# Women who have cheated: did you do it because your partner couldn't give you orgasms? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098 "2010-07-09T14:41:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/21 "2010-07-09T18:58:38Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > A book called _Sperm Wars_, which seems fairly credible, but unfortunately little information on the studies is given – just the conclusions of the studies. ISTM it would be the other way around- I would be much more likely to have orgasms with a long-term partner that I was comfortable and familiar with than a relatively new man that I was having a secret, furtive affair with. Must just be me? But at any rate, as to the OP, I can’t imagine that very many women cheat for the orgasms- orgasms aren’t traditionally a motivator for women, are they? Romance, however, seems to be a big motivator. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/22 "2010-07-09T18:59:52Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > User name/post combo of the day. 🙂 I don’t get it. G spot? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/23 "2010-07-09T19:04:51Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I don’t get it. > G spot? She meant\*\* LegsAkimbo\*\*. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/24 "2010-07-09T19:06:06Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > ISTM it would be the other way around- I would be much more likely to have orgasms with a long-term partner that I was comfortable and familiar with than a relatively new man that I was having a secret, furtive affair with. Must just be me? Why bother with a secret furtive affair, if not for the orgasms? Nah, that’s not why women cheat, and while honestly the flat statement of “women have more orgasms with their lovers than their husbands” sort of set my teeth on edge (the way flat statements about 50% of humanity do), I’d be entirely unsurprised to find that people in general are more orgasmic with people they’re infatuated with, and infatuation is usually what leads to secret furtive affairs. **carnivorousplant** , I just thought that was a notably conservative view of adultery for someone who’s legs are all the time akimbo. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/25 "2010-07-09T19:07:53Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > She meant\*\* LegsAkimbo\*\*. Ah. Thank you. Need a blushing smiley. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/26 "2010-07-09T19:07:54Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > ISTM it would be the other way around- I would be much more likely to have orgasms with a long-term partner that I was comfortable and familiar with than a relatively new man that I was having a secret, furtive affair with. Must just be me? I’ve read that as well, that women really need familiarity and trust. Hey, maybe women are complex! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/27 "2010-07-09T19:09:38Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Why bother with a secret furtive affair, if not for the orgasms? The romance? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/28 "2010-07-09T19:10:39Z")
What’s the point of romance, if it doesn’t end in orgasms? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/29 "2010-07-09T19:10:39Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I’ve read that as well, that women really need familiarity and trust. > > Hey, maybe women are complex! Familiarity breeds orgasms? ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/30 "2010-07-09T19:12:26Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > What’s the point of romance, if it doesn’t end in orgasms? Chocolate? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/31 "2010-07-09T19:14:32Z")
Nah, chocolate is even easier to give to myself than orgasms are. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/32 "2010-07-09T19:19:10Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Nah, chocolate is even easier to give to myself than orgasms are. 😉 Wait, you’re a woman. How do you pay for chocolate? Do you have a job or something? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/33 "2010-07-09T19:20:37Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Need a blushing smiley. > :rolleyes: This is our “blushing” smiley. :o It also serves as our oral sex smiley. Doubly appropriate for this thread, n’est-ce pas? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/34 "2010-07-09T19:26:55Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > Circle gets the square! Yours is shaped like a square? :eek: \*\* In **tdn** ’s defense, I’ve also read somewhere seemingly-credible that women report a higher occurrence of orgasms with lovers than with partners. I think it has to do with the special attention combined with the exciting risk. Oh, and I don’t need all the anecdotes saying that’s nonsense because you’d never feel that way. My point is that the idea’s out there. * * * I vote **DianaG** henceforth change her name to **DianaGspot**. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/35 "2010-07-09T19:28:04Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > This is our “blushing” smiley. :o > > It also serves as our oral sex smiley. Unless the oral sex is from [Jennifer Wilbanks](http://www.gossipsauce.com/files/gs_jennifer_wilbanks_081114_g1.jpg), in which case we use this: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/36 "2010-07-09T19:28:39Z")
Not per se. It wasn’t the lack of orgasms, it was the lack of _sex_. Remember that thread we had a while back, about what would you do if you had a deep loving intimate relationship with a lot of cuddling and touching but no sex? It was one of those. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/37 "2010-07-09T19:32:14Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > I think it has to do with the special attention combined with the exciting risk. The source I’ve read says it’s more on a biological level, though I could see one triggering the other. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/38 "2010-07-09T19:38:33Z")
I’m betting an awful lot of women cheat for the exact same reason that men do. I’m betting a lot of women are perfectly fine with the chicken or even steak they have at home, but often crave lobster. I don’t know for sure, but I would take the bet. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/39 "2010-07-09T19:56:33Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > I vote **DianaG** henceforth change her name to **DianaGspot**. Oh, God. The Mods will kill me. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2010, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/40 "2010-07-09T20:41:51Z")
From the evolutionary behavior books I’ve read, what I gather is … Women don’t cheat because of an absence of orgasms … they have orgasms because they’re cheating. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098.md?page=3)