# Women, did you fantasize about your wedding as a child? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 12, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870 "2010-04-12T19:23:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/101 "2010-04-14T22:05:04Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Aren’t those for adults who are actually planning their real weddings? That was always my impression. I certainly didn’t know any little girls or even teen girls who bought wedding magazines. Maybe, probably, I have no real idea. I did take a hit for the team last night though; 24 in our local B&N, including one specific to San Francisco, one specific to So Cal, and one specific to black women called **Mocha Bride**. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/102 "2010-04-14T23:25:38Z")
> [@outlierrn](#): > > Maybe, probably, I have no real idea. I did take a hit for the team last night though; 24 in our local B&N, including one specific to San Francisco, one specific to So Cal, and one specific to black women called **Mocha Bride**. That’s awesome - were there companion magazines called **Caramel Bride** for latinas and **Vanilla Bride** for white ladies? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/103 "2010-04-14T23:44:07Z")
> [@Lamia](#): > > Maybe your “back in the day” was before mine (1990s), because this sounds really strange to me. I never knew anyone who bought a wedding magazine before actually becoming engaged, not unless they worked in the wedding industry or needed a magazine for some kind of art or media studies project. If some girl in high school had been buying wedding magazines just because she had a boyfriend, or without having a boyfriend, everyone would have thought she was either really pathetic or plain psycho. I don’t remember anything about weddings appearing in the mainstream teen girl magazines either. I graduated high school in 1996 and never heard of this either. I’ve actually been engaged before and have _still_ yet to buy a bridal magazine. My engagement didn’t last long enough to really get into the planning stage, so that’s why. I seriously think someone will think I’m psycho if I buy one of those things before I’m actually actively planning a wedding. I wouldn’t have dreamt of doing it in high school or college!! ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/104 "2010-04-14T23:52:41Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > I married the first time when I was 19… After that marriage broke up (thankfully, I survived it,) I made the rookie mistake of marrying the next guy who seemed interested in being married to me… After that, I remained militantly single for over five years. That ended last year. My husband wanted a small but traditional ceremony, because he’d only ever had a civil ceremony. Okay, small hijack here. Please don’t take offense at this **Lacunae** , this has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Ahem… How the hell can so many people manage to have _multiple_ marriages in such a short period of time and my 32 year old ass hasn’t managed to be married _once??!!_ I mean, I’ve had serious boyfriends. My SO now is the third man I’ve lived with. But still, never been married. Previous engagement? Total ruse. That marriage was never _actually_ going to happen, totally bought the ring to shut me up. It kills me, man. I am a smart, attractive, professional woman, or so I’ve been told. Never had any problems getting a boyfriend. But yet, no marriage. I have clients who are younger than me and on their second or third husband! Me? No sir! Not a one. WTF??? Not that I _want_ numerous husbands or to marry the wrong person for me or anything, but at least give me the opportunity to make the mistake! At least someone can _ask_, in all seriousness, for my hand in marriage. I feel like a freak or something! Whew. Felt good to get that off my chest. Please resume with the thread. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/105 "2010-04-15T05:12:33Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That’s awesome - were there companion magazines called **Caramel Bride** for latinas and **Vanilla Bride** for white ladies? 😃 **Latte Bride** , for Indians and Southeast Asians. There’d be a monthly column on how to reserve a hall for a thousand, what not to say when mic’d up 😛 > [@lezlers](#): > > I mean, I’ve had serious boyfriends. My SO now is the third man I’ve lived with. But still, never been married. Previous engagement? Total ruse. That marriage was never _actually_ going to happen, totally bought the ring to shut me up. It kills me, man. I am a smart, attractive, professional woman, or so I’ve been told. Never had any problems getting a boyfriend. But yet, no marriage. I have clients who are younger than me and on their second or third husband! Me? No sir! Not a one. WTF??? Not that I _want_ numerous husbands or to marry the wrong person for me or anything, but at least give me the opportunity to make the mistake! At least someone can _ask_, in all seriousness, for my hand in marriage. I feel like a freak or something! > > Whew. Felt good to get that off my chest. > > Please resume with the thread. Sorry to be harsh, but don’t move in before you’ve got a ring on your finger. It’s the whole “why buy the cow” argument. Sorry to be the one to tell you. If you get engaged or have a plan laid out of when to get engaged (and are putting it off because of timing/money, as we are), you won’t have a series of live-in boyfriends who don’t want to marry you. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/106 "2010-04-15T05:17:34Z")
Well, that’s a bit cynical. All of my married friends moved in together way before they got engaged. I wouldn’t want to marry a guy who would only marry me based on a theory about cows and milk, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/107 "2010-04-15T05:50:09Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Okay, small hijack here. Please don’t take offense at this **Lacunae** , this has nothing whatsoever to do with you. > > Ahem… > > How the hell can so many people manage to have _multiple_ marriages in such a short period of time and my 32 year old ass hasn’t managed to be married _once??!!_ > > I mean, I’ve had serious boyfriends. My SO now is the third man I’ve lived with. But still, never been married. Previous engagement? Total ruse. That marriage was never _actually_ going to happen, totally bought the ring to shut me up. It kills me, man. I am a smart, attractive, professional woman, or so I’ve been told. Never had any problems getting a boyfriend. But yet, no marriage. I have clients who are younger than me and on their second or third husband! Me? No sir! Not a one. WTF??? Not that I _want_ numerous husbands or to marry the wrong person for me or anything, but at least give me the opportunity to make the mistake! At least someone can _ask_, in all seriousness, for my hand in marriage. I feel like a freak or something! > > Whew. Felt good to get that off my chest. > > Please resume with the thread. My husband proposed when I was 34, I think, and that was my first proposal, too. Sometimes it takes a while to get this right. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Latte Bride** , for Indians and Southeast Asians. There’d be a monthly column on how to reserve a hall for a thousand, what not to say when mic’d up 😛 > \ That is also awesome, and kind of interesting. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/108 "2010-04-15T06:26:03Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > Well, that’s a bit cynical. All of my married friends moved in together way before they got engaged. Yes, but did they discuss marriage before they moved in? As in a “this is gonna happen at some point” thing first? Perhaps this issue is too near and dear to my heart; so many of our (the SO and my) friends seem to be moving in together too quickly, causing all sorts of awkward tension between people in our group. Some of the real gems have been “I kept my couch and all my stuff that’s not nailed down, in case we split up”. 😕 Another example is when one of them buys a house, the other pays the mortgage - the _whole_ mortgage… It’s become enough of a perplexing issue that I really just need to start a thread on it, asking why exactly people move in together if they’re not planning on forever or marriage. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > **Latte Bride** , for Indians and Southeast Asians. There’d be a monthly column on how to reserve a hall for a thousand, what not to say when mic’d up 😛 > [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > That is also awesome, and kind of interesting. 🙂 You have no idea how out of hand they can get. My parents became parents late in life, so most of their friends’ kids have been getting married the past few years, while I’m about 5-7 years out, right? Which is BAD, because they’re getting all sorts of horrible ideas from them for _mine_ (ohhhh **lindsaybluth** , of COURSE you want both Indian and Cuban food! Served by tuxedoed professionals in tutus! While carving ice sculptures! In the dead of winter!) Once last summer, they were late for a Sikh wedding and were _stuck behind the groom on a white stallion_. In the middle of DC, no less! In true American fashion, if there is a need, [a company will pop up to provide the service.](http://happytalespets.com/carriagerentals/indianwedding.html) ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/109 "2010-04-15T07:09:14Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Hell yes. I never played with dolls or House but you bet your ass I imagined my wedding. Well, if you had played with House as a young girl, I am sure you would quickly have had all that sentimentality browbeaten out of you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/110 "2010-04-15T12:26:27Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Sorry to be harsh, but don’t move in before you’ve got a ring on your finger. It’s the whole “why buy the cow” argument. Sorry to be the one to tell you. If you get engaged or have a plan laid out of when to get engaged (and are putting it off because of timing/money, as we are), you won’t have a series of live-in boyfriends who don’t want to marry you. That’s not being harsh. That’s being closed-minded and inexperienced. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/111 "2010-04-15T13:47:41Z")
I was a bit hormonal and dramatic yesterday. My SO and I have definately discussed marriage and I have been assured it _will_ happen. I’m just being bratty and impatient. We moved in together very quickly (5 months) and have only been together 8. My brain tells me to calm down and wait, my heart is acting like a second grader. After a _long_ series of toads I finally found my prince and I’m anxious to get on with the rest of the fairy tale. We’re both in our thirties, we both know it’s going to happen so let’s just do it already!!! Please don’t flame, I am well aware of how unreasonable I am with the timing. 😃 Hijack over. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/112 "2010-04-15T14:12:45Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > My brain tells me to calm down and wait, my heart is acting like a second grader. Oh, I hear that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/113 "2010-04-15T14:34:04Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Okay, small hijack here. Please don’t take offense at this **Lacunae** , this has nothing whatsoever to do with you. > > Ahem… > > How the hell can so many people manage to have _multiple_ marriages in such a short period of time and my 32 year old ass hasn’t managed to be married _once??!!_ > > I mean, I’ve had serious boyfriends. My SO now is the third man I’ve lived with. But still, never been married. Previous engagement? Total ruse. That marriage was never _actually_ going to happen, totally bought the ring to shut me up. It kills me, man. I am a smart, attractive, professional woman, or so I’ve been told. Never had any problems getting a boyfriend. But yet, no marriage. I have clients who are younger than me and on their second or third husband! Me? No sir! Not a one. WTF??? Not that I _want_ numerous husbands or to marry the wrong person for me or anything, but at least give me the opportunity to make the mistake! At least someone can _ask_, in all seriousness, for my hand in marriage. I feel like a freak or something! > > Whew. Felt good to get that off my chest. > > Please resume with the thread. I know you’re being a bit “hormonal” and “dramatic” here, but let me make some reassuring noises in your direction: It’s much, much better to take your time and marry the right guy the _first_ time than to “survive” the first marriage, marry again on the rebound, and then remain militantly single for 6 years before finding the right man to marry. Cheaper, easier on the psyche and the wallet, etc. You’ll have fewer regrets, not to mention more time to plan a wedding (and you’ll be old enough to have developed the balls to say absolutely no butt-bows!) ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/114 "2010-04-15T14:50:14Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Oh, I hear that. 😃 Right, being hormonal and acting like a second-grader is being encouraged, while a logical albeit unpopular argument is…inexperienced. Awesome! :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/115 "2010-04-15T14:53:24Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I was a bit hormonal and dramatic yesterday. My SO and I have definately discussed marriage and I have been assured it _will_ happen. I’m just being bratty and impatient. We moved in together very quickly (5 months) and have only been together 8. My brain tells me to calm down and wait, my heart is acting like a second grader. After a _long_ series of toads I finally found my prince and I’m anxious to get on with the rest of the fairy tale. We’re both in our thirties, we both know it’s going to happen so let’s just do it already!!! > > Please don’t flame, I am well aware of how unreasonable I am with the timing. 😃 Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Though I was too chicken to get the assurance that it would happen… In fact, my experience with hating still being (technically) “single” affected my wedding. While I was going out with Mr. Neville and waiting for him to ask me to marry him, I hated the bouquet toss at weddings. I didn’t like admitting that I was still single. I don’t think you should put other people through something you yourself dislike unless you know they like it, so we didn’t do the bouquet toss at my wedding. I had already decided not to do the garter toss, since I think that can too easily turn tasteless. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/116 "2010-04-15T14:55:02Z")
> [@lindsaybluth](#): > > Right, being hormonal and acting like a second-grader is being encouraged, while a logical albeit unpopular argument is…inexperienced. Awesome! :rolleyes: There’s nothing logical about sexist twaddle about “the cow.” Your entire dataset appears to be your group of friends, so excuse the fuck out of me if I think your snotty attitude is about as worthwhile as a stick in the eye. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/117 "2010-04-15T14:55:40Z")
I think **jsgoddess** was just being sympathetic. I meant my heart is acting like a second grader in the “I wanna get married _nooowwwww_!!!” sense, even though I know it’s soon and totally unreasonable for me to be so impatient at this point in my relationship. As far as living together before an engagement, I just couldn’t do it, although I do see your point. You never really know someone until you’re living together, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable signing up for a life long commitment without going on a “test run.” ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/118 "2010-04-15T15:03:36Z")
Doh! I meant NOT living together before an engagement. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/119 "2010-04-15T15:03:41Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > I think **jsgoddess** was just being sympathetic. I meant my heart is acting like a second grader in the “I wanna get married _nooowwwww_!!!” sense, even though I know it’s soon and totally unreasonable for me to be so impatient at this point in my relationship. I would think that all of us have been in similar situations. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2010, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870/120 "2010-04-15T15:05:34Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > You never really know someone until you’re living together I disagree. Or, rather, I disagree that living together is any kind of guarantee that you do know them. People change, sometimes in ways that are surprising even to people who know them very well. Some people change when they get married, some change when they have kids, some change when something about their job changes, and some change just out of the blue. Even if you’ve been married to or living with someone for a very long time, they can still throw you for a loop. Life just doesn’t come with guarantees, especially not of “happily ever after”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-did-you-fantasize-about-your-wedding-as-a-child/535870.md?page=7)