# Women; what do you think when a guy says you're pretty? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 3, 2010, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841 "2010-04-03T18:29:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/61 "2010-04-05T16:03:55Z")
> [@breaking-reality](#): > > It’s probably my insecurities shining through. 😛 I never really gave it much thought, but when someone I’m dating tells me I’m pretty it makes me nervous, whereas a stranger says it and I just say thanks and appreciate the attention. Hey, you’re pretty. > [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > Would it help if I told you you’re pretty? Only if you meant it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/62 "2010-04-05T16:07:11Z")
> [@badbadrubberpiggy](#): > > I generally like it, but like others have said & implied, it’s often nicer when it’s said without any ulterior motive at all, like when a really little kid says it. If there’s an ulterior motive and that motive is sex, I’d interpret that as adding validity to the compliment. > [@](#): > > There’s nothing wrong with appreciating physical beauty - it doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate inner beauty too. I agree that I enjoy having my personality and accomplishments complimented, too. But I also believe that my physical appearance is as much a part of who I am as my personality. So I like them equally. No, wait. I enjoy the physical compliments more. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![breaking-reality](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@breaking-reality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/breaking-reality)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/63 "2010-04-05T16:59:02Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Hey, you’re pretty. Thanks. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/64 "2010-04-05T17:00:07Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Laugh my ass off? > > Okay seriously…way back when I actually was pretty it would have depended. Was the guy being serious, or was it merely a “shotgun” approach he was using on the entire group of women anywhere near him, in a lame attempt to get laid? > > If the guy is sincere, thanks and appreciation are definitely in order. If you’re sincere don’t worry about how your motives will be taken. Most of us will appreciate it. **CanvasShoes** , I have no idea what you look like, but based on your character here on the Dope, I think you’re beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![DJ\_Motorbike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90ced4/32.png) [@DJ\_Motorbike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DJ_Motorbike)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/65 "2010-04-05T17:16:13Z")
As a general rule I don’t give out compliments unless it’s obvious that she really wants to hear it. Then you can really go nuts. I used to work with a woman who would fish for compliments. I would tell her on an almost daily basis that I thought she was pretty, funny, smart and nice. I enjoyed giving her compliments as much as she enjoyed receiving them. She would pretty much squee (I think that’s the right word). I don’t understand why it didn’t get tiresome to hear me say it over and over. It was nice seeing her get excited by something I told her especially considering the fact she really was very attractive. Then one day she got a compliment from some guy she actually had a big crush on and she said it ruined her crush. He said something weird, though from what she told me. The moral - be very careful when giving out compliments to women about their looks. Even from women who love to hear that kind of thing. You run a big risk of blowing it completely. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/66 "2010-04-05T17:25:54Z")
> [@DJ\_Motorbike](#): > > Then one day she got a compliment from some guy she actually had a big crush on and she said it ruined her crush. He said something weird, though from what she told me. “Ya know, for a big girl you don’t sweat all that much”. ---
**Author:** ![Creole\_Tomato](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a4c791/32.png) [@Creole\_Tomato](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creole_Tomato)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2010, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/67 "2010-04-05T17:51:53Z")
> [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Be literate > Avoid physical compliments > Use an unusual greeting > Bring up specific interests > If you’re a guy, be self-effacing > Consider becoming an atheist I’d add: Be confident without arrogance. Make me laugh. Don’t stare at my tits while I’m talking to you. 😛 As to being told I’m pretty? I like it, as long as it seems sincere and non-creepy. I want to be loved for my looks, not my mind. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/68 "2010-04-06T16:21:11Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Guten Tag, > > I was quite amused, disported, diverted, entertained, and regaled by your profile. I notice you like to have fun. What a coincidence, I like fun, too, but I’m not very good at it. Perhaps we could meet for coffee, I’m free on Sunday mornings. > > Robot Arm > > P.S. Rest assured, my interest has nothing whatsoever to do with the picture of your cleavage. Thank you for your response. I hope this is not a delicate matter, however your German greeting forces me to ask - do your desires tend toward the social or the cannibal? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/69 "2010-04-06T18:11:11Z")
> [@Creole\_Tomato](#): > > Be confident without arrogance. > Make me laugh. > Don’t stare at my tits while I’m talking to you. > [@don\_t\_ask](#): > > Thank you for your response. I hope this is not a delicate matter, however your German greeting forces me to ask - do your desires tend toward the social or the cannibal? I have a nine-inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/70 "2010-04-07T17:53:53Z")
Never understood the long tongue gag. The thing you’re supposed to do with your tongue doesn’t require length. Anyway to the subject matter of the thread: I like it, but it wouldn’t get you anywhere as a pickup line (especially since I’m married). I remember many years ago I had an older gentleman come up to me in a grocery store and after some sort of comment along the lines of “don’t take this the wrong way” he said “I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re really beautiful.” I said thank you and we went our separate ways. It totally made my day. I didn’t feel like he was being creepy or hoping to get anything out of it, and it made me feel nice. Another time that I recall was when my son was much younger, and told me “mommy, you’re beautiful like a princess!” which melted me inside. LOL! It sure beat the time when, during the several years when I was overweight, some little kid innocently asked me if I was pregnant. :X ---
**Author:** ![Goblin\_Queen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Goblin\_Queen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goblin_Queen)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/71 "2010-04-07T20:35:56Z")
I wouldn’t mind being told I was pretty. I’m only going from the non-dating experience, because I’ve never dated. But I would be a little suspicious of it. Like, it’s a very generic thing to say, especially to someone who’s looks aren’t really notable from an objective standpoint. There’s not many people with the kind of physical beauty that’s worth mentioning out of the blue (well, from one adult to another, at least). A very drunk man complimented my on my hair and teeth once. Actually, my hair is a good bet for a physical compliment that I will appreciate, because I will agree that it is pretty darn awesome. The teeth thing was just weird, though I guess it’s one of the rewards for all that orthodontic work! The only other guys I can remember complimenting me on my appearance have been gay. In high school, I was in the band and played flute. One of the younger male flute players would tell me that he “wished he could be pretty like me” when everyone had to dress up for a concert. (I couldn’t blame him–suits can get so boring! Where’s the room for creativity?) ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/72 "2010-04-07T20:42:57Z")
> [@breaking-reality](#): > > It depends on the context. I don’t think about ulterior motives (telling me I’m pretty isn’t really going to get you anywhere), but it doesn’t really wow me, either. If it’s a complete stranger telling me, then I just feel flattered. If it’s someone I’m dating, I tend to feel somewhat uncomfortable. There’s also a difference between “you’re pretty” and “wow, you look great tonight”. The latter will probably make me blush. Same here. Someone came up to me the other day and told me I was gorgeous, and I just said smiled and said ‘Thank you’ and he smiled at me and left. I felt nice, briefly, and he probably felt good, too. The end. Sometimes life is just that simple. Having a guy lay on some desperate, generic compliment at closing time? (I’m not ugly, but sorry, sir, my eyes are not striking by anyone’s definition – especially when they’re rolling or trying to avoid eye contact.) Not quite the same effect. Compliments from my partner? He’d better. Though I guess they do have more of an impact when he’s not offering them up every five minutes. Compliments on my outfit or look from a very stylish woman? Tops. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/73 "2010-04-07T22:49:29Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > Depends on who’s saying it. > > If it’s my husband, it melts me. If it’s some random person I don’t know, I am suspicious. If it’s someone of the opposite sex that I’m friends with, I’m deeply flattered. > > Now, I guess I should add that I do have some self-image issues. I don’t find it impossible to believe that someone might find me kind of cute, but it’s not really something I expect either. I tend to be more on the insecure side when it comes to my looks. > > It’s funny, I work at a nursing home and my favorite alzheimer’s ladies have a tendency to exclaim, ‘‘She’s so gorgeous, isn’t she?’’ Totally flattered, but also totally keeping in mind that their vision is kinda shaky! I find that funny. Every woman I’ve ever met that looks like you is insecure with her looks, and I’ve never understood why. I always feel I have to convince them that they are quite pretty indeed. Which leads me to a question: do some women not **want** to think of themselves as pretty? ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/74 "2010-04-07T23:06:47Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I find that funny. Every woman I’ve ever met that looks like you is insecure with her looks, and I’ve never understood why. I always feel I have to convince them that they are quite pretty indeed. > > Which leads me to a question: do some women not **want** to think of themselves as pretty? I think there’s a factor of that, to be honest. Among girls, there’s a strong culture of self-effacement - we don’t want to be thought of as “stuck up” or “thinking we’re so great”, so when we get a compliment we automatically deny it, and a lot of times we’ll point out a flaw we see in our looks too, or give a bigger compliment to the person who gave it to us. “OMG Myrtle, you have such a gorgeous complexion” “No way, I was totally breaking out last week, it was horrible, but OMG Lynne, I would love to have your cute button nose.” Or, remember the old stereotype, of a woman getting ready for a date for hours, finding the perfect dress, the perfect accessories, getting her makeup and hair just _so_ etc then when the fellow compliments her on it, she blushes and says “Oh, this old thing? It’s just something I threw on.” We’re supposed to be pretty, but we’re not supposed to _acknowlege_ that we’re pretty, and we’re not supposed to have to _work_ to be as pretty as we are. And we internalize this. And yes, I’m speaking in cultural generalities and attitudes and history and stereotypes - but there’s still a lot of truth in them. (Recommended reading: Naomi Wolfe’s The Beauty Myth. Awesome reflection on how the cult of attractiveness causes great harm to women.) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/75 "2010-04-07T23:12:19Z")
There are also people who put themselves down to fish for compliments. I did it when I was younger and I was more of a douchebag for it. But a lot of my recent flings have been with girls who expected this. “Oh, I’m not pretty” in an off-handed comment in the car. I see it for what it is and ignore it. I forgot where I was going with this. ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/76 "2010-04-07T23:15:01Z")
Double post: An example: 7th grade, the day we got our class pictures back. Every girl (even the really beautiful ones) talked about how much she totally hated her picture, how she looked horribly ugly in it, etc. The only reason I noted this, even, was because one of the girls didn’t. She was all “OMG, I love this, I look great in it!” And I was really shocked that she would do that. You weren’t supposed to _think_ you look good, you certainly weren’t supposed to acknowlege it verbally. That was my first experience with another female being openly confident about her looks. And this was in girls’ gym class, so we weren’t exactly fishing for male attention! I know, I know, this doesn’t tie in specifically with the thread topic - but in a way it does, because we _do_ internalize this, and even if in womanhood we fight against it, it still sinks into our consciousness to a greater or lesser degree. Don’t be stuck-up. Don’t think you’re better than anyone else. Don’t think you’re pretty. Don’t think you’re smarter than anyone else. Don’t demand more than you’re given. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2010, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/77 "2010-04-08T00:48:39Z")
**Oni no Maggie** , great observations. I think you’re spot on. It reminds me of two different scenes in the movie _Mean Girls_.\* When the main character meets the “Mean Girls”: > [@](#): > > **Regina George:** “You’re like, really pretty.” > **Cady Heron:** “Thank you.” > **Regina George:** “So you agree?” > **Cady Heron:** “What?” > **Regina George:** “You think you’re really pretty?” > **Cady Heron:** “Oh, I don’t know.” The girls are all hanging out and rush over to the full length mirror: > [@](#): > > \*\*Karen: \*\* God. My hips are huge! > **Gretchen:** Oh please. I hate my calves. > \*\*Regina: \*\* At least you guys can wear halters. I’ve got man shoulders. > **Cady:** [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there’s lots of things that can be wrong on your body. > **Gretchen:** My hairline is so weird. > **Regina:** My pores are huge. > **Karen:** My nail beds suck. > [pause. All look at expectantly at Cady] - - I watched this movie for the first time not long ago and cringed. I am ashamed to admit that my friends and I (in junior high) were pretty bad. It makes me sick to think we may have caused any kind of bad memories for people I knew ☹ ---
**Author:** ![KarlGrenze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/dbc845/32.png) [@KarlGrenze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarlGrenze)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/78 "2010-04-08T02:48:14Z")
[personal experience]Puberty is baaaaad and harsh on many women, and kids and teens are not necessarily the nicest creatures in the world. A grown young woman, whom you may think is reasonably attractive and quite pretty, may have spent the previous… oh 10-15 years of her life being told by everyone saved her family and very close friends how horrible and ugly she is, how unattractive she is, and how nobody would ever feel anything towards her. And if she got some attention, it may have been from Mr. Creepypants.[/personal experience] So yea, when an ugly duckling grows up to being… well, not a swan, but not a grotesque caricature… Compliments are weird, and so is the initial reaction of “That can be! That is not possible! My weight/eyes/clothes/hair/etc. are exactly the same as a couple of years ago! This is BS!!! He MUST be lying!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/79 "2010-04-08T02:52:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Women; what do you think when a guy says you’re pretty? I think “thanks honey.” then I ask him if he’s paid the bills yet or if I need to take care of them. The only man who’s ever called me beautiful is the man I married. ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2010, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841/80 "2010-04-08T02:52:43Z")
I think he thinks I look pretty. This does happen to me occasionally, and I always enjoy it. It gives me a lift. Most of the time it’s somewhat flirtacious and it’s obvious he’s making a some sort of a pickup attempt; other times it’s more matter-of-fact. For instance, I went on a business trip last year and (because I was going directly from the airport to a meeting) I was a bit more dressed up than is typical on planes nowadays. The guy in the seat next to mine said, “Wow, you look great today!” when I sat down. He was half my age, and the compliment was clearly not a come-on, but it really made my day. Anyway, it’s nice. Even if it’s just flattery, it’s still nice – I mean, he really must think I look okay if he chooses to use that method to flatter me, right? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-what-do-you-think-when-a-guy-says-youre-pretty/534841.md?page=5)