn’t get one, or if someone asked me if I would be willing to accept one, in a situation in which men would get them automatically. ---
**Author:** ![BeeGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@BeeGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeGee)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/14 "2016-06-29T17:12:05Z")
When I was younger, I had no problems shaking hands in a business situation. Now I have psoriasis and arthritis and I do not like to shake hands with anyone. No, it’s not contagious, but if you’ve got certain lotions, oils, perfumes, etc. on your hands, I am going to start itching. I try hard to keep my hands from itching, so I really don’t feel like mucking it up. Also, I have arthritis in my hands, knees, and hip. So even a small compression of the hand, if you hit the right combination of knuckles, is painful. What kills me is how many people seem to take this personally. Especially when I attend large vendor groups in convention centers. Some people actually take offense. I finally bought a wrist brace which I keep in my desk. When there’s a vendor out front, I grab a card, wrap on my brace, and go do my meet and greet. They stick out their hands to shake and I hold up my braced wrist. Somewhat dishonest, but I’m honestly tired of explaining why I don’t want to shake your hand. I would find it weird beyond belief if I were introduced socially to a man who wanted to shake my hand. But then again, I move in VERY informal circles. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/15 "2016-06-29T17:19:39Z")
Okay, as a woman, just to be clear: No, I am not offended by: Men offering handshakes Men offering friendly compliments Men opening doors or offering seats Men making the occasional joke Men looking at me within reason Simply treat me decently, with common ordinary respect. From the tone and number of these threads and polls, it seems men find this fucking hard to understand. Why this should be, I admit I find fucking hard to understand. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/16 "2016-06-29T17:27:43Z")
> [@BeeGee](#): > > When I was younger, I had no problems shaking hands in a business situation. Now I have psoriasis and arthritis and I do not like to shake hands with anyone. No, it’s not contagious, but if you’ve got certain lotions, oils, perfumes, etc. on your hands, I am going to start itching. I try hard to keep my hands from itching, so I really don’t feel like mucking it up. Also, I have arthritis in my hands, knees, and hip. So even a small compression of the hand, if you hit the right combination of knuckles, is painful. > > What kills me is how many people seem to take this personally. Especially when I attend large vendor groups in convention centers. Some people actually take offense. I finally bought a wrist brace which I keep in my desk. When there’s a vendor out front, I grab a card, wrap on my brace, and go do my meet and greet. They stick out their hands to shake and I hold up my braced wrist. Somewhat dishonest, but I’m honestly tired of explaining why I don’t want to shake your hand. > > I would find it weird beyond belief if I were introduced socially to a man who wanted to shake my hand. But then again, I move in VERY informal circles. A poorly placed IV once injured a nerve in my hand, and it hurt when someone touched me the wrong way. I was planning to attend an event where I expected many people to shake my hand, so I found a wrist brace, and put it on my hand as a visible signal “BE GENTLE”. It worked very well. No one grabbed me hard enough to hurt, and I don’t think anyone was offended. But I did have one bozo inform me I was wearing the wrong sort of wrist brace. :smack: Mind you, he didn’t bother to ask WHY I was wearing it. As best as I could tell, it was doing its job perfectly. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/17 "2016-06-29T17:43:06Z")
Probably he was a wrist brace salesman for a competitor of whomever manufactured your wrist brace… ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/18 "2016-06-29T17:49:27Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Simply treat me decently, with common ordinary respect. > > From the tone and number of these threads and polls, it seems men find this fucking hard to understand. > > Why this should be, I admit I find fucking hard to understand. Well, for starters, common ordinary respect is a pretty rare thing to begin with, in any gender. 🙂 But for my male perspective on why this is hard: imagine that 1% of all the door knobs in the world are wired up with electricity and will shock the crap out of you if you don’t open them just the right way. But there are two types of wired-up doorknobs and they shock you for different things. That’s what it’s like trying to figure out the “right thing” in these situations. For every 198/200 women who appreciate being treated normally or who at least understand a minor faux pas or two, there’s one who still thinks Victorian standards of etiquette must be observed and one who thinks you’re the personal representative of The Patriarchy, there to oppress and/or rape her. We never know who’s going to go crazy or exactly why they’re going crazy, but everyone seems to be clear that it’s the men who are the problem and so we’re always trying to figure out what the hell it is we’re doing wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/19 "2016-06-29T18:40:02Z")
I’m wondering if age is a factor in some of these differences of opinion. I’m a woman and I expect to shake hands when I meet new people in formal situations. At a party, a “Nice to meetya” or some variation also works. When I am traveling for work in other regions of the world, I try to be sensitive to cultural differences about when and how men and women should touch. I may, in the privacy of my own thoughts, occasionally stew about my perception that some of these differences **to me** are sexist. **dracoi** I feel ya. The world is full of crazy. The rest of us appreciate your consideration, however. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2016, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714/20 "2016-06-29T20:14:58Z")
> [@dracoi](#): > > Well, for starters, common ordinary respect is a pretty rare thing to begin with, in any gender. 🙂 > > But for my male perspective on why this is hard: imagine that 1% of all the door knobs in the world are wired up with electricity and will shock the crap out of you if you don’t open them just the right way. But there are two types of wired-up doorknobs and they shock you for different things. > > That’s what it’s like trying to figure out the “right thing” in these situations. For every 198/200 women who appreciate being treated normally or who at least understand a minor faux pas or two, there’s one who still thinks Victorian standards of etiquette must be observed and one who thinks you’re the personal representative of The Patriarchy, there to oppress and/or rape her. **We never know who’s going to go crazy or exactly why they’re going crazy, but everyone seems to be clear that it’s the men who are the problem** and so we’re always trying to figure out what the hell it is we’re doing wrong. See, this is the disingenuous part of your post. If a woman has truly “crazy” standards of behavior, such as insisting on Victorian formal introductions before handshaking, or saying a man offering a handshake is tantamount to sexual assault, her standards are crazy standards. NOBODY SANE is going to say that men are the problem as you have posted. The woman has crazy standards, and should be avoided if possible by everyone. Nobody in the world has ever been hauled before HR at their job over a handshake, or a single compliment on a blouse. That’s bullshit. Men, you can quit worrying about this now. These “Women, are You Offended by…” threads are just more “Bitches be Crazy” urban legend mongering. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-are-you-offended-when-a-man-tries-to-shake-your-hand/758714.md?page=2)