# Woo hoo! It's legal to masturbate (like a motherfuck) in your own house! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 27, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985 "2005-01-27T21:59:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/41 "2011-03-28T12:30:56Z")
Binoculars and a telescope (@ SCC para 17). Mustn’t forget the telescope. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/42 "2011-03-28T14:04:36Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Well, I know what **I’m** doing tonight. Great Zombie Jesus, I thought you had come back ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/43 "2011-03-28T15:29:42Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Always glad to see justice prevail. They can have my penis when they pry it from my cold, dead hand! I note that you’ve listed your location as Bangkok. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/44 "2011-03-28T15:52:34Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > I note that you’ve listed your location as Bangkok. Isnt that the place where the guys are girls and the hands are pretty? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/45 "2011-03-29T00:52:00Z")
Just don’t call me Shirley. ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/46 "2011-03-29T03:17:12Z")
> [@Spoons](#): > > Doesn’t matter; I can hear the campaign now: > > “He’s a stand-up candidate who can deal with the hard issues. He’s in for the long haul; he won’t come and go like so many have. You know he’s got the necessary pull, and he can stimulate the economy. Vote for him and he’ll make sure that we all have a happy ending.” And if elected, the Honourable Member is sure to make a firm offer to the Standing Committee… ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2011, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/47 "2011-03-29T06:51:40Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Always glad to see justice prevail. They can have my penis when they pry it from my cold, dead hand! > [@Unintentionally\_Blank](#): > > Yer doin it wrong. Not if you put a golf ball under your arm first to deaden it and… .. what? ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/48 "2011-03-30T00:38:03Z")
> [@ShelliBean](#): > > Sometimes I’d really like to know the search terms for the zombies. “Penis ensues” ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/49 "2011-03-30T05:12:03Z")
Sexist! Bean flicking ensues… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/50 "2011-03-30T10:15:55Z")
> [@ShelliBean](#): > > Sexist! > > Bean flicking ensues… > > 🙂 Username/post content WIN! ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/51 "2011-03-30T13:06:24Z")
Well shit, if it’s legal, I don’t want to do it anymore. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/52 "2011-03-30T13:14:27Z")
Just wait, you’ll come around eventually. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/53 "2011-03-30T14:30:36Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Isnt that the place where the guys are girls and the hands are pretty? I’m humbled by your referencing skillz. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/54 "2011-03-30T17:53:00Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#): > > I note that you’ve listed your location as Bangkok. There’s a zinger of a David Caradine joke in there somewhere.. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2011, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/55 "2011-03-30T17:55:03Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > There’s a zinger of a David Caradine joke in there somewhere.. I was going to attempt one, but I choked. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/56 "2011-03-31T02:54:18Z")
Well, the local police ruled out any fowl play, so I guess he was not choking his chicken. But to honor David Carradine, officials are changing the name of the city to Hangkok. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/57 "2011-03-31T09:32:32Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > I think it pretty much goes without saying. If you’re not going to masturbate like a motherfuck, there’s really no point in masturbating at all. I know. Sometimes when I’m masturbating, I fake an orgasm just to get me to leave myself alone. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/58 "2011-03-31T13:58:36Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > But to honor David Carradine, officials are changing the name of the city to Hangkok. This joke is mighty with win. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985/59 "2011-03-31T15:01:47Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I know. > > Sometimes when I’m masturbating, I fake an orgasm just to get me to leave myself alone. “Like” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-its-legal-to-masturbate-like-a-motherfuck-in-your-own-house/286985.md?page=2)