# Women feeling the need to reference their boyfriends (to reassure themselves?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 1, 2015, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-feeling-the-need-to-reference-their-boyfriends-to-reassure-themselves/711505 "2015-02-01T11:46:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2015, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-feeling-the-need-to-reference-their-boyfriends-to-reassure-themselves/711505/101 "2015-02-13T00:56:12Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > This isn’t a man versus woman thing. It’s a basic human being thing. > > The OP took an innocuous, probably meaningless comment from a store clerk and decided it was actually some kind of emotionally loaded secret code that’s really all about him. And that secret message happens to be about how amazingly attractive he is that he stops strangers in their tracks with guilt about how much they secretly want to bone him. > > When it was pointed out that “I have a boyfriend” usually means “I don’t want to have sex with you” rather than “I really want to have sex with you,” the OP went on a classic, passive aggressive whine, throwing in a few comments that show some pretty classic “issues” with women. > > This isn’t about hitting on women or not hitting on women. This is about projecting self-absorbed fantasy and then defending that fantasy rather than listening to people. Or not. Some women advertise the ‘fact’ that they have a bf to show that they are not losers who can’t get a man, thus, insuring their market value. Even some hot women do this, to let the new guy know that they are hot properties. If the man gets over that hurdle, the woman sometimes will then say “Well, we’re not that serious” and is actually open to a date/relationship. Not totally uncommon. Unfortunately, in a sales situation, it’s extremely difficult for a male to discern what the true intent is. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2015, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-feeling-the-need-to-reference-their-boyfriends-to-reassure-themselves/711505/102 "2015-02-14T01:45:24Z")
> [@Aeschines](#): > > There could have been some very subtle, unintentional primate eye contact/interaction that caused the phenomenon I described. You may think it’s not obvious, but slobbering isn’t actually subtle, you know. 😃 > [@](#): > > The hostility toward/issues with women thing is funny. I guess the hostile in question would see any guy describing any negative dating/mating issue as such. I am not butch at all, basically a metro, and most of my friends are women and gay guys. > > It’s been fun. I guess I’ll talk about “stuff” on the SDMB instead of myself, seeing as lots of people have the time and inclination to shit-pound anybody who dares to open up. As a zillion people have pointed out, you took what everyone else is saying is the least likely outcome and running with it. Of course you’re going to get pushback. Funny, I was just thinking about this thread today. I was at Subway and the not unattractive Western woman ahead of me in line was also attempting to order in English. When she looked my way, we made eye contact so we chatted briefly, as fellow Westerners often do in Taiwan. When I asked what she was doing here, she replied "We’re here for work, I work at the AIT (which functions as the embassy). Did she say “we” because: 1. Some people say things without it meaning too much. 2. To gently head off any pickup attempt. 3. To keep herself from attacking me then and there in the store? ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2015, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-feeling-the-need-to-reference-their-boyfriends-to-reassure-themselves/711505/103 "2015-02-14T01:53:46Z")
She was telling you she is there with a significant other. You should have asked her if this guy was real or not. Otherwise, you are as guilty of being a creepy rapist as the OP. IOW, no one knows jack shit and it’s all people projecting their past experience onto the OP. An utter shit show, quite frankly. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2015, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-feeling-the-need-to-reference-their-boyfriends-to-reassure-themselves/711505/104 "2015-02-14T03:49:49Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > This isn’t a man versus woman thing. It’s a basic human being thing. I think one thing that hasn’t been touched on is that men can do it too, and it’s often done in exchange or response, as a human social code. I give the cashier a smile and we chat a bit, she happens to mention at she has a boyfriend, so as to politely forestall me trying to get her phone number, which probably happens a dozen ea day. No big deal, I counter by dropping a mention of my wife, and we’ve satisfied ourselves that the code’s been observed and nobody’s made an unwelcome move, embarrassed themselves by misreading signals, or had to make an awkward rejection. We might even be safe for a bit of harmless flirting, now that we both know that there are no real stakes on the table. Human codes are funny in just how much they can convey in a couple of words. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-feeling-the-need-to-reference-their-boyfriends-to-reassure-themselves/711505.md?page=5)