# Women who pretend to be thin online **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 16, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038 "2009-10-16T16:14:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/21 "2009-10-16T18:32:27Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Women lying about their weight is nothing new, but what about women lying about their height? The other night I met someone who claimed to be 5’8". I generally like short women, 5’2" or less, but she seemd cool, so I agreed to meet her. She had to be at least 6’0". WTF? (And no way she was 130#.) So far ouside of my “type” that it was really weird. But she did turn out to be very cool. That’s the one that really doesn’t make sense - and men do it too. As has been said above, one person’s “curvy” might be another person’s “a few extra pounds” and a third person’s “large.” There is some room for argument if someone classifies themselves a bit oddly. However 5’10" is 5’10" and if I’m definitively taller than the someone in flats, they are not 5’10". ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/22 "2009-10-16T18:36:35Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Whenever people share ‘bad online date’ stories, the overwhelming theme for guys seems to be “Pictures of her looked pretty good online, but when I met her she was 80 lbs heavier than she claimed to be”. The date goes awkwardly because shallow or not the guy is just plain not attracted to the person now that they see them in natural light/non-camwhore angles. > > I’ve had this happen before, but I’ve also had women who were _very_ upfront about their body type. Because thinking about it, if I were the person doing the deception, why in the hell would I want to even go out with a guy disappointed in how I looked? He certainly wouldn’t be having a good time, and there would probably be a lot of awkwardness/insincerity through the evening. > > So I’m curious if this is as common as people claim, or its simply an ‘Internet Tough Guy’ type of story popularly fabricated. I did the Internet dating thing a bit post divorce…and IME…yes, it happens but not just with weight. I once met a woman who claimed to be 36. When I met her she had, HAD to be in her 50’s and probably in the upper 50’s at that. I had fun with her, asking questions like ‘what year did you graduate high school?’ and watching her try to quickly do the math in her head…or, since we were about the same age asked her what songs she liked in high school/college and so on. It was actually fun torturing her but hey, she was wasting my time. As for weight, the formula seems to be ‘height weight proportionate’ means chubby but not obese. ‘A few extra pounds’ and above usually means obese. It’s not just women either. I have heard from women that tried these sites that you should always subtract 2"-3" off what they say their height is and discount any claim to a high status occupation. I don’t understand it either. I guess they hope you will meet and you will see how spectacular they are and overlook the mistruth. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/23 "2009-10-16T18:52:08Z")
> [@amarinth](#): > > That’s the one that really doesn’t make sense - and men do it too. I can see men adding a few inches to their height, because women tend to seek taller guys. I can see women doing the same, because most men like tall women (I don’t get that attraction – give me the shorties). But this woman actually made her height lower. Who does that? Maybe she just felt too big in all dimensions. I just don’t get the point, though. You can fake your size right up until you meet someone, and then your deception becomes blindingly obvious. To an extent, same with age. You can maybe fake being 29 if you’re 32, but not if you’re 57. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/24 "2009-10-16T18:57:47Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I really do not see the point in lying about it. I am not looking for dates online so that I can only communicate with them online - I want to meet ASAP, because I am looking for IRL relationships. It’s funny that you bring that up. I have a friend who has been getting really frustrated lately. She’s been asking my advice but I don’t know what to tell her. She gets plenty of responses from guys on Match, and has good online conversations with them. But the second she suggests talking on the phone or meeting up, she never hears from them again. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/25 "2009-10-16T19:04:44Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > is that the official name for it? I think the official name is “myspace angle.” ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/26 "2009-10-16T19:25:06Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I can see men adding a few inches to their height, because women tend to seek taller guys. I can see women doing the same, because most men like tall women (I don’t get that attraction – give me the shorties). But this woman actually made her height lower. Who does that? Maybe she just felt too big in all dimensions. > > I just don’t get the point, though. You can fake your size right up until you meet someone, and then your deception becomes blindingly obvious. To an extent, same with age. You can maybe fake being 29 if you’re 32, but not if you’re 57. Some guys are a little intimidated by taller women, and know that they’ll feel uncomfortable standing next to or dancing with a taller woman, especially if they’re already a little conscious of their height. And if a guy has a dozen possible matches, he might pay less attention to the woman who’s four inches taller than him. Besides, as you pointed out, women tend to seek taller guys- he might just trying not to waste his time. But yes, this is probably even less sustainable than lying about your weight. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/27 "2009-10-16T19:41:54Z")
> [@The\_Real\_Regency\_Elf](#): > > I had a female friend who did some online dating a few years ago. She was about 40-50 lbs over her self-professed ideal weight and only put up pics that made her look like she was much closer to that ideal weight. When I asked her if she was afraid of rejection after the guy met her for the first time, she said that she knew it was a risk, but she tried to lessen the risk by dragging out the time before the first meeting as much as possible so she could win the guy over with her personality (which was definitely on the outgoing and confident side). So she hoped that by the time they met, the guy’s disappointment (if he felt any) would be tempered by the bond they had forged online. > > Her strategy seemed to work to an extent, in that she got a few second and third dates (or so she said, she was long-distance friend that I only met twice) but I lost touch with her over a year ago and have no idea if she’s still dating anyone she met online. I think this is why most people do it. Maybe buying time to lose some weight, as well. I don’t think it’s disingenuous to omit details they are insecure about, as long as they don’t outright lie about it. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/28 "2009-10-16T19:46:15Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > I think the official name is “myspace angle.” Ah, of course. The moral of the story, kids, is be wary when looking for dates online, as many people (gender irrelevant) are not honest about what they’re like in person. 100% of the men I met online gave gross misrepresentations about their physical appearance, and 66.67% of these same guys turned out to be obsessive freaks. After three goes, I made a Note To Self: “You do not have problems finding dates, so please stop putting yourself through this bullshit now.” Instances of dating nightmares dramatically decreased. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/29 "2009-10-16T19:47:51Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > For the sake of levelling out the gender war, I’ll offer the counterpart: > > Ladies, when all of a guy’s many photos\* show him wearing a hat … his hair is thinning (or gone) and he’s anxious about it and doesn’t want you to know. (Until he’s charmed you with his personality, of course.) Same strategy as fat chicks only showing neck-up photos. > > - The rule is mostly moot if the guy only posts one or two pics of himself. > > I learned working there that some men just have no photos of themselves. Thirty-somethings who only have one pic: their high school prom photo. Forty-somethings with all the photos weirdly cropped (b/c he’s divorced/ing and all his photos show his ex pressed up to his cheek). That kind of thing! I sort of have this problem. Almost all photos of me are outdoors, where I’m wearing a hat. I need to find some hatless ones to show I’m bald and not hiding it. The other thing is that I’m 5’5" and my friends are about 6’ or more. So if someone thinks that they’re average height then I must be 5’ or less. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/30 "2009-10-16T20:05:19Z")
In the pre-Internet days I did a lot of Dating Service and Want-Ad dates. One woman I contacted lied spectacularly about her weight. This was obvious as soon as I saw her. I suspect that she thought that no one would even meet her if she gave her true weight. I like to think I’m not shallow enough to dismiss anyone on that basis. We dated for over a year, and I brought her to meet my friends and associates. But I didn’t think we were really compatible and a long-term couple, so I broke it off – the only time I can think of where I was the one to do so. I moved away shortly afterwards (another factor in my decision), but we corresponded for a while. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/31 "2009-10-16T21:15:31Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I learned working there that some men just have no photos of themselves. Thirty-somethings who only have one pic: their high school prom photo. Forty-somethings with all the photos weirdly cropped (b/c he’s divorced/ing and all his photos show his ex pressed up to his cheek). That kind of thing! I signed up for OKCupid a while ago and one of the problems I had was finding a photo to post. The only ones I had were a few years old and weren’t that good. No hat, which wouldn’t matter because I still have all my hair, but the beard is a bit grayer now. If anyone asked, though, I was honest about my height and weight, neither of which was apparent from the photo I ended up using. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/32 "2009-10-16T21:18:22Z")
Everyone is skinny online. How else would we fit through those little plugs? ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/33 "2009-10-16T21:31:56Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Women lying about their weight is nothing new, but what about women lying about their height? The other night I met someone who claimed to be 5’8". I generally like short women, 5’2" or less, but she seemd cool, so I agreed to meet her. She had to be at least 6’0". WTF? (And no way she was 130#.) So far ouside of my “type” that it was really weird. But she did turn out to be very cool. Guys lie about their heights, too. I met a guy through okcupid who listed himself as 5’11 on his profile. When I met him, I was about two inches taller than him, and the height on all my medical charts is 5’8. I was in sneakers, not in heels. I teased him very gently about this, to which he quickly responded that he WAS 5’11. I was like, _Um, what? Buddy, if you’re 5’11, then I’m 6’0. And there ain’t no way in hell I’m 6’0_. He ended up giving me the ‘its not you, its me, let’s be friends’ bullshit speech, so the hell with him. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/34 "2009-10-16T22:14:42Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > is that the official name for it? I did a search for that term. Funny http: encyclopedia [dramatica.com/](http://dramatica.com/) Fat\_girl\_angle\_shot first hit. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/35 "2009-10-16T22:45:58Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > Guys lie about their heights, too. I met a guy through okcupid who listed himself as 5’11 on his profile. When I met him, I was about two inches taller than him, and the height on all my medical charts is 5’8. I was in sneakers, not in heels. I teased him very gently about this, to which he quickly responded that he WAS 5’11. > > I was like, _Um, what? Buddy, if you’re 5’11, then I’m 6’0. And there ain’t no way in hell I’m 6’0_. He ended up giving me the ‘its not you, its me, let’s be friends’ bullshit speech, so the hell with him. I think that these guys actually believe that they are that tall. I’m 6’2", myself, and when guys at work ask me how tall I am, I tell them. They are incredulous, and say, ‘You have to be much taller! I’m 6’ myself, and you tower over me!" What can I say? “You’re really 5’6”, because I’m 8 inches taller than you." Not cool. So now, when somebody asks me, I tell them ‘the last time I checked, in High School, I was 6’4", but I may have grown some.’ It makes them feel good. hh ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/36 "2009-10-16T22:49:00Z")
Probably ought to mark that first hit as not safe for work! ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/37 "2009-10-16T23:06:39Z")
I tried to be brutally honest, actually making myself look worse when I did online dating. I characterized myself as “curvy” even though I’m a size 6 or 8, depending on the brand. It worked out well, although I only met a few guys in person, they were all very pleasantly suprised when we did meet. One of them actually told me I really have to change my pictures because I look a lot better in person. I don’t see the point in lying to make yourself look better if you have any intention of meeting people in person. Keep the expectations low, and you can’t help but impress. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2009, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/38 "2009-10-16T23:16:39Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I can see men adding a few inches to their height, because women tend to seek taller guys. I can see women doing the same, **because most men like tall women** (I don’t get that attraction – give me the shorties). As a moderately Tall Chick, I can assure you that men liking tall women has never been my experience. Or at any rate, only if “tall” is defined as "almost as tall as the guy _but definitely not any taller_. If you’re a 6 footer, that’s going to knock out about 3/4 of your dating pool and that would get old pretty quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2009, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/39 "2009-10-17T02:00:02Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > As a moderately Tall Chick, I can assure you that men liking tall women has never been my experience. Or at any rate, only if “tall” is defined as "almost as tall as the guy _but definitely not any taller_. If you’re a 6 footer, that’s going to knock out about 3/4 of your dating pool and that would get old pretty quickly. **Aspidistra** seems pretty self-aware I won’t feel too bad agreeing that a LOT of men are intimidated by tall women. We may not dig **tdn** ’s under 5’2" women either, but over 5’8" or certainly over 5’10" is tall enough to scare a lot of men. Virtually all men I’ve ever known have liked 5’4" to 5’7" women. So lying your height from 6’ to 5’ 10" makes sense. I like all heights, personally. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2009, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038/40 "2009-10-17T02:12:55Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > I think that these guys actually believe that they are that tall. I’m 6’2", myself, and when guys at work ask me how tall I am, I tell them. They are incredulous, and say, ‘You have to be much taller! I’m 6’ myself, and you tower over me!" What can I say? “You’re really 5’6”, because I’m 8 inches taller than you." Not cool. So now, when somebody asks me, I tell them ‘the last time I checked, in High School, I was 6’4", but I may have grown some.’ It makes them feel good. > hh Aw, you’re nice. Most guys think they are taller than they really are by 2" or more. They don’t seem to be lying; just deluded somehow. Just like ‘120 lbs’ is assumed to be a normal weight for an average slender woman (even though the average is more like 160 lbs at 5’4", and 120 lbs can look vastly different on different heights), 5’11" or 6’ perceived as a normal height for not-short guys. So they have to live up to it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-who-pretend-to-be-thin-online/514038.md?page=3)