# Women Dopers - How Do you Read this Situation ? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 28, 2019, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138 "2019-11-28T19:07:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 8:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/81 "2019-12-20T08:32:36Z")
I don’t believe a word of any of this, but I was amused by the image of supposedly grown up man and woman hugging for an hour, then cuddling for an hour. Then heavy petting? What sort of teenage fantasy crap is this? ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/82 "2019-12-20T08:49:43Z")
You are all right about this : I screwed up royally and I am entirely responsible for what is happening to me. But I knew it already. Don’t think that I was trying to blame anyone but myself. I _am_ an asshole and an idiot but I do have some sense of decency left. For the record, a(nother) coworker put me in touch with someone who is leaving the country for the holidays, so I may have a place to stay for the next 3 weeks. I’ve also already listed a number of apartments that I will visit in the coming days. You know, all this is so unexpected in way. I’ve worked here for almost 16 years and had never been in a situation remotely like this. My life used to be simple : I was always the reliable, friendly but quiet guy who got the job done, keeps mostly to himself and doesn’t socialize much. Work, then go back home immediately. My marriage was never a happy one but it was ok, ok enough not to start pulling shit like this. However, when it started getting really bad about two years ago, I guess that something snapped in me. And this is the result. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/83 "2019-12-20T13:28:18Z")
What sort of self flagellation causes you to continue to post in this thread? (And what sort of perverse voyeurism urges me to keep reading it?!) ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/84 "2019-12-20T14:08:34Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > What sort of self flagellation causes you to continue to post in this thread? (And what sort of perverse voyeurism urges me to keep reading it?!) That’s the human condition for you. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/85 "2019-12-20T14:32:41Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > What sort of self flagellation causes you to continue to post in this thread? (And what sort of perverse voyeurism urges me to keep reading it?!) I really want to know if Future Ex-Wife knew she was future Ex-Wife, or if OP had come to that conclusion but hadn’t told her, but then decided she knew, anyway, so it made all this okay. Like “Deep down inside mom knows I am the one stealing money from her purse, but she pretends not to notice, so really, it’s her fault”. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/86 "2019-12-20T17:50:26Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > I don’t believe a word of any of this, but I was amused by the image of supposedly grown up man and woman hugging for an hour, then cuddling for an hour. Then heavy petting? What sort of teenage fantasy crap is this? That is really beyond belief or you? It has to be fantasy? You can think I’m spinning some teen age fantasy but the same thing happened to me, in my 20s. I was, ummm, fooling around with a girl who lived with her boyfriend. It happens because you’re both pretending to just be really close friends at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/87 "2019-12-20T17:55:13Z")
\*\*Les Espaces Du Sommeil’s \*\*, when I decided it was time for me to move out, I picked up my stuff from the lawn and got a little efficiency motel room. Once I was moved in, I began looking for a rental. Eventually I bought a house. Good luck, and Happy Holidays! ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/88 "2019-12-20T20:21:20Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > … It happens because you’re both pretending to just be really close friends at the moment. This. Exactly this. I understand that a lot of my story sounds too weird to be true, but I’m not making this up. And since this has really affected me emotionally and English isn’t my mother tongue, it is possible that some nuances were lost in translation. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/89 "2019-12-20T21:13:38Z")
Your story does sound a little strange, but it’s believable. Look, if you want friends-with-benefits relationship, go for it. Most people need their itches scratched from time to time. As long as you realize that the relationship may have severe limitations. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2019, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/90 "2019-12-20T21:15:34Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I really want to know if Future Ex-Wife knew she was future Ex-Wife, or if OP had come to that conclusion but hadn’t told her, but then decided she knew, anyway, so it made all this okay. Like “Deep down inside mom knows I am the one stealing money from her purse, but she pretends not to notice, so really, it’s her fault”. She knew. We had talked about this on a daily basis for weeks, long before Sandra entered the picture, and had written a draft agreement for the important things (custody, finances, etc.). ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/91 "2019-12-21T04:58:10Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > Also, how can you be kicked out of your own house? That’s the part of this treatment for a future screenplay which a good director would cause the audience to overlook this and just go along with it. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/92 "2019-12-21T05:00:39Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > This. You talk about spending ‘all day’ talking with this other employee often. Doesn’t this interfere with getting your work done? And now you’ve prominently shown you’re less interested in your job than in flirting with this woman, at a company event even. > > Don’t you think your employer is taking note of this? And less than happy about it? > > Having ‘no place to live’ AND ‘no job’ is an awful one-two punch to set yourself up for. No, it doesn’t. You’ve watched Seinfeld right? The characters are able to pop in and out of Jerry’s apartment regardless of the time of day or evening. Light hearted rom-coms are like this. Boy meets girl, boy breaks up with girl, comes together in the end with a rock power ballad playing loudly at the end. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/93 "2019-12-21T05:03:33Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > What sort of self flagellation causes you to continue to post in this thread? (And what sort of perverse voyeurism urges me to keep reading it?!) Don’t blame yourself. What’s on cable these days mostly sucks. So with a little polish and a good script doctor this could very well be Sandra Bullock’s next movie project. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/94 "2019-12-21T05:06:23Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I really want to know if Future Ex-Wife knew she was future Ex-Wife, or if OP had come to that conclusion but hadn’t told her, but then decided she knew, anyway, so it made all this okay. Like “Deep down inside mom knows I am the one stealing money from her purse, but she pretends not to notice, so really, it’s her fault”. Now see, you are pointing out a plot hole. Because they were already planning that, why should she care what he is doing at this point. That’s the flaw in the future ex-wife’s character, she is so controlling she doesn’t want him to be happy. This in turn makes him much more sympathetic, and much more deserving of Sandra Bullock’s character. ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/95 "2019-12-21T05:09:24Z")
> [@bucketybuck](#): > > I don’t believe a word of any of this, but I was amused by the image of supposedly grown up man and woman hugging for an hour, then cuddling for an hour. Then heavy petting? What sort of teenage fantasy crap is this? Oh, come on. Is that what you’re going to shout out loud in the movie theater ruining the story for everyone? ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/96 "2019-12-21T05:14:40Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > That is really beyond belief or you? It has to be fantasy? You can think I’m spinning some teen age fantasy but the same thing happened to me, in my 20s. I was, ummm, **fooling around with a girl who lived with her boyfriend**. It happens because you’re both pretending to just be really close friends at the moment. This would only be a good modern rom-com if you are a girl fooling around with the girl who lived with her boyfriend. Then it has all these other possibilities to the story. Who finds out first? Do they tell each other? Do they get caught in the act? Is there a hint at a threesome? And who is the parent of the young kid that’s wise beyond his years that gives the adults advice who’s a male version of Lisa Simpson? ---
**Author:** ![edwardcoast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cab0a1/32.png) [@edwardcoast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwardcoast)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/97 "2019-12-21T05:17:22Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > This. Exactly this. > > I understand that a lot of my story sounds too weird to be true, but I’m not making this up. And since this has really affected me emotionally and English isn’t my mother tongue, it is possible that some nuances were **lost in translation**. That movie title has already been taken. Your English is fine. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/98 "2019-12-21T06:48:50Z")
In a rather hopeless quest, I’m trying to keep this straight: from your OP: > [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > Sorry, rambling post. > > In the past month, I’ve spent a lot of time with a new female colleague. I had begun to think that she was showing some romantic interest in me. Now, it seems that I was wrong about it, but I really don’t know what to think. and as someone linked earlier in this thread, you have this from July, talking about something going on from at least a year ago. > [@On Hetero-normative Dating: The Woman Makes the First Move](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/on-hetero-normative-dating-the-woman-makes-the-first-move/836227/48): > > So, after some inner deliberation, I suggested we had a drink together. Her face lit up immediately and she said yes three times in a row. Well, that was supposed to be today. I dropped by her office twice and she wasn’t there. No voice mail or email to cancel either. I finally sent her a neutral mail an hour later and she answered almost immediately with what sounds like “plausible BS”. > > Seriously, I’m too old for this kind s\*\*\*. I cannot avoid her completely as our company isn’t that big, but the problem is that she is so much my type it’s ridiculous, about my age and usually so affectionate when we meet that I just can’t help falling for it. If only she could be clear about all of this once and for all. It doesn’t matter whether it’s “yes” or “no”, anything would be much better than this constant hesitation. And I know I could ask her, but it would be awkward for many reasons. > > If the dust ever settles without a clear answer, I’ll start a thread with a poll on the whole thing 😃 . Is Sandra the same as this second woman? Or are there just an endless stream of women coworkers with mixed signals at your office? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/99 "2019-12-21T06:58:04Z")
> [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](#): > > She knew. We had talked about this on a daily basis for weeks, long before Sandra entered the picture, and had written a draft agreement for the important things (custody, finances, etc.). Oh, god. There are children. This escalation scares me. Dude, drop the office hottie. Lock your office door if you have to. Spend time with wife. Discuss how to make this better/easier for the children. And for gods sake don’t date, cuddle or get involved with anyone for at least a year. Put your kids first. Mr.Happy will wait his turn. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2019, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138/100 "2019-12-21T15:50:29Z")
I scrolled all the way back and re-read the O.P. but with “Oh, yeah, and I’m married with children” running loudly over it. Kinda colors my perception a bit differently, yanno? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-dopers-how-do-you-read-this-situation/844138.md?page=6)