If I was robbed on a subway train at 2 AM while I was counting a pile of cash, would people feel sorry for me? Or would they ask, “What the hell is wrong with you??? You were ASKING to be robbed”?
YES, in theory, I should have the right to go anywhere at any time and flash my money without being robbed. But in reality, I’m an idiot if I do. The guy who robbed me is no less guilty, and should STILL get the maximum sentence available for robbery, but the jury can throw the book at the thief while STILL believing I’m a dang fool.
I think there is persistent moral judgement and resonance reserved for women who get sexually assaulted while drunk that does not exist in the same way for men get robbed or beaten etc while drunk. These are (objectively) both hazardous things to do, but the woman is held not just to be foolish but morally deficient in some fashion. It would be as if the beaten and robbed drunk man, who even if he stops drinking and leads a sober life thereafter, is also regarded in the same category as a wife beater. Always under judgment and never forgiven regardless of the time that has passed.
Even if it’s a social construct there needs to be some way therapeutically and emotionally for a woman to get past this wall of judgement. Making victim blaming socially unacceptable in these specific scenarios is one way to get along that path.
I think that’s a level below what I was talking about though. Many people, either due to youth or naivete, engage in behavior they think should be perfectly safe, and probably is perfectly safe where they come from, and get victimized.
There is no place on Earth where heavy drinking and/or going home with strangers is safe, or even sane, behavior. We only consider it “sane” because so many people do it.
In a perfect world, I could walk through any neighborhood alone at any time without worrying about robbery or assault. I could argue correctly that I should have a RIGHT to sit on a subway car at 2 AM without losing my wallet or my Rolex.
But the reality is, if I did so, ALL my friends and relatives would say I was crazy or stupid. That’s not “blaming the victim.” They’d still want the thieves caught and punished. But they’d wonder how I could do something so obviously dangerous.
In the same way, in an ideal world, an 18 year old girl could wear a short dress with no underwear, drink and use Ecstasy, and party til dawn without fear of sexual assault. But we don’t live in that world. A friend who warns that girl NOT to dress slutty and get blind drunk isn’t excusing or condoning rape- she’s trying to do her friend a favor.