# Women that refuse to perform oral sex... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203 "2013-01-14T19:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/161 "2013-01-16T18:20:36Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > Its fun until one of those lovely ladies gives or catches an std. Men are gross. Like what in the bar, in view of everyone?! :dubious: That doesn’t sound workable without viagra, or if creepy dudes staring at you intently during oral sex is your thing. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/162 "2013-01-16T18:20:53Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I dunno a guy who refused to perform oral on a woman would probably get laughed at, I don’t see anyone worrying about being sensitive. There are some cultures that strongly look down on the practice of cunnilingus. I’m thinking of the early episode of Sopranos where Uncle Junior got pissed at Tony for telling people he’d gone down on a girl, causing some of the other mafia guys to give him a hard time. ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/163 "2013-01-16T18:49:07Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Like what in the bar, in view of everyone?! :dubious: That doesn’t sound workable without viagra, or if creepy dudes staring at you intently during oral sex is your thing. If you’re into girls using there mouths on your dick, the fact that some other people are around will rarely be relevant (and yes, I know from exeprience;)). ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/164 "2013-01-16T19:04:46Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > I guess I was addressing two separate issues raised by this thread. One, that there has to be some reason (implied disgust at the act, negative body issues of the female, general prudishness) why a woman doesn’t want to give a bj other than her just not liking it. And the implication that some sex workers who give bjs are doing it because they want to, get some kind of empowerment/financial gain (as a side business to their regular jobs? :dubious:). I don’t think it is any different in a professional sexual relationship as opposed to a personal one. Some women perform certain sexual acts because they like them and some do it out of obligation whether they are getting paid to do so or not. Ok, now I understand what you were getting at. > [@](#): > > My question was, whether a sex worker or a non-sex worker, why can’t a woman just not like performing certain sexual acts without their being something being “wrong” with her? At least with the OP, I didn’t read that as the implication. I saw it as more of a benign interest in exploring the thought process. I don’t think anyone reasonable would challenge the answer: _“because I don’t like it”_, as that’s perfectly acceptable. However, it wouldn’t really lend well to discussion.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/165 "2013-01-16T19:08:18Z")
> [@polar\_bear](#): > > If you’re into girls using there mouths on your dick, the fact that some other people are around will rarely be relevant (and yes, I know from exeprience;)). I don’t think it’s too crazy to suggest that many guys would not enjoy receiving oral while surrounded by a bunch of gawkers. Maybe you do, and that’s cool. But why does that have to mean that everyone does? ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/166 "2013-01-16T19:22:34Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > There are some cultures that strongly look down on the practice of cunnilingus. I’m thinking of the early episode of Sopranos where Uncle Junior got pissed at Tony for telling people he’d gone down on a girl, causing some of the other mafia guys to give him a hard time. Reminds me of a (fantastic) 2008 Sean Flynn article about singer James Brown for GQ. Re Brown’s opinion of women and their place in his life: "He’d hop on, roll off. Straight missionary, straight to the point. He never saw a reason for much else. “Why’s a white man eat a woman?” he once asked a white friend. “What’s he get outta that?” [Link to “Papa”](http://www.gq.com/entertainment/music/200903/james-brown-legacy-money-millions?currentPage=1) ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/167 "2013-01-16T19:35:36Z")
> [@colander](#): > > I don’t think it’s too crazy to suggest that many guys would not enjoy receiving oral while surrounded by a bunch of gawkers. Maybe you do, and that’s cool. But why does that have to mean that everyone does? O, I’m not particularly a fan… but sometimes you have little say in the matter;). Even if you seriously don’t like the public aspect, I would be surprised if a loss of erection would be the result (from what I’ve seen at least). If you don’t enjoy it, you move somewhere else quickly (but most likely with everything in working order). But sure, who knows what exceptions there are. ps Didn’t intend to hijack. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/168 "2013-01-16T19:52:55Z")
> [@polar\_bear](#): > > O, I’m not particularly a fan… but sometimes you have little say in the matter;). Even if you seriously don’t like the public aspect, I would be surprised if a loss of erection would be the result (from what I’ve seen at least). If you don’t enjoy it, you move somewhere else quickly (but most likely with everything in working order). But sure, who knows what exceptions there are. > > ps Didn’t intend to hijack. Dude, you hang out at European brothels pretty much all of the time. Your and your compatriots’ perspectives on public sex are, I promise you, not those of a representative sample of humanity. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![polar\_bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ec9cab/32.png) [@polar\_bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/polar_bear)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/169 "2013-01-16T21:17:14Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Dude, you hang out at European brothels pretty much all of the time. Your and your compatriots’ perspectives on public sex are, I promise you, not those of a representative sample of humanity. 🙂 We were talking about Thai BJ bars here… the least you can say is that visitors go there for a reason. Whether these guys differ from the ‘normal’ population or not. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/170 "2013-01-16T21:39:04Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I’ve never had _cunnilingus_ per se, but I can certainly see how some could be taken as such. Being too tentative to apply any real pressure, drowning you in buckets of saliva, only putting forth 45 seconds of effort, bitching about it the whole time or, heaven forbid, being overly aggressive and using teeth. Eek! And that’s just guesses off the top of my head. Also, don’t forget the ones who believe they are Casanova who really do suck. Heh. So, yeah, I’d say there’s undoubtedly some awful oral going on out there. Well, I mean, unless they were \*trying \*to do it wrong, it would be pretty hard to fail so miserably. Sex can be lame without anything in particular going horribly wrong, but for me, oral can’t. If the guy was bitching about it or something, that would just be bizarre. But more to the point, you’ve never had it? Any particular reason why not? ---
**Author:** ![I\_Like\_Pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@I\_Like\_Pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Like_Pie)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2013, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/171 "2013-01-16T23:45:48Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Then there’s 34.5. That’s 69 on your birthday. > I’ve had some very lame sex but oral ranges from good to great. I don’t even know how a man could fuck it up to the point where I didn’t like it. He’s have to be about the most useless person imaginable. I dated a guy who honestly had no clue what he was doing. It was like he’d never seen a vagina in his life. I don’t know what “technique” he was using but it was painful and awkward, and he should have been banned from doing it ever again. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/172 "2013-01-17T01:15:51Z")
> [@flight](#): > > Dammit, couldn’t find a video of the line in “Bonfire of the Vanities” where Maria says, “I’m a sucker for a soft dick.” > > I have never had a girlfriend who did not give blowjobs, but I have had a couple who did not like 69 exactly for that reason. They felt that when receiving oral they could not concentrate on giving well, and when giving they could not let themselves relax enough to enjoy receiving. The nice thing about oral is that it is one persons job to just relax and enjoy it while the other gives them pleasure. I like 69 just for that reason, sort of. I mean, giving and receiving at the same time relieves my from really having to focus on either and somehow makes me enjoy both even more. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/173 "2013-01-17T01:31:59Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > But more to the point, you’ve never had it? Any particular reason why not? I read this and I was wondering what you were talking about, then I re-read what I wrote. Damn my coding when I’m on my phone. Sorry. I was trying to italicize bad and somehow skipped straight to the cunnilingus part. I have no idea how I did that, but yes, I’ve had plenty of it and all fine, as I can remember. I apologize for confusing everyone. Ugh. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/174 "2013-01-17T01:44:43Z")
> [@I\_Like\_Pie](#): > > I dated a guy who honestly had no clue what he was doing. It was like he’d never seen a vagina in his life. I don’t know what “technique” he was using but it was painful and awkward, and he should have been banned from doing it ever again. Sorry. I have banned myself. It will never be a concern again, especially now that you prefer the company of women. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/175 "2013-01-17T01:54:31Z")
> [@FoieGrasIsEvil](#): > > Sorry. I have banned myself. It will never be a concern again, especially now that you prefer the company of women. What are you even talking about? Anyway, this needs to be repeated from another thread: > [@Men that refuse to take it up the butthole...](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/men-that-refuse-to-take-it-up-the-butthole/647244/83): > > Well, the OP is a parody of the thread asking why some women don’t like oral, and IMHO that’s a fairly stupid question to ask. The answer is absurdly simple: because they don’t like it. Nobody goes around asking men why they don’t like water sports or women why they don’t like copraphagia. Oral is a helluva lot more common than any of those kinks, but it’s still just one of many, many possible sexual acts. > > I can’t really know what **Kimmy Gibler** was thinking, but I’m guessing that he/she was bugged by this assumption that a woman is obligated to perform oral even if she doesn’t like it, and if she doesn’t then something is clearly wrong and she needs to have an excuse (TMJ, coming from an older generation where oral was seen as super skanky, etc). Many people are pointing out that many men just aren’t wired to want a dick/dildo in their ass, but everyone takes it for granted that women should want a dick in the mouth? The analogy holds. > > Just my $.02. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/176 "2013-01-17T03:03:19Z")
> [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](#): > > I like 69 just for that reason, sort of. I mean, giving and receiving at the same time relieves my from really having to focus on either and somehow makes me enjoy both even more. The only thing wrong with 69 is the view. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/177 "2013-01-17T03:05:42Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > What are you even talking about? It’s a joke. I personally know **I Like Pie.** ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/178 "2013-01-17T03:23:25Z")
> [@polar\_bear](#): > > Well, if she’s a professional the problem is she wouldn’t get any work. And I actually know about girls that tried doing the job without offering oral… for a couple of days at least. There are Thai sex workers who don’t do oral but still make a go of it. They’re certainly not working in the BJ bars though. But my advice is always discuss with the lass just what’s on offer. There is one well-known brothel, the French-owned and -operated Eden Club – and it is a brothel, not a bar – where it’s a two-girl minimum rule, you can’t take just one. And Marc has a yellow line on the wall of the bar, and the girls on the left are willing to do anal and those on the right do not. An easy way of knowing. Lest you think I’m _too_ creepy, yes I do know a lot of bar owners and working girls. Bangkok’s a bit like Casablanca in that if you stay here long enough, you get to know all types of characters, both unsavory and otherwise. The wife has an interest too. As some on the Board already know, she’s a government researcher attached to a large university in Bangkok. A demographer. Twenty-five years ago, her office was tasked with counting the prostitute population in Thailand. They came up with the laughingly low figure of 200,000. They knew this was bogus, but the data were what the date were. One problem was the definition of prostitute since there are so many part-timers out there, especially toward the end of the month when rent is coming due. She’s also done Aids studies – with her results published in international journals – that show the highest at-risk population in Thailand is fishermen. These guys are out at sea for weeks at a time and just go hog-wild crazy when they get back to shore. Couple that with their alm,ost complete lack of formal schooling, and you have a disaster in the making. All of her studies on this were conducted in the 1990s though, so some follow-up research might be in order now. But other studies show the Aids prevalence among Thai hookers to be quite low, certainly not anything like in neighboring Cambodia say. And if you look at Thai prostitutes who focus on farang (Westerner) tourists, the prevalence goes way down. The real Aids-ridden hookers are those servicing the bottom-of-the-barrel manual laborers and such, the two- or three-dollar girls. The ones in the main red-light areas are more their own free agents – a BIG complaint among the bar owners is girls constantly just taking off or changing bars on a whim – and tend to be at least somewhat better educated, especially about how to take care of themselves. There is even a prostitutes’ union, Empower, with offices in the Patpong red-light area. Anyway, jusy threw that in so you won’t think I’m creepy. At least, not _too_ much so. 😉 Now back to the dick-sucking! ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/179 "2013-01-17T06:05:46Z")
This thread reminds me of Dante’s girlfriend in “Clerks”, who had only had sex with 3 men in her life. But she considered sex defined just as intercourse; she didn’t think oral sex was _ **sex** _, so the 36 guys she’d given blowjobs to didn’t count to her. Bill Clinton must’ve seen this movie before his dates with Monica. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2013, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203/180 "2013-01-17T12:33:59Z")
“Thirty-six dicks?!?!?!” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-that-refuse-to-perform-oral-sex/647203.md?page=10)