# Women: share your stories of having your crotch grabbed (when you didn't want it) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2016, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105 "2016-10-09T22:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/81 "2016-10-11T02:51:24Z")
> [@octopus](#): > > It was the pit and Ramira had no business being insulting just to pile on. Read her post. It was uncalled for and ignorant but she wanted to take a shot. Why isn’t her initial aggressiveness being lambasted? Why the bias? Let’s recap. **Part 1:** _It was the pit_ **Part 2:** _Ramira had no business being insulting just to pile on_ I see a possible contradiction between Part 1 and Part 2. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/82 "2016-10-11T02:51:55Z")
> [@Nawth\_Chucka](#): > > … > Useful hijack though, for showing how delicate men’s sexual egos are when they catch a whiff of them being challenged, and how much more men value their egos than they do the safety and protection of women. You’re totally delusional. I don’t know why you hate men as much as you do, but you clearly hate men. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/83 "2016-10-11T03:29:11Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Just my POV, this thread might be more relevant if we omit most cases of child molestation. I really think fondling an underage girl (or even barely of-age ones) is a different category of intent and assault than groping a nominally adult woman. Trump means the latter; my interest in further posts is where adult women have been so assaulted. > > But entirely YMMV, MHO, etc. I agree, and that includes molestation of children by other children (the 6th graders in gym being an excellent example of this), because that kind of thing is a big red flag for the perpetrators’ having been victims of abuse themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/84 "2016-10-11T03:31:49Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > Na, fuck it. > > I’m sorry, apologizing for 50% of the human race when 99% of that 50% are decent human beings. > > As noted in my links, females are also total horn dogs who will rape little boys. > > Don’t make this a male issue: it’s a human issue. See, here it is. “I don’t harass women, therefore almost nobody else does. So, harassment is not worth talking about, and all women who bring it up hate men.” ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/85 "2016-10-11T03:40:57Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > A woman made a video of herself simply walking down the street recording the harassment she received, and when she made the video public, there was all sorts of bitching about it from men about how the video was edited, and how long she was walking, and whether she was an actress or model (as if that made any difference). Men were “bitching” about it? I’m a woman, and I happen to agree with that, and that at least some of the “harassment” was staged. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/86 "2016-10-11T03:53:47Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > Let’s recap. **Part 1:** > > _It was the pit_ > > **Part 2:** > > _Ramira had no business being insulting just to pile on_ > > I see a possible contradiction between Part 1 and Part 2. Nice deflection with regards to inconsistency with pit decorum. So random insults make sense? Yet you are complaining about my reply. At least my reply was a response to a real insult. An insult that Ramira had no justification to make. At least be somewhat consistent. If the pit is a place to make random insults directed at other posters for imagined slights don’t get upset when insults are made. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/87 "2016-10-11T04:13:50Z")
Two times in my 49 years. Which should tell you how many men did NOT grope me, and how rare the behavior is. Once when I was nine, by a boy or group of boys, underwater in the community pool. They grabbed my crotch hard, it hurt like hell. I was so shocked that I stayed underwater for as long as my breath would hold, so as to let them get away because I was ashamed and scared. Until reading this thread, I had no idea nine is a prime age for crotch- grabbing. The second time was when I was nineteen. I was walking back from the bar with a tall glas of soda in my hand that I had just ordered from the bar. A guy my age slapped me hard on my ass. In a reflex, I turned around and threw my soda drink in his face. I held on to the glass, but I hit the mark: he was covered head to chest in soda and ice. He started to get enraged but I slinked away quickly, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his friends also tugging him away from me. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/88 "2016-10-11T04:16:31Z")
> [@ThelmaLou](#): > > I’m glad to hear from men on this thread. > > As for having outrageous and destructive thoughts/fantasies… I’ve had them. Not so much sex-revenge against a man, as shooting the occasional boss/board member. I once wrote a murder mystery story just to kill off a choir director I couldn’t stand. Contrary to what Jimmy Carter said, having the thought is not not not the same as doing the act. Fantasizing about shooting/raping someone is vastly different from actually doing it. Thoughts are not things. The thought of a piece of pie or the thought of falling from an airplane are not the same as a real piece of pie or \*actually \*falling from an airplane. Surely this is obvious. Yes. I’ll admit that the fantasy of having power over a woman, especially sexual power, is something that I’ve entertained. But it’s always been just that - a fantasy. However, just because I have had that fantasy, I follow a pretty ironclad rule with people outside my circle of intimates (especially co-workers who are younger than me): Do not touch anyone, male or female, without an invitation. And thank you to all the women who have shared your stories in this thread. I salute your courage in doing so. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/89 "2016-10-11T04:24:05Z")
Oooookay, I’m out now. I did think the thread was twofold… 1) to demonstrate how harmful the “boys will be boys” bullshit can be when translated to real world behavior and apologetics, and 2) to prove that sane, normal, non-pervy sexist guys don’t act or think that way. I’m not sure how the latter could’ve been achieved without any guys popping in to offer their opinions or experiences. So here we are at another gendered cluster fuck. Sigh. This so sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/90 "2016-10-11T04:29:33Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Men were “bitching” about it? I’m a woman, and I happen to agree with that, and that at least some of the “harassment” was staged. > > :dubious: What makes you so sure it was staged? Did the woman in the video or someone involved with making it admit that it was staged? ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/91 "2016-10-11T04:31:25Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > What makes you so sure it was staged? Did the woman in the video or someone involved with making it admit that it was staged? Nobody gets catcalled and propositioned that much IRL. YMMV, of course. ---
**Author:** ![mistymage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mistymage/32/459_2.png) [@mistymage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mistymage)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/92 "2016-10-11T04:44:53Z")
I was 9 or 10 and at the county fair. A guy came up and made small talk with me, grabbed my crotch and ran away. I blame the older sister who should have been with me instead of her running off with friends and my parents for not only having a 14 year old being in charge of me but for being non-locatable until about 5AM. I also blame that guy for being a perv. Brushed breasts, ass grabbed and being propositioned in places one wouldn’t expect it (library, grocery store, or at a park all while with my toddlers) happened enough that I don’t really recall specific incidences. Oh, wait. My father-in-law and his twin brother both slipped me tongue (my ear and my neck) during our wedding reception dances. Talking with my older sister-in-law they did the same to her. If I ever meet up with Mistermage’s first wife again I think I will ask her if that happened to her. Thankfully that never happened again … well, other than doing some “eyes up here” while breastfeeding my sons. Now I’m old and fat so I don’t have to worry about that shit. I hope. And to answer a question from a bit further up thread… I grabbed my hubby’s crotch on Saturday. I just can’t help it when he’s roaming the house in tighty-whities and he thinks I’m a star (I guess) since he never complains about it. He did say “no”, though, so no sexy funtimes for me. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/93 "2016-10-11T04:49:41Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Nobody gets catcalled and propositioned that much IRL. > > YMMV, of course. You know that was a ten hour walk, right? And yes they do. I absolutely used to get that level of reaction before I got old and fat. Notice not all the comments were necessarily menacing. Just “hello there” and such like. But still, unsolicited attention. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/94 "2016-10-11T04:53:48Z")
Isn’t it interesting how all the men posting in this thread are (to different degrees) horrified, disbelieving, shocked, etc… and yet we KNOW, from the personal testimonies of the women posters, that men do this, men grope us, all the time. SOMEONE is doing this. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/95 "2016-10-11T05:07:14Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Isn’t it interesting how all the men posting in this thread are (to different degrees) horrified, disbelieving, shocked, etc… and yet we KNOW, from the personal testimonies of the women posters, that men do this, men grope us, all the time. > > SOMEONE is doing this. Not to nitpick, but there is a big difference between “horrified, shocked” and “disbelieving.” I **expect** decent guys to be surprised that this happens as often as it does. In other news, Kelly Oxford, [who solicited tweets about assaults on women,](http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/11/us/politics/sexual-assault-survivor-reaction.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=a-lede-package-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0) was getting 50 tweets PER MINUTE. By Monday afternoon, she had 27 million messages. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/96 "2016-10-11T05:07:47Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > You know that was a ten hour walk, right? > > And yes they do. I absolutely used to get that level of reaction before I got old and fat. > > Notice not all the comments were necessarily menacing. Just “hello there” and such like. But still, unsolicited attention. I do not consider “hello there” and other similar friendly greetings to be sexual harassment, except under some very extreme circumstances that I didn’t see on the tape, at least not the part I saw. ---
**Author:** ![araminty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b5e925/32.png) [@araminty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/araminty)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/97 "2016-10-11T05:45:02Z")
THIS again? For fuck’s sake. > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I do not consider “hello there” and other similar friendly greetings to be sexual harassment, except under some very extreme circumstances that I didn’t see on the tape, at least not the part I saw. This is a fucking textbook example of mansplaining. A woman has the right to interpret communication however she sees fit. It’s insulting and misogynistic for you, **nearwildheaven** , to try to define this woman’s, or any woman’s experience. These are OUR experiences. These are OUR lives. It’s not a question of being polite or being friendly. It’s a question of personal safety. Women learn early (9! as this thread shows!) that approaching men are a THREAT. Listen to us. Believe us. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/98 "2016-10-11T05:50:21Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > Isn’t it interesting how all the men posting in this thread are (to different degrees) horrified, disbelieving, shocked, etc… and yet we KNOW, from the personal testimonies of the women posters, that men do this, men grope us, all the time. > > SOMEONE is doing this. I’m just a normal guy and I hate this bullshit. Normal guys are just normal guys. Please stop trying to lump us together with idiots. Sent from my adequate mobile device. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/99 "2016-10-11T05:57:13Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > THIS again? For fuck’s sake. > > This is a fucking textbook example of mansplaining. A woman has the right to interpret communication however she sees fit. It’s insulting and misogynistic for you, **nearwildheaven** , to try to define this woman’s, or any woman’s experience. > > These are OUR experiences. These are OUR lives. It’s not a question of being polite or being friendly. It’s a question of personal safety. Women learn early (9! as this thread shows!) that approaching men are a THREAT. > > Listen to us. Believe us. I think you may be mistaking nearwildheaven for a male. > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I’m a woman, and I happen to agree with that, and that at least some of the “harassment” was staged. ---
**Author:** ![octopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/octopus/32/3716_2.png) [@octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/octopus)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2016, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105/100 "2016-10-11T05:57:26Z")
> [@araminty](#): > > THIS again? For fuck’s sake. > > This is a fucking textbook example of mansplaining. A woman has the right to interpret communication however she sees fit. It’s insulting and misogynistic for you, **nearwildheaven** , to try to define this woman’s, or any woman’s experience. > > These are OUR experiences. These are OUR lives. It’s not a question of being polite or being friendly. It’s a question of personal safety. Women learn early (9! as this thread shows!) that approaching men are a THREAT. > > Listen to us. Believe us. nearwildheaven is a woman. So it would be womansplaining. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-share-your-stories-of-having-your-crotch-grabbed-when-you-didnt-want-it/768105.md?page=6)