# Women: When a guy puts the moves on you... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 24, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731 "2006-03-24T15:55:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/21 "2006-03-25T11:55:35Z")
> [@Hello Again](#): > > You know, my mom is just a few years older than you (don’t worry, I’m 30) and although she was a bra-burning feminist hippie in her youth, she still sometimes struggles against her earlier conditioning to “be nice” “don’t make a scene” etc. You should consider if this type of mindset is also influencing you in your actions, preventing you from being as outspoken in your own defense as you’d like to be. I couldn’t say, from the outside, whether it is or isn’t. It’s just a thought. You described my own situation really well. It’s a learning curve, getting caught up on basic life skills I didn’t learn when young. For me, being nice is the best policy in life 99% of the time. I’m able to be assertive, of course, it’s just a matter of timing, sensing the right moment when to switch from nice to assertive. I admire women who can make the transition smoothly in either direction. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/22 "2006-03-25T12:06:49Z")
If the guy is just being overbearing and too touchy, the advice given is good. But if you feel like you’re in immediate physical danger of getting raped, punch him in the throat hard and run away. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/23 "2006-03-25T12:15:30Z")
> [@Gorgon Heap](#): > > When my wife told him to screw off, he came back the the idiot’s retort of,“Then I don’t need you, bitch” or some sort and continued his depravity on her pals. A guy hit on me in a convenience store once, and I just ignored him rather than get into a confrontational thing. His retort was, “BAH! You’re too fuckin’ old for me anyway.” I was like 35. The recovery was painful, but I’ve survived. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/24 "2006-03-25T12:21:20Z")
I feel embarassed for my fellow male at times like this. It’s like the guys that hoot and holler at some woman walking down the street. Oh, yeah, that’s gonna work. If a woman wants to be with you, you’ll know it. Otherwise, keep your grubby hands to yourself. It’s not a difficult concept, even when you’re drunk. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/25 "2006-03-25T14:24:57Z")
When I find myself being overly agressive in my persuit of women, usually something along the lines of “Look buddy…I’ve given you your blowjob now will you please leave me alone” works. 😃 I love guys who think they are doing girls over the age of 29 a favor by hitting on them. Some guy in a bar told his friend “he’d hit that 30 year old” about my GF’s friend. I’m thinking “no you won’t…you’ll probably just stand there getting drunk with your friends not talking to any girl” Kind of like this guy: [http://www.phat5.com/Features.asp?SectionID=11&StoryID=239&LayoutType=4.44761129207383](http://www.phat5.com/Features.asp?SectionID=11&StoryID=239&LayoutType=4.44761129207383) ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/26 "2006-03-25T14:38:47Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > When they’re just putting the moves on me, I quite clearly say something casual but I also \*physically \* remove his arms from me. If he continues to persist, I remove myself from the area, if I can. I’ve only ever had one incident where he just wouldn’t stop, at an outdoor concert, and I had no problem at all turning to the couple of guys \*next \* to me and saying, “Hey, guys, can you help? This asshole won’t leave me alone.” They were more than ready to defend my honor, and he slinked away. (Slunk away? That just sounds weird.) > > I’ve never had to slap anyone for this sort of thing…the guys that I tend to hang out with are (mostly) gentlemen. Back when I was with a band, and spent a fair amount of time in bars, early in the evening [like the just after work times when we were setting up and hanging out] if a guy wouldnt leave me alone, usually a drink dumped on him got the idea across, but one guy got nasty and got a steel toed sneaker to the kneecap and a short ride in an ambulance. Usually the bartender or guys in the group kept the regular mashers away, but there are occasions when left pretty much alone for a while made me a target for someone who though that just because I was with the band, I was a groupie [heh] and available. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/27 "2006-03-25T15:49:01Z")
Lissa is my new hero. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Amaranta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Amaranta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amaranta)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/28 "2006-03-25T17:17:01Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Whoa, you saw Isaac Mizrahi in a bar? > > 😉 Heh, I was just about to ask her if she’d asked Scarlett for an autograph. ---
**Author:** ![JohnnieEnigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@JohnnieEnigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnnieEnigma)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/29 "2006-03-25T20:19:48Z")
> [@Johanna](#): > > How do you handle it? > > Say if you were in a public place, participating in something fun like an open-air musical performance. And then one of the guys you just met starts making friendly talk, and you talk to him friendly too, because you still have the fun mood going, and defenses are down, and girls just want to have fun. And then before you know it he starts to get a little _too_ friendly, declares his love for you, and his arms start going around your body without being invited, giving his hands the chance to begin exploring… He sounds like a lunatic… and he’s looking to hookup. Beware of anyone who comes on too strong too fast…they’re not sincere. > [@Johnna](#): > > What I’m starting to grasp is how hard it can be for a woman to find the right moment to say when the masher has crossed a line. For social interaction to work at all, people have to loosen up with each other and allow one another into one’s personal space. This loosening up allows the possibility for a guy to take liberties with a woman’s personal space. Most men of course mind their manners and keep their hands to themselves unless I specifially invite touching. Just be blunt, and tell he’s out of line. He needs to back off. > [@Johanna](#): > > If anyone just walked right up and grabbed me, of course they would receive an instant purse to the headbone. But when a man has a smooth manner with women, sometimes a woman is feeling friendly and relaxed, and before she knows it he’s crossed a line. But it’s so tricky to break that friendly mood… I don’t know if I’m explaining it well, but I bet many of you women, if not most of you, have been in this kind of situation and understand me anyway? > > But I swear one of these days, I’m going to haul off and deliver a ladylike slap to some masher’s face while loudly accusing him: “Fresh!” Right. He’s smooth because he’s a player. It’s merely a ploy. And damn! I like the “slap and/or drink in face” reaction. Look, at the end of the day, you’ll be glad you did it… no regrets. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/30 "2006-03-25T23:55:49Z")
> [@Johanna](#): > > You described my own situation really well. It’s a learning curve, getting caught up on basic life skills I didn’t learn when young. For me, being nice is the best policy in life 99% of the time. I’m able to be assertive, of course, it’s just a matter of timing, sensing the right moment when to switch from nice to assertive. I admire women who can make the transition smoothly in either direction. the men that are interested in conversation and an intellectual exchange of ideas do not, during the interaction, touch or stroke the other individual in a suggestive manner. That’s how you tell the difference. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 25, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/31 "2006-03-25T23:56:50Z")
> [@Cat Jones](#): > > Well I get where she’s coming from - it’s hard to accept that the _only_ reason someone was talking to you was the chance of a shag. Innocent naïve whatever some wimmin folk like to think that someone may have been talking to us out of interest in _us_ not our vagina. We don’t see how the fact that we don’t want to sleep with you means that we should no longer even talk to you. i meant to quote this one. what’s up with the reply function? ---
**Author:** ![Glassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Glassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glassy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/32 "2006-03-26T03:03:39Z")
It’s hard when you get this at work. I sometimes work the reference desk of my public library. Sometimes, on weekends or at night, I feel like one of those dancing girls in a cage. Can’t get away! Which is \*not \* to say that I attract 'em like flies, or anything like it; but when your job is to sit in a public place and smile and be helpful to people, there are those who will take advantage. I personally have a very hard time dealing with this sort of thing at work. A couple weeks ago there was this really annoying guy. He never laid a finger on me, but he kept hanging around, making these asinine little witticisms, _winking_, telling me that I’m cute, etc. A sample of his charm: he would ask me a question, and when I answered, he’d say, “Shh! It’s a library!” (Ha ha. Yes. Go die now.) My cool, professional, polite-but-not-friendly demeanor bounced off him like a nerf ball; he kept on comin’. Finally he said something like, “You’re so sweet! You’re married, aren’t you?” I looked him in the eye and said, “None of your business.” He got a fake-shocked look on his face, like he thought I was kidding; I said, “Mister, you need to leave me alone now,” and he faded away. I haven’t seen much of him since; but I often wonder if he’ll be back. He didn’t seem the type to let go so easily. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/33 "2006-03-26T04:19:04Z")
> [@Hello Again](#): > > There are ways to do this suavely and humorously – “hey, nice try Romeo, but no” delivered in a lighthearted but direct manner works well. Even “paws off, buster” can be kind of funny yet unequivocal delivered in the right tone. That’s my choice too. I give most guys the benefit of the doubt. If they’re just a bit drunk, nerve-ridden, whatever, then a light tone gives a face-saving way out for everybody. It’s usually pretty easy to just deflect innocent or awkward passes by not responding to them. IMO most human egos, male or female, can use some charity from others. Who _hasn’t_ done/said something really, really stupid in a brain fart moment? My chosen tactic is a howling non-sequiter; any response that’s completely unresponsive to the pass. Even a humorous rejection 1. probably won’t feel humorous at all to the recipient and 2. calls attention to exactly what I want to finesse past. That’s more a difference is style than substance, though. > [@](#): > > That said, if a man crosses the line, and does not respect my wishes when they are clearly stated, I feel no need to maintain the friendly mood. Go ahead girl, make a scene! I’m with you, **Hello Again**. I’ll tactfully deflect a misguided fumble. Any pressing gets a pointed rejection, egos be-damned. A cool “Not interested” with a dead-level stare in the eyes usually suffices. From that point, my soverign right not to be hassled kicks in. Any grouping results in the stray appendage being forcibly returned to the owner with a clearly stated, “You will _stop that_ NOW.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/96bed5/32.png) [@Cat\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Jones)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2006, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731/34 "2006-03-26T11:32:15Z")
> [@anyrose](#): > > the men that are interested in conversation and an intellectual exchange of ideas do not, during the interaction, touch or stroke the other individual in a suggestive manner. That’s how you tell the difference. OK true but I mean there has to have been some interaction prior to the touch or stroke right ? And it’s hard to accept that the male had no real interest in what you’d been saying up till then nor has he any interest in continuing once he knows you are not interested that way. That was my point. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-when-a-guy-puts-the-moves-on-you/349731.md?page=1)