# Women that refuse to perform oral sex... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203 "2013-01-14T19:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/141 "2013-01-16T04:54:55Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Huh, “I can’t blow you on account of this TMJ.” That’s a new one. It’s a valid reason! I do it anyway but it does hurt and I can’t do it for very long. Honestly, I wouldn’t be with a man who did it only as much as I do it. And I am completely baffled by women who don’t like receiving. I can’t even say the men you’ve been with must have just been bad at it, because I’m not sure there is even such a thing as bad oral. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/142 "2013-01-16T05:02:49Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > There’s actually a serious and long-running labor shortage in Thailand due to all the international companies coming in and setting up factories. Any one of those ladies could get a factory job without much effort searching. But this pays better, and the hours are better. And believe it or not, even the working conditions are better. Some of these ladies have even fled their factory job to work in these bars. > > Just different strokes. So to speak. Oh, and it’s not particularly unusual to come across (heh) a lady who _does_ have a regular job and just uses this as a sideline. For instance, I knew one girl who worked in a regular go-go bar, not a BJ bar, at night but was a conductor on a Bangkok city bus by day. I don’t think the poor lass got much sleep at all, especially if she went home with a bar customer. And I knew one guy who picked up someone in a freelancer joint and told me he was surprised when she got up early to leave, because she was an executive secretary in some office. > [@Blackberry](#): > > … because I’m not sure there is even such a thing as bad oral. Well, I don’t know about that. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/143 "2013-01-16T05:06:40Z")
This stuff about prostitution is really a different topic than sex in the context of relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/144 "2013-01-16T05:15:43Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I’m not sure there is even such a thing as bad oral. There sure is. It’s summed up with one word, “teeth”. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/145 "2013-01-16T05:36:55Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > 69? Don’t forget 68. That’s where she blows you and you owe her 1. Then there’s 34.5. That’s 69 on your birthday. > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Well, I don’t know about that. I’ve had some very lame sex but oral ranges from good to great. I don’t even know how a man could fuck it up to the point where I didn’t like it. He’s have to be about the most useless person imaginable. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/146 "2013-01-16T05:54:57Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I don’t even know how a man could fuck it up to the point where I didn’t like it. He’s have to be about the most useless person imaginable. Well, there ya go. Say, without looking it up, are we by chance getting close to Steak and BJ Day? Is that coming up (heh) soon? ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/147 "2013-01-16T05:56:32Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > I think I know what Bartholinade is, but google is failing me for an authoritative definition. No urban dictionary, no nothing! Sorry, I kind of manufactured that one: the vagina gets its lubrication from the glands of Bartholin. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/148 "2013-01-16T15:06:51Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > This stuff about prostitution is really a different topic than sex in the context of relationships. How so? A penis in the mouth is a penis in the mouth no matter who is doing it, N’est-ce pas? ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/149 "2013-01-16T15:37:29Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > How so? A penis in the mouth is a penis in the mouth no matter who is doing it, N’est-ce pas? I’m sure you have the same view of a penis in you. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/150 "2013-01-16T15:43:31Z")
> [@Peremensoe](#): > > I’m sure you have the same view of a penis in you. Probably, so I think it is a false dichotomy to separate paid sex from relationship sex. If a woman doesn’t like to perform oral sex, what is wrong with that?? ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/151 "2013-01-16T15:54:02Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Probably, so I think it is a false dichotomy to separate paid sex from relationship sex. If a woman doesn’t like to perform oral sex, what is wrong with that?? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting to do…well, pretty much anything. I was interested in perspectives on the specifics of _why_. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/152 "2013-01-16T16:02:31Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Probably, so I think it is a false dichotomy to separate paid sex from relationship sex. If a woman doesn’t like to perform oral sex, what is wrong with that?? Well, if she’s a professional the problem is she wouldn’t get any work. And I actually know about girls that tried doing the job without offering oral… for a couple of days at least. ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/153 "2013-01-16T16:14:13Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > The only thing I do _npt_ like one bit is being presented with “limp weenie, please suck.” Ugh, no one wants to put that in their mouths. So there’s my reason. Once it’s hard I don’t have any problem, and while I haven’t been with _that_ many men, I can tell you I don’t think I’ve ever come across (ha!) a real hygiene problem. If there ever was, one shower would have taken care of it - it wasn’t built up funk, just normal stuff. Dammit, couldn’t find a video of the line in “Bonfire of the Vanities” where Maria says, “I’m a sucker for a soft dick.” > [@April\_R](#): > > Less work for who? This is a major problem I have with oral. Unless it’s 69, the pleasure is pretty one sided. And Bjs in particular are darn right selfish if all the guy is interested in is getting off and not returning anything. Intercourse is good times for all. And if you are really that lazy that sex sounds like work, just lay on your back and take it like a man I have never had a girlfriend who did not give blowjobs, but I have had a couple who did not like 69 exactly for that reason. They felt that when receiving oral they could not concentrate on giving well, and when giving they could not let themselves relax enough to enjoy receiving. The nice thing about oral is that it is one persons job to just relax and enjoy it while the other gives them pleasure. ---
**Author:** ![Peremensoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/154 "2013-01-16T16:47:25Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I think it is a false dichotomy to separate paid sex from relationship sex. Good lord. I assumed you were joking, and joked back. I guess I needn’t have been concerned that someone would find the implication out of line. ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/155 "2013-01-16T16:54:36Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > How so? A penis in the mouth is a penis in the mouth no matter who is doing it, N’est-ce pas? > [@April\_R](#): > > Probably, so I think it is a false dichotomy to separate paid sex from relationship sex. If a woman doesn’t like to perform oral sex, what is wrong with that?? From a broader biological standpoint, sure. However, in the majority of US states, the law dictates that paying for sex is illegal, and it also differs pretty widely on a social scale. I’m curious as to why you describe it as a false dichotomy. Objectification stemming from the lack of intimacy and/or the pursuit of financial gain, largely differentiates the two sexual indulgences (doing so in a relationship, as opposed to prostitution). You’ve even expressed disgust with the latter, so it’s an odd position to really liken the two. I don’t think there is anything wrong with a person who chooses to avoid doing something, because they don’t like it (male or female). I’m not sure how that relates to the above ideas. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/156 "2013-01-16T17:25:11Z")
[QUOTE=Blackberry;] I’ve had some very lame sex but oral ranges from good to great. I don’t even know how a man could fuck it up to the point where I didn’t like it. He’s have to be about the most useless person imaginable. [/QUOTE] I’ve never had _cunnilingus_ per se, but I can certainly see how some could be taken as such. Being too tentative to apply any real pressure, drowning you in buckets of saliva, only putting forth 45 seconds of effort, bitching about it the whole time or, heaven forbid, being overly aggressive and using teeth. Eek! And that’s just guesses off the top of my head. Also, don’t forget the ones who believe they are Casanova who really do suck. Heh. So, yeah, I’d say there’s undoubtedly some awful oral going on out there. ---
**Author:** ![SweetiePotato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SweetiePotato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SweetiePotato)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/157 "2013-01-16T17:33:59Z")
I’ve had cunnilingus with teeth. It was my first boyfriend… clearly he had some lack-of-experience issues. I yelped and jumped to the ceiling, and then I told him to never do that again :smack: ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/158 "2013-01-16T18:01:15Z")
> [@Krouget](#): > > From a broader biological standpoint, sure. However, in the majority of US states, the law dictates that paying for sex is illegal, and it also differs pretty widely on a social scale. > > I’m curious as to why you describe it as a false dichotomy. Objectification stemming from the lack of intimacy and/or the pursuit of financial gain, largely differentiates the two sexual indulgences (doing so in a relationship, as opposed to prostitution). You’ve even expressed disgust with the latter, so it’s an odd position to really liken the two. > > I don’t think there is anything wrong with a person who chooses to avoid doing something, because they don’t like it (male or female). I’m not sure how that relates to the above ideas. I guess I was addressing two separate issues raised by this thread. One, that there has to be some reason (implied disgust at the act, negative body issues of the female, general prudishness) why a woman doesn’t want to give a bj other than her just not liking it. And the implication that some sex workers who give bjs are doing it because they want to, get some kind of empowerment/financial gain (as a side business to their regular jobs? :dubious:). I don’t think it is any different in a professional sexual relationship as opposed to a personal one. Some women perform certain sexual acts because they like them and some do it out of obligation whether they are getting paid to do so or not. My question was, whether a sex worker or a non-sex worker, why can’t a woman just not like performing certain sexual acts without their being something being “wrong” with her? ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/159 "2013-01-16T18:09:12Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I guess I was addressing two separate issues raised by this thread. One, that there has to be some reason (implied disgust at the act, negative body issues of the female, general prudishness) why a woman doesn’t want to give a bj other than her just not liking it. And the implication that some sex workers who give bjs are doing it because they want to, get some kind of empowerment/financial gain (as a side business to their regular jobs? :dubious:). I don’t think it is any different in a professional sexual relationship as opposed to a personal one. Some women perform certain sexual acts because they like them and some do it out of obligation whether they are getting paid to do so or not. > > My question was, whether a sex worker or a non-sex worker, why can’t a woman just not like performing certain sexual acts without their being something being “wrong” with her? I certainly didn’t mean to imply that “there’s something wrong” with a woman that doesn’t like to perform (or receive or both) oral sex, rather that when you don’t like something, there’s a reason for that dislike and I was curious as to what those reasons, generally speaking, were. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/160 "2013-01-16T18:14:33Z")
I dunno a guy who refused to perform oral on a woman would probably get laughed at, I don’t see anyone worrying about being sensitive. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=9)