# Women what do you find attractive in a man? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 6, 2017, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536 "2017-03-06T12:30:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/61 "2017-03-09T01:07:08Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > As a woman this strikes me as counter-intuitive. I think if you apply those filters, you’re past the point of deciding someone looks good and on to deciding if he’s a good fit for you, which is altogether different. But “looking good” and “good fit” are not always different things. Being with someone who looks good and you’re attracted to is part of being a “good fit,” no matter how shallow your preferences are (whether you’re a man or woman). I just don’t buy the notion that rejecting someone at first glance based on height or race is somehow a higher-order rejection than rejecting someone because they’re ugly or fat. This is not a polemic against any of those behaviors; my point was merely that I don’t think women are any less strict on physical requirements than men – they just value different things. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/62 "2017-03-09T05:04:45Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > But “looking good” and “good fit” are not always different things. Being with someone who looks good and you’re attracted to is part of being a “good fit,” no matter how shallow your preferences are (whether you’re a man or woman). Yeah, but the way it works is, the first is helpful in getting people interested in checking out the second. It’s not so much a part as the gate. ---
**Author:** ![Gymnopithys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/fbc32d/32.png) [@Gymnopithys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gymnopithys)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2017, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/63 "2017-03-09T21:13:44Z")
* * * > [@elbows](#): > > Good looks, a nice smile and being in good shape, will draw my attention, initially. > ☹ > But it’s not enough to keep me coming around. Sorry, I need more. Things like depth, maturity, integrity and character. **Elbows** , I have everything you require except… I’m 90:( ---
**Author:** ![krinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@krinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krinh)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/64 "2017-03-10T05:29:15Z")
> [@drewder](#): > > Something I’ve never quite been able to figure out is what exactly women like. I’m not talking about thinks like personality or such. I want to know purely from a physical/visual sense. honestly thats a mystery to even [sum] women… hell i can barely figure out what i want as a snack let alone potential partner ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/65 "2017-03-10T06:03:25Z")
I want a penny for each time that one of my school classmates who claimed that some blond actor with limp hair was “so gorgeous” (in fact, let’s limit it to those who claimed to only like blond guys) was caught staring at the guy with black curls 😛 ---
**Author:** ![krinh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dc4da7/32.png) [@krinh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/krinh)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/66 "2017-03-10T07:05:54Z")
> [@beowulff](#): > > Full disclosure - I’m a guy. > > There has been some discussion about how women are less superficial than guys, and how they are more interested in things like personality, hygiene, intelligence, etc. > > All that may be true, but from personal experience I can attest that “back when”, when I was dating, I used to get ignored a lot, until I started hitting the gym. After that, it was clear that I was much more attractive to the opposite sex. Now, _some_ of that might be attributed to a boost in self-confidence, but most of it was purely visual. So, to say that women use visual cues less than guys do is overstating the case, IMHO. well i think then u did actively startgetting it shap, it prolly gave u a huge confidence boost. also prolly gave urself some kinda daily structure, which would then contribute to the trait of self sufficient and stability. > [@Shagnasty](#): > > There is a lot of truth to that. I worked out in my mid to late 20’s and got blatantly hit on constantly. I am fairly good looking when I am in shape but not so much when I let myself go as I found out in my 30’s. It think that applies to everyone - male or female. I am taking better care of myself these days and getting unsolicited results again but hits from 40+ year old women aren’t something I want to encourage. > > My father was usually good looking when he was younger and even still is today to some (think someone like Tom Seleck or Burt Reynolds). That probably wasn’t a good thing because he took all reasonable comers even when my parents were married and I was a little kid. I still have to point out to former beauty queens that I don’t want to hear about what a great guy he was during their relationship because there is an obvious timing problem with their compliments. > > A really physically attractive man can easily have a line of women out the door that all claim to their boyfriends and husbands that they don’t care much about looks. What they mean is, a provider, father and lover are completely different things and few men can satisfy all three. well yeah and at that point its good to find someone that doesnt just satisfy what u “need”. they gotta to add/mix with who you are as a person. > [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > I think that there has to be that initial attraction first but it takes more than “oh he’s cute” to keep me interested. I can (and do) appreciate a hot guy but if he’s dumb or nasty his looks wither away really fast. well humans are visual creatures. if something exhibits the right visual qualities, then they have a better shot at being more attractive in someones eyes. course when u dip into that concet course u gotta keep in mind, physical attraction/perception of beauty is a subjective socially influenced opinion… blaa blaa all that jazz. but i think that women are just more know for basing attraction on personality as well as looks. not sayin guys cant, ive know ma share of picky guys that just werent feeling the spark. also women can be shallow. prolly based on relationship with parents and the family dynamic idk. anyways… think i may have gotten off subject a tad. my bad ^^; ive been attracted to genuinely beautiful people, but if personalities dont mesh… just cant. ive discussed it with a few guy friends. some of them say guys can hone in more on the physical, overlook any personality traits they may not like. honestly thought it was fascinating, love picking apart peoples brains, specially when it deals in human relations, and sexual social dynamics. ugh again sry for the long confusing ramble… kinda new to forum posting ^^; ---
**Author:** ![emyjacob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7feea3/32.png) [@emyjacob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emyjacob)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/67 "2017-03-10T07:19:41Z")
First gaze lands on face:) ---
**Author:** ![up\_the\_junction](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f1d935/32.png) [@up\_the\_junction](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/up_the_junction)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/68 "2017-03-10T09:58:09Z")
I’ve been through a cycle twice of pretty fat guy to fit triathlon guy and each time it’s been interesting going from socially invisible to ‘is he checking me out’. It’s not the only criteria (money! good job!) but size does matter 😉 ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/69 "2017-03-10T10:40:38Z")
Speaking of “socially invisible”: My husband is very tall and very striking looking. I’m older, not as tall, and not as striking looking. When we’re out together, I might as well be invisible. People fawn over him and ignore me. People have actually overtly flirted with him, with me sitting right there. Both men and women can be very rude when it comes to dealing with what attracts them and what doesn’t. I tend to shrug it off, but it bothers my husband, even after all these years. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/70 "2017-03-10T11:50:44Z")
Kindness, confidence, moral courage, intellect. For the physical? Tall, broad shoulders, red hair, blue eyes. But that comes Waaaaayyyyyyyy down the list. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2017, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/71 "2017-03-10T11:58:21Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > As a woman this strikes me as counter-intuitive. I think if you apply those filters, you’re past the point of deciding someone looks good and on to deciding if he’s a good fit for you, which is altogether different. How does height come under fit rather than looks? What can be inferred about fit based on whether someone is white, black, Latino (short of keeping the bloodline pure)? ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2017, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/72 "2017-03-11T22:46:45Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > How does height come under fit rather than looks? > What can be inferred about fit based on whether someone is white, black, Latino (short of keeping the bloodline pure)? We’re on the internet viewing pics, how does height even matter? Those would be real-life preferences, which will vary. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2017, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/73 "2017-03-11T23:04:43Z")
> [@Gymnopithys](#): > > * * * > > **Elbows** , I have everything you require except… > > I’m 90:( Well as I understand it that is an attractive quality in a man, especially if he’s rich and has a heart condition. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2017, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/74 "2017-03-11T23:59:20Z")
> [@Tee](#): > > We’re on the internet viewing pics, how does height even matter? > > Those would be real-life preferences, which will vary. Since you sidestep both of my questions rather than answer them, there’s no reason for me to answer yours. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2017, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/75 "2017-03-12T02:21:14Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Since you sidestep both of my questions rather than answer them, there’s no reason for me to answer yours. Didn’t mean to, it’s just not that deep. I answered one who said that having rigid restrictions on height and ethnicity was an example of women judging on looks. But it isn’t. Those are examples of women excluding persons of a certain height or ethnicity. We don’t know why, could be prejudice or because her parents will freak or because she wants the man to be taller than she is, etc., all of which say a lot about the woman’s preferences and nothing of any man’s looks. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2017, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/76 "2017-03-12T06:51:47Z")
But height and ethnicity are a part of “looks”; they don’t define it completely, but if I’m told someone is “of Masai ancestry” I sure won’t be expecting a short, blue-eyed blonde. How are you defining “heigth” and “ethnicity”, that you consider them part of fit and not of looks? ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2017, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/77 "2017-03-12T11:11:56Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > I think that there has to be that initial attraction first but it takes more than “oh he’s cute” to keep me interested. I can (and do) appreciate a hot guy but if he’s dumb or nasty his looks wither away really fast. This. I’m almost 47, and I’ve almost never\* had a relationship of any significance where I wasn’t instantly attracted by the guy’s physical appearance. That sounds shallow and to an extent it is, but firstly, it takes _way_ more than that to keep up my interest. Arrogance, ignorance, conservatism, racism, poor hygiene, general jerkiness - all of these are massive turn-offs that even the best looks in the world couldn’t compensate for. If you don’t believe me, I distinctly recall watching _Interview With A Vampire_ one night and drooling pathetically over Brad Pitt … and then the next day seeing a TV interview where he was doing his best Jeff Spicoli and thinking “Ugh, he’s an idiot, never mind.” Secondly, what I find attractive in a guy’s physical appearance isn’t necessarily (or even usually) the chiseled GQ model sort of look. I understand where those women were coming from, **drewder** , the warm-and-friendlies count for a lot. So, the guy who I used to consider the love of my life was shorter than me (and I need heels to reach 5’4"); another ex I adored was certainly no more than _objectively not bad_, though I had actually orchestrated our meeting after seeing him and thinking he looked cute and fun (which he was); my current love is ginger, LOL. And none of them look(ed) remotely like each other. - The one long-term relationship I had where I didn’t start off physically attracted to the guy, but grew to love him due to his personality? It ultimately ended because the love never really turned into physical attraction, as much as I hoped it would. So for me, yeah, that spark does have to be there first. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2017, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/78 "2017-03-12T11:31:12Z")
> [@drewder](#): > > Well as I understand it that is an attractive quality in a man, especially if he’s rich and has a heart condition. 😃 Jeez, what a horrible thing to say! You do realize there was an actual human on the other side of that discussion, right? Honestly, age does not bother me, as long as the man is not also stuck in old-fashioned ways of thinking. IME it’s very rare to find a man over 60 who is looking for a partnership of equals. And I can’t stomach an unequal partnership. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2017, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/79 "2017-03-12T12:38:22Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Jeez, what a horrible thing to say! You do realize there was an actual human on the other side of that discussion, right? But if he could only look more like what women find attractive! ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2017, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536/80 "2017-03-12T14:30:10Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > But if he could only look more like what women find attractive! And how do you know he doesn’t? I’ve never had any kind of age preference whatsoever. I have an uncle who’s in his 90s, and is one of the hottest men I know. I’ve occasionally seen kids, and thought “He’s gonna be exactly my type, once he grows up”. My own husband is 20 years my junior, and I’d feel exactly the same toward him if he were 20 years my senior. It’s a cliche, but true: age is just a number. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-find-attractive-in-a-man/781536.md?page=5)