# Women: share your stories of having your crotch grabbed (when you didn't want it) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2016, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105 "2016-10-09T22:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2016, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/61 "2016-10-10T23:38:34Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > What bothers me most about threads like these is the men rushing in to say, “Most men don’t do this,” “It would never cross my mind to act this way, and none of my men friends would either.” “Maybe you were groped by mistake.” “It’s different if it’s done against a young girl.” > > I’ve posted in other threads about street harassment, and gotten responses like “You must be exaggerating.” “Maybe you lived in a bad neighborhood.” And other responses like from the men here in this thread about how they and their friends would never _ **ever** _… All of this minimizing the scope of the problem. There’s a difference between saying “most men don’t do this,” (and I believe that), and “maybe you were groped by mistake” “you’re exaggerating,” etc. The first is a true statement. The second type of statement is dismissive and insulting. > [@](#): > > Guys, we believe you. You personally don’t harass women. But there are PLENTY of men who do. > Harassment is NOT a rare thing. It happens, and it happens OFTEN. Often enough that the men who do it get away with it do it over and over. Because we women are told over and over that we are exaggerating the problem, most men aren’t like that at all, it’s not that big a deal. > > Enough with the defensiveness. It’s reasonable to be defensive, because often this subject is not taken seriously (as we’ve seen in Trump’s case in the last few days). One of my intentions was to show the good guys (who have daughters, sisters, mothers, granddaughters, and female friends) that not everyone is a good guy… and that as you said, “It happens OFTEN.” And that even if most men don’t do it, in fact, a lot (if not most) women will experience something like this in their lifetime, whether as a child, a teen, a young woman, a mature women, or even an elderly woman. There is an intrinsic vulnerability in being in a female body. Some men feel entitled to grab it just because it is female. > [@CairoCarol](#): > > This is beyond repugnant and makes me regret doing the decent thing and trying to be be fair-minded toward you. Next time I’ll just keep my mouth shut. There’s a specific thread in the Pit for kicking octupus’s ass, so head on over there, if you want to. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2016, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/62 "2016-10-10T23:39:45Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > My hero. :rolleyes: > > This is all so. fucking. boring. We’ve been having these conversations on the SDMB for the last 10+ years, and it’s always exactly the same. > > Is there a list somewhere of the Dope’s misogynistic repeat offenders? Of the (almost always) old white men who just DON’T GET IT? I have a few nominees. Thanks for that helpful comment and for your utter dismissal of the topic of my thread. I appreciate your participation. Always interested in alternative points of view. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/63 "2016-10-10T23:44:50Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > Thanks for that helpful comment and for your utter dismissal of the topic of my thread. I appreciate your participation. Always interested in alternative points of view. Ack, I’m sorry! That was not at all what I intended. My derision is solely reserved for the aforesaid boring misogynists who continually pollute threads like this. I’ve been groped on public transport before. Again, like many others, too entrenched in conditioned politeness to call him out. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/64 "2016-10-11T00:29:31Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Ack, I’m sorry! That was not at all what I intended. My derision is solely reserved for the aforesaid boring misogynists who continually pollute threads like this. > > I’ve been groped on public transport before. Again, like many others, too entrenched in conditioned politeness to call him out. I apologize. My bad. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/65 "2016-10-11T00:47:06Z")
I’m glad to hear there are guys that don’t think like that or pull that sort of shit, because that’s the whole point, right? The Trumpkin and his worshippers would have us believe it’s just no big deal because #allmen behave that what. And it’s absolute nonsense, as evidenced by most of the male posters in this thread. So as usual, the explanation he’s floating is complete balderdash. I appreciate are gentlemen here. As for myself, I was in community theatre in my early twenties and we worked a lot with the local high school kids. On one production, I’d been tasked with helping two guys memorize their lines who had been last minute replacements. One seemed to kind of be sweet on me, but I kept my distance and we got all the way through the run of the show without incident. Until the cast party. That night, as I was coming out of the bathroom at someone’s house into a darkened room, there he was, ostensibly waiting for turn. Instead, he walked up to me as I was trying to exit and put both hands on my breasts and just sort of held them there, then looked at me. I was completely flabbergasted and couldn’t think of a think to say, so I just backed away in horror and left. He was all of 16 and my only thought was he had been such a good kid, I didn’t want to say anything to get him in trouble. I just viewed it as some weird, crushy anomaly. Other than that, I’ve had my ass pinched and as the only female playing on a men’s softball team, plenty of lewd comments. But overall, I think I’ve been incredibly lucky in the groping department. As we see here, it can be so much, much worse. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/66 "2016-10-11T01:02:35Z")
Let me ask you this, ladies. When’s the last time you walked up to a man and grabbed his crotch? Yeah, I didn’t think so. So don’t assume this is what decent men do. FFS. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/67 "2016-10-11T01:04:34Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > This is beyond repugnant and makes me regret doing the decent thing and trying to be be fair-minded toward you. Next time I’ll just keep my mouth shut. It was the pit and Ramira had no business being insulting just to pile on. Read her post. It was uncalled for and ignorant but she wanted to take a shot. Why isn’t her initial aggressiveness being lambasted? Why the bias? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/68 "2016-10-11T01:27:39Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Let me ask you this, ladies. > > When’s the last time you walked up to a man and grabbed his crotch? > > Yeah, I didn’t think so. So don’t assume this is what decent men do. FFS. #notallmen. Got it, loud and proud. Irrelevant in this discussion, but crystal clear. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/69 "2016-10-11T01:34:41Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > #notallmen. Got it, loud and proud. Irrelevant in this discussion, but crystal clear. Why? Why irrelevant? ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/70 "2016-10-11T01:38:39Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Why? Why irrelevant? Why is it irrelevant to defend ‘decent men’ when the thread is based on the unwanted groping experiences women have had? B/c it’s not a thread about men, primarily, it’s about what happens to WOMEN. Or would it kill you to sit back and _just read_ about women’s experiences and learn something about their lives, maybe try to understand where they’re coming from better w/o interjecting to defend the guys that haven’t groped them (yet)? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/71 "2016-10-11T01:55:59Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Why is it irrelevant to defend ‘decent men’ when the thread is based on the unwanted groping experiences women have had? B/c it’s not a thread about men, primarily, it’s about what happens to WOMEN. Or would it kill you to sit back and _just read_ about women’s experiences and learn something about their lives, maybe try to understand where they’re coming from better w/o interjecting to defend the guys that haven’t groped them (yet)? I don’t know why you’re so militant. There have been quite a number of female teachers convicted of sexual assault against boys in my region. I’m frankly tired of men always being the guilty party in this. > **[Female teacher with Ottawa Catholic School Board charged with sexual assault...](https://ottawasun.com/2016/04/01/female-teacher-with-ottawa-catholic-school-board-charged-with-sexual-assault-on-student)** > > A 30-year-old female teacher at Mother Teresa High School in Barrhaven is facing sex charges after allegedly being involved in a sexual relationship with one of her… > **[Ottawa teacher's aide jailed for 14 months after sexually exploiting student](https://ottawasun.com/2016/08/30/ottawa-teachers-aide-jailed-for-14-months-after-sexually-exploiting-student)** > > The Ottawa teacher’s aide who sexually exploited a vulnerable high school student for two years was jailed on Tuesday for 14 months in what the judge called a signi… > **[Ottawa teacher charged with sexual assault on a student](https://ottawasun.com/2016/07/05/ottawa-teacher-charged-with-sexual-assault-on-a-student)** > > An Ottawa teacher has been charged with sexual assault after police allege she was involved in a sexual relationship with one of her male students. > > Kyla Cowan-Wil… What’s your point? ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/72 "2016-10-11T01:59:07Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > Why is it irrelevant to defend ‘decent men’ when the thread is based on the unwanted groping experiences women have had? B/c it’s not a thread about men, primarily, it’s about what happens to WOMEN. Or would it kill you to sit back and _just read_ about women’s experiences and learn something about their lives, maybe try to understand where they’re coming from better w/o interjecting to defend the guys that haven’t groped them (yet)? By adding “yet” to that sentence you just admitted that the decent guys are still subject to your suspicion. Your otherwise correct point of view that it isn’t necessary for guys to chime in with #notallmen is totally undermined by that little jab at the end. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/73 "2016-10-11T02:06:17Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > By adding “yet” to that sentence you just admitted that the decent guys are still subject to your suspicion. Your otherwise correct point of view that it isn’t necessary for guys to chime in with #notallmen is totally undermined by that little jab at the end. All men are subject to suspicion, thanks to the fraction of the male population as a whole who are gropers. Don’t get mad at me for their poisoning the well. It’s their doing that women like me who’ve been assaulted always keep at least a sliver of an eye out when around men they don’t know well. It’s like we’re discussing poachers but people can’t stop saying, #notallhunters when the topic isn’t hunters, it’s poaching. **Leaffan** , I wholeheartedly suggest you start a thread pertinent to your concern, b/c you’re clearly uninterested in the stated topic of this thread if you’re unable to loudly minimize or dismiss it. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/74 "2016-10-11T02:15:23Z")
Na, fuck it. I’m sorry, apologizing for 50% of the human race when 99% of that 50% are decent human beings. As noted in my links, females are also total horn dogs who will rape little boys. Don’t make this a male issue: it’s a human issue. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/75 "2016-10-11T02:15:38Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > All men are subject to suspicion, thanks to the fraction of the male population as a whole who are gropers. Don’t get mad at me for their poisoning the well. It’s their doing that women like me who’ve been assaulted always keep at least a sliver of an eye out when around men they don’t know well. It’s like we’re discussing poachers but people can’t stop saying, #notallhunters when the topic isn’t hunters, it’s poaching. I totally agree with everything you posted right up until “yet”. IMHO that just sort of encourages more #notallmen comments. In a poaching vs. poachers conversation if you said ‘even those hunters who haven’t ever poached (yet!)’ some hunter would feel duty bound to interject that he doesn’t poach and neither do any of his hunter friends. Sorry for the hijack though. I wouldn’t post in this thread except the irony of your post drew me in. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/76 "2016-10-11T02:24:01Z")
OK, before this whole thread takes a bad turn, my 2 cents. 1. I’ll admit to having random thoughts/fantasies about attractive women on occasions, however I’m able to tell fantasy from reality and I know that uninvited groping is extremely unlikely to be welcomed and as such I’ve never done it. I have read all the stories posted here and I’ll confess to being surprised that it seems to be so common. I would not have thought that and I don’t get the thought processes of a man who would. I can see several different reasons why a man would do this to an unwilling participant, none of them justify, condone or excuse the behaviour in the remotest way. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/77 "2016-10-11T02:30:21Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Na, fuck it. > > I’m sorry, apologizing for 50% of the human race when 99% of that 50% are decent human beings. > > As noted in my links, females are also total horn dogs who will rape little boys. > > Don’t make this a male issue: it’s a human issue. NO ONE asked for your apology. This isn’t a thread asking you to apologize or defend or deflect. You’re not sorry, don’t waste the word. **Crazyhorse** , I don’t believe I make anyone do anything, be it you or any other man. You all have your own accountability and I don’t care that you nearly agreed w/ me until you didn’t. It doesn’t pick my pocket in any way what you think of my efforts to keep from being hurt again, be they hypothetical or real world. Useful hijack though, for showing how delicate men’s sexual egos are when they catch a whiff of them being challenged, and how much more men value their egos than they do the safety and protection of women. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/78 "2016-10-11T02:46:09Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Let me ask you this, ladies. > > When’s the last time you walked up to a man and grabbed his crotch? Sometime after breakfast today. He was doing the dishes. Seems a useless question but hell, I’m already sharing… ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/79 "2016-10-11T02:48:09Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > **Crazyhorse** , I don’t believe I make anyone do anything, be it you or any other man. You all have your own accountability and I don’t care that you nearly agreed w/ me until you didn’t. It doesn’t pick my pocket in any way what you think of my efforts to keep from being hurt again, be they hypothetical or real world. > Useful hijack though, for showing how delicate men’s sexual egos are when they catch a whiff of them being challenged, and how much more men value their egos than they do the safety and protection of women. You’re projecting a lot of weird conclusions on me and my motivation for posting. I just pointed out that you’re shooting yourself in the foot if your goal is to curtail the ‘but not all of us’ comments. I made no comment on your reasons for harboring your suspicions, just that by posting that you do you’re automatically opening up a conversation about it. While I would never presume to participate in a thread for sexual assault victims, most especially to mansplain anything, the flawed logic of your post was so ironic I just had to comment on it. You’re telling guys there’s no need to post just to clarify that not all men assault women because this thread isn’t about them but then add “yet”. So you just made the thread about them by doing so. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/80 "2016-10-11T02:51:12Z")
I’ve said over and over again that NOT ALL MEN DO THIS. In fact, that is the point of the thread: to show that this is not “boys will be boys” normal behavior. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105.md?page=5)