# Women that refuse to perform oral sex... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203 "2013-01-14T19:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/61 "2013-01-15T04:35:52Z")
In my online dating days, I saw an ad from a woman who said she was unable to perform the act in question because of temporomandibular joint disorder. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/62 "2013-01-15T04:57:33Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Is junk funk really such an issue? I’ve only been with one man who took a sloppy approach to genital hygiene. God, what a terrible marriage that was… But anyway, other than that, they all have had the good sense to maintain a clean area before expecting me to interact with it. That’s my question! I mean, who the hell are you all (or not) blowing? I have never encountered an issue in this regard. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/63 "2013-01-15T04:57:38Z")
I can honestly say that, in my 25 years or so of having sex, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t give blowjobs. A few weren’t very good at it, and some weren’t enthusiastic about it, but they all did it. I am kind of shocked that it appears to be so common to refuse. I would take that to be quite insulting and probably never go out with such a woman again. Maybe it’s an age-related thing? Like maybe older women didn’t talk about sex or have access to porn during their learning years, so they consider it dirty? As part of foreplay, it’s as common as kissing. Could you imagine if a woman refused to kiss you before sex? This is pretty much the same thing. I have come across women that didn’t like getting the favor returned. But I would never refuse to do it, except if there was a visit from the Progressive lady or something. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/64 "2013-01-15T04:58:34Z")
> [@GIGObuster](#): > > Hey, it’s cold outside.. 🙂 Ooooh, a swing and a miss. The judges would have preferred “Baby, it’s cold outside”. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/65 "2013-01-15T05:01:47Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Still trying to quantify the reasons for “Get that floppy proboscis away from me!”. I get the hygiene argument…The “fromunda” smell from the underside of a man’s sweaty ballsack is not an enticing aroma, and neither is that “honey, your pussy smells like a can of tuna that was left opened outside for days in the Summertime”. You’re killing me. Literally! I’m sick - bronchitis. Laughing brings on 5-10 minute brutal coughing fits & gasping for air. > [@April\_R](#): > > I just don’t want to be picking it out of my teeth 😛 Know why it’s curly? Poke your eyes out otherwise. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/66 "2013-01-15T05:08:35Z")
Love to give, hate to receive. Yeah, I have body issues. The only times I refuse are when I have cold sores, which I get at the drop of a hat. Doesn’t seem safe, plus it hurts, or when I’m just plain not in the mood for anything, nevermind a BJ. But sometimes I give them just because, or as a surprise, or because I’m not in the mood but I know he is. He says it makes him happy because I enjoy them. So there is the most personal thing I have ever put on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/67 "2013-01-15T05:18:52Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Huh, “I can’t blow you on account of this TMJ.” That’s a new one. And then there’s this… > [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](#): > > In my online dating days, I saw an ad from a woman who said she was unable to perform the act in question because of temporomandibular joint disorder. Ha! That’s better than “I’m on my period”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/68 "2013-01-15T05:20:05Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Huh, “I can’t blow you on account of this TMJ.” That’s a new one. And then there’s this… > [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](#): > > In my online dating days, I saw an ad from a woman who said she was unable to perform the act in question because of temporomandibular joint disorder. Ha! That’s better than “Sorry, I’m on my period”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/69 "2013-01-15T05:55:03Z")
1. It Hurts. Yes, actually it does. The scepticism of some folks in this thread that this could ever conceivably happen is duly noted :rolleyes: 2. Semen. Smells bad, tastes worse. 3. I don’t enjoy it myself. I find it very objectifying. Hey! My eyes are UP HERE, you know? So there’s a lack of any positive factor that might cause me to overlook the first two factors. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/70 "2013-01-15T06:16:02Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > I find it very objectifying. Hey! My eyes are UP HERE, you know? . What’s objectifying about it? Do you think it’s objectifying when gay men perform it? Is cunnilinggus objectifying? Why are you bringing up the “My eyes are up here”? Do you mean to say that the other person shouldn’t pay attention to the sexual aspects of you when you’re having sex? ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/71 "2013-01-15T06:32:01Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > 1. I don’t enjoy it myself. I find it very objectifying. Hey! My eyes are UP HERE, you know? You give some wild, body-contorting blowjobs. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/72 "2013-01-15T06:55:40Z")
TMJ doesn’t make it impossible, but it does make it uncomfortable and, more to the point, short in duration. Once you’re stopping every 30 seconds to massage/stretch/pop your jaw, it’s just not so sexy for either one anymore, y’know? Also, I can’t believe I’m the first one to point out that there’s a fairly significant population of people who have been sexually abused and/or assaulted. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/73 "2013-01-15T07:10:57Z")
One issue I have with cunnilingus, or rather, that she has, is that there will be a time when I come up from it, and in two seconds, the copious liquid in my beard has become unpleasantly cold, which can be a problem for her if the activities are not completed. No woman likes cold Bartholinade dripping on her. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/74 "2013-01-15T11:57:34Z")
> [@Kaio](#): > > TMJ doesn’t make it impossible, but it does make it uncomfortable and, more to the point, short in duration. Once you’re stopping every 30 seconds to massage/stretch/pop your jaw, it’s just not so sexy for either one anymore, y’know? Yup. I can only perform for so long before it’s just too uncomfortable to continue, so if completion’s not been reach by then, oh well, too bad, we’ll just move on to something else. Plus occasional sinus issues - snorting while trying to breathe and perform is not the sexiest of noises! ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/75 "2013-01-15T14:40:55Z")
> [@Spiderman](#): > > You’re killing me. Literally! I’m sick - bronchitis. Laughing brings on 5-10 minute brutal coughing fits & gasping for air. > > Know why it’s curly? Poke your eyes out otherwise. 😃 Ahahah **Spidey** ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/76 "2013-01-15T14:43:17Z")
> [@For You](#): > > One issue I have with cunnilingus, or rather, that she has, is that there will be a time when I come up from it, and in two seconds, the copious liquid in my beard has become unpleasantly cold, which can be a problem for her if the activities are not completed. No woman likes cold Bartholinade dripping on her. OMG, I think I just puked in my mouth a little ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/77 "2013-01-15T14:50:35Z")
I dated a woman for over two years who couldn’t perform oral sex. She actually broke down one time when she tried to perform it. We talked about it, I thought she had been abused as a child or something. She never really wanted to discuss it, I loved her anyways and didn’t push the subject or brought it up again. As long as the hoo haa was open for business I was happy. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/78 "2013-01-15T15:11:48Z")
> [@SweetiePotato](#): > > …you’ve got another thing coming. I wish I had another thing coming. I could alternate. > [@April R](#): > > I just don’t want to be picking it out of my teeth Think of it as floss…with sauce. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/79 "2013-01-15T15:44:26Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I don’t know. Now that we’re old and stuff, my mom \*is \*starting to talk about this sort of thing. She asked me in all seriousness the other day why men go to hookers these days, now that wives are willing to do oral sex. The woman honestly A) believes that men only went to hookers for blowjobs and B) that women of her generation didn’t do oral sex unless they were hookers. She’s 64, by the way. A Baby Boomer. I think I have some inkling now of why she hasn’t had a date since 1982… :eek: I have two or three old flames out there who are of your mother’s generation, and they certainly didn’t think this way - whereas I love the idea that “wives {now} are willing to do oral sex”. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/80 "2013-01-15T16:17:01Z")
I think you can thank popular porn for this one. It’s hard to find any oral scenes that don’t depict roughing up the woman, deliberately gagging her, then forcing her to endure having her face hosed including no regard for her eyes, airways, or hair…It looks nothing like a loving, reciprocal act. It looks like forced submission, abuse, and defacement of someone you supposedly care for. It looks mean. Can she lay down and have a cuddle with her partner after that? No, she has to have a hot shower and may need a good cry after being treated with such disregard. Having said that, if women are into it and they have a willing, submissive partner: good for them. The theme is so popular it must have fans on both sides. There’s definitely something awesome about watching the woman you love prove that she’s so into you that she’ll do anything to please you. That’s a fun thing for both. But taking advantage of her willingness to please you by roughing her up during that act may not be as fun for her. For me and at least my closest girlfriends whose ages range from 27 to 42: oral is a part of the daily repertoire and doesn’t require special occasions. I have one friend with TMJ who has complained about it, and one friend who has such a sensitive gag reflex that’s she’s barfed on her husband more than once, so those two have physical barriers to the act. But generally, oral sex is no big deal; not taboo. It’s how you get each other warmed up, and sometimes it’s a favor or reward that gets paid back next time around. I have to wonder if the OP had other tensions in the relationship that led to the BJ moratorium. If you wanted it, expected it, and displayed resentment over not getting it: oral sex may have been denied as part of a power struggle. I’m not about to perform for a partner I’m not a huge fan of. I’m only going down on someone I really, really like and want to please. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=5)