### Author:  [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/61 "2009-04-08T05:25:39Z")
I’ve used the term “cougar” to describe myself as a joke. My ex was 4 1/2 years younger than me, and that’s how it started. Now that I’m on the verge of being single again, I’ve found myself checking out younger men, but would still be open to dating guys my age or older, mid-40s or so (I’m 38). Unfortunately, no one seems to be interested. ☹
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### Author:  [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/62 "2009-04-08T14:23:12Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#):
>
> Other than that, I’ve mostly heard the term cougar here on the SMBD: \[**Ninety Wit**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=502909&highlight=cougar),
I’ve been noticed !! :eek:
In all seriousness, I’ve only ever heard the term ‘cougar’ with negative connotations. As I mentioned in that thread, for me it conjures up an image of
“pathetic chain-smoking leather-skinned loser slut in a leopard-print mini skirt”.
That was the thread about one-night stands, BTW.
And it’s NinetyWt, not Ninety Wit. 🙂
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### Author:  [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/63 "2009-04-08T14:34:13Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#):
>
> I’ve been noticed !! :eek:
> …And it’s NinetyWt, not Ninety Wit. 🙂
I’ve noticed you. I misread (and obviously misspell) your user name because you’re witty. I’ll try to remember to cut and paste in the future to avoid the misspelling, Sorry about that.
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### Author:  [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/64 "2009-04-08T15:22:47Z")
> [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](#):
>
> I’ve noticed you. I misread (and obviously misspell) your user name because you’re witty. I’ll try to remember to cut and paste in the future to avoid the misspelling, Sorry about that.
Eh, call me what you want, just call me for supper. 😛
Thanks for the compliment!
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### Author:  [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/65 "2009-04-08T15:41:51Z")
> [@TruCelt](#):
>
> Missed the edit window:
> MILF - Offensive because some of us prefer being called “lovely” rather than “sexy”. We don’t want you to drool when you see us, our sexuality is none of your business. And we don’t like the word “F#ck”, it doesn’t describe anything we’re interested in doing. You might as well say “Mother I’d Like to Rape” for all the interest it shows in us as human beings.
But MILR makes a lousy acronym.
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### Author:  [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/66 "2009-04-08T16:11:47Z")
Also, “fuck” and “rape” are not synonyms. At all. Not even a little bit.
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### Author:  [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/67 "2009-04-08T16:26:46Z")
Prude.
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### Author:  [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)
#### Post date: [April 8, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/68 "2009-04-08T19:03:49Z")
[QUOTE=Algorithm]
This just isn’t my experience. I affectionately refer to a 40+ woman with whom I have had “romantic” entanglements as “the cougar.”
[/QUOTE]
> [@VinylTurnip](#):
>
> And ladies, isn’t it romantic when your man encloses the word “romantic” in sneer quotes?
Don’t forget the sheer joy of bragging to your fellow cougars that the young buck who deigned to touch your dessicated flesh didn’t regret it afterward. Oh wondrous affirmation!
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### Author:  [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2009, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/69 "2009-04-09T20:35:31Z")
> [@DianaG](#):
>
> Also, “fuck” and “rape” are not synonyms. At all. Not even a little bit.
That’s not what I said, note the bolding below. . .
> [@](#):
>
> You might as well say “Mother I’d Like to Rape” **for all the interest it shows in us as human beings.**
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### Author:  [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)
#### Post date: [April 9, 2009, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/70 "2009-04-09T22:23:47Z")
> [@TruCelt](#):
>
> That’s not what I said, note the bolding below. .
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > You might as well say “Mother I’d Like to Rape” **for all the interest it shows in us as human beings**.
Well, I would like to point out that, at the sort of first glance which we usually use to form this initial evaluation, we don’t have much else to go on but outward appearance. It’s hard to SHOW interest in you as a human being when we’ve yet to have a chance to learn anything about you as a human being. You could spend your weekends giving sandwiches to orphaned puppies in Nicaragua for all we know, but then you could also be Patrick Bateman’s soul mate. As Tim Allen joked about, no guy sees a beautiful woman across a crowded room for the first time and thinks “Man, would you look at the depth of character on THAT one!”
It’s entirely a superficial judgment based on superficial evaluation because we have nothing else to go by.Then again, some guys will in fact get to know a woman over the course of hours, weeks, months, whatever, and still think about as much about her as a human being. No accounting for jerks.
For a gender switched example, do you think the ladies ogling the construction worker in the Coca Cola commercials are admiring that the guy works hard to support his family and keep his beat up 78 Chevy in repair?😃
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### Author:  [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)
#### Post date: [April 11, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/71 "2009-04-11T03:47:53Z")
Not getting into the argument of right vs wrong, just relating a story.
Last two boyfriends (of 3 years and 1 year) both went on to date cougars. The first was 23, dating a 32 year old, the second is 23 and dating (though he refuses to say they’re dating, just exclusively hooking up) a 43 year old.
In both cases, they were pursued by the women, and the women had noticeable “biological clock is ticking” situations.
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### Author:  [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/72 "2009-04-23T15:27:06Z")
Saw this today and thought of you guys:
> **[What does a cub wear to a cougar party?](https://slate.com/culture/2009/04/what-does-a-cub-wear-to-a-cougar-party.html)**
>
> Indigenous to the Americas, the puma or panther or mountain lion— Puma concolor—is further known as the catamount, the mountain screamer, the night...
ick! I am especially confused by the claim that the term “Cougar” can be applied to a woman of forty, while the term “Cub” can be applied to a man of 35. Uuuuh?
> [@](#):
>
> In both cases, they were pursued by the women, and the women had noticeable **“biological clock is ticking” situations.**
I don’t think of cougars as women who want to get pregnant. Am I alone in this? I mean, were they just looking for free sperm donation or actually starting a relationship? Either way, I think there definitely needs to be a separate term for that.
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### Author:  [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/73 "2009-04-23T17:24:11Z")
> [@Raguleader](#):
>
> Well, I would like to point out that, at the sort of first glance which we usually use to form this initial evaluation, we don’t have much else to go on but outward appearance. [snip] It’s entirely a superficial judgment based on superficial evaluation because we have nothing else to go by. [snip] For a gender switched example, do you think the ladies ogling the construction worker in the Coca Cola commercials are admiring that the guy works hard to support his family and keep his beat up 78 Chevy in repair?😃
In your example, no one’s looking at the construction worker and thinking, “Wow, he looks good _for his age_”. Coca-Cola didn’t cast an equally attractive 45YO man because a shirtless muscular man in his 20s falls into a generally-accepted stereotype of physical beauty. I’m not an expert but lad mags like _Maxim_ usually feature cover starlets in their late teens and not much older than their late 20s, because women over 30 aren’t coveted by their target demo. But when a woman in her forties still incites sexual arousal? How novel. “And she has kids, too? I’d _still_ hit that.” Of course a stranger can only be judged by their outer appearance but I dislike when that attaction comes with a caveat. I’m not good-looking _for my age_; I’m just good-looking, thank you. 🆒
Moreover, a 41YO woman like me is apparently supposed to be flattered and grateful when a man in his twenties considers me worthy of a one night stand. (Let’s face it: we’re not talking about guys looking for a _relationship_, are we?) What these lads don’t understand is that most woman have been fending off guys looking for casual sex since we hit puberty, and the women with healthy self-esteem don’t need kind of attention to validate their sexuality. (And yes, I understand that cougar/boytoy hook-ups can be fun for both parties involved, but I’m addressing the “what’s wrong with being called a ‘cougar/MILF’, ladies?” question.) I don’t want to be checked off some player’s “to-do” list; I’ve rejected guys looking to deflower a virgin, or bang a black chick etc.
And no, true “cougars” aren’t looking to get pregnant. They want to have sex with boys, not give birth to them. 😉
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### Author:  [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2009, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/74 "2009-04-23T19:42:34Z")
Yeah, where are all the DILFs? (Dad I’d like to . . .) It’s ludicrous to even think of it. . .
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### Author:  [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/75 "2009-04-24T02:28:55Z")
Not for nothing, but I had my daughter when I was 37. I am now 41. It seems that my target demographic is now 18-25. Not that I am looking, but back when I was employed, most of our clientele was men and I was completely gobsmacked by the number of _really_ young men that would hit on me. Heck, I told one kid that I was 50 to try to dissuade him. He was waiting for me when I got off work.
One tends to bloom where one is planted. I don’t know why this age range has suddenly found me appealing, but without a doubt, they do. Heck, I was coming out of a store the other day and the young roofer kid hit on me. I just don’t get it. When I was in that age range, mostly older men hit on me.
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### Author:  [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/76 "2009-04-24T02:32:26Z")
> [@TruCelt](#):
>
> Yeah, where are all the DILFs? (Dad I’d like to . . .) It’s ludicrous to even think of it. . .
They are in their vans. You cant see them due to the darkly tinted windows. You cant hear them through the deep shag carpeting 🙂
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### Author:  [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/77 "2009-04-24T02:33:16Z")
> [@Auntbeast](#):
>
> Not for nothing, but I had my daughter when I was 37. I am now 41. It seems that my target demographic is now 18-25. Not that I am looking, but back when I was employed, most of our clientele was men and I was completely gobsmacked by the number of _really_ young men that would hit on me. Heck, I told one kid that I was 50 to try to dissuade him. He was waiting for me when I got off work.
>
> One tends to bloom where one is planted. I don’t know why this age range has suddenly found me appealing, but without a doubt, they do. Heck, I was coming out of a store the other day and the young roofer kid hit on me. I just don’t get it. When I was in that age range, mostly older men hit on me.
If you have a picture of yourself handy, we might be able to investigate why! 😃
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### Author:  [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/78 "2009-04-24T03:26:04Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#):
>
> I love that movie!!
Except that it should have ended right after the bus.
Regarding the o.p., I suspect that this is less that middle age single women have become more predatory than that there is somewhat less stigma of an older woman dating a younger man, and in fact it is quite well accepted in some circles. Just as no-fault divorce was beyond the pale, it is now an accepted practice.
And I’ll try to work the term “dingo” into conversation in this context; however, I haven’t had much success in pushing “fishatarian” at the behest of another friend, so don’t expect it to catch on too quickly.
Stranger
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### Author:  [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/79 "2009-04-24T17:47:25Z")
Nevermind, hadn’t realized how long I’d had this tab open when I good-naturedly snarked at one of the first ten posts. =P
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### Author:  [@Jimmy\_Joe\_Meager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Joe_Meager)
#### Post date: [April 24, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-is-being-a-cougar-now-the-norm/492182/80 "2009-04-24T20:07:22Z")
Could part of the phenomenon be that 40 ain’t as old as it used to be (in my opinion)?
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