# Women, do certain words (female, ma'am, hysterical) bother you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 17, 2009, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967 "2009-11-17T23:24:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/21 "2009-11-18T02:06:53Z")
I’m pretty hard to offend, I guess; none of these words gets me worked up. The female as a noun thing is used commonly by military people, and I always find it amusing. It just sounds odd to me. But offensive? No. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/22 "2009-11-18T02:07:23Z")
I hate to be called Ma’am because it makes me feel old. It isn’t exactly offensive, though it takes a LOT to offend me. It’s all in how the words are used. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/23 "2009-11-18T02:09:25Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > I don’t care for the word “gal” used as a handle for a low-ranking clerical person. I haven’t heard it for awhile, but a familar phrase might have been “Have the gal run down and get me a cup of coffee”, or “Let’s hire a part-time gal to answer the phones”. This despite the fact that the woman in question might have been of an age to get hot flashes. > > A woman attorney would never have been called a “gal” if someone spoke of her in connection with her job. What if someone referred to any of these people (not in connection to their job duties) by saying, “_She’s a terrific gal_!”? ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/24 "2009-11-18T02:12:30Z")
The only people I’ve heard using female as a noun have been Black men, as in “There were so many females at that party.” It always sounds very odd because I \*never \*hear them saying “So I was with some males…” ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/25 "2009-11-18T02:25:45Z")
I don’t like grown women referred to as “girls”. Girls, to me, are young females under the age of, say, 18. When you are a female over the age of 18, you really aren’t a girl any more. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/26 "2009-11-18T02:27:23Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > “Female”-as-a-noun bothers me. I don’t find it offensive, exactly, but it tells me something about the person who is using it that way and that person’s attitudes toward women, and that something is not positive. “Female” as an adjective can also take on some weird overtones. > > “Lady,” depending on how it’s being said, can rub me the wrong way. I can co-sign this. Maybe it’s because I once knew this freakshow who would always refer to women (this is the preferred term, folks) as “females” in this sort of leering, off-putting way. Perhaps it’s unfair, but ever since, people who use it in non-clinical (or non-clinical-like) settings always strike me as Mayor-of-Creepsville, I-am-a-scientist-of-the-wimmins type lecher. ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/27 "2009-11-18T04:35:17Z")
I’m okay with “ma’am,” “miss,” or whatever. I’ve heard many women in the north get offended at “ma’am,” but I’m as northern as they get and it doesn’t bother me at all. What I hate is “broad.” As in “boy, that broad’s sure fine-looking, ain’t she?” Don’t really hear it too much anymore, though, so that’s good. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/28 "2009-11-18T04:53:45Z")
I have a coworker who is somewhere around sixty, and she sometimes refers to us in the office as “the girls.” It irritates the hell out of me. It’s so old-fashioned! Somehow “the girls” makes me feel like we are all there simply to be decorative and to fetch coffee for the men (whose offices are in a different part of the building, but whatever). If I call you ma’am when I am working with you on the phone, I am trying to be extra-polite (perhaps you come across as really formal to me or something), or I have noticed you are from the South and that’s where my first customer service jobs were so I by Og ma’am and sir Southerners because it’s expected. No sarcasm ever intended. ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/29 "2009-11-18T05:49:15Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Ma’am, but only because I’m far, far too young to be called “ma’am!” (I’m only 31, dammit!) Hey \*\*Guinastasia \*\*can you help me out here? I try hard to be polite. I say sir to all men from 18 on up, my waiter, a clerk at the grocery store, whoever. I was taught to say Ma’am to ladies. How should I address you (I’m 41)? If I say Miss, I’m afraid of sounding condescending, something like “little missy” in my mind. Ms. only works if you know the last name, as in Ms. Jones. “Lady” sounds even ruder. This has been bugging me for some time now. I can probably still use Ma’am for ladies that are clearly older than me, but, alarmingly, there seems to be more and more fully adult women that are younger than me. What would work in the following sentences: “Pardon me [\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_] your car’s left brake light is burned out.” or “Yes, [\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_], you are going the right way to get to the food court” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/30 "2009-11-18T05:52:12Z")
None of the words exemplified in the OP offend me, but I wonder: don’t those people who see “female” as objectifying complain about “woman,” too? The only times I’ve heard “male” and “female” as nouns they were in stuff along the lines of official documents, cop reports etc. Since the two terms are being used equally, I don’t find it offensive. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/31 "2009-11-18T06:37:59Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > What’s wrong with female as an adjective? I can’t think of anything weird about that one. In a technical or clinical paper or presentation (e.g., “In our experimental trial, 40% of the female patients responded positively…”), female seems appropriate. In casual conversation, it can sometimes, not always, strike me as an odd construction, especially when it’s spoken with a certain tone. To **Nava** , a “woman” is human. A “female” may not be, it isn’t even necessarily alive. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/32 "2009-11-18T07:37:55Z")
Yeah, but a “woman” is defined by her position in reference to a man. Like I said, the times I’ve encountered “female” as a noun, “male” was being used in the same fashion; last I checked, “male” doesn’t imply “human” either - it’s the context that does. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/33 "2009-11-18T08:23:58Z")
I had no idea that anyone found ma’am offensive until I saw an episode of The West Wing where Allison Janey’s character CJ gets annoyed at it: “Did he just ma’am me?” It was silly, as (if I recall correctly) she had just become White House Chief of Staff, a very powerful position. I was raised to use it as the female equal to “sir”. If you are going to take offense at an honest effort to be polite and respectful, that is your own problem. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/34 "2009-11-18T13:53:11Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > To **Nava** , a “woman” is human. A “female” may not be, it isn’t even necessarily alive. By that rationale, a woman or man isn’t necessarily even alive, though. I also don’t get all this “a female isn’t necessarily human/alive”–like just because this word can describe things that are dead or animals, does that make it an offensive word? ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/35 "2009-11-18T14:03:47Z")
> [@trupa](#): > > Hey \*\*Guinastasia \*\*can you help me out here? I try hard to be polite. I say sir to all men from 18 on up, my waiter, a clerk at the grocery store, whoever. I was taught to say Ma’am to ladies. How should I address you (I’m 41)? If I say Miss, I’m afraid of sounding condescending, something like “little missy” in my mind. Ms. only works if you know the last name, as in Ms. Jones. “Lady” sounds even ruder. This has been bugging me for some time now. I can probably still use Ma’am for ladies that are clearly older than me, but, alarmingly, there seems to be more and more fully adult women that are younger than me. What would work in the following sentences: > > “Pardon me [\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_] your car’s left brake light is burned out.” > > or > > “Yes, [\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_], you are going the right way to get to the food court” Not the person the question was addressed to, but: “Miss” is fine for your example #1, esp. if you use the exact same tone of voice that you’d use to say it to a guy with the word “Sir.” #2 – why do you need anything in that blank? (Seriously.) ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/36 "2009-11-18T14:16:07Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > By that rationale, a woman or man isn’t necessarily even alive, though. I also don’t get all this “a female isn’t necessarily human/alive”–like just because this word can describe things that are dead or animals, does that make it an offensive word? In my first post, I said not offensive, so that question is not relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/37 "2009-11-18T14:17:52Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Yeah, but a “woman” is defined by her position in reference to a man. How so? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/38 "2009-11-18T14:33:10Z")
I have slowly gotten used to ma’am, but up here in the north, there definitely is a time when you feel the switch from “miss” to “ma’am” and it means you are now old to the people calling you it. Mature, as they say. Mine came right around 30 and I clearly remember the feeling. Hysterical, well people do get hysterical, but I hate when people call a woman hysterical just because she is a woman, when no doubt a man would be freaking out in a similar situation. Female? This bothers people? ---
**Author:** ![otternell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecc23a/32.png) [@otternell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otternell)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/39 "2009-11-18T14:50:10Z")
Hon - I hate hon. As in the condescending “you got that ok hon?” gggrrrrrrr. husband does this just cause it makes me mad. I don’t even like it when its said by other women. No problem with “female”, “woman”, “lady”, “ma’am” (though I agree that it makes me feel old), “miss” (borderline, I am too old to be a miss unfortunately). **Anaamika** explained the issue between Ma’am and Miss exactly right. Don’t really care for: “girls” (unless its said in terms of a “girls nite out” and not in a condescending way, context and tone mean a lot on this one), “broad”, “chick”, and the “c” word makes me see red. Bitch is ok if the person in question (including myself) is acting like a bitch (its fun to call men bitches, they don’t like that at all). Its not cool if its just about someone’s gender. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967/40 "2009-11-18T14:56:34Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > In another thread, a doper was taken to task for using the word “Ma’am” to address a fellow doper. And in other situations, I’ve heard women balk at the word “hysterical” (because of its roots, it’s considered offensive even today) and “female” because it otherizes women…or something. I don’t know, makes them out to be a different species. I think it’s using female as a noun that bothers people–so female doctor or female lawyer is fine. But saying, “I saw two females” is considered by some to be offensive. I can see why some people don’t like “hysterical”, but the word itself doesn’t bother me. Ma’am is tricky - it’s not impolite by any means, I think it’s an age thing - ma’am seems like a word you use when you’re talking to a woman sigificantly older than yourself, so I think it makes people feel old when it’s used towards them. I don’t think it’s offensive though. Female, the word, is fine. But some men use it oddly - “I can’t relate to females”, that sort of thing. It does make them seem like they think women are some sort of whole other species, and that women are basically all the same. You don’t really hear people use the word male in the same way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-do-certain-words-female-maam-hysterical-bother-you/517967.md?page=3)