# Women Troubles... HELP! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 13, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396 "2003-04-13T05:00:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nether](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a87d85/32.png) [@Nether](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nether)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/1 "2003-04-13T05:00:55Z")
Guys I just don’t get women. The better I treat them, the worse I get treated. I treat my g/f’s like gold. I buy them what they want, do what they want, and even bring them food when I am on my way home. I have yet to date a girl and not get used or cheated on. Is there anyone that can help me with my problems? If so i would appreciate it. My brother gave me this quote, let me know if you like it. “The better your treat a bitch, the worse they treat you. So treat them like the SLUTS that they are” ---
**Author:** ![Badge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Badge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badge)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/2 "2003-04-13T05:06:46Z")
All I can say is, there is a fine line between being a good guy and being a doormat. Most women don’t respect doormats. If you can figure out exactly where that line is, please let me know. I’ve always been the doormat type, and had pretty much the same results that you have. And forget that crap about treating women like sluts. That’s just stupid. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/3 "2003-04-13T05:14:36Z")
One of our skilled mockers should be along shortly. Please be patient in the meantime. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/4 "2003-04-13T05:26:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nether \* > \*\* > > “The better your treat a bitch, the worse they treat you. So treat them like the SLUTS that they are” \*\* I see your problem. You have masochistic tendencies that manifest themselves by posting this sort of crud on messageboards. I suspect you really get off on being beaten to a bloody pulp. Sool 'im Sistas. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/5 "2003-04-13T05:29:54Z")
Lemme guess? You’re one of those guys who goes around whining about what a “nice” guy you are, and how no girl wants you, because they want guys who treat them like jerks, and why won’t they go out with you, please, please please, you beg them. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/6 "2003-04-13T05:33:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Guinastasia \* > \*\*Lemme guess? > > You’re one of those guys who goes around whining about what a “nice” guy you are, and how no girl wants you, because they want guys who treat them like jerks, and why won’t they go out with you, please, please please, you beg them. \*\* And your point is…? ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/7 "2003-04-13T05:37:18Z")
I can guarantee you that if you continue to quote your brother, you will continue to have “women trouble.” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/8 "2003-04-13T05:39:54Z")
Actually, **Ruby** , he wont’ have women trouble at all-because there won’t BE any women who stick around long enough for him to have any “trouble.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/9 "2003-04-13T05:41:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nether’s Brother \* > [B"The better your treat a bitch, the worse they treat you. So treat them like the SLUTS that they are" \*\* That’s right. Bitches will tread you like shit. Go find yourself a woman. -LA ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/10 "2003-04-13T05:43:00Z")
Rather, they will treat you like shit. ---
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/11 "2003-04-13T05:45:39Z")
I certainly don’t know the OP or the other fellow(s) that posted, but it has been my personal observation that the more a guy complains about being dumped because he was “too nice”, the more likely he is to take the same type of women out - very good looking but spoiled, self-absorbed and shallow. Perhaps the women who have more depth but are not cover-girl material would like being treated like a queen. OTOH, the man in my life that hurt me the most insisted all along he was the “nice guy always getting dumped”. He was _not_ nice and he was _not_ dumped (but should have been). But those are my experiences, YMMV, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Thaumaturge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@Thaumaturge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thaumaturge)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/12 "2003-04-13T05:58:58Z")
Doormat-checking in. I suppose I should have got the clue when I saw that all the flowers I had been buying her over the last few months had been carelessly tossed into a back room, never having even been put in a vase. I even bought her a vase, because she didn’t have one when i met her. But it was still sitting there with the now thoroughly rotten flowers I had given her for valentine’s day sitting in it. So when she unceremoniously dumped me last week, I really shouldn’t have been surprised. I think it says “welcome” somewhere on my back. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/13 "2003-04-13T06:05:14Z")
What are your girlfriends like? Never mind their looks; are they good people? Do they treat ALL people with respect? Are they honest? If they’re not, then that’s your problem. They’re not good people. It won’t matter how well you treat them. They’ll just take advantage of you. Nice people will treat you better. If you look for nice people, chances are you’ll be treated better. Remember that your treatment of people is not always reflected back in their treatment of you. Don’t let the weenies get you down. Oh, and don’t generalize across whole genders. It’s not right to lump genuinely good women in with people who would treat others so poorly. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/14 "2003-04-13T06:08:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*That’s right. Bitches will tread you like shit. \*\* I thought your posting was right the first time **LA**. ---
**Author:** ![Sapphire\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f14d63/32.png) [@Sapphire\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/15 "2003-04-13T07:21:06Z")
Female checking in here: The quote is stupid. And very bad advice. And if you were to ever treat me like that, I could guarantee that you’d be getting a cast iron skillet to the head for your troubles. Yes, there is a fine line between being a good guy and being a doormat. I can’t respect a guy who, if I said, “buy me that and then go jump off a cliff,” would run to do it like the heavens had just thundered a godly decree. I suggest saying no a few times. Find out what it is about that’s either attracting the losers or - and no offense - you’re doing to drive the women off like that. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/16 "2003-04-13T08:19:15Z")
If you wouldn’t put up with a certain bit of bullshit from a male friend, or just anyone with which you had no romantic inclination, don’t put up with it with a girlfriend. Just think of it this way—if you wouldn’t want your mom, sister, or anyone else treating someone a certain way, then why are _you_ putting up with it? > [@](#): > > lorinada wrote: > > it has been my personal observation that the more a guy complains about being dumped because he was “too nice”, the more likely he is to take the same type of women out - very good looking but spoiled, self-absorbed and shallow. I think lorinada has a good point here. As my old friend Billy often said, (rest his soul—he died a few years ago, at age 80-something) “He’d eat a mile of her shit to get a piece of her ass.” Why do some men _do_ this? Treating all women like whores (just because some of them are bitches) is not the answer. Like AudreyK says, finding only nice people to associate with is the answer. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/17 "2003-04-13T10:25:18Z")
You want some advice? Well, tough shit. I’m giving it to you anyway. 😛 Take a break from “dating”. Just find some women - at least one - you’d like to be friends with. If you don’t know of any, find some, take a class or join a club or something. Don’t do anything that looks like dating. If you go out for lunch or a movie together, each of you pay your own way, just like you would if you were both men. Don’t bring her flowers, and if you absolutely want to get her a present for your birthday or something, make it non-romantic. Just hang out together. The reason for this is two-fold. First, if you’re really lucky, one of these women friends will turn out to be The One. Secondly and much more likely, even if your new friends don’t turn out to be your “type” romantically and/or erotically, by hanging around with women you can be friends with, you’ll learn what a good woman is like. Then the next time you look for a woman you want to date, you’ll have a better chance of finding a decent human being and not an aspiring princess. And, of course, let’s not overlook the fact that you’ll have new friends, and most of us could use some more friends I think. Good luck, and tell your brother to go soak his head, okay? ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/18 "2003-04-13T11:34:41Z")
I have a theory that if you have to make a conscious effort to be nice to people, and only do so for your own selfish ends, your aura turns brown and your karma runs cold. And by the way, ‘nice’ is not equivalent to the following concepts: passive aggressive, spineless, manipulative, or desperate. Not that you are necessarily all or any of these things, but just keep it in mind. A nice person is assertive when they feel the need; accommodating when they are comfortable that the effort will be reciprocated. Your brother is a troglodytic moron. He may do well with a couple poor souls who lack self esteem, but that is about the extent of his abilities. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/19 "2003-04-13T11:43:12Z")
Not all women like to be in a Dom/Sub relationship. Some of us like a partnership of equals. Therein lies the rub. ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396/20 "2003-04-13T13:03:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flodnak \* > \*\*You want some advice? > > Take a break from “dating”. Just find some women - at least one - you’d like to be friends with. If you don’t know of any, find some, take a class or join a club or something. Don’t do anything that looks like dating. If you go out for lunch or a movie together, each of you pay your own way, just like you would if you were both men. Don’t bring her flowers, and if you absolutely want to get her a present for your birthday or something, make it non-romantic. Just hang out together. > > (…) > > Good luck, and tell your brother to go soak his head, okay? \*\* Also, the friend can recommend you to other women, and introduce you to her friends (which in turn will mean more opportunity to develop points 1 and 2). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-troubles-help/168396.md?page=2)