# Women letting men "fight our battles" for us... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 9, 2015, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673 "2015-07-09T17:39:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/21 "2015-07-09T20:20:02Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > d) Ask them to explain what brings them over. (Presumably they explain about my date giving them the finger). Ask them what they assume to be the meaning of the gesture. (Do they consider her to have threatened them? With what, exactly? Or was it instead an expression of contempt? For what reason, any idea?) (Perhaps it comes out that they were staring at her, either they bring it up or she does). Etc. > > At some point they presumably express what their intention at this point actually is (?): Do they require an apology from her? Do they wish to kick my ass as if I were responsible for her actions? Do they wish to kick HER ass? > > Basically I’m not going to act like I’m in charge of defending her, but I’m also not going anywhere unless she tells me to go hide somewhere and let her handle it by herself. I’m also not going to behave as if I’m responsible for her actions and could apologize for her or should be her stand-in to receive their anger. On the other hand, their anger isn’t my problem and they’re welcome to be angry as much as they wanna be. Let them vent. I’m going to be all reasonable and shit and nod with understanding. If girlfriend wants to provoke them further, the situation may become more and more something between her and them. On the other hand if she expresses annoyance that they’ve been staring at her, I’m going to back her up to the guys that, yeah, that can be experienced as annoying and they’ve got to realize that. I love this. I’m imagining the whole thing playing out. “So, what brings you guys ov–” \ (Ooo! msmith537 beat me to it. Sorry! I got excited and didn’t read all the replies.) ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/22 "2015-07-09T20:24:18Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > I don’t see why it has to be a male/female issue? It was specifically phrased that way in the thread that apparently only exists in my head now, so that’s what I was thinking about because this: > [@](#): > > …they don’t think you can’t handle yourself (although, you may not if it gets violent pretty fast) or a controlling/territorial issue. …was how I always experienced it in the past. Asshole boyfriends who would get all pissy when I was handling myself just fine. More often than not, they’d actually escalate things, rather than de-escalate them. Exactly like this: > [@DummyGladHands](#): > > Let me expand on my response just a bit. > > If someone is harassing me or bothering me–not actually punching me out or anything, I’d like my man to stand aside and let me try to handle it until I ask for help. My reason has always been that if my guy and another guy get in a fight, their MANHOOD comes to question and it escalates. And bad things happen–people get hurt, think attorneys and cops and arrests. > > OTOH, unless I ask for help, let me try to handle it. Wrong as it may be, a woman fighting with a man is less likely to escalate into fisticuffs and testosterone overflow. And I always figured the cops wouldn’t get too excited about a pissed off chick calling out a guy. I guess this is the first time in my experience where male intervention was a) actually a good idea and b) de-escalated matters. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/23 "2015-07-09T20:24:43Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > How about this situation - > > You’re out with a girl you’ve been dating for a little while. She gets the brilliant idea to give the finger to a bunch of guys who’ve been staring at her. So they come over to confront you. Do you: > > a) pretend you’ve never met her in your life and let her fight her own battle (hey, she started) > b) be chivalrous and defend her dumb ass even if you’re likely going to get yours kicked > c) dump her ass right there and then and offer to buy the first round > d) \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (fill in the blank) Guys!! I Saw what she just did to you! Let’s get her!! ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/24 "2015-07-09T20:28:59Z")
I don’t NEED someone to intervene for me. I can handle it myself. Having said that, I am an old fashioned girl when it comes to relationships. If my guy doesn’t intervene if some dude is going to hit me, I will think less of him. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/25 "2015-07-09T20:43:04Z")
Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: don’t hurt “my wife.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that is has overtones of men’s control/“ownership” over women. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/26 "2015-07-09T20:53:36Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: don’t hurt “my wife.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that is has overtones of men’s control/“ownership” over women. Totally. And if I was armchair quarterbacking it from behind a keyboard, I know I would be totally fixated on that. Funny how in real life, I felt more, like, pride and love and shit. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/27 "2015-07-09T20:56:05Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > And now I’ve just punched you. Well, yes, that’s a possibility that I _had_ definitely taken into account. Now we’re in a public venue (presumably?) and you just punched me. Your behavior will look inappropriate to most viewers. I’ve been punched before. I’m not worth a damn at dishing it out but aside from interrupting my sentence you probably haven’t accomplished anything aside from making yourself look ridiculous in front of other people and perhaps signaled the bouncer to remove you from the premises. So at this point I’d observe that you appear to be rather angry, and also have an attention-span problem… ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/28 "2015-07-09T21:19:59Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: don’t hurt “my wife.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that is has overtones of men’s control/“ownership” over women. > [@WhyNot](#): > > my husband > [@WhyNot](#): > > my husband > [@jsgoddess](#): > > my husband > [@DummyGladHands](#): > > my man > [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > my guy Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: “my husband/my man/my guy.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that it has overtones of women’s control/“ownership” over men. > [@QuickSilver](#): > > How about this situation - > > You’re out with a girl you’ve been dating for a little while. She gets the brilliant idea to give the finger to a bunch of guys who’ve been staring at her. So they come over to confront you. Do you: > > a) pretend you’ve never met her in your life and let her fight her own battle (hey, she started) > b) be chivalrous and defend her dumb ass even if you’re likely going to get yours kicked > c) dump her ass right there and then and offer to buy the first round > d) \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (fill in the blank) A. is my answer. An illustration: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/yab9fyO3M14/hqdefault.jpg "Dumb and Dumber -- Sea Bass Spits on Harry's Burger") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yab9fyO3M14) Story time: In college I was walking down a very crowded hallway with MY girlfriend and she and a guy, who was with two other guys, bumped shoulders as we passed each other. She flew of the handle cussing the guy out calling him an asshole and how dare he and blah blah blah. They look at me like, “WTF is her problem.” So I turned around and walked away while she was still yelling at the guys. Later that afternoon she called me and started bitching me out for leaving her and not kicking the guys ass. I told her, “Hey you’re the one that wanted a fight so I left so you could fight the guys.” then I dumped her ass. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/29 "2015-07-09T21:25:58Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: “my husband/my man/my guy.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that it has overtones of women’s control/“ownership” over men. Eh, nice try, but no. In those quotes, we’re referring to our relationship to avoid using personal names or confusing pronouns (so he - the guy I was working with (who I happen to be married to) - said to him -the guy I had pinned and bent over the railing-…) In the “my wife” examples, one by me and one by **Doctor Jackson** , the “my wife” was a clear attempt to clarify to the antagonist precisely why the speaker was intervening here. Ownership or teammates may be debated, but it wasn’t a simple storytelling device. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/30 "2015-07-09T21:26:24Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: don’t hurt “my wife.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that is has overtones of men’s control/“ownership” over women. It’s kind of meant to in this sense because the perp has to believe the threat is real. You’d have to have an extremely trivial life to be upset over something like that. On top of that, when the average guy says “My wife” we all know his wife owns him. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/31 "2015-07-09T21:27:37Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > In the “my wife” examples, one by me and one by **Doctor Jackson** , the “my wife” was a clear attempt to clarify to the antagonist precisely why the speaker was intervening here. Ownership or teammates may be debated, but it wasn’t a simple storytelling device. Or it could be because when talking to a third party, I call my husband “my husband.” I don’t call him “that man” or “the dude over there.” “Don’t hurt that dude over there!” ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/32 "2015-07-09T21:29:32Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Or it could be because when talking to a third party, I call my husband “my husband.” I don’t call him “that man” or “the dude over there.” “Don’t hurt that dude over there!” I’d probably use “him”, as in, “Don’t you dare hurt him!” if the roles had been reversed, but yes, there’s that possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_of\_Words](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f6c823/32.png) [@Jack\_of\_Words](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_of_Words)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/33 "2015-07-09T21:32:14Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Interesting that some stories have terminology in common: “my husband/my man/my guy.” I can see how this might upset some people, in that it has overtones of women’s control/“ownership” over men. I think I love you. So… what am I so afraid of? I’m afraid that I’m not sure of a love there is no cure for. I think I love you…isn’t that what life is made of? Though it worries me to say that I’ve never felt this way. Or we could just have a ‘like’ button… ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/34 "2015-07-09T22:10:59Z")
> [@missred](#): > > If you think of it like a teammate who has your back, you may be able to accept this. You did nothing stupid to have StoneDude give you a beat down. Your husband may have stepped in in a similar fashion with one of his buddies or even a total stranger who was there for the benefit of the festival goers (I don’t know your husband, he may not have). > > Apparently, he saw someone who could do some serious damage to a person who didn’t deserve it and did what many of us would have to diffuse the situation. Yeah – or how about if the situation had been reversed? Would you have stepped in to protect your husband, had he been in danger? ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/35 "2015-07-09T22:14:46Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > but aside from interrupting my sentence you probably haven’t accomplished anything aside from making yourself look ridiculous in front of other people and perhaps signaled the bouncer to remove you from the premises. Many people have died from a single punch to the head. If that’s a risk you want to take, fine, but allowing yourself to get punched is neither quality conflict resolution nor self-preservation. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/36 "2015-07-09T22:37:02Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Yeah – or how about if the situation had been reversed? Would you have stepped in to protect your husband, had he been in danger? Not a husband, but I have stepped between a dude intent upon doing bodily harm to a good (male) friend at a bar one night. Eddie would have done the same for me. Stepping in in that situation diffused it, given the good ol’ boy didn’t want to loose face by fighting a woman. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/37 "2015-07-09T23:29:20Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Eh, nice try, but no. In those quotes, we’re referring to our relationship to avoid using personal names or confusing pronouns (so he - the guy I was working with (who I happen to be married to) - said to him -the guy I had pinned and bent over the railing-…) > > In the “my wife” examples, one by me and one by **Doctor Jackson** , the “my wife” was a clear attempt to clarify to the antagonist precisely why the speaker was intervening here. Ownership or teammates may be debated, but it wasn’t a simple storytelling device. Agreed, the men in defensive positions were possibly “announcing” to the potential attacker that the women in question weren’t defenseless or alone. This reminds me of the street harassment threads where harassers back off once a women is known to be “taken.” ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2015, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/38 "2015-07-09T23:48:13Z")
My husband and I haven’t ever gotten into a physical confrontation with anyone, but he has “gone silverback” for me a couple times when someone verbally harassed me. Actually, both were when I was pregnant, which is interesting. It scared the crap out of _me_, both times. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2015, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/39 "2015-07-10T01:05:24Z")
I will allow no one to harass my wife. Raise a hand to her and you are holding your life in that hand. My wife is a great beauty and the most wonderful woman in the world in my eyes, but objectively, she is a rather shy, attractive sixty three year old lady. you assault her at your peril. I am not some young, muscular MMA fighter. I am a short and rather chunky little old man. If you hit my wife, I WILL shoot you. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673/40 "2015-07-10T02:05:13Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Or it could be because when talking to a third party, I call my husband “my husband.” I don’t call him “that man” or “the dude over there.” “Don’t hurt that dude over there!” I call him Paul! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-letting-men-fight-our-battles-for-us/724673.md?page=3)