# Women - how often do you experience catcalls? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 31, 2020, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937 "2020-07-31T20:17:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/81 "2020-08-01T20:14:20Z")
I notice one guy in the picture blatantly grabbing his dick. Yeah, that’s classy. I’d sure like that to happen to me. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/82 "2020-08-01T20:20:40Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > There are women who respond positively to catcalling. A guy may never get a girlfriend with his catcalling. But if 1 out of 10 girls smiles and playfully catcalls back, then he’ll probably feel compelled to keep doing it. I’ve certainly never catcalled, but I don’t think the “positively” or “playfully” are required. An angry response is still a response. Getting cussed out by an angry, attractive woman sounds like a big win from their perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/83 "2020-08-01T20:56:58Z")
I’ve never catcalled a woman and completely understand why the vast majority of women don’t want to be on the receiving end of such boorishness. I’ve told this story on the Dope before: my sister was once walking down an airport concourse and noticed a man walking towards her from the other direction, looking at her oddly. She thought it might be someone who knew her, but she didn’t recognize him. As they drew even and passed each other, he said cheerily, without breaking his stride, “Nice tits!” She was taken aback at first but then laughed - as she has in telling the story since. But my sister is not like most women. > [@filmore](#): > > Jerry Seinfeld’s take on this behavior, which is basically honking at women is the only thing a guy with one brain cell can think to do: > > [https://youtu.be/WTbNtO0hZsk?t=39](https://youtu.be/WTbNtO0hZsk?t=39) Ha! Perfect - thanks. > [@filmore](#): > > …There’s a famous picture you may have seen called “An American Girl in Italy”… I first saw that photo years ago (there’s an Italian restaurant not far from here which displays it), and was glad to learn the story behind it. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/84 "2020-08-01T21:39:04Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I did compliment girls sometimes. I was taught it was a good way to start a conversation. OK. I’m seeing that we need to clarify terms. “You play guitar beautifully.” “That was a really good point you made during the discussion.” “Your casserole was very nice-- it seems to be the only thing at the potluck with no leftovers.” “Would you study with me? You are doing so well in class, and I’m struggling.” “Your advice on selecting a good auto mechanic was spot-on.” Those are all compliments. “That dress looks lovely on you” is also a compliment, especially if it is followed by something like “you have exquisite taste.” “Hey baby! I’ll bet you swallow!” is not a compliment. Neither is “Nice ass-- can I have a ride?” nor “I get off at six! Meet me behind Chipotle’s!” Wolf whistles are not compliments. “You look like you could go all night!” is not a compliment. If you can see the difference, you have no excuse for ever crossing the line. If you cannot see the difference, then stop “complimenting” women right now. The next thing you should say to a woman should be "Please help me to understand what things I do that are hurtful so I can stop doing them. She should probably have some letters after her name, like MSW, or PhD. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/85 "2020-08-01T22:39:26Z")
> [@RivkahChaya](#): > > “You play guitar beautifully.” “That was a really good point you made during the discussion.” “Your casserole was very nice-- it seems to be the only thing at the potluck with no leftovers.” “Would you study with me? You are doing so well in class, and I’m struggling.” “Your advice on selecting a good auto mechanic was spot-on.” > > Those are all compliments. > > “That dress looks lovely on you” is also a compliment, especially if it is followed by something like “you have exquisite taste.” I’ll add to that that while there certainly are social contexts in which “that dress looks lovely on you” is an acceptable compliment, there are others in which it’s not. At a high school dance, or a family wedding, or a party with friends? Almost certainly OK. In a work meeting, or a professional presentation, or to the grocery clerk? Almost certainly not OK. You’re supposed to be noticing the work being done (or not being done), not the appearance of the person doing it. – if the professional context is modeling the dress in question, of course, that would be a different matter. To a random stranger on the subway? Don’t. Just don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/86 "2020-08-01T23:10:22Z")
There is also a huge difference between “That shirt looks good on you” and “I like that shirt” when the shirt has a design on it you like. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/87 "2020-08-01T23:21:28Z")
Oh, and re: where in OC - the kid lives in Rancho San Margaritaville - or some similar silly SoCal name! 😉 Impresses me as a reasonably upscale area. Which might play into my ignorant bias. I think I imagined catcalls as of a certain “culture.” The apocryphal construction worker, or working class guy alone a city street. Not among suburbia. But I guess low class gents can drive anywhere. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2020, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/88 "2020-08-01T23:23:27Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Not among suburbia. But I guess low class gents can drive anywhere. Low class gents live everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/89 "2020-08-02T00:21:39Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Do you think she is unaware of that? Should she do a double-take and say “Holy shit, you’re right! What are the odds?”? I’ve been waiting for another time someone calls me fat or a fat bitch (hasn’t happened in awhile, but it’s happened multiple times) so I can pause, look down at myself, and say, “HOLY SHIT! I am! Man, who knew???” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/90 "2020-08-02T00:46:09Z")
I know a woman who said, “When you insult me, I know I have no reason to listen to you anymore.” ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/91 "2020-08-02T01:59:30Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Oh, and re: where in OC - the kid lives in Rancho San Margaritaville - or some similar silly SoCal name! 😉 Impresses me as a reasonably upscale area. Rancho Santa Margarita. It’s a planned community, and, yeah, on the upscale side. It’s actually named after an old rancho that was in San Diego county. So, the name is somewhat historically accurate. A bit geographically inaccurate. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/93 "2020-08-02T05:40:20Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > On a very rare occasion, I might say something to a woman I don’t know like, “Those are cool shoes” if they have some funky boots on. Or if they have a message T, I might say, “I like your shirt.” My perception is that that has never been received inappropriately, but I may be mistaken. Of course, I am in my late-50s, and when doing so, I consciously make sure nothing about my body language, eye contact, tone of voice is aggressive. … It’s not really about how aggressive you are; it’s that you have now made our friendship weird, and I have to put my guard up with you because once you have made a personal comment, my mind immediately goes to, “What is this guy wanting from me?” You want to compliment me on my funny t-shirt, and that’s it; other guys use it as an opening to start hitting on me, so I have to go into guarded mode with you now. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/94 "2020-08-02T05:42:35Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](#): > > I don’t get catcalls anymore, now that I’m in my fifties. But I just want to add that what women feel about catcalls may not necessarily be fear. When I was in my prime, I got my share of unwanted male attention, and what I usually felt was anger and resentment. “Goddammit, I have to go through this **again???** God, what a fucking jackass!!” > > A few times, I did feel fear, but only if the guy started following me. A couple of times, guys whipped their dicks out, and followed me. Nothing happened, but yeah, it’s not something you would call a compliment. > > This all happened years ago, and I can still feel anger constricting my gut about it… > > I’ll say it again. No, guys. Women DO NOT secretly love the attention. She thinks you’re an asshole. Nope, catcalls are not compliments. Regardless of the actual words used, when guys catcall women, what they are saying is, “I want to stick my dick in you!” ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/95 "2020-08-02T05:47:25Z")
In a guy’s mind that is a compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/96 "2020-08-02T05:49:09Z")
> [@chela](#): > > Meh, I keep my opinions to myself mostly and it’s been years since I lived in S Fla where vocal jerks were everywhere. Still I get an occasional very odd remark usually from a much older man. The guy who smacked his lips while saying milk milk milk and looking at my chest, and the old duffer who followed me around the store trying to sniff me idfk what their problem is. Dementia I guess. Weirdos get old too. A couple of years ago, my old neighbour down the block told me, “I don’t mean to be rude, but you have a nice bottom.” I think about this and get uncomfortable every single time I walk past that house now. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/97 "2020-08-02T05:52:20Z")
> [@pool](#): > > In a guy’s mind that is a compliment. I and every woman in this thread and every woman in your life don’t give a shit what the men think; we want you to understand how we feel about this and stop doing it to us. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/98 "2020-08-02T05:53:42Z")
You don’t speak for all women. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/99 "2020-08-02T05:56:15Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > and every woman in this thread and every woman in your life don’t give a shit what the men think; we want you to understand how we feel about this and stop doing it to us. > [@pool](#): > > You don’t speak for all women. **Cat\_Whisperer** can speak for this one. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/100 "2020-08-02T06:16:07Z")
I’ve never understood the mentality of the guys doing it. They can’t be living under a rock large enough to blind themselves to the cultural fact that far more women than men are assessed visually by the (conventionally defined) opposite sex and, if found attractive, informed of it. Even if you assume for the sake of argument that the women in question aren’t offended by it, threatened by it, annoyed by it, etc, and even extending that so far as to claim (without support) that the women feel good when it happens, it still remains true that for any given woman that any given man feels visual attraction towards, it doesn’t make him unique, special, unusual, or, therefore, remotely interesting as an individual when he expresses this. And that’s the absolute best case scenario I can conjure up for him. That he isn’t being an asshole and is merely failing to distinguish himself in any meaningful manner. Meanwhile, a notion you also can’t easily miss without having been under that same rock all your life, women (girls even) find it invasive and annoying. Even if they want to be found attractive, that doesn’t translate into they want to be found attractive _by you_. I get maybe 2% of what female-presenting people get and even the quantity that I get is offputting more often than not. A huge portion of the public attention that I get is hostile putdown expressed as sexual appreciation, but that’s also true for the ordinary cis female folks getting those reactions. It’s not warm. It’s hostile, it has the feel of being put in one’s place. I can relate, and I can’t imagine how awful it’d be to get the amount I’m exposed to magnified by a factor of 50. Ugh!!! ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2020, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937/101 "2020-08-02T06:21:03Z")
I’d wager a good number of both men and women on this very board would not have ever been born if it had not been for if not catcalling per se, then unwanted flirtation. I’ve heard tons of stories of how older couples met and very often it’s really not that charming, and the woman was hesitant for quite a while but the man was persistent. It’s the nature of the beast so to speak, if men were not a little overbearing and aggressive then it would be the end of the human race. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-often-do-you-experience-catcalls/916937.md?page=6)