# Women: your top DOs and DON'Ts for men in social situations **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 24, 2002, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485 "2002-09-24T18:08:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![plain\_jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@plain\_jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plain_jane)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/21 "2002-09-25T03:11:19Z")
Everyone’s coming up with great ideas. One don’t that stands out in my mind (because it happened to me) is: Don’t complain about how expensive everything is. Particularly if you make a big deal of “treating” the woman to a night out. A guy took me out once (he offered to treat). He complained about the taxi fare. He complained about the cost of admission to the movie. He complained about how expensive popcorn and pop was. Guess how special I felt? I do realize taxis and movies are expensive… but… ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/22 "2002-09-25T04:50:41Z")
If you must refer to the ex in passing, ferchissakes, don’t refer to her as the bitch/psycho/satan spawn, etc. You’ll just sound like a jerk. Avoid being a pompous ass. I went out (read: once) with a guy who referred to the cost of parking downtown as “rather draconian.” Puhleaze. I know what it means, but you’re just throwing your vocabulary around for the sake of throwing your vocabulary around. This imperative extends to not informing your date of your wine choosing abilities, etc, etc. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/23 "2002-09-25T10:11:28Z")
oh dear, i’m terrible at this, mostly because my good first dates turn into horrible boyfriends, and the somewhat weird (or non-existent) first dates turn into the best boyfriends. so, no, i have no rules on what he can wear, say, eat or drink (4 beers is drunk?, news to me) but roughly i like a guy who’s easy-going and flexible- if lunch turns into dinner and a movie, that’s great! i like a guy who can make 4 hours fly by in his company i like a guy who has friends, and friends i can imagine as MY friends i like a guy who isn’t afraid to let me see some of his faults the first time i meet him. i like a guy who lets me slowly discover things about him, by letting me ask the questions i want answered, and not telling me things i don’t need to know about him. i don’t like a guy who controls every aspect of the date. i don’t like a guy who won’t come out strongly with some coherent views. i don’t like a guy who can’t tell when i’m up for some physical contact and when i’m not i don’t like guys who think that their family, intelligence, wealth, schooling or how many times a week they go to the gym will impress me. first dates are about physical attraction and having fun, not about blinding me with your hypothetical assets. does that help at all? ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/24 "2002-09-25T10:20:03Z")
DOs 1. Be clean and neat 2. Be appropriately dressed for the date 3. Know how to carry on a conversation 4. Be open to my interests 5. Be relaxed. DONTs 1. Be so shy/nervous/overwhelmed by the sight of a real live woman that you barely interact with me at all 2. Assume that you are the boss of the date. 3. Talk about previous relationships or emotional fuckups at all. You have a bye if I suggest something that would cause you intense emotional turmoil - say if I suggest going to the Italian restaurant where your crazy ex once tried to mutilate you with a broken Chianti bottle - but I don’t need to know the details of the incident right now. A simple “No, I’ve had a bad experience there” will do. 4. Be rude to any waitstaff, barstaff etc 5. Work too hard at being funny. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/25 "2002-09-25T10:23:43Z")
to clarify - I haven’t actually gone down the dating route much at all. I like irishgirl’s answers, which appeared while I was composing mine - they strike a chord with me. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/26 "2002-09-25T10:38:08Z")
**zen101** , as a natural clutz, accidental boob grabs are ok if handled correctly. I’d be freaked until I realized it was an accident and then I’d laugh. To handle it correctly, let go immediately and apologize profusely. Blushing gets you bonus points. Acting smug gets you told off. Then again, I was in a club once, walking along the edge of a dance floor, when my hand moved back and I caught a fellow squarely between the legs. :o I apologized. We talked, and I wound up giving him my phone number. Nothing ever came of it, though. CJ ---
**Author:** ![Anahita](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9a28c/32.png) [@Anahita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anahita)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/27 "2002-09-25T11:17:18Z")
**Hi Ianzin!** Do: 1. Be on time. 2. Do have some idea of what we’ll do that evening/day or at least discuss it BEFORE we wander around for an hour saying, “What do you wanna do?” “I don’t know, what do _you_ wanna do?” 3. Tell me about yourself. Funny stories about your friends puking in college doesn’t count. 4. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ Be polite to service staff. 5. Tell me you enjoyed yourself at the end. (OK, I’m assuming that you did enjoy yourself, hehe) Don’t: 1. Drum on the dashboard, table or shake your leg incessently. 2. Criticize the food/place/drink overmuch. Espcecially, don’t say, “Ewwwwww…you like fish! Yuck!” 3. Leer at other women. 4. Talk with your mouth full. 5. Assume I’ll sleep with you. * * * You can tell it’s been some years since I dated. Geesh, glad I don’t have to do it anymore! ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/28 "2002-09-25T11:28:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cosmopolitan \* > \*\*DO NOT: > 5) Forget my name/get my name wrong. Very, very bad. \*\* Mulva? ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/29 "2002-09-25T14:35:02Z")
DO 1. Be kind to everyone we encounter, not just me. Yes, I will think you sweet if you hold a door open for me. But if you let it slam in the face of the guy walking in behind us I will be less impressed. This goes double for my parents and triple for any service professionals (waiters, etc.) How you treat the world at large will affect how I think of you. 2. Be clean. Not overdone, but clean. 3. Be witty and let me be witty, make me feel interesting and be interesting yourself. 4. Any compliments should be honest and show that you actually pay attention to me. Less “You’re beautiful tonight” and more “You know, I’ve always admired your quirky smile.” Bonus points if its on something I can actually change. (like my interests, talents and skills, rather than appearance.) 5. Be yourself. Be open, honest, genuine and true. There isn’t a line in the world that can compare to the thrill of actually meeting someone, rather than some facade they put on for just that night. DON’T 1. Brag. 2. Swear too much. 3. Fail to allow a conversational flow. Its not all about you, its not all about me, being too closemouthed is just as bad as never shutting up. 4. Be a rude prick. I think this may go without saying, but then again… 5. Be stressed. ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/30 "2002-09-25T19:35:21Z")
Tubadiva, notcynical was joking. I realized that. I responded with this little thing called sarcasm. If this offended you, I apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/31 "2002-09-25T19:56:44Z")
**stofsky** : How did you know that my name is Mulva? 😉 And to add to the list: I’m on board with the “be courteous to people in general & the waitstaf in particular” thing. I can’t abide arrogance/rudeness. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/32 "2002-09-25T20:21:32Z")
I think they’ve got it. Been awhile for me as well, but here… Do: 1. Tell me your glad we could get together 2. Offer to pay (if you did the inviting). 3. Make intellegent conversation - avoiding religion and politics on the first date (unless you know we are on the same page). 4. Show up on time, end the date on time 5. Ask about ME…Its all about ME! Don’t (oh god, could this list be long) 1. Assume you are spending the night, or make me kick you out of my home. 2. Argue with me about my religious or political beliefs 3. Talk about yourself, your ex’s, your parents (unless I ask - and I should be asking about you - but I hope I’m not asking about your ex’s or parents on the first date). 4. Judge what I eat (or don’t eat)… likewise, judging what I wear (you don’t look good in purple, you could have picked something sexier) is right out. I’m not a Barbie Doll for you to dress up. 5. Give me gifts or otherwise try to distract from the size of your penis with the size of your wallet. (On a related note on number 5 - if you give a girl your phone number written on a hundred dollar bill, don’t be surprised if she uses the hundred dollar bill to buy drinks for her girlfriends. Cute move, wasn’t impressed). ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/33 "2002-09-25T20:34:08Z")
Ditto **Cosmopolitan**. [Captain Call voice] I can’t stand rudeness in a man. I won’t tolerate it. [/Captain Call voice] Nothing turned me off faster during a date than a display of rudeness to anyone at all, whether it be to my parents or the garage attendant. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/34 "2002-09-26T06:57:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TubaDiva \* > \*\*This better be a joke. > > Did you know 15 will get you 20 most places? > \*\* Not in [Canada](http://www.ageofconsent.com/canada.htm) , where the age of consent is 14. ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/35 "2002-09-26T07:11:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TubaDiva \* > \*\*This better be a joke. > > Did you know 15 will get you 20 most places? > \*\* Not in [Canada](http://www.ageofconsent.com/canada.htm) , where the age of consent is 14. ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/36 "2002-09-26T07:41:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*Don’t talk about your former girlfriend. > Do splash on a LITTLE cologne. And iron your clothes. > Don’t get drunk on the first date. \*\* Mmmmm…Me have question - what is thing you say called “i-ron”? Thog not understand. Just kidding;) ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/37 "2002-09-26T14:08:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Ditto **Cosmopolitan**. > > [Captain Call voice] > I can’t stand rudeness in a man. I won’t tolerate it. > [/Captain Call voice] > > Nothing turned me off faster during a date than a display of rudeness to anyone at all, whether it be to my parents or the garage attendant. \*\* Dave Barry was right. Someone who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is NOT a nice person. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/38 "2002-09-26T14:11:03Z")
I’m doomed to a life of lonliness. I’m shy with people I don’t know, and I don’t dance. shucks ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/39 "2002-09-26T19:42:49Z")
Don’t criticize anything about the woman at all. If it’s a disappointing blind date, be a good sport anyway and keep an open mind. However, if you are still not interested at the end, simply tell her it was nice meeting her and do NOT imply that you would like to see her again. ---
**Author:** ![fizgig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@fizgig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizgig)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485/40 "2002-09-26T23:25:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\* > > Mmmmm…Me have question - what is thing you say called “i-ron”? Thog not understand. > > Just kidding;) \*\* Don’t worry, that’s what drycleaners were invented for. 😉 Another: Don’t inquire about how your date thinks things are going midstream. It hasn’t happened to me, but I’ve heard of overly-solicitous dates asking every 15 minute, “I think this is going well, don’t you?” If you had fun, say so at the end of the date. If you didn’t, shake hands and depart gracefully. Also, don’t ask about your date’s romantic past, why she’s currently single, etc. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/women-your-top-dos-and-donts-for-men-in-social-situations/129485.md?page=3)