# Women who have cheated: did you do it because your partner couldn't give you orgasms?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [July 9, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098 "2010-07-09T14:41:11Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/1 "2010-07-09T14:41:11Z")
I’ve heard that women often cheat on their partners because their partners can’t bring them to orgasm. I’d like some women who have actually cheated to say whether or not this is really true. Is it?
And if you’re not sure (or even if you are), tell me this: did you have more orgasms with your lover than with your partner?
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### Author:  [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/2 "2010-07-09T15:40:05Z")
Where did you hear that?
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### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/3 "2010-07-09T15:51:09Z")
> [@Bricker](#):
>
> Where did you hear that?
From your wife.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/4 "2010-07-09T15:53:33Z")
> [@bup](#):
>
> From your wife.
Ouch.
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### Author:  [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/5 "2010-07-09T16:00:01Z")
Haven’t cheated on anyone, but I have been tempted.
It was not because of a lack of orgasms. It was because of a lack of emotional support and effort within the relationship. Everyone wants to feel special. If you’re with a man who treats you like the avatar of _meh_, you start looking elsewhere, intentionally or not.
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/6 "2010-07-09T16:20:55Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#):
>
> I’ve heard that women often cheat on their
> partners because their partners can’t bring them to orgasm.
I’ve never, ever heard this. What I have heard given over and over again by women as a reason for cheating is some close variation of this:
> [@phouka](#):
>
> It was because of a lack of emotional support and effort within the relationship. Everyone wants to feel special. If you’re with a man who treats you like the avatar of _meh_, you start looking elsewhere, intentionally or not.
If we were on Family Feud, this would be the number one answer. Number two would be: “payback”.
Orgasms would get you a big X.
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### Author:  [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/7 "2010-07-09T16:25:01Z")
> [@Giraffe](#):
>
> Orgasms would get you a big X.
No, orgasms are a big O.
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### Author:  [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/8 "2010-07-09T16:26:30Z")
I’ve never heard that theory either. Back it the day, when was a big slut, I cheated because I wanted to have sex with someone else, usually in a futile effort to boost my self esteem and to make me feel popular and wanted.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/9 "2010-07-09T16:27:02Z")
What **phouka** said is my understanding as well. And most women don’t set out to cheat, “it just happened.”
But women are more likely to orgasm with their lovers than with their regular partners.
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### Author:  [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/10 "2010-07-09T16:29:36Z")
> [@Bricker](#):
>
> Where did you hear that?
Evolutionary psychology readings.
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### Author:  [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/11 "2010-07-09T16:29:42Z")
My last girlfriend left me because my overwhelming virility and constant, rock-hard erections constantly left her a weak, quivering mass, her energy too depleted to get any work done.
Yep.
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### Author:  [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/12 "2010-07-09T16:52:32Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#):
>
> Evolutionary psychology readings.
Can you give an example?
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### Author:  [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/13 "2010-07-09T17:27:56Z")
Judging from various spam I get, I think maybe this is a reason men THINK women have for cheating–or, perhaps, a reason that marketers think men think women have for cheating.
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### Author:  [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/14 "2010-07-09T17:44:57Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#):
>
> […] I cheated because I wanted to have sex with someone else, usually in a futile effort to boost my self esteem and to make me feel popular and wanted.
In research surveys, this reason is given at least as often as “lack of support and appreciation in the relationship”.
Which, given people’s penchant for rationalization and blame-shifting, makes me think it’s probably a more common and stronger motive than merely having an inadequate relationship partner.
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/15 "2010-07-09T18:20:24Z")
> [@pbbth](#):
>
> No, orgasms are a big O.
Circle gets the square!
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### Author:  [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/16 "2010-07-09T18:30:48Z")
I only cheated once, before I knew I could have orgasms at all. Although my boyfriend and I weren’t a good match, he was a nice guy, and I didn’t feel it was right to break up with him for “no reason”. Also, since he was the only guy I’d ever dated, or who’d ever been interested in me, I was afraid I’d never have anyone else. So I felt stuck with him, and when someone else did show interest, I cheated when I should have just broken up with him.
Later, when I found out how to have orgasms, I did break up with guys who _wouldn’t_ give me orgasms, but if they at least gave it the ol’ college try (and didn’t get offended when I lent a hand), I had no problem.
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### Author:  [@LegsAkimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LegsAkimbo)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/17 "2010-07-09T18:42:24Z")
No, orgasms had nothing to do with it whatsoever. I don’t need any partner to have orgasms. Cheating is kind of a big deal and that’s a pretty piddly reason to take that step.
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/18 "2010-07-09T18:43:48Z")
> [@tdn](#):
>
> What **phouka** But women are more likely to orgasm with their lovers than with their regular partners.
And where did _you_ hear\* that\*?
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/19 "2010-07-09T18:54:29Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#):
>
> And where did _you_ hear\* that\*?
A book called _Sperm Wars_, which seems fairly credible, but unfortunately little information on the studies is given – just the conclusions of the studies.
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### Author:  [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)
#### Post date: [July 9, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/20 "2010-07-09T18:55:59Z")
> [@LegsAkimbo](#):
>
> No, orgasms had nothing to do with it whatsoever. I don’t need any partner to have orgasms. Cheating is kind of a big deal and that’s a pretty piddly reason to take that step.
User name/post combo of the day. 🙂
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