# Women's rejection tactics.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 20, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656 "2012-12-20T19:06:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/41 "2012-12-20T21:02:50Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#):
>
> Oh. Oh, honey. Okay, you dodged a bullet, there. She called you, crying, a _few times_ over the course of the _week_ that you’ve been communicating, and you haven’t even met in person? Yeeee-_ikes_.
Yeah man. I’ve never called a man crying before, ever. Friends or lovers.
Think of it this way…if you’re the sort of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, or needs someone to be understanding and patient with you as you learn “how this dating thing works” then the last person you need is someone who vanishes in to thin air after heavy talk and then an innocent question.
Now, I’m not saying she’s wrong for being skeeved out - that’s who she is. And that’s not who you need. Now you’re free to pursue someone who’s more compatible to what you need, and so is she.
I have a friend who was hot and heavy texting weird shit back and forth with this one girl, and he asked her what kind of panties she wore (after much worse stuff had been discussed) and never heard from her again. Shortly after he met a girl who’s an absolute freak and is happy to talk to him about panties, S&M gear, waxing, whatever. They fit together much better than him and the girl that went away.
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### Author:  [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/42 "2012-12-20T21:04:12Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> She called me a few times too… I shouldn’t have left that part out. She called me crying a few times. I helped her feel better.
See, this? To me, this is a red flag. For _you_.
A woman who calls a new acquaintance within the first week of meeting and _cries_ on him has some serious issues.
A mentally and emotionally healthy woman in a situation where she desperately needs emotional support emphatically does **not** call a man she’s only been texting for around a week and cry on his shoulder. Uh uh. Nope. Bad idea. She calls her mom, her best friend, her pastor, her therapist, or her dog walker.
Seriously, **MyFootsZZZ** , you dodged a bullet.
And don’t beat yourself up on asking about a relationship. It takes time to learn the ebb and flow of relationships.
Do you mind me asking how you met her? Because I’m wondering if it was in a context that’s really conducive for finding a stable relationship partner.
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/43 "2012-12-20T21:06:48Z")
What they said about her calling and crying. That is **so** not a good sign, and it is really - I promise - a good thing that she isn’t replying to you. In fact, if she changes her mind, tell her you’re not interested.
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### Author:  [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/44 "2012-12-20T21:07:46Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> I’ve learned a lot from this, thanks to all that are replying. We agreed to cuddle, yes.
Also: cuddling is for romance and leading up to sex. It is not for male/female friendship. If a woman suggests cuddling and insists on friendship, she’s taking advantage of you.
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/45 "2012-12-20T21:08:10Z")
> [@phouka](#):
>
> See, this? To me, this is a red flag. For _you_.
>
> A woman who calls a new acquaintance within the first week of meeting and _cries_ on him has some serious issues.
>
> A mentally and emotionally healthy woman in a situation where she desperately needs emotional support emphatically does **not** call a man she’s only been texting for around a week and cry on his shoulder. Uh uh. Nope. Bad idea. She calls her mom, her best friend, her pastor, her therapist, or her dog walker.
>
> Seriously, **MyFootsZZZ** , you dodged a bullet.
>
> And don’t beat yourself up on asking about a relationship. It takes time to learn the ebb and flow of relationships.
>
> Do you mind me asking how you met her? Because I’m wondering if it was in a context that’s really conducive for finding a stable relationship partner.
I met her on [POF.com](http://POF.com). I told her how pretty she was and how I thought she sounded cool
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### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/46 "2012-12-20T21:13:38Z")
This happens with women all the time as well. He says “I’ll call you” and your phone rings, but its never him.
A lot of dates just fizzle. There might be interest by one person, but not the other. And “I’ll call you” and no phone call - or not returning phone calls, or “I’m busy, some other time” when the other time never materializes, is ages long dating protocol for both sexes who haven’t had much contact. It may be something creepy - and it happens that guys find the behavior of some women a little creepy too - or it may just be no chemistry - or maybe she went out last night and ran into someone she really liked - and now your texts are just awkward when she is hoping that this guy pans out.
After several MONTHS, you deserve some sort of notice that she is breaking up with you. After a week of heavy texting when you haven’t actually met and aren’t actually dating, about all you can expect is “I made some other plans for Christmas, don’t bother to come over, I won’t be home.”
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### Author:  [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/47 "2012-12-20T21:16:44Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> I said I wanted to be friends now, but asked her if the doors were open for the future. I told her either way, I was ok with. I was not full of shit, I just wanted to know if it would possibly lead anywhere. She made it seem as if I would be more than her friend at some points… which is what lead me to ask.
Oh please, you were too full of shit. For goodness sakes, you’ve not even met this woman in person yet, and you already want more than friends.
Pro-tip, noob: I don’t even think about more than friends until at least an in-person meeting.
Three words: Slow your roll.
---
### Author:  [@FlyByNight512](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyByNight512)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/48 "2012-12-20T21:17:22Z")
You’re on the right track. I stumbled across a quote online that I really like: “Fairness is for cake division and supreme court cases. Not dating.” When it comes to relationships, it goes until either party says ‘no thanks’, either directly or by cutting off contact. Neither party owes the other anything, other than not deliberately hurting them. It would have been nice of her to send you a ‘thanks, but I’ve reconsidered’ text, sure, but it’s not terribly uncommon to just cut someone off completely and there are lots of reasons why people do that. Sometimes you can figure out what those reasons are, sometimes there isn’t any reason beyond ‘just not that into you’. Usually it’s a mix.
It’s still disappointing, though. Take a couple days to lick your wounds if you need to, just try to avoid developing a chip on your shoulder. Experience is a good thing, in the long run, even when it sucks at the time.
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/49 "2012-12-20T21:19:49Z")
The thing is, I’m going to be on Social Security Disability soon, for depression and anxiety. I don’t have a job. Very few women are looking to cuddle with someone like that. She didn’t mind at all. I predict it will be a very long time before I’m going to find a girl that’s cool with that fact. I’m a very lonely man.
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### Author:  [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/50 "2012-12-20T21:20:51Z")
Try to look at it from her point of view. You might have met, and it might not have worked. Ever wonder why you are attracted to some women and not others in real life? There are physical cues, there are odor cues, I’ve even read that there is some indication if you have compatible Rh factors. She might not have actually liked you - or you might not have actually liked her. It happens. If she said she might be interested in going further, she might have worried that you’d immediately press her, since if she’d be interested next month, why not now. That you wouldn’t do this has no bearing on it.
You might not like social games, but we evolved to mate using social games, none of which involved texting, the Internet or telephones. If you need to intellectualize stuff, intellectualize how you can play the game better. I feel for you - I wasn’t all that good at it either, but I didn’t pretend the game was worthless. (And when I got married there was no texting.)
I have two daughters. Men get rejected, women get ignored. Women sometimes feel rejected if they put out hints that don’t get picked up on. I wouldn’t really say we have it worse.
If you are still interested, give her a call and if she isn’t there leave her a message saying you know you screwed up and asking to talk. Do not text it. You shouldn’t have asked the question you did, but you really, really shouldn’t have texted the question.
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### Author:  [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/51 "2012-12-20T21:25:05Z")
> [@phouka](#):
>
> Also: cuddling is for romance and leading up to sex. It is not for male/female friendship. If a woman suggests cuddling and insists on friendship, she’s taking advantage of you.
Cuddling is nice all by itself. At a certain point if things don’t progress it is fine to stop, but this isn’t project management - you don’t start with a schedule of what by when.
Jeez, get with it people. You guys need to reproduce to pay my Social Security in 30 years.
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### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/52 "2012-12-20T21:26:06Z")
Pretty typical on internet romance. I would not give it a second thought. For whatever reason she changed her mind, let it go at that.
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### Author:  [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/53 "2012-12-20T21:30:18Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> The thing is, I’m going to be on Social Security Disability soon, for depression and anxiety. I don’t have a job. Very few women are looking to cuddle with someone like that. She didn’t mind at all. I predict it will be a very long time before I’m going to find a girl that’s cool with that fact. I’m a very lonely man.
Why would most people be cool with that fact? It sounds like you’re bringing a whole lot of baggage to a relationship. What are you bringing that’s wonderful?
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/54 "2012-12-20T21:36:15Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#):
>
> Why would most people be cool with that fact? It sounds like you’re bringing a whole lot of baggage to a relationship. What are you bringing that’s wonderful?
I’m not saying they should be cool with it, and yes, it’s a lot of baggage.
Edit: “What are you bringing that’s wonderful?”
Just that I try to be a good loyal man. But that’s noy enough… I know. That’s why I said I’ll be lonely.
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### Author:  [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/55 "2012-12-20T21:42:17Z")
A week?!? Internet or not, _thinking_ about more than friendship is immature and foolish. Even a little creepy.
I met my husband on the internet in 1995. We were friends. We met in person and were friends. It developed naturately.
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### Author:  [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/56 "2012-12-20T21:51:32Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> I’m not saying they should be cool with it, and yes, it’s a lot of baggage.
It’s good that you see that, not because you should beat yourself up more about it, but so you can try to be cognizant of developing yourself FOR yourself foremost, but also for any future partners.
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### Author:  [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/57 "2012-12-20T22:07:00Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> Well I guess it’s better I learn this all now. Gosh, I really don’t like this game… I don’t understand the rules.
Mate, no men understand the rules, we’re not supposed to.
As soon as enough blokes start getting their heads around the rules, they get changed.
I’ve always found the sudden “Stop Contact” to be frustrating and rude. For mine it’s totally lacking in common courtesy. A simple “Thanks but no thanks, have a nice life” might sting but it’s better IMO than the silent treatment.
If the bloke is then a big enough douche to want to argue or fire back with insults, all he’s doing is proving she made a good decision and she should block his number and not respond.
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/58 "2012-12-20T22:18:22Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#):
>
> It’s good that you see that, not because you should beat yourself up more about it, but so you can try to be cognizant of developing yourself FOR yourself foremost, but also for any future partners.
Should I even try to date?
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### Author:  [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/59 "2012-12-20T22:47:18Z")
maybe - I think you should try, at least. keep in mind it is not a date unless you meet in person.
when you “meet” on the internet, arrange to meet \*in real life \*as soon as possible. and expect to need some practice - none of us are very good at doing something new.
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### Author:  [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)
#### Post date: [December 20, 2012, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/60 "2012-12-20T22:48:36Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#):
>
> Mate, no men understand the rules, we’re not supposed to.
>
> As soon as enough blokes start getting their heads around the rules, they get changed.
This is misogynistic bullshit. There are no “rules”, and there is no conspiracy of women to confuse and frustrate men. Claiming otherwise sure does provide a handy excuse not to act like a mature adult.
> [@](#):
>
> I’ve always found the sudden “Stop Contact” to be frustrating and rude. For mine it’s totally lacking in common courtesy. A simple “Thanks but no thanks, have a nice life” might sting but it’s better IMO than the silent treatment.
Nobody owes you a damn thing. You might prefer one over the other, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us are obligated to provide it.
> [@](#):
>
> If the bloke is then a big enough douche to want to argue or fire back with insults, all he’s doing is proving she made a good decision and she should block his number and not respond.
Which is exactly what a “Stop Contact” response is.
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