# Women -- how touchy-feely are women with other women's breasts? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 30, 2015, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836 "2015-06-30T02:16:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kropotkin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kropotkin/32/18045_2.png) [@Kropotkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kropotkin)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/41 "2015-07-01T01:52:05Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Nor do we have pillow fights in our underwear and accidentally end up making out. But cable guys make out like bandits, right? Right? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/42 "2015-07-01T12:58:38Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > On **Anaamika’s** quote above - good grief, what an unimportant detail when the question is “shall I or shall I not reproduce?” By all means, don’t get pregnant if it’s not a good life decision for you. But a few months (fewer than 9, since you don’t show right away and no one needs to know you are pregnant) of having people more touchy-feely than usual toward you is nothing in the greater scheme of things. It’s like saying, “gosh I’m glad I decided not to go to medical school; someone said the sandwiches in a lot of med school cafeterias don’t have enough mayonnaise.” A) Do you really think I made such a life altering decision on such a small thing? and b) Even if I did, oh well - still better to not have children if I can make such a decision over such a small thing. Anyhoo. I shall keep your advice in mind. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/43 "2015-07-01T13:46:01Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Not mammogram age yet? Just wait. Honestly, being the mammogram tech has got to be one of the weirdest jobs in the world. Ha, my mom described mammograms as someone grabbing your boob, turning it into a pancake and pulling it into another room. I get to enjoy that next year and I am NOT looking forward to it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/44 "2015-07-01T14:42:43Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > A sort of funny aside: a coworker’s mother-in-law had mastectomy/breast reconstruction, and was proudly showing off her figure (clothed) afterward. My coworker was baffled as to the etiquette - should he comment / compliment it? He said the woman’s sister did have a good public feel and he felt pretty weirded about about that. The only proper responses for a man to utter under those circumstances is “you look great” or “you look fantastic”, if he is called upon to say anything at all. Staying silent in the background is also a safe option. > [@Anaamika](#): > > Everything about pregnancy makes me extra glad I never got pregnant, and this is no exception. It seems like you just give up all bodily autonomy when you get pregnant. I’ve heard so many horror stories. > [@CairoCarol](#): > > On **Anaamika’s** quote above - good grief, what an unimportant detail when the question is “shall I or shall I not reproduce?” By all means, don’t get pregnant if it’s not a good life decision for you. But a few months (fewer than 9, since you don’t show right away and no one needs to know you are pregnant) of having people more touchy-feely than usual toward you is nothing in the greater scheme of things. It’s like saying, “gosh I’m glad I decided not to go to medical school; someone said the sandwiches in a lot of med school cafeterias don’t have enough mayonnaise.” I think you’re being overly dismissive, Carol. WHY should a pregnant woman be subjected to unwanted touching? Why isn’t that as offensive as a woman having her buttocks groped while riding the subway? Yes, _medical personnel performing medical things_ have a legitimate reason to touch pregnant women wherever needful but honestly, anyone else touching a pregnant woman without her express permission should be out of bounds just like any other uninvited touching. And it IS yet another example of how pregnant women are viewed as “other” and subjected to _other people_ dictating how their bodies are to be treated. It’s offensive, even when done for “kindly” reasons. > [@Dangerosa](#): > > Not mammogram age yet? Just wait. Honestly, being the mammogram tech has got to be one of the weirdest jobs in the world. > [@overlyverbose](#): > > Ha, my mom described mammograms as someone grabbing your boob, turning it into a pancake and pulling it into another room. I get to enjoy that next year and I am NOT looking forward to it. Mammograms are like pregnancy and a lot of other things - you hear only the horror stories because the usual non-horror is just too boring to repeat. I’ve been getting them for awhile now. No one “grabs” your boob, indeed, every mammo tech I’ve encountered has been very respectful of personal boundaries and letting me know what’s going to happen before it happens. No, it’s not comfortable for most women but it’s not agony (it is, unfortunately, for some). There shouldn’t be any pulling involved. Honestly, I’ve had a lot more unpleasant things happen to me during routine medical/dental stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/45 "2015-07-01T14:58:52Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I’ve been getting them for awhile now. No one “grabs” your boob, indeed, every mammo tech I’ve encountered has been very respectful of personal boundaries and letting me know what’s going to happen before it happens. No, it’s not comfortable for most women but it’s not agony (it is, unfortunately, for some). There shouldn’t be any pulling involved. Honestly, I’ve had a lot more unpleasant things happen to me during routine medical/dental stuff. Thank you for this, my first one is this year. People do play up the worst experiences, this is true. I heard this about my period, about Essure, about tampons, really about everything to do with women, and now the mammogram horror stories. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/46 "2015-07-01T17:18:01Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I think you’re being overly dismissive, Carol. WHY should a pregnant woman be subjected to unwanted touching? Why isn’t that as offensive as a woman having her buttocks groped while riding the subway? A pregnant woman shouldn’t be subject to unwanted touching, though I don’t think it is as offensive as having one’s buttocks groped on the subway. In the latter case, a stranger is looking for sexual gratification from you without your permission - or at the very least, their goal is to intimidate and harass you. Equating a boorish but well-meant tummy pat from someone delighted to share in your pregnancy with an act that is hostile no matter how you cut it minimizes the nastiness of the subway groping. I also don’t think for a moment that **Anaamika** decided not to get pregnant because she feared strangers touching her belly, and I apologize to you, Anaamika, if it came across that way. I simply found the gap in significance between getting an occasional unwanted belly pat for a few months and having to raise a child striking. Hence my comment about medical school and the amount of mayo on sandwiches. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/47 "2015-07-01T17:26:47Z")
No, I don’t think the unwanted tummy-touching was the primary reason, either. However, different people have different tolerances for touching. I’ve mentioned a number of times that I do not want ANY touching whatsoever outside of my closest family. I detest even the casual touch of a hand on my arm to get my attention but I grit my teeth and put up with it because it’s a cultural norm and expressing how much I detest it would be considered an over-reaction. It makes my skin crawl when I’m at work and some very kind, very sincere old biddy KEEPS TOUCHING ME because _she_ thinks it’s friendly or something, leading to comical scenes with me continually backing up while pursued by some cane-using senior citizen. Why I am so loathe to be touched, why I consider it an unwanted intimacy, has a lot to do with cultural upbringing, of course. As I said, I grit my teeth and put up with certain forms of it because of norms in greater society but I _do not like it_. The fact my skin is also hypersensitive and easily irritated by scented soaps and such also makes being touched by a stranger difficult - I never know if I’m going to get a rash from it, or if a current rash is going to be made worse by it. The point is, not everyone regards “tummy touching” as harmless or of no consequence. I, personally, would find it an unacceptable intrusion and I would not hesitate to express my disapproval of such. No, it’s NOT OK to touch other people without permission, even if it’s not on a level of assault. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/48 "2015-07-01T17:33:00Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I also don’t think for a moment that **Anaamika** decided not to get pregnant because she feared strangers touching her belly, and I apologize to you, Anaamika, if it came across that way. I simply found the gap in significance between getting an occasional unwanted belly pat for a few months and having to raise a child striking. Hence my comment about medical school and the amount of mayo on sandwiches. But it isn’t just an unwanted belly pat, is it? It’s everything. The unwanted belly pats, the baby latching on to your boobs, the complete lack of privacy you get in the hospital, the lactation consultants, the fact that your body isn’t your own for way more than nine months. I haven’t heard the end of moms complaining they get no autonomy for years. I was no different - clinging to my mother every second of the day. To reduce it to a few “unwanted bellypats” I think is not really the right way to put it. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/49 "2015-07-01T18:15:08Z")
OP: _…there was this quote from **Amateur Barbarian:…** _ \ > [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Could be that the story was mis-told (“I change in the stall because otherwise I am under the delusion that people would grab my awesome boobs!”), and then mis-remembered (“She changed in the stall because people totally grabbed her totally awesome boobs!”) and here we are… After a serious lack of corroboration and considering the quote source, I wouldn’t even rule _embellished_ out of the realm of possibilities. I am pleasantly surprised though that he quoted a ‘friend’ and not his wife, Morgan Fairchild. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/50 "2015-07-01T19:13:18Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > But it isn’t just an unwanted belly pat, is it? It’s everything. The unwanted belly pats, the baby latching on to your boobs, the complete lack of privacy you get in the hospital, the lactation consultants, the fact that your body isn’t your own for way more than nine months. I haven’t heard the end of moms complaining they get no autonomy for years. I was no different - clinging to my mother every second of the day. > > To reduce it to a few “unwanted bellypats” I think is not really the right way to put it. I’m sure for some women the experience of pregnancy, childbirth and childcare is an utter nightmare and they hate every moment of being a mother. But it’s still somewhat\* a matter of perspective. You might say “your body isn’t your own way for more than nine months” and I might say “Wow, this is so cool that my body is actually capable of growing a whole new human being!” Both of us are correct. \*I say “somewhat” because of course there are situations where a positive perspective isn’t going to overcome problems - severe morning sickness, pre-eclampsia, premature birth, a child with physical and/or intellectual challenges, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/51 "2015-07-02T00:52:21Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I prefer a pillow- a full sized bed pillow- on the middle of the table, so my body is supported from ribcage to pelvis. Towels under and above put an awful kink in my lumbar spine. I need a longer ramp. > > Makes my sinuses fill with snot instantly, of course. But the face cradle will cause that in just a few minutes anyway, so it really makes little difference. You’ve clearly never come across massage tables with built-in bidets under the face cradle. Provides thorough nasal lavage as you’re being massaged. Some also have thick strong nylon mesh further down from the face cradle so the rinse is continued below the chin to facilitate the popular " Lavage/ Massage/ Decollétage " treatment. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/52 "2015-07-02T13:51:27Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > I’m sure for some women the experience of pregnancy, childbirth and childcare is an utter nightmare and they hate every moment of being a mother. But it’s still somewhat\* a matter of perspective. You might say “your body isn’t your own way for more than nine months” and I might say “Wow, this is so cool that my body is actually capable of growing a whole new human being!” Both of us are correct. I really wish you would stop putting words in my mouth. I never said that even the mothers who have lost all bodily autonomy hated every memory of it. It’s not wrong to complain about all that and still love being a mommy. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/53 "2015-07-02T16:41:52Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I took some informal massage classes, and I took a formal massage class. > > The informal classes taught techniques for massaging a woman’s breasts. There were some specific strokes we learned that I would consider gentle, respectful, and not particularly sexual or erotic. The overall attitude taught in the classes (I had several with different instructors) was that if you’re going to be doing bodywork, it helps to have a positive, non-judgemental, and non-skittish attitude about people’s bodies. (We all worked in the nude, but there was no “erotic” massage.) > > In the _formal_ classes, there was no nudity (clients stay covered with a sheet the whole time, only one body part is uncovered at time, and breasts, buttocks, and genitals are big no-no’s.) I read an article in a massage trade magazine discussing the question: The question was if it was acceptable for a female masseuse to massage a female client’s breasts. (I don’t recall if it was the client or masseuse who had first asked.) The writer of the column not only said NO, but with a tone that was absolutely _horrified_ that anyone would ever even contemplate such a horrible thing! > > In the professional massage business, there is a great deal of skittishness about people’s bodies. Anything even remotely hinting of sexuality of highly frowned upon, including nudity even if there is no actual erotic touching. This is apparently all because commercial massage has gotten so conflated with prostitution in many peoples’ minds (and in fact in many “professionals” practices) that there is a powerful attitude to keep a good long distance away from anything even hinting like that. Jeez, really? My wife’s (male) masseuse massages her whole body. Well, I don’t know if he touches the girls, but he definitely digs into the booty. Same thing happened to me when I was massaged by a female student who was a coworker. In neither case was there any erotic subtext. Given that the gluteus maximi are the largest muscles in the body, I can’t see how a decent professional could skip 'em. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/54 "2015-07-02T17:17:45Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I really wish you would stop putting words in my mouth. I never said that even the mothers who have lost all bodily autonomy hated every memory of it. It’s not wrong to complain about all that and still love being a mommy. I didn’t claim you said that. \*\*\*\*I myself \*\*\*\*\* said: [QUOTE=CairoCarol] I’m sure for some women the experience of pregnancy, childbirth and childcare is an utter nightmare and they hate every moment of being a mother. [/QUOTE] And I believe what I said. There are indeed “some” mothers who are desperately unhappy and hate every moment of it. A lot of them probably never wanted kids in the first place but got trapped by societal expectations, an unwanted pregnancy with no option to abort, etc. Are we cool now? Really, I bear you no animosity. It may surprise you to hear this, but I was childfree by choice until age 39 and only changed my mind due to some weird, very personal circumstances that only 4 people know about. Frankly I was convinced up until then that being a mother would be nightmarish - and at some points in my life, I’m sure it would have been. Even though I obviously changed my mind enough to get pregnant, I was still shocked at how much fun it was and how little I minded all of the supposedly horrific problems of belly poking, child clinging, lactation-consultant-boob-grabbing, etc. Perhaps I’m motivated to share a “childbearing isn’t all that horrible, really” perspective because I was someone who didn’t believe it. And for the record, this paragraph is not trying to imply anything about what you think. It’s all about me, okay? Now, if you want to find something antagonistic in my post and respond accordingly, I apologize in advance for not making it clear that I am not trying to be nasty. I’ve read a lot of your posts over the years about your feelings on family and childbearing and a lot of it resonates with me. So … peace, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/55 "2015-07-02T18:21:16Z")
> [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](#): > > My wife’s (male) masseuse Nitpick: masseur. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/56 "2015-07-02T19:58:21Z")
[is this where we give Carol and 'Mika some pillows?] ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/57 "2015-07-02T20:44:24Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > [is this where we give Carol and 'Mika some pillows?] Please don’t make us touch each others’ breasts :eek: :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/58 "2015-07-02T21:40:32Z")
Playing this week at the Cecil Adams playhouse TENDER MERCIES starring CAIRO CAROL ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2015, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/59 "2015-07-04T03:32:16Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > Nitpick: masseur. Massage therapist. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2015, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836/60 "2015-07-04T06:23:12Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Massage therapist. Depends on the context. More and more, “massage _therapist_” is reserved for a professional with many more hours of training and/or practice than usual, and who typically does (or is competent to do) medical massage therapy. Massage practitioners who do feel-good massage (like in the day-spas and mud bath places) don’t need to have that level of training or experience and their more common professional title these days is “Massage practitioner”. I got my CMT (Certified Massage Therapist) certificate a few years ago before that distinction was very well settled. Actually, with just 100 hours, there’s no way I could really be called a “therapist”. 500 hours is the more usual professional course now, and that gets you to be a “practitioner”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-how-touchy-feely-are-women-with-other-womens-breasts/723836.md?page=4)