# Wonka's Golden Tickets in the Real World **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 21, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474 "2005-07-21T15:04:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/1 "2005-07-21T15:04:06Z")
I saw _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_ - that is, the new movie based on the book - and that version of the story made me wonder. Made me wonder… **What would happen if there was a real Willy Wonka, and he actually put these five golden tickets in his chocolate bars?** I think the reality would be pretty different from the story. [ul][li]I’m sure North America and Europe eat a disproportionate portion of the world’s chocolate compared to their populations, but no way would the winners be five white kids like in the book and movies. Between India and China, you have almost 2.5 billion people, and half of the world’s people live in that general area, so you’d get at least one of them unless the Chinese government refused to import American chocolate due to tariff reasons or something.[/li][li]Rich jerks would definitely buy up billions of chocolate bars to get in. Like Mr. Salt, but worse. There is zero doubt in my mind that Donald Trump would get at least one golden ticket. I’d kill to see what would happen to him in that factory. And Richard Branson would get one and he’d make people do some stupid fucking dare on TV to win it. George Soros might also give a ticket away to whoever came up with the best harangue of George Bush, and some dictator might also buy up the bars to get in. That’d be great, wouldn’t it? If Robert Mugabe or Fidel Castro (especially Castro) met Wonka at the gates?[/li][li]At least one ticket would be sold for huge bucks on eBay. The movie sort of deals with this fact, indirectly.[/li][li]The news coverage would be horribly crazy and last for weeks.[/li][li]Naturally, the four non-winners would sue Wonka for their injuries and emotional damage. They’d probably win the chocolate factory. The Salt Co. employee would probably sue Mr. Salt to get back the ticket she found, and some disappointed kids and parents might sue Wonka for not making enough golden tickets.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/2 "2005-07-21T15:09:21Z")
Reality? In a Wonka movie? Are you on drugs? How has the factory operated all this time without health inspectors? If they had health inspections, how did they slip by squirrels in the food processing area? (Squirrelsopening nuts _with their teeth_) Naaaah, better not to convolve Wonka with reality. ---
**Author:** ![Bytegeist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Bytegeist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bytegeist)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/3 "2005-07-21T15:13:27Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > If they had health inspections, how did they slip by squirrels in the food processing area? (Squirrelsopening nuts _with their teeth_) Hey, a brush with rabies is a small price to pay for that _luscious, velvety smooth_ chocolate. Mmmm… rabies. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/4 "2005-07-21T15:23:01Z")
I don’t like to think of it realistically. It’s too damn depressing. ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/5 "2005-07-21T15:40:12Z")
Having only seen the '71 version, I don’t know if this issue is dealt with in any way during the new version, but… …there’s that scene where they enter the enormous room with the chocolate river which eventually claims the fat kid. Wonka says something along the lines of “Everything you see here is edible.” Can you imagine the stench of that room after a week or two? Ya know… once the rats, flies, molds, and other decay agents get in. And they WILL get in. Unless, hmm… Is the room actually kept at 33F? That would reduce most of the decay, wouldn’t it? Or maybe the ‘food’ is, like, 99% additives and preservatives? Mmmm, that’s good MSG! And what happens if the power goes out? Once that freakin’ huge river of chocolate solidifies, there’ll be no cleaning it again! Most of the plumbing would have to be replaced, at the very least. And the smell… did I mention the smell? :eek: Oh, and the ticket winners themselves? I guarantee not one of 'em would give back the gobstopper. Not in 2005, not never. Unless, of course, they’d ever heard the story of Willie Wonka before. Even then it would be close. ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/6 "2005-07-21T15:50:03Z")
Not to mention, what happens when the National Labor Relations Board (well, England’s equivalent, I suppose) and their Immigration board come down on Willie Wonka for laying off the plant’s workers (has their union complained?) and replacing them with _illegal immigrants_! ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/7 "2005-07-21T16:26:09Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I’m sure North America and Europe eat a disproportionate portion of the world’s chocolate compared to their populations, but no way would the winners be five white kids like in the book and movies. Between India and China, you have almost 2.5 billion people, and half of the world’s people live in that general area, so you’d get at least one of them unless the Chinese government refused to import American chocolate due to tariff reasons or something. Well, it depends on WonkaCorp’s distribution arrangements. Perhaps Wonka is sold under a different brand name in all countries outside of England/US and are thus, ineligible for the promotion. Or maybe Wonka chocolate is only really strong in western countries and people in Asia prefer a different style of chocolate. > [@](#): > > Rich jerks would definitely buy up billions of chocolate bars to get in. Like Mr. Salt, but worse. There is zero doubt in my mind that Donald Trump would get at least one golden ticket. I’d kill to see what would happen to him in that factory. And Richard Branson would get one and he’d make people do some stupid fucking dare on TV to win it. George Soros might also give a ticket away to whoever came up with the best harangue of George Bush, and some dictator might also buy up the bars to get in. That’d be great, wouldn’t it? If Robert Mugabe or Fidel Castro (especially Castro) met Wonka at the gates? I’m not so sure. IIRC, the entire campaign went for nearly a year IIRC. From [this site](http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/abstract/60/6/1060S), US chocolate consumption averages about 4.6 - 4.8KG a year. Assuming Wonka has 1/2 the market and the average bar is 100g, that would mean each person would have consumed about 25 bars of chocolate. times by 300 million people means approximately 7.5 billion bars or 1.5 billion bars per ticket. At a conservative $3 per bar, that would be nearly $5 billion per ticket. Even Bill Gates would have a hard time ponying up that level of cash just to get inside Wonka’s factory. And I’m sure it would be much, much more since chocolate consumption would have obviously gone up massively due to the promotion. > [@](#): > > Naturally, the four non-winners would sue Wonka for their injuries and emotional damage. They’d probably win the chocolate factory. The Salt Co. employee would probably sue Mr. Salt to get back the ticket she found, and some disappointed kids and parents might sue Wonka for not making enough golden tickets. Maybe Wonka had them sign massive liability waviers as a condition of entering the factory. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/8 "2005-07-21T17:13:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Maybe Wonka had them sign massive liability waviers as a condition of entering the factory. In the 1971 movie, of course, they did – there’s a wonderful scene with a legal document that covers a wall, with print receding into the microscopic at the bottom. The 2005 film doesn’t bother with mundane legalities. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/9 "2005-07-21T17:29:25Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > In the 1971 movie, of course, they did – there’s a wonderful scene with a legal document that covers a wall, with print receding into the microscopic at the bottom. Yes, but the _children_ sign it, not their parents/guardians. I’m not sure it would stand up in a court of law. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/10 "2005-07-21T19:42:34Z")
> [@Phnord Prephect](#): > > Wonka says something along the lines of “Everything you see here is edible.” > > Can you imagine the stench of that room after a week or two? Ya know… once the rats, flies, molds, and other decay agents get in. And they WILL get in. > > Unless, hmm… Is the room actually kept at 33F? That would reduce most of the decay, wouldn’t it? > > Or maybe the ‘food’ is, like, 99% additives and preservatives? Marzipan? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/11 "2005-07-21T21:49:11Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Reality? In a Wonka movie? Are you on drugs? I was asking myself that for a good ten minutes after the movie ended. “What’s real?” “Am I on drugs?” “SHOULD I be?” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/12 "2005-07-21T23:59:42Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Rich jerks would definitely buy up billions of chocolate bars to get in. Like Mr. Salt, but worse. There is zero doubt in my mind that Donald Trump would get at least one golden ticket. If we’re being realistic, somehow I doubt that this approach would occur to many real-world rich jerks. Poor investment strategy. If Donald or Bill _really_ wanted to see the inside of the factory, it would make more sense to organize a hostile takeover and then give Wonka a lead parachute. Then they could get chocolate all over their Gucci shoes _and_ benefit from the all the future output of the factory, which would be even more profitable when the Oompa Loompas health benefits were cut, they replaced cane sugar with corn sugar in all the corporate confections, and moved 75% of the budget out of production and into marketing. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/13 "2005-07-22T00:12:26Z")
These days, kids are murdered for their sneakers. If the Wonka golden tickets were real, I would expect that the ticket-holders would need some hefty protection. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/14 "2005-07-22T00:19:17Z")
> [@Larry Mudd](#): > > If we’re being realistic, somehow I doubt that this approach would occur to many real-world rich jerks. Poor investment strategy. > > If Donald or Bill _really_ wanted to see the inside of the factory, it would make more sense to organize a hostile takeover and then give Wonka a lead parachute. You raise a good point here. However, the guys I’m talking about, especially Trump, are publicity hounds. They don’t want to own the factory and don’t care about seeing it. They’d just want to win a super-high-profile contest because it was out there. ---
**Author:** ![Catalyst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e47774/32.png) [@Catalyst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catalyst)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/15 "2005-07-22T13:05:01Z")
Interesting responses here. I always figured that a real-life golden ticket contest would be largely ignored by most people. I mean, there’re pretty much always multiple contests going on that involve checking the inside of a candy wrapper or the underside of a bottle top or somesuch. I just can’t imagine anyone getting too worked up about the chance to tour a factory, rumors about its operation notwithstanding. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/16 "2005-07-22T13:59:52Z")
Don’t forget all the lawsuits by the people that try to eat the golden ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/17 "2005-07-22T14:07:31Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Rich jerks would definitely buy up billions of chocolate bars to get in. Like Mr. Salt, but worse. There is zero doubt in my mind that Donald Trump would get at least one golden ticket. Why? Wonka Chocolate LLC is probably a wholly owned subsidiary of Trump Enterprises, Inc; if not already, it could be in a heartbeat if Trump desired it. The Donald can tour the chocolate factory any time he wants ("Wonka, you’re FIRED!!) ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/18 "2005-07-22T14:11:47Z")
> [@Catalyst](#): > > Interesting responses here. I always figured that a real-life golden ticket contest would be largely ignored by most people. I mean, there’re pretty much always multiple contests going on that involve checking the inside of a candy wrapper or the underside of a bottle top or somesuch. I just can’t imagine anyone getting too worked up about the chance to tour a factory, rumors about its operation notwithstanding. That’s true. I was treating it as if Wonka and his chocolate were just as popular and beloved as they were in the book. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/19 "2005-07-22T14:13:05Z")
> [@](#): > > If Donald or Bill really wanted to see the inside of the factory, it would make more sense to organize a hostile takeover and then give Wonka a lead parachute. I believe Wonka Candy is a privately-held corporation, or possibly even some other bizarre legal structure. At any rate, I doubt it’s a publicly traded stockholder corporation, so there’s no way to carry out a hostile takeover. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474/20 "2005-07-22T14:21:34Z")
Why buy $5,000,000,000.00 worth of bars when you could probably buy a golden ticket from a real winner for about $10,000,000.00 or less. Certainly far less than a billion. It would certainly make an interesting E-bay item. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wonkas-golden-tickets-in-the-real-world/313474.md?page=2)