# Women - would you date an obese man? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725 "2014-03-14T21:30:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![SmallBrownBurro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@SmallBrownBurro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmallBrownBurro)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/41 "2014-03-16T18:51:33Z")
A bit of a belly? Sure, why not. 300 lbs +? No thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/42 "2014-03-16T18:56:00Z")
I’m sure when this thread got started, part of the curiosity was noting the contrast between responses in both this thread and the BBW thread. Its surprising that the responses are more consistent than many people assumed. Personally I think expecations should be universal; if you don’t wanna date a fat slob, the non fat non slob probably doesn’t want to date one either. A man who takes care of himself wants a woman who takes care of herself, and vice versa. Both men and women complain about it, but in different categories. The women complain that a lot of guys they meet are shallow, while the men complain that too many women are gold diggers. ---
**Author:** ![tadtooornamental](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@tadtooornamental](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tadtooornamental)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/43 "2014-03-16T19:49:26Z")
At this point in my life, I have to say no, and I hate to say that because it sounds extremely hypocritical, but there’s a reason, so here goes: I’m not unattracted to overweight guys in general. I have a close friend who is probably pushing 400#, but I still find him quite attractive. The problem with dating a fat guy is that I’m a fat girl. There are way too many physical limitations when it comes to two fat bodies trying to get things to work the way they should, and . . . been there, done that, not interested in trying again. However, once I get closer to my goal weight? Absolutely. If the guy has the brains, personality, humor and everything else that I find attractive in a man? I’m not incredibly concerned with his body type. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/44 "2014-03-16T20:03:35Z")
> [@chiroptera](#): > > So you don’t think that there’s a legitimate reason why a woman may find an overweight man attractive - either despite, or because of his weight? > > And is every overweight man in your world a “fat slob” and women who are attracted to them all “emotionally insecure”? Yes or No? Just trying to clarify your position here. Question #1: There are plenty of reasons why a woman might date or marry an overweight guy. He’s nice, intelligent, rich, provides a warm body to come home to rather than watching Food Network on a Friday night, etc. None of these have to do with physical attraction. Question #2: Not all overweight men are fat slobs. However, women are willing to settle with fat slobs for a variety of socially-induced reasons: a. Their biological clock is ticking (and they’re constantly reminded of it). Any relationship is better than no relationship, as the mere possibility of pregnancy exists. b. Their female peers put pressure on them. It’s taboo to be the only single one in your group of girlfriends. c. They have no concept of their own attractiveness, or were taught not to flaunt it. So, yes, women are emotionally insecure and will settle for less. I see it every day, but _very_ rarely do I see a good-looking man with an uggo. PS: a fat female dates a fat male for the exact opposite reasons described above–they aren’t settling, they’ve met their aesthetic match and their personalities mesh. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/45 "2014-03-16T20:10:07Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > I’m sure when this thread got started, part of the curiosity was noting the contrast between responses in both this thread and the BBW thread. > > Its surprising that the responses are more consistent than many people assumed. > > Personally I think expecations should be universal; if you don’t wanna date a fat slob, the non fat non slob probably doesn’t want to date one either. A man who takes care of himself wants a woman who takes care of herself, and vice versa. > > Both men and women complain about it, but in different categories. The women complain that a lot of guys they meet are shallow, while the men complain that too many women are gold diggers. Indeed; I thought I’d find more women saying that dating fat guys was acceptable, compared to the BBW thread. But it seemed fairly even. Of course, with [over two thirds of Americans now being overweight or obese](http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/overwt.htm), this is just a norm-adjusted, realistic response I guess. One thing I’ve noted though, is that more Women of A Certain Age mentioned the potential burden of caring for a disabled or unhealthy obese partner (as well as practical and mechanical issues involving having sex) which makes sense, because women more often end up being caretakers of their older partners than the other way around. ---
**Author:** ![Yellow\_Kazooie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecd19e/32.png) [@Yellow\_Kazooie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yellow_Kazooie)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/46 "2014-03-16T20:43:49Z")
Well, sure. If he is rich or something then yes ---
**Author:** ![Becky2844](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/47 "2014-03-16T20:44:11Z")
I still feel cheated that I never got a chance to meet/marry? John Candy. Everything I’d ever want in a man; gentle, intelligent humor. I don’t care about physical casings. I do care about personal integrity, though. Fat, or lack of, has nothing to do with a rich life. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/48 "2014-03-16T21:34:49Z")
I’m married to someone who is 6’ and weighs 315. And although I’ve never really given a shit about the physicality of anyone I’ve dated in the past, at this point in my life too, I don’t think if the opportunity ever arose again, I’d be up for what I’m dealing with now. I love and adore my husband, and what he’s going through is a direct result of health problems behind his control (non-alcoholic cirrhosis), the mobility problems and the resulting aftermath are just too much. I’d want a partner to be with me for the long haul, not someone who might leave me too soon. Or that I’d have to take care of. Once is enough for me. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Dord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@The\_Dord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Dord)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/49 "2014-03-16T23:09:41Z")
Nm ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/50 "2014-03-17T01:33:25Z")
Why not? I mean what woman wouldn’t want to look into the eyes of a man like [this](http://www.oldyoungporn.com/teen_present/img/porn.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/51 "2014-03-17T01:47:41Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > Why else would the lonely fat guy in the basement be a rampant stereotype in popular culture today? Because A) He won’t leave his mother’s basement and get out and meet real women. And B) He thinks the Universe owes him a supermodel and he won’t look twice at a real woman, but calls them names like “hambeast.” > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > What’s interesting is you don’t often hear, in popular culture at least, a visceral backlash from women about the existence of obese men (and when it is there, the character is usually portrayed as a huge pig and equally repugnant to men), but in pop culture and real life, there are lots and lots of guys who will freely admit to being angrily offended by the mere existence of obese women, almost like it’s a personal affront to them that there are women in the world who don’t look like supermodels. Some men believe that women exist to service them. Either to feed, clean and clothe them; to bed them; or to be beautiful objects of lust. If you do not fit these categories, you are a waste of his time and it pisses him off personally. Thankfully dudes like this are not that common, but believe me, they do live among us. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/52 "2014-03-17T02:07:40Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Why not? I mean what woman wouldn’t want to look into the eyes of a man like [this](http://www.oldyoungporn.com/teen_present/img/porn.jpg)? Okay. I don’t get it. I know quite a while back there was some thread you started about what should be done about your wife’s relative (a niece, maybe?) possibly being abused and there was a lot of heat for, apparently, you not doing anything to help or stop it or something. And I suppose you disappeared some (which is something I could relate to). From there, when I’ve seen you around the boards of late, I thought you’d really grown and matured as a poster and were dispensing the occasional sound advice mixed with just generally well thought-out comments. But then all of a sudden, you’re everywhere and your questions seem to be a bit bitingly directed at certain groups of people, and in addition to that, like you want to be intentionally offensive towards others. Like it was mentioned in another thread about your constantly trying to label others with Aspergers, calling Dopers out for being clueless, disparaging BBWs or what-have-you. Then there’s this, in a discussion where several folks have said they’re involved with men of this size. So seriously, what gives? Because none of what you’ve been doing recently really jibes. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/53 "2014-03-17T02:26:39Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Why not? I mean what woman wouldn’t want to look into the eyes of a man like [this](http://www.oldyoungporn.com/teen_present/img/porn.jpg)? That particular guy, not so much. But I wish [this picture](http://tinypic.com/r/vsp5zn/8) showed more than it does. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/54 "2014-03-17T14:49:23Z")
I did date a big guy for a very short time. I’m about 105 lbs and while he wasn’t “fat” he was BIG. I wasn’t comfortable - it felt like I had a large rottweiler I couldn’t control. He was very nice to me but simply got too attached too quickly and I just wasn’t that into him. I also couldn’t get past the large-breasted demon tattoos all over his great big arms. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/55 "2014-03-17T15:11:55Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > That particular guy, not so much. But I wish [this picture](http://tinypic.com/r/vsp5zn/8) showed more than it does. That guy has a very appealing and handsome face. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/56 "2014-03-17T15:47:10Z")
I am pretty much the definition of the OP. 5’10 370lbs [![](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/0zo7wbtplwrzubu/1911051_789283624435074_796317550_o.jpg) ](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/0zo7wbtplwrzubu/1911051_789283624435074_796317550_o.jpg) [![](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/vzucib2v6xz2c3d/68660_4369415867988_1689731118_n.jpg) ](https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/vzucib2v6xz2c3d/68660_4369415867988_1689731118_n.jpg) Some ladies seem to like me some dont. I find that most of my relationships fail because I do or say something stupid one too many times, not because I am fat. My current gf is not overweight by any stretch of the imagination but thinks she is a cow because she was skinnier 4 kids ago. So any questions ask away. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/57 "2014-03-17T16:25:25Z")
My celebrity crush is Jorge Garcia. So yes. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/58 "2014-03-17T16:45:13Z")
> [@sandysue44](#): > > No way! Most likely he has a food addiction. I could not handle him bingeing on food. That is just disgusting. Also I could not stand to look at his body. I also would always worry about his health. Especially if the relationship got serious and marriage was in the cards, he would suffer health problems as he aged in a very serious way. You’re off my Valentine’s Card list. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/59 "2014-03-17T16:49:58Z")
Those of you citing (potential) health problems for not dating fatsos (like me) do you have a similar prohibition on skinny, muscular, active, smokers or partakers in other behaviours that make early decrepitude and death more likely? ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725/60 "2014-03-17T16:56:07Z")
> [@Inna\_Minnit](#): > > Note: 300 lbs does not necessarily make someone obese. I dated a dude who was 6’ 5" and 300 lbs of solid muscle. > > But in answer to the question, yes. I would rather date a big guy than a skinny, stringy guy. The caveat for me is he would be tall. So a 300 lb dude probably wouldn’t be \>60 BMI. As long as all the important parts can reach and function, I wouldn’t bat an eye if I liked the guy. Yup, this. Tall and broad-shouldered, plus very fat? No problem. Really skinny or really short, or androgynous, would be much less likely to draw my eye than a tall fat guy. Still not definitive, as personality counts for a lot, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-would-you-date-an-obese-man/683725.md?page=4)