# Women's rejection tactics.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [December 20, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656 "2012-12-20T19:06:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/81 "2012-12-21T09:19:46Z")
> [@Troppus](#):
>
> Hey, **phouka**?
>
> _fist bump_
Coming in late to second that. Great post **phouka**.
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### Author:  [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/82 "2012-12-21T10:44:30Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> OH! Why did I ask her about a relationship… I’m so fucking stupid.
I dunno. Calling someone you’ve known for a week via text and crying sounds pretty fucking stupid as well.
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### Author:  [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/83 "2012-12-21T13:00:17Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> I’m sure there are women out there that don’t do this. I’m also sure men do this as well. Being a straight male, however, I can only speak from my experiences.
>
> A back story of my latest experience. I met a gal over the internet, and we’ve been texting almost non-stop for over a week. We were planning on spending Xmas Eve with each other, (she asked me to spend the night). Though we both claimed we were just looking to be friends, it was highly likely that we would be ‘fooling around’ to some extent when we were to meet on Christmas Eve. We were to “cuddle” at very least. Last night I texted her asking her if the doors were open to being more than friends at SOME point, or if she just wanted to stay pals. I told her that either way I would be ok with her response, but that it was good I knew what to expect sooner rather than later. Long story short, she didn’t reply.
>
> Now, people here can say that I might have “said the wrong thing”, but it’s no excuse just to cut off any contact. No matter what anyone says, I believe she was wrong. If she didn’t wish to talk to me anymore, she could have been up front about it. I’m mature enough to handle that. I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking if there’s a chance for future romance. If the roles were reversed, I would think that people wouldn’t fault a woman for wondering what to expect in the future. I didn’t act needy… I said I would respect her reply.
>
> Last night’s incident aside… I’m pissed on how women I’ve met handle situations in where they don’t want to be up front about their feelings. They stop responding to you, They give you a fake number, and they just take the easiest way out FOR THEM to avoid being adults, and speaking to men like they’re adult. They make men feel worse, just to avoid saying; “No thanks, I’m not interested”, and let the man be fooled into thinking they scored a number, or letting them think that they’re actually interested.
>
> Ladies, how would you feel if you were given a fake number?
>
> I also object to the; “THIS IS CRAZY, but here’s my number, so call me maybe”. Why is it “CRAZY” for a woman taking the initiative to pursue a man? Maybe then they could actually relate to what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a rejection.
Well, it seems to me that at first you were doing the right thing. Then, all of a sudden you came over like some sophomorish
little pud, and she, naturally, was aghast.
Naturally, she wasn’t going to respond. You ask her “why not?” what can she say? "I thought you weren’t a wimp, but I was mistaken’ ?
You threw yourself under the bus, big time, and you want \*\*\*her \*\*\*to explain herself??
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### Author:  [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/84 "2012-12-21T13:08:33Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#):
>
> Have you tried texting her since that last one? I mean, not like asking for the same thing but more so, like ‘wasn’t sure you got my last text, but haven’t heard from you in a while. Is xmas eve still on?’ Not mentioning what was asked, and just seeing how she responds. If she doesn’t respond to that, then I think her answer is pretty clear.
**MyFootsZZZ** , don’t you effing dare text her again!
Her answer is more than clear at this point.
Nuff said.
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### Author:  [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/85 "2012-12-21T13:46:20Z")
> [@phouka](#):
>
> You probably just went “bwuh?” and felt your back go up, because you wouldn’t in a million years hurt a woman. Neither would most men. The trouble is, there’s a small percentage of men that have no problem hurting women, and you can’t tell them apart from the decent men just by looking. Most women, myself included, have learned through bitter experience that when we pick up warning signs (someone pushing a little too hard for involvement, someone ignoring our stated preference, someone who gets a little stalky, even someone who gets all complainy and arm-waving about how women behave), we need to get out of there _fast_.
Phouka, I agree with you for the vast majority of this thread, but I think that quote you shared is slightly on the wrong side of paranoid. While it’s true that [the majority of murderers are men](http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-3) (even assuming all 27% of “unknown” perpetrators are women), [almost 80% of murder victims are also men](http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-1). Is it a danger? Yeah, sure, but a woman should be way more worried about her boyfriend going out with “the guys” than she should about her date murdering _her_.
Maybe replace “kill” with “rape” and I’d agree with it more.
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### Author:  [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/86 "2012-12-21T14:03:31Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#):
>
> In this case, agreed. My comment was I took the other remarks as being a general rule.
> In regard to the OP and some of the advice about disclosing the depression issue, totally 100% agree about the seeking treatment elements, I may offer a slight twist though.
>
> Do you (the OP) really want to be looking for a relationship at this stage? If so, what are you really looking for? (rhetorical question, be honest with yourself).
>
> Being single isn’t a crime or something to be ashamed about, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. Too often people enter into and stay in substandard relationships because of the perception that it’s better than being single, which is utter bullshit IMO.
>
> My advice would be to focus on yourself and sort your shit out. Relationships require two people to compromise and work together in balance. Is the kind of person you want while you’re depressed the same kind of person you may want when you’re well? Maybe, maybe not.
>
> Sort yourself out, give yourself a chance, see a psych basically get yourself feeling good about you again.
>
> Once you’re feeling good about you, then it’s fair to get other people into the mix.
extremely good points !!!
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/87 "2012-12-21T14:05:33Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> Last night’s incident aside… I’m pissed on how women I’ve met handle situations in where they don’t want to be up front about their feelings. They stop responding to you, They give you a fake number, and they just take the easiest way out FOR THEM to avoid being adults, and speaking to men like they’re adult. They make men feel worse, just to avoid saying; “No thanks, I’m not interested”, and let the man be fooled into thinking they scored a number, or letting them think that they’re actually interested.
On the flip side, it only takes one or two experiences with men who won’t take “no” for an answer for a woman to become evasive. Seriously, there are men where if you’re honest about how you feel they start yelling stuff like “What? I’m not good enough for you?” or “There’s someone else, isn’t there? What’s his name? I’ll kill him!” or “If you’ll put out for X why don’t you put out for me, slut/whore/cunt?” YOU may not be one of them (I sincerely hope you aren’t) but they do exist and in the early part of the relationship you can’t be sure, because a lot of the creeps start off being quite charming.
So, yeah, it becomes a habit of being evasive, especially in person, when the guy is a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier and can do you serious damage if he decides to get violent. Which is rare, but if it happens it’s a total disaster.
> [@](#):
>
> Ladies, how would you feel if you were given a fake number?
I take the hint he’s not interested and look elsewhere.
> [@](#):
>
> I also object to the; “THIS IS CRAZY, but here’s my number, so call me maybe”. Why is it “CRAZY” for a woman taking the initiative to pursue a man?
Because there is a certain percentage of men out there who are rapists, stalkers, killers, users, and abusers? Men risk rejection, but women are more likely to be risking their physical safety when they go somewhere with a man they don’t know well.
That said - over the internet there is less reason to fear for physical safety and women should be upfront because text communications lack all those non-verbal cues women like to rely on during communication. I do believe it is possible to offer a polite and honest refusal of a date, and I wish more people would make the attempt.
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### Author:  [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/88 "2012-12-21T14:10:25Z")
> [@phouka](#):
>
> So, you long for a world where women are honest and upfront about their interest in and reaction to your romantic and sexual overtures. Even more, you’d like one where women can make overtures themselves without embarrassment or shame. It’s a perfectly understandable desire, and most people would heartily agree with you.
>
> It comes at a price, though.
>
> First, you - and all the other men in the world - do not ever get to nag a woman to reconsider once she’s said no.
>
> Second, you - and all the other men in the world - do not _ **ever** _ get to call a woman a bitch or a c\*nt or any other name if she turns you down, even if she’s not sweet and apologetic.
>
> Third, you - and all the other men in the world - do not ever get to call any woman a slut, a skank, a whore, or any other name that implies they are bad people because they had sex. Ever. Under any circumstances. Even if it was for money. Even if it was a consensual gangbang. Even if it was with a guy you hate. Even if it was with a guy you hate in a consensual gangbang for money right after she told you to fuck off when all you did was ask her if she’d be interested in a date.
>
> Fourth, you and all the other men out there, really need to put a lid on double-edge sword of “I’d tap that,” “she’s a butterface,” and “I don’t dick fat chicks,” as well as the other variations out there.
>
> Why?
>
> Because every time some man nags a woman “Ah, come on, we’d be great together. You should give me a chance,” it reinforces the need women feel to avoid conflict at all costs. Sooner or later, pretty much every woman out there has had to put up with a man who would not take “no” for an answer. Answering “hell, no” only gets us called names, so we revert to nicely-nicely good girl polite tactics of avoid, deceive, and retreat.
>
> Also, every time any man calls a woman a whore, a slut, a cum dumpster, or some other name because she chose to have sex, regardless of circumstance, the rest of us women notice and refuse to put ourselves out there for that kind of abuse. That includes expressing our interest in men, making the first move, and initiating sex, because we’ve learned through hard experience that any of those decisions can be turned around and used to denigrate us.
>
> When you and all the other men out there start rating women on their sexual appeal and reduce them to nothing more than parts or describe women only in terms of being warm, juicy bits you can stick your penis in, women are sure that we will get exactly the same treatment the moment we’re not there.
>
> Some of us (women, that is) have managed to go against years of ingrained acculturation, put aside our feelings of fear and vulnerability, and have nurtured the ability to tell a man up-front “No, I’m not interested,” or “you just crossed a line, and I’m not dealing with you anymore,” or “I’m very interested in you,”. It’s not consistent. I can do it on some days, and other days, I find myself quibbling and fibbing and very carefully stepping back, looking for a plant to hide behind. It’s just that hard to steel myself against the kind of vicious hostility I’ve encountered and I’ve seen other women encounter when we have done exactly what you’re asking for.
>
> Oh, do you object to the fact that I’ve made you responsible for things you don’t do, attitudes you don’t hold, and gender roles you had no part in assigning? I’m terribly, terribly sorry for that. I thought that’s what we were doing in this thread.
Bravo. Just… bravo. Thank you for pointing out the glaring double standard. I mean it.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/89 "2012-12-21T14:19:17Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> I’ll admit… I’m clueless when it comes to this stuff. Can people forgive me for my ignorance? And again, she HINTED at being more than friends. We were too close for her not to just tell me she was annoyed by the question.
Dude - _you never actually met her_.
You weren’t “close” at all.
Let me clue you in about something - with women, it’s not just words, it’s actions. It’s not just your actions towards _her_ but also everyone else. I’ve dumped a guy because he was an asshole to waitstaff during dinner. Women want to see how you act in meatspace, not just towards her but towards everyone else and the occasional puppy or kitten that crosses your path. We want to know if you’re respectful and kind towards _everyone_ or just the [del]bitch[/del] woman you might get some sex from later. We want to observe your body language and hear the tone of your words.
You see, it’s one thing to lie in text - that’s not very hard. It’s a lot harder to keep up the act in real life for any extended period of time.
You probably didn’t realize what you did wrong, which doesn’t surprise me because you don’t look at this from a woman’s perspective (duh!). She wanted to meet and evaluate you in real life. You, even prior to that meeting, are already asking about going beyond just meeting to, presumably, sex. There are several ways this might be received by a woman, including “I don’t do one-night stands”, “I’m interested in more than _just_ sex” or even “What? I’m not interviewing for a job as a mistress” (and that’s the polite way of phrasing it). At best, you came across as very pushy even if that wasn’t your intention.
We women know that men are much more likely to engage in casual sex with less emotional meaning. We get it (most of us). The thing is, a _lot_ of us require more than that so we don’t feel cheap, used, and disgusted with ourselves the next morning.
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/90 "2012-12-21T14:25:56Z")
Thanks again for all those who responded. I feel much less jaded about rejection as a whole. I still think it’s sad that we live in a world where giving out fake numbers is the best way to reject someone in some cases… but you people are right, I shouldn’t take it so personally.
Thanks to the posters that understand that I’m still learning. I’m sorry I was so confident that I was right in my original post. This isn’t the first time I’ve back-tracked on something I’ve posted. I know there are people here much more intelligent about this stuff than me.
I really am a good guy. I don’t usually complement myself… but it’s one thing I do strive for. To be honest, I don’t even think less of this girl for calling me up and crying on the phone, though I know many of you think it’s stupid or a red flag. I think it was a weird situation from the start. And I really don’t have any bad feelings toward this girl.
I didn’t text her back, some of you will be relieved to know.
I know I have to focus on myself primarily. I’m sorry if I made this thread about how “pitiful” my situation is, when I could have it much worse in life. I’m just seriously lonely. I’m just starting to work on my situation… and I see it as a long ahead until I’m a normal man with a job with all my shit together. The girl I last dated helped me feel that sort of normalcy to some extent. I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% normal. I’ll always have some problems
Maybe in a little while I’ll start a new thread asking for advice on dating and my situation.
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### Author:  [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/91 "2012-12-21T14:31:15Z")
> [@Dr\_Doom](#):
>
> Play it cool, man, or you will come off as needy and insecure, a recipe for the cold shoulder.
This. Several years ago, I posted on the SDMB about my own situation, which was pretty much exactly the same as yours. I desperately wanted sex and attention; I could care less who I was getting it from. The advice I got was curt and hard to swallow, but it stuck with me all these years:
“Neediness is the mother of all turn-offs.”
You’re needy right now. You’re looking at relationships as a cold, inorganic game of chess where if you figure out the strategy, you win. You wanted to know her angle so you could plan your next move. But it’s not chess; there is no game. Next time you find a lady who wants to spend time with you, take the time by yourself to ask yourself if you really enjoy her company. She’s asking herself the same. If both of you come up with “yes”, then there _may_ be a possibility of something more in the future. No guarantees.
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### Author:  [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/92 "2012-12-21T14:32:38Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#):
>
> Should I even try to date?
You should try to meet people. Be as social as possible - and I know that can be hard for people who aren’t naturally extroverts. Get out, be with people, especially in mixed groups, do stuff with people. The more people you meet the greater the odds you’ll find someone compatible with you.
Yes, you have baggage. My spouse was disabled from birth, visibly limps, has various chronic medical problems, has lots of baggae. He also never lacked for girlfriends. He attributes his success on that front to two things: 1) he talks to women like they’re human beings, and 2) he wasn’t afraid to risk rejection.
Anyhow - get out there and meet people. Eventually you’ll meet someone you’ll ask on a date. Meanwhile, all that social interaction will make you more comfortable with dealing with social situations.
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/93 "2012-12-21T14:58:48Z")
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> You should try to meet people. Be as social as possible - and I know that can be hard for people who aren’t naturally extroverts. Get out, be with people, especially in mixed groups, do stuff with people. The more people you meet the greater the odds you’ll find someone compatible with you.
>
> Yes, you have baggage. My spouse was disabled from birth, visibly limps, has various chronic medical problems, has lots of baggae. He also never lacked for girlfriends. He attributes his success on that front to two things: 1) he talks to women like they’re human beings, and 2) he wasn’t afraid to risk rejection.
>
> Anyhow - get out there and meet people. Eventually you’ll meet someone you’ll ask on a date. Meanwhile, all that social interaction will make you more comfortable with dealing with social situations.
This is good advice.
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### Author:  [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/94 "2012-12-21T15:20:25Z")
> [@Troppus](#):
>
> Hey, **phouka**?
>
> _fist bump_
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#):
>
> Coming in late to second that. Great post **phouka**.
Sorry, but I gotta say, **phouka** you ROCK.
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### Author:  [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/95 "2012-12-21T16:05:43Z")
Two things:
1. Regarding dating, perhaps the most important thing to keep in mind is, “Would _I_ date me?” If you don’t think you’re worth dating, and feel like you have to just take what you can get, then you’re probably going to wind up with two kinds of people: someone who also feels worthless, and who’s only dating you because you’re willing; or someone who will take advantage of your low self-esteem and manipulate and abuse you. And in fact, you might hit the jackpot and wind up with someone who’s both - someone who feels worthless and therefore is mean to you in order to feel better about themselves.
As **jsgoddess** said, you’ve got to have standards. But it’s pretty hard to insist on high standards in someone else unless you feel you can offer them something equally worthy in return. This is why it’s so important for you to focus on yourself: it will help you like yourself, which in turn will help you identify who you like, and who will like you. When you feel date-able, you’ll have an easier time attracting people who will date you _for you_.
And this applies to your disability in specific. Yes, it’s going to turn off a lot of people, but there are some people who won’t care, depending on how _you_ feel about it. If you act like it’s a shameful, awful dealbreaker, then it will be. If instead you can accept and internalize that this is what you need to do to help yourself, and that taking action to help yourself (rather than just passively accepting your problems) is a very positive thing, then you’ll be able to make other people see it that way, too. Not everyone, but some.
And remember, _most_ people have qualities that would be a dealbreaker for the vast majority of the rest of the world. They might be very positive qualities, but they’re something that most other people don’t want. So you’re hardly unique in that respect. Sure, your pool of prospective partners may still be smaller than average, but I promise you it’s not limited to “whoever will have me”. You just need to find your niche.
And to that end, I think this is all really excellent advice:
> [@Broomstick](#):
>
> You should try to meet people. Be as social as possible - and I know that can be hard for people who aren’t naturally extroverts. Get out, be with people, especially in mixed groups, do stuff with people. The more people you meet the greater the odds you’ll find someone compatible with you.
>
> Yes, you have baggage. My spouse was disabled from birth, visibly limps, has various chronic medical problems, has lots of baggae. He also never lacked for girlfriends. He attributes his success on that front to two things: 1) he talks to women like they’re human beings, and 2) he wasn’t afraid to risk rejection.
>
> Anyhow - get out there and meet people. Eventually you’ll meet someone you’ll ask on a date. Meanwhile, all that social interaction will make you more comfortable with dealing with social situations.
1. **phouka** , I didn’t realize I hadn’t already said it, but (as is your wont) you rock my socks.
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### Author:  [@Cats\_pajamas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cats_pajamas)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/96 "2012-12-21T16:21:46Z")
People usually will not do what you want them to, especially if you’re not good-looking. This is the only constant in the universe of getting laid. In my opinion, getting laid is all that the OP wanted from the very start, inventing loftier ambitions only after being rejected.
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### Author:  [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/97 "2012-12-21T16:30:32Z")
> [@Cats\_pajamas](#):
>
> People usually will not do what you want them to, especially if you’re not good-looking. This is the only constant in the universe of getting laid. In my opinion, getting laid is all that the OP wanted from the very start, inventing loftier ambitions only after being rejected.
Actually, getting laid was not my goal. I really wanted human contact though. I don’t know if she would had offered to have sex with me if I would. It would really depend on the situation. I would have probably been too nervous to have sex. With the meds I’m on, I don’t even know if I COULD… (I have a hard time with… you know! Something usually older men have problems with.)
I speak the truth here! I don’t think I would have had sex with her.
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### Author:  [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/98 "2012-12-21T18:19:07Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#):
>
> I felt irritated for her when I read your OP. You agreed to be friends, then you send her a lamewad text saying, “I know that’s what we said, but would you be amenable to something else?” No.
>
> I suppose she could have told you she found your question to be annoying, but as far as I can tell, you two haven’t met yet. You’re some dude she found on the internet who she planned on meeting, but you’re pestering her already. Sometimes in cases like that, it’s just easier to blow the person off.
Sure you can read it that way, but he wasn’t demanding it. Plus, if his description of spending the night was correct, there was definitely going to be something more than friendly going on that night.
What I don’t get is why women feel like its their right to be so defensive when a simple “No thanks, remember we what we agreed on” is less annoying to both sides. You’re making it seem like no arrangements between friends ever get changed. Why should a man always have to wait for the woman to broach the subject?
I think in this harmless situation, it is incredibly offensive and paranoid to treat him that way because some men in the past have done bad things to other women, like in **phouka** ’s example
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### Author:  [@Fool\_in\_the\_Rain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fool_in_the_Rain)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/99 "2012-12-21T20:10:51Z")
> [@Vihaga](#):
>
> Bolding mine.
> So. You both agreed to be friends, you tell her that you were, in fact, full of shit about that, and SHE is the one who wasn’t up front about her feelings? And she’s obligated to respond to you after finding out you weren’t interested in having the relationship to which you agreed?
>
> I just wanted to make sure I read correctly.
Nailed it.
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### Author:  [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)
#### Post date: [December 21, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/womens-rejection-tactics/644656/100 "2012-12-21T20:24:04Z")
> [@Jragon](#):
>
> Phouka, I agree with you for the vast majority of this thread, but I think that quote you shared is slightly on the wrong side of paranoid. While it’s true that [the majority of murderers are men](http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-3) (even assuming all 27% of “unknown” perpetrators are women), [almost 80% of murder victims are also men](http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2011/crime-in-the-u.s.-2011/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-1). Is it a danger? Yeah, sure, but a woman should be way more worried about her boyfriend going out with “the guys” than she should about her date murdering _her_.
>
> Maybe replace “kill” with “rape” and I’d agree with it more.
Uh, what? She should not be concerned about her own safety as much because statistically some other demographic is more commonly murdered? Cautious does not equal paranoia.
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