# Women & Men: erotic fantasies **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 1, 2002, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250 "2002-04-01T18:54:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Treebeard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Treebeard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treebeard)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/1 "2002-04-01T18:54:56Z")
1. Do women know that their male acquaintances and co-workers have intense erotic fantasies about them? 2. Do women have intense erotic fantasies about their male acquaintances and co-workers? Ladies, this is what I mean: I encounter an attractive female co-worker, wife of friend, etc. When I see them or talk to them, I am fantasizing erotically about them right then and there. And, later, too. Are you all aware that men do this? Do you do it in return? I am 55 years old, and have been this way since I was 13. I assume most other men have been, too! ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/2 "2002-04-01T20:19:09Z")
1. Do they? Its their buisiness if they do I guess. As long as they… 1a. Don’t leer at me. 2. No. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/3 "2002-04-01T20:25:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Treebeard \* > \*\* > Ladies, this is what I mean: I encounter an attractive female co-worker, wife of friend, etc. When I see them or talk to them, I am fantasizing erotically about them right then and there. And, later, too. Are you all aware that men do this? \*\* Yes, and this is one reason why I do not like to spend much time around a lot of men. It was certainly a factor in my choosing to attend a women’s college. ---
**Author:** ![Morgainelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Morgainelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgainelf)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/4 "2002-04-01T20:27:00Z")
Oh come on. Men don’t do this, do they? Speaking for myself, I’ve had fantasies about men I work with, but never just spontaneously while I’m standing there talking with them. How would you get through the day? ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/5 "2002-04-01T21:14:53Z")
How would you get through the day with **out** them? And thus we again meet the eternal divide… ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/6 "2002-04-01T21:38:15Z")
How would you get through the day with **out** them? And thus we again meet the eternal divide… ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/7 "2002-04-01T21:41:21Z")
**Treebeard** , SHHHHHH! Ixnay on the antasyfay! (Quit telling them our secrets, man!) ---
**Author:** ![igotit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@igotit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/igotit)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/8 "2002-04-01T21:56:35Z")
I know the men at my office fantasize about me, especially when I wear a skirt. I have gorgeous legs but thats besides the point. The only guy at my work worth fantasizing about is gay. So I don’t. I like it when they do, especially on those “I’m getting old and ugly days”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/9 "2002-04-01T22:03:49Z")
I was all prepared to write this OP off as hogwash. Then, just now, the maintenance guy came in to dump my trash, and without even saying hello (we usually chat for a few seconds every day, but we always start with “Hello”), he asked me if I swim a lot in the summertime. Thinking there might be some sort of public (bleh) pool recommendation on the table, I said “No.” He wondered why not. “No pool,” I shrugged. I wondered why he had asked. “I just wondered,” he said, and then continued, “I bet you’d look good in a bathing suit…” The other day he came in, said something indecipherable to get my attention (I was, of course, dutifully glued to the SDMB) and, when I looked up, snapped my picture. Ewwww. I don’t like where this is going. I don’t want to know any more boy secrets. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Wisest\_Novel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wisest_novel/32/13329_2.png) [@Wisest\_Novel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisest_Novel)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/10 "2002-04-01T22:15:26Z")
Maybe I have a hormone deficiency, but I’m gonna buck the male answers here so far. While I’m not above having a good healthy fantasy about a woman, I don’t do it all that often. And if a woman is married, no way. Same goes for engaged, seriously dating, or just wearing a “stay away” ring on the appropriate finger. Might be your bag, but it’s not mine. There are too many available women to be muckin’ around with one who’s “taken”. And I limit my fantasies to women I’m dating or have dated, and unattainable models. Mostly. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/11 "2002-04-01T22:16:57Z")
I don’t have the time or energy to construct erotic fantasies about my coworkers and acquaintances. #1 may be true for some guys, but not me. ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/12 "2002-04-01T22:18:34Z")
Well, I am just _scandalized_! 😃 I declare I just don’t understand fellas at all. To answer the first question, no I had no clue that this is going on. I was working under the impression that fellas are scared of me because they know I don’t like to be trifled with. Do you mean to tell me that while I’m sitting there discussing with a fella the logistics of how we’re going to implement X project or scolding a student for violating X rule, that that fella would be mentally undressing me or something even naughtier than that, as naughty as that is?! Oh where is the respect?! The professionalism?! If this is the norm for fellas, how do y’all get any work done if all you do is fantasize? Wouldn’t that get old after awhile? I’m genuinely puzzled. I mean as far as I’m concerned, I don’t care what you do as long as you keep it to yourself, respect the fact that I’m trying to be professional and that you should be too, and get your work done efficiently. But I’m curious, [giggle] what kinds of fantasies do y’all fellas have? As far as me fantasizing about fellas, it depends on if I have the time to do so–usually I don’t at work–and if he strikes my fancy. 🙂 Oh, and **Ferrous** , SHHH!!! Just settle down and be quiet. This is truly fascinating stuff here. **Treebeard** , hon, feel free to tell us as many male secrets as you wish. The more the better. You’ve piqued my curiosity. 🙂 And after all, this website is dedicated to fighting ignorance and perhaps if at all possible lessening the divide between the sexes. **auntie em** , good heavens! He had absolutely no right to take your picture without asking your permission first. That was way out of line and really creepy too. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/13 "2002-04-01T22:32:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Treebeard \* > Do women know that their male acquaintances and co-workers have intense erotic fantasies about them? … > I assume most other men have been, too! I don’t agree with your assumption. I’m male, and I certainly notice attractive members of the opposite sex at work (or indeed, anywhere 🙂 ). But it doesn’t lead to erotic fantasies, let alone intense ones. I usually start with polite conversation with new work colleagues. Some time later, if I think they would be interested, I ask them out. (This does not happen often!) I’m sure practically all men have fantasies, but they’re probably based on different categories of people (movie stars, models). ---
**Author:** ![Wisest\_Novel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wisest_novel/32/13329_2.png) [@Wisest\_Novel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisest_Novel)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/14 "2002-04-01T22:45:45Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by glee \* > \*\* Some time later, if I think they would be interested, I ask them out. (This does not happen often!)_\* **glee** , I don’t want to sidetrack a potentially useful discussion, but has the “dating coworkers” thing been OK for you? I’ve always considered it courting disaster. ---
**Author:** ![CaptMurdock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/captmurdock/32/11736_2.png) [@CaptMurdock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CaptMurdock)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/15 "2002-04-01T22:58:53Z")
The company I worked at prior to where I am now had a plethora of…oh, how shall I put this…hotties! Ironically, I had started working at this place, after a few years of working in an almost all-male environment and being single too, just as I had started living with the lady who would become Mrs. CaptMurdock. “Where were all these honeys when I was young, single and horny?” I asked myself more than once. Not that any of them gave me the slightest impression of being interested in me-- like me, most of them had SO’s, some had children (that s the other thing about this company: at any given time, you could count on a significant number of the women being pregnant or the men who’s SOs were likewise). I have to say that I did entertain a number of sexual fantasies about several of these women – but not if I was **talking** to them! I’m convinced that women can tell if a man is mentally undressing her, and my poker face isn’t that good. Consequently, I trained myself to look pretty much into her eyes whenever we were conversing. To my knowledge, no woman ever complained that I was leering at her. Of course, when I wasn’t talking to a particular woman, the Screening Room ran full-on. But hey, fantasies about other people are _yours_. If you don’t act on them in any way, nobody can fault you. Nobody has to know. Just keep up your public _persona_ without a chink in your armor at any time. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/16 "2002-04-01T23:00:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by celestina \* > \*\ ***auntie em** , good heavens! He had absolutely no right to take your picture without asking your permission first. That was way out of line and really creepy too. \*\* Well, at the risk of hijacking this thread, this guy is a pretty whack-ass dude. Without going into the sordid details, he is QUITE!!! overweight (I mean to the point of medical danger), has had a stroke which has left him something akin to a perpetual stoner… His short-term memory is shot, and conversations with him sometimes just make you wonder how he functions on a daily basis. But that’s not the creepy part. The creepy part is that he has spent the last two years bopping back and forth between TWO women, his 30-year-old girlfriend and his 40-something wife. One kicks him out, he calls the other one up and she lets him move back in… Then he cheats on her with the other one, gets caught, and… well, you see the pattern. And each time he bops, he swears he’s THROUGH with whichever one he’s just left… …then when he bops BACK, he shrugs and says, “Stuff happens…” I’ve stopped listening to the stories. Then again, I don’t know who’s creepier to me–HIM, or those WOMEN who for some reason can’t get enough of his ass! ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/17 "2002-04-01T23:10:12Z")
Ugh. I work with a bunch of single women, and I do not have fantasies about any of them. It’s not even that they’re unattractive or (all) unavailable. But I do have a conscience. I resent the implication that every het man has fantasies about every woman he meets. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Cull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc79bd/32.png) [@Cull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cull)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2002, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/18 "2002-04-01T23:45:07Z")
I only fantasize about the good-looking female coworkers. “Life’s too short to dance with ugly girls.” --Oscar Wilde (i think?) ---
**Author:** ![Spiratu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@Spiratu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiratu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/19 "2002-04-02T00:59:17Z")
Maybe it’s because I hang out with a lot of female friends, or maybe it’s just my lack of, ahem, “experience,” but I don’t fantasize about attractive women I meet, except maybe to think to myself how cute they are.:o ---
**Author:** ![LorieSmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a587f6/32.png) [@LorieSmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LorieSmurf)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2002, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250/20 "2002-04-02T08:56:39Z")
I’m happily married. That said, I do have a fleeting erotic fantasy, but only if the guy is truly truly Hotty McHot. I can’t help it! I just get this instant picture in my head of us going at it. But they’re only fantasies…I would not actually cheat on my husband or anything. Unless i met a guy from My List. Like Bruce Willis. Mmmmmmm…Bruce… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-men-erotic-fantasies/101250.md?page=2)