# Women what do you find attractive in a man? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 6, 2017, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536 "2017-03-06T12:30:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/21 "2017-03-06T22:00:03Z")
I’m still not entirely sure whether the question is meant to ask what women as an entire gender tend to find attractive, or what I as a woman personally find attractive, but this seems like a fun question so I’ll take a stab at it. In terms of women as a gender, I think **waxwinged** got it exactly right: “Good grooming- clean clothing/shoes with no obvious rips, neatly trimmed facial/scalp hair, lack of body odor.” The only thing I really have to add to that is that the clothes should also fit well. I think it’s also a pretty universal sentiment that flab a turn-off. (Not saying you can’t have any fat, but there’s a difference between a slight paunch and a gut you can cradle in your hands, and I have never heard a woman say she likes a good gut on a man.) In terms of my personal preferences: I like tons and tons of muscle. Like Brock Lesnar muscles. I like the hair to be kept short, I like light-colored eyes, no mustaches, no beards (unless you do a good job of keeping them trim – those ones are okay), unruly eyebrows should be waxed (i.e., no unibrows), clear complexions, broad chest/shoulders, in general a kind of big frame, stomach doesn’t need to be perfectly flat but it at least shouldn’t hang down, visible separation and elevation of the pec muscles, thighs and calves should be proportional in size to the upper body (i.e., no chicken legs with a beastly upper body). I like tattoos, though of course bad artwork is bad artwork. I don’t like glasses on a guy, I like a hairless chest and back, I don’t like when men wear sandals, I don’t like when men wear wrinkled clothes. A lot of cologne is a turn-off, but just a hint of it is a turn-on. But of course, the above paragraph is about physical appearance, and in reality, the way a man carries himself can make him much more or less attractive. I like a guy who looks friendly and comfortable with himself, but also kind. The sort of man who has a swagger and a domineering posture is not attractive (which unfortunately is many of the hugely muscular guys who physically look wonderful). Hunched shoulders and avoiding eye contact is also a turn-off; talking about one’s self too much or attempting to control a conversation is a turn-off. Awareness to his surroundings, and acts of courtesy such as holding open doors, saying excuse me, and not pushing in front of other people to reach stuff is attractive. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/22 "2017-03-06T22:05:06Z")
Also, fwiw, just a casual look around proves that the world is overflowing with people who are nowhere near the conventional ideal paragons of attractiveness but still manage to find mates. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/23 "2017-03-06T22:48:45Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > Also, fwiw, just a casual look around proves that the world is overflowing with people who are nowhere near the conventional ideal paragons of attractiveness but still manage to find mates. Yes, but how many of their partners “settled?” This is like a discussion of, “What is your dream job?” vs. “What is the job you ended up with?” ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/24 "2017-03-06T22:51:19Z")
> [@Fruitbat2](#): > > I think, in general, women are judged **far** more harshly on their looks alone. A guy is luckier in that other things can substitute more for physical attractiveness, like status in some way or “game.” This, pretty much. Women: Have to play by a harsher (but simpler) set of rules - but rules that don’t allow much ability to move up, if you’re low on the ladder rungs. Men: Have to play by a more complex set of rules - but they are also rules that allow for more flexibility and potential to advance up the ladder. ---
**Author:** ![Fruitbat2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Fruitbat2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fruitbat2)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/25 "2017-03-06T23:00:02Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Yes, but how many of their partners “settled?” > > This is like a discussion of, “What is your dream job?” vs. “What is the job you ended up with?” I don’t know but given that so much of what is generally considered a desirable catch is surface characteristics only, I would think that they’d soon get past that. Then, it would be the same as how they’d certainly never love one of their children less or wish they had a different child instead if the child wasn’t physically beautiful. ??? ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/26 "2017-03-06T23:04:17Z")
A reason this is even a topic is that men are generally far more visually triggered, sexually, than women are. It is not just quantitative, it is also qualitative (that is, fetishism of body parts is virtually exclusively a male thing). Where women see physicality as a a part, sometimes quite a small part, of a whole, for a lot of men looks are almost everything. So it may be frustrating for a guy when he just wants to know how to elicit in women the same kind of reaction a beautiful woman elicits in men, the answer is, women aren’t designed the same way, sorry. For example, I like tall thin pale men with dark hair, soulful eyes, and aquiline noses. But you know what I like a lot more than those? Sanity, kindness, intelligence, self-awareness, quirkiness, and curiosity. Too bad interior qualities are so much more difficult to acquire than a set of muscles and a good haircut. If women just reacted to the shallow outward appearances of men, as men so often do with women, what a diminished world we would have. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/27 "2017-03-06T23:13:52Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > Post a pic, we’ll tell ya. 😃 Opening my self up with that one. Unfortunately I’m not quite as good looking any more but [here’s](https://goo.gl/photos/najgLwPJrDTic3Z5A)one from when I was in Iraq that people seem to like. I think I just shared one picture, if not please let me know. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/28 "2017-03-06T23:15:48Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > But you know what I like a lot more than those? Sanity Whoa. Talk about picky. :rolleyes: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/29 "2017-03-06T23:33:54Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > A reason this is even a topic is that men are generally far more visually triggered, sexually, than women are. It is not just quantitative, it is also qualitative (that is, fetishism of body parts is virtually exclusively a male thing). Where women see physicality as a a part, sometimes quite a small part, of a whole, for a lot of men looks are almost everything. > > So it may be frustrating for a guy when he just wants to know how to elicit in women the same kind of reaction a beautiful woman elicits in men, the answer is, women aren’t designed the same way, sorry. I think this explains an awful lot about the world. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2017, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/30 "2017-03-06T23:47:43Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > So it may be frustrating for a guy when he just wants to know how to elicit in women the same kind of reaction a beautiful woman elicits in men, the answer is, women aren’t designed the same way, sorry. The closest parallel for men, is fame. Fame does for men what beauty does for women. Many women will throw themselves at a man if he’s a famous celebrity, regardless of his appearance or personality, etc. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/31 "2017-03-07T00:00:23Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > For example, I like tall thin pale men with dark hair, soulful eyes, and aquiline noses. You would absolutely LOVE my husband! > [@](#): > > But you know what I like a lot more than those? Sanity, kindness, intelligence, self-awareness, quirkiness, and curiosity. Sorry, he’s already taken. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/32 "2017-03-07T00:23:17Z")
> [@drewder](#): > > Opening my self up with that one. Unfortunately I’m not quite as good looking any more but [here’s](https://goo.gl/photos/najgLwPJrDTic3Z5A)one from when I was in Iraq that people seem to like. I think I just shared one picture, if not please let me know. Someone mentioned acts of courtesy to which I agree with a caveat. I’ve occasionally encountered men who are aggressively courteous and that’s annoying. I think this is the kind of thing that confuses some men. We say we like a man to open the door but when he did we were bitchy. There’s a difference between being kind and being pushy about it. Some guys apparently can’t see the difference. So, my thoughts on your picture are that you have a kind smile and a sweet face. being a military photo of course you’re well groomed. You’re a little heavy but not off-puttingly so and your features are symmetrical. You look like a nice guy to get to know. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/33 "2017-03-07T00:40:32Z")
I agree with JCWoman. Drewder, you have a lovely smile. Looking at your photo makes me want to smile back. Don’t lose that smile! ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/34 "2017-03-07T01:10:45Z")
> [@JcWoman](#): > > my thoughts on your picture are that you have a kind smile and a sweet face. being a military photo of course you’re well groomed. You’re a little heavy but not off-puttingly so and your features are symmetrical. You look like a nice guy to get to know. > [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > I agree with JCWoman. Drewder, you have a lovely smile. Looking at your photo makes me want to smile back. > > Don’t lose that smile! If I may express a bit of long-held skepticism - and this isn’t about the two of you or \*\*drewder \*\* personally - but I’ve noticed that, on the Internet, anytime someone’s appearance is mentioned, people will make claims about that person’s appearance that they wouldn’t at all in real life - for instance, if an average girl uploads her photo in a thread or discussion \*that is specifically centered about people’s appearances, \*she’ll get lots of comments - possibly along the lines of “You’re lovely and beautiful, you’re attractive!” or “You’re ugly, I almost puked” - that are in no way representative of that person’s real life experience. That average girl, in real life, doesn’t have men asking for her number, but she doesn’t encounter people recoiling at her appearance either. The nature of the Internet-based discussion results in people giving feedback in an exaggerated way that they wouldn’t have in real life - in real life, few people would give that average girl a second glance, whether in a positive or negative way. (Again, **drewder** , not saying that describes you at all, just a general unrelated observation of the Internet) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/35 "2017-03-07T01:12:46Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > I agree with JCWoman. Drewder, you have a lovely smile. Looking at your photo makes me want to smile back. > > Don’t lose that smile! It’s funny, being in the Army you get those people who don’t think you should be allowed to smile in uniform but even my drill sergeants said they appreciated my smile and to keep doing it. My wife says that my smile is the strongest feature I got from my mother, since she’s gone I’m glad it’s still here. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/36 "2017-03-07T02:06:19Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > I’ll just drop Aidan Turner in here. Aidan Turner works for me too 🙂 In all seriousness though, dark hair, dark eyes, medium height, and fit to slightly overweight but almost never slender. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/37 "2017-03-07T02:47:51Z")
> [@drewder](#): > > Something I’ve never quite been able to figure out is what exactly women like. I still don’t get what you are asking. If you turn it around, what exactly do men like about women? Yes, there are general trends but there are so many exceptions that you really can’t say. Back in my bar crawling days, I had a friend who hated the women I was interested in, and vice versa. It was perfect, we never fought over which one we were going to approach. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/38 "2017-03-07T02:51:35Z")
My wife tells me it was the shape of my eyes that first attracted her to me. ---
**Author:** ![Polly\_Pointless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/858c86/32.png) [@Polly\_Pointless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polly_Pointless)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/39 "2017-03-07T04:46:46Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2017, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/40 "2017-03-07T06:11:38Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > You would absolutely LOVE my husband! > > Sorry, he’s already taken. 🙂 Well, shit. Of course I’m already taken too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536.md?page=3)