# Women that refuse to perform oral sex... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203 "2013-01-14T19:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/101 "2013-01-15T21:48:08Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > I can honestly say that, in my 25 years or so of having sex, I’ve never met a woman who didn’t give blowjobs. A few weren’t very good at it, and some weren’t enthusiastic about it, but they all did it. I am kind of shocked that it appears to be so common to refuse. I would take that to be quite insulting and probably never go out with such a woman again. Maybe it’s an age-related thing? Like maybe older women didn’t talk about sex or have access to porn during their learning years, so they consider it dirty? As part of foreplay, it’s as common as kissing. Could you imagine if a woman refused to kiss you before sex? This is pretty much the same thing. I have come across women that didn’t like getting the favor returned. But I would never refuse to do it, except if there was a visit from the Progressive lady or something. I have dated a few women whom were enthusiastic blowers (one was even a slurping swallower, man I miss her!), but my most recent frame of reference other than the girl I am dating right now is my ex-wife of eleven years. I never forced it on her, and rarely asked once it became clear that she just wasn’t into it, nor into me performing on her…I just wanted her to be into it. > [@Zsofia](#): > > Ooooh, a swing and a miss. The judges would have preferred “Baby, it’s cold outside”. That’s awesome. > [@Spiderman](#): > > You’re killing me. Literally! I’m sick - bronchitis. Laughing brings on 5-10 minute brutal coughing fits & gasping for air. Being grossly descriptive is one of my very few talents, and often overlooked. Thank you! > [@Gleena](#): > > Love to give, hate to receive. Yeah, I have body issues. > > The only times I refuse are when I have cold sores, which I get at the drop of a hat. Doesn’t seem safe, plus it hurts, or when I’m just plain not in the mood for anything, nevermind a BJ. > > But sometimes I give them just because, or as a surprise, or because I’m not in the mood but I know he is. He says it makes him happy because I enjoy them. > > So there is the most personal thing I have ever put on the internet. Thank you for your contribution! The check is in the male. > [@For You](#): > > One issue I have with cunnilingus, or rather, that she has, is that there will be a time when I come up from it, and in two seconds, the copious liquid in my beard has become unpleasantly cold, which can be a problem for her if the activities are not completed. No woman likes cold Bartholinade dripping on her. This is really funny and I can relate to it being a former goatee owner and a lover of performing cunnilingus. I think I know what Bartholinade is, but google is failing me for an authoritative definition. No urban dictionary, no nothing! > [@Ibanez](#): > > I dated a woman for over two years who couldn’t perform oral sex. She actually broke down one time when she tried to perform it. We talked about it, I thought she had been abused as a child or something. She never really wanted to discuss it, I loved her anyways and didn’t push the subject or brought it up again. As long as the hoo haa was open for business I was happy. That’s really sad and you did the right thing, which is what I would have done as well. It’s funny…this thread, some of the grief I’ve gotten for it, the copycat threads started as a result of it…I have pretty much the same attitude as you do. If I am with a girl and she doesn’t go for the oral, its not that big a deal. Straight vaginal intercourse is preferable to me under almost all circumstances anyway, and I prefer to perform cunnilingus on someone else than get a blowjob myself. BJ’s in my life have tended to be a part of foreplay for the most part, not an act of culmination. > [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Think of it as floss…with sauce. Eww! Good one! > [@Troppus](#): > > I think you can thank popular porn for this one. It’s hard to find any oral scenes that don’t depict roughing up the woman, deliberately gagging her, then forcing her to endure having her face hosed including no regard for her eyes, airways, or hair…It looks nothing like a loving, reciprocal act. It looks like forced submission, abuse, and defacement of someone you supposedly care for. It looks mean. Can she lay down and have a cuddle with her partner after that? No, she has to have a hot shower and may need a good cry after being treated with such disregard. > > I have to wonder if the OP had other tensions in the relationship that led to the BJ moratorium. If you wanted it, expected it, and displayed resentment over not getting it: oral sex may have been denied as part of a power struggle. I’m not about to perform for a partner I’m not a huge fan of. I’m only going down on someone I really, really like and want to please. There’s probably something to that porn element in terms of the way the act is viewed. As far as I am concerned, it was never really an “issue” between myself and my ex as I generally preferred straight sex anyway, but longed for some variation. I reacted more with bemusement than anything. I’m a guy: if I am getting sex and it isn’t with myself, I am generally happy and not complaining about it. > [@StusBlues](#): > > I don’t get men who don’t enjoy Cunnilingus. I mean, here it is, the grand buffet of all creation, the source of life and creativity itself, set our for your attention. Who would not wish to elicit that grand wellspring of pleasure in the most intimate way possible? This is probably one of the most romantic things I have ever read. You sir, are a true poet. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/102 "2013-01-15T21:51:50Z")
> [@StusBlues](#): > > I don’t get men who don’t enjoy Cunnilingus. I mean, here it is, the grand buffet of all creation, the source of life and creativity itself, set our for your attention. Who would not wish to elicit that grand wellspring of pleasure in the most intimate way possible? That’s kind of sweet. I don’t think I would use all those flowery words to describe a penis. Penises are funny. But I love being close to them. I fully respect every person’s sexual preferences, but giving BJs is a lot of fun. My slight preference not to receive is not body-image or self-consciousness related or anything like that. It’s just the simple fact that a tongue cannot apply as much pressure as a finger. I’m not saying it isn’t kinda fun, though. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/103 "2013-01-15T21:52:25Z")
> [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](#): > > Like maybe older women didn’t talk about sex or have access to porn during their learning years, so they consider it dirty? They’d have to be pretty darn old. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/104 "2013-01-15T22:08:58Z")
I have no problem with giving BJs at all: never had an issue with hygiene and frankly hairlessness is just weird to me. Don’t mind swallowing either. Nope, love doing it. Don’t like receiving though. It’s not a body issue, I just get bored. He’s so far away and I just… get distracted. Sometimes he really wants to and I let him, but frankly it’s like stopping for a cup of tea mid-way through sex. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/105 "2013-01-15T22:17:03Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > That’s kind of sweet. I don’t think I would use all those flowery words to describe a penis. Penises are funny. But I love being close to them. I fully respect every person’s sexual preferences, but giving BJs is a lot of fun. > > My slight preference not to receive is not body-image or self-consciousness related or anything like that. It’s just the simple fact that a tongue cannot apply as much pressure as a finger. I’m not saying it isn’t kinda fun, though. Ok, that I understand 100%. I had a girlfriend whose clitoris wasn’t sensitive at all. Neither was her G-spot. But her A-spot (like the G-spot, but much closer to the cervix)–oh, boy! Oral obviously wasn’t a priority for her. I think the lesson from this thread is that we should all try to be good, giving, and game in our relationships, as Dan Savage would say. Setting boundaries is important, but so is stretching them to be a good partner. For some men, fellatio is price of admission for a relationship, and that’s OK–not every couple is meant to be together forever. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/106 "2013-01-15T22:45:05Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > Don’t like receiving though. It’s not a body issue, I just get bored. He’s so far away and I just… get distracted. Sometimes he really wants to and I let him, but frankly it’s like stopping for a cup of tea mid-way through sex. I’ve found that cunnilingus is one of the only reliable ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Have you never come via cunnilingus? ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/107 "2013-01-15T22:53:47Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Thank you for your contribution! The check is in the male. I see what you did there. I don’t understand it, but I see it. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/108 "2013-01-15T23:06:17Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I’ve found that cunnilingus is one of the only reliable ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Have you never come via cunnilingus? All women are different. My current girlfriend was totally disinterested in receiving. She never had an orgasm that way. Then she met me. I’m sure there are other reasons why we are still together. 😃 But truthfully it’s still not her favorite thing but now she enjoys it when the mood hits. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2013, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/109 "2013-01-15T23:23:05Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I’ve found that cunnilingus is one of the only reliable ways to bring a woman to orgasm. Have you never come via cunnilingus? If I really concentrate, and even then it’s a boring orgasm. And it takes a looong time of boring.\* I miss his face, and the rest of his body. - A useful phrase I just invented, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/110 "2013-01-16T00:34:00Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > I have to say, I’m amazed at the number of folks in this thread who married people who would not do oral sex. I thought most dated enough beforehand to find something like that out. I did. She said she needed to save something special for marriage. It turns out that was just an indefinite stalling tactic. It was never going to happen in either direction. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/111 "2013-01-16T01:08:03Z")
Ladies, I always found it useful to let partners know that we were only having a reciprocal sexual relationship here. If I was spending time buried in their crotch, then they’d be returning the favor. I’m a very egalitarian sort gal, so it was only fair. 😃 Never had anyone decline either. But now, I’m not so much into receiving as I used to be. I figured out the reason why is because I was one of those “technical” virgins back in the day. Since that meant I pretty much only had oral as my ultimate goal, I must have become uninterested in it now. I’ll still give at the drop of a hat, but I’ll only want to waste my time on cunnilingus if he absolutely insists. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Like\_Pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@I\_Like\_Pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Like_Pie)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/112 "2013-01-16T01:54:59Z")
For me it’s all about being in control of pleasuring my partner. I don’t find anything gross about it, and I certainly don’t expect anything in return. If it’s something that’s expected then, yes, it can feel like a chore; I have to say though that I have only been with a couple men who thought it was something I should do without question. Those relationships didn’t last long. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/113 "2013-01-16T02:15:55Z")
> [@I\_Like\_Pie](#): > > For me it’s all about being in control of pleasuring my partner. I don’t find anything gross about it, and I certainly don’t expect anything in return. If it’s something that’s expected then, yes, it can feel like a chore; I have to say though that I have only been with a couple men who thought it was something I should do without question. Those relationships didn’t last long. Great username/post combo. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Like\_Pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@I\_Like\_Pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Like_Pie)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/114 "2013-01-16T02:20:54Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > Great username/post combo. Indeed 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/115 "2013-01-16T02:25:27Z")
> [@I\_Like\_Pie](#): > > Indeed 😃 This is too many teeth, though.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![I\_Like\_Pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@I\_Like\_Pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Like_Pie)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/116 "2013-01-16T02:27:05Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > This is too many teeth, though.🙂 I supposed I could just take them out. A little gum action… ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/117 "2013-01-16T02:29:31Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > It’s just the simple fact that a tongue cannot apply as much pressure as a finger. I’m not saying it isn’t kinda fun, though. I think that is a valid point, although I must argue that perhaps someone isn’t doing it right and/or the combo of tongue and fingers hasn’t yet entered the fray. > [@gracer](#): > > Don’t like receiving though. It’s not a body issue, I just get bored. He’s so far away and I just… get distracted. Sometimes he really wants to and I let him, but frankly it’s like stopping for a cup of tea mid-way through sex. Why do you feel “he’s so far away”? His everloving face is buried right in your cootchie! Seriously though, I guess I understand this point. The intimacy isn’t the same as straight sex…perhaps you should have that cup of tea _before_ sex? 🙂 > [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > Great username/post combo. It would be, if she were a lesbian. She might be, I don’t know. > [@faithfool](#): > > Ladies, I always found it useful to let partners know that we were only having a reciprocal sexual relationship here. If I was spending time buried in their crotch, then they’d be returning the favor. I’m a very egalitarian sort gal, so it was only fair. 😃 Never had anyone decline either. > > But now, I’m not so much into receiving as I used to be. I figured out the reason why is because I was one of those “technical” virgins back in the day. Since that meant I pretty much only had oral as my ultimate goal, I must have become uninterested in it now. I’ll still give at the drop of a hat, but I’ll only want to waste my time on cunnilingus if he absolutely insists. This is interesting. By “technical virgin” I assume you meant that “as long as a penis didn’t penetrate me, I am still a virgin and anything else goes”. I suppose it depends on what your definition of “is” is. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/118 "2013-01-16T02:33:56Z")
Yep, due to over religiosity, I was one of those girls who’d give out 3 1/2 bases. I’m sure I was infuriating. Gah. I hate the old me. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Like\_Pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@I\_Like\_Pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Like_Pie)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/119 "2013-01-16T02:38:36Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > It would be, if she were a lesbian. She might be, I don’t know. Not a lesbian. I enjoy the penis. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/120 "2013-01-16T02:39:11Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > It would be, if she were a lesbian. She might be, I don’t know. The very post in question seems to suggest that she is at the very least bisexual: > [@I\_Like\_Pie](#): > > For me it’s all about being in control of pleasuring my partner. I don’t find anything gross about it, and I certainly don’t expect anything in return. If it’s something that’s expected then, yes, it can feel like a chore; I have to say though that I have only been with a couple men who thought it was something I should do without question. Those relationships didn’t last long. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=7)