# Woo hoo! The Court is going on trial for masturbating like a motherfuck! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 23, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172 "2005-01-23T00:36:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/1 "2005-01-23T00:36:15Z")
The wheels of justice grind slowly and it’s been more than six months since **Diogenes the Cynic** posted his Pit thread, [Woo hoo! The Court is masturbating like a motherfuck!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=263298) about the Oklahoma judge who resigned from the bench after being accused of using his penis pump while presiding over a number of trials. There have been some developments in the case, but rather than re-open the old thread, I’ll start a new one about the self-inflating jurist. Now he’s facing criminal charges: > [@](#): > > Donald Thompson, 58, entered a not guilty plea yesterday to three felony counts during an appearance in Creek County District Court, where he worked until resigning last August. According to the…probable cause affidavit, Thompson exposed himself during three separate 2003 cases (two of which were murder trials). For example, on May 13, while he was presiding over State v. Kurt Arnold Vomberg (who was accused of killing his girlfriend’s 21-month-old daughter), Thompson loudly pumped himself up. On this [page](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/0121051judge1.html) the Smoking Gun has all the “yucky” details including the judge’s mug shot, a copy of the search warrant for a sample of the judge’s DNA, and the arrest warrant. Am I the only one who looks at that mug shot and wonders, “What’s he doing with his hands?” ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/2 "2005-01-23T00:43:05Z")
He has some distinct advantages, being a judge and all, he needn’t hire a lawyer. He probably can get himself off. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/3 "2005-01-23T00:45:50Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > He has some distinct advantages, being a judge and all, he needn’t hire a lawyer. He probably can get himself off. Oh boo…booo… :eek: Alright, maybe I’m a little jealous that I didn’t get to say it first, but in the meantime… boo!!! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/4 "2005-01-23T00:46:19Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > He has some distinct advantages, being a judge and all, he needn’t hire a lawyer. He probably can get himself off. Droll. Very droll. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/5 "2005-01-23T00:53:08Z")
_(…batting big, brown innocent eyes…)_ Why, whatever do you mean? ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/6 "2005-01-23T01:02:45Z")
Aww, go easy on him. He just didn’t want a reputation as a hanging judge. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/7 "2005-01-23T01:08:51Z")
That joke just hurt. The pain! 😃 I remember this story. I still can’t understand how the guy was able to preside over court proceedings whilst shaving and/or oiling his genitals. What’s more bizarre, that the guy actually did it, or that nobody in the coutroom, apparently, said “Eeeek! The Judge is shaving his balls!” ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/8 "2005-01-23T01:09:54Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > He has some distinct advantages, being a judge and all, he needn’t hire a lawyer. He probably can get himself off. We _definitely_ don’t need a warrant for this one. Take him out back… ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/9 "2005-01-23T01:23:25Z")
Top Ten things heard in Judge Thompson’s courtroom. 1. He’s very familiar with the penile code. 2. Thank God it’s not traditional to shake the judge’s hand. 3. All ladies must raise…their skirts. 4. That’s not a bible you have your hand on! 5. In all my years of judging, I have never seen a defendent more worthy of…hang on, I need a second here. 6. Hey, did the judge just prick his finger? 7. Bailiff, could you please move that topless statue of justice from behind me to the front of the courtroom? 8. Shhhh! Here cums the judge! 9. Hey, whose pants are these? And the #1 thing heard in Judge Thompson’s courtroom… 10. That’s not his gavel! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/10 "2005-01-23T01:28:49Z")
I object, Your Boner…er, Honor! ---
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/11 "2005-01-23T01:32:18Z")
> [@Loopydude](#): > > What’s more bizarre, that the guy actually did it, or that nobody in the coutroom, apparently, said “Eeeek!” It seems like lots of people in the courtroom were wondering what the judge was up to\*. One of the more interesting hypotheses from the complaint > [@](#): > > **Juror Ralph Jones’** expected testimony will be that he observed Judge Donald D. Thompson looking down a lot and that he and other jurors couldn’t figure out what he was doing. Mr. Jones thought perhaps the judge was tying fly fishing lures, or something like that. Juror Michelle Spears came closer to the mark > [@](#): > > She thought the judge might be playing a hand held video game. No video game, but it was certainly hand held… \*(Oh, probably not more than six-and-a-half inches.) ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/12 "2005-01-23T03:49:17Z")
You know, they say justice is blind. Now we know why. Hey, Grandma was right! ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/13 "2005-01-23T05:15:29Z")
Five bucks says he’s a Republican. Giving odds, here. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/14 "2005-01-23T12:06:09Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Five bucks says he’s a Republican. Giving odds, here. Can’t tell. Oklahoma’s Judiciary seems to be strictly non-partisan. And I can’t find online record for what party this weenie represented during his time in the Oklahoma State House of Representatives. Of course some of his decisions on the bench do make your wager seem likely. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/15 "2005-01-23T12:23:42Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Five bucks says he’s a Republican. Giving odds, here. I should hope so. The Honorable Judge Thompson is the very model of personal responsibilty, and sets an example for taking matters into his own hands. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/16 "2005-01-23T17:15:43Z")
With libertine justice for all. ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/17 "2005-01-24T18:43:07Z")
This court finds the defendant GUILTY! … of being _sexy._ ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/18 "2005-01-24T20:56:50Z")
"Will counsel please approach the bench. " “Why hell fucking no!” ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/19 "2005-01-25T00:30:22Z")
Hizzoner has a reputation as for firm principles, upstanding character, and penetrating wisdom. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2005, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172/20 "2005-01-25T02:20:25Z")
Yeah, but he also has a reputation for being kind of a…no, I can’t. I just can’t. It would be wrong. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woo-hoo-the-court-is-going-on-trial-for-masturbating-like-a-motherfuck/286172.md?page=2)