# Women who have cheated: did you do it because your partner couldn't give you orgasms? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 9, 2010, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098 "2010-07-09T14:41:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/61 "2010-07-13T20:23:55Z")
I find it insulting that the OP imagines women need a man for the big O, or that they would go from man to man to man looking for one who could “give” her one. This is the stuff of porn fiction. Women cheat for many reasons, but trying out one magical weinie after the other until they find the perfect fit isn’t one of them except in some porn hound’s imagination. A skillful, talented, considerate lover is difficult to come by, and if you do come across one in your cheating experience, it’s a bonus, not the Holy Grail Found. Doesn’t mean much for the future of the relationship. ( As mentioned, there are tons of unhappily married couples who have magically wonderful sex. So? A woman is going to put up with poverty, abuse, neglect, bad hygiene, psychotic behavior, drug abuse, alcoholism for the sake of a great lay? Why, if the sex is so great, would they even think of cheating? Which goes for men, too.)…It’s NOT that I’m condoning cheating at all, one should either work on the relationship, live with it, or leave. But stepping out on an SO because a new guy might ignite fireworks? Fine if it happens, but it’s not THE reason. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/62 "2010-07-13T20:26:39Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I find it insulting that the OP imagines women need a man for the big O, or that they would go from man to man to man looking for one who could “give” her one. No, see, he didn’t _imagine_, he _heard_. And then he _asked_. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/63 "2010-07-13T20:30:26Z")
And also it’s not an entirely ridiculous assumption to make from a male point if view. Sooner or later a msn finds out that the female orgasm can’t necessarily be counted on. Well, to a man sex sans orgasm is not sex at all. A man would have to find a way to change such a situation. ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/64 "2010-07-14T06:42:15Z")
Well, it was because the sex was awful, but that wasn’t due to a lack of orgasms. There were plenty of orgasms but they were the only thing tolerable about the sex. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/65 "2010-07-14T12:35:49Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > When your body is on fire, and your vaginal area is moistening with enough lubricant so that your lover can slide in, guess what? It’s about an orgasm or pursuit thereof. You ought to write for Hustler or something. :eek: If you need me, I’ll be in the, er, bathroom. :o ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/66 "2010-07-14T12:55:43Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > The romance? > [@DianaG](#): > > What’s the point of romance, if it doesn’t end in orgasms? There’s sort of two (groups of) definitions of “romance” or “romantic”. There is one which equates “romance” with “sex” and one with equates it with “grand gestures which are nice because they’re grand”. The point of sex is orgasms; the point of candlelit dinners isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/67 "2010-07-14T13:30:36Z")
Maybe not to you. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/68 "2010-07-14T13:50:04Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > You ought to write for Hustler or something. :eek: > > If you need me, I’ll be in the, er, bathroom. :o Well, I did use the more clinical sounding ‘vaginal’ and ‘lubricant’. I thought that was keeping it tame. I can think of racier words! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/69 "2010-07-14T14:04:42Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Maybe not to you. To me, candlelit dinners are what delays the important parts… and the important parts aren’t romantic. That particular definition doesn’t exist in Spanish, so it actually tripped me A LOT in the US, as I didn’t know about it and it turns romantic and romance into false friends of their Spanish versions. I had a couple of instances of telling a guy “well, I don’t have time for romance, what with being in grad school” meaning “how about we skip this part and get in the sack” and they understood I was too busy for a relationship. No, damnit, what I was too busy for was Hallmark’s! ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7cd45c/32.png) [@Angel\_of\_Doubt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_Doubt)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/70 "2010-07-14T15:14:27Z")
IMO, men don’t “give” women orgasms like some kind of Christmas present. Whether a woman has an orgasm is the result of her comfort and knowledge of her own body, her lover’s attitude and consideration towards her as a whole and the couple’s ability to communicate. Not trying to be all touchy-feely here, but no matter how skilled a guy is, if he’s seriously lacking in the above, her ability to orgasm is probably compromised. I’m sure this goes the other way for guys too, but differently, and I can’t speak for them. Of course, there are times we just want to get off too, but that would be a extramarital hookup, not an affair, I guess. Of course, other gals may disagree; it’s just this idea of “giving” an orgasm that hocks me off. ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/71 "2010-07-14T15:17:46Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I had a couple of instances of telling a guy “well, I don’t have time for romance, what with being in grad school” meaning “how about we skip this part and get in the sack” and they understood I was too busy for a relationship. No, damnit, what I was too busy for was Hallmark’s! Of course, it is possible that those guys were looking for a relationship, rather than a quick turn ‘in the sack’…there are some of us out there like that you know…! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/72 "2010-07-14T15:40:57Z")
> [@Martiju](#): > > there are some of us out there like that you know…! > > 🙂 We lie. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098/73 "2010-07-14T21:26:47Z")
> [@Perciful](#): > > I cheated on my husband at the end of our marriage because I couldn’t stand him. The marriage was over and I was saving for the divorce. I am not a cheater by nature but fell in love with someone else and was no longer in love with my husband. It had nothing to do with orgasms. I can has as many as I want. > > I don’t think it is always bad sex that makes people cheat. Some cheaters love the people they are married to but just like the thrill of the chase. I have also been cheated on and had no clue as the relationship seemed fine sexually at the time. > > Some people are just cheaters period. You could be my wife, though she insists she doesn’t dislike me, in fact she says she loves me, just not in that way. Granted, her cheating was a virtual thing (cybering)m butr she tried to get the physical on a “business trip”. Meh Currently saving to move, and having a hell of a hard time not hating her, despite still being head over heels in love with her. She cheated on her first husband too. I don’t plan on warning the new guy. Fuck him too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-have-cheated-did-you-do-it-because-your-partner-couldnt-give-you-orgasms/546098.md?page=3)