# Wookie v Klingon? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 9, 2004, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665 "2004-01-09T16:01:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Matchka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Matchka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Matchka)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/21 "2004-01-10T20:00:48Z")
But if a Klingon could do that Vulcan neck pinch thing… ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/22 "2004-01-10T21:32:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Wookies have one advantage: berserker rage. I’ll take training over that any day. WHAT training, Dave? Klingons spend all their time getting drunk, eating worms, and beating each other up. Occasionally they’ll whip out their pussyville little knives and slash around like a cut scene from _West Side Story_. Klingons have no “training”. They’re a bunch of drunken blue-collar workers. Wookiees, as depicted by the hunting scene from _The Black Fleet Crisis_, emphasize patience, tactics, skill, and even more patience. They’re just as much stealth assassins as they are hulking neanderthals. Beserker rage? Did you see those pin-point shots Chewie was making when they were breaking into the Death Star detention center? Typical Trekkie, man. “Waaaah! The warsies are better! It’s not faaaaair!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 10, 2004, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/23 "2004-01-10T22:38:03Z")
Which species is the best fighter? Well, let’s look at what sort of weapons they use. Klingons use a bat’leh, which is like a sword designed by morons. Wookies use a bowcaster. Which is a gun. I don’t know about anyone else, but my money’s on the species that doesn’t try to conduct boarding actions by prancing around with an over-sized butterknife. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/24 "2004-01-11T01:44:38Z")
Let’s not forget that wookiees also seem to all be very skilled mechanics… they have a whole 'nother dialect specifically for more technical terms! Klingons just got “Qua’pla!” (Or however the heck it’s pronounced… sounds like the noise a turd makes when it splashes into the toilet). ---
**Author:** ![Tarrsk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@Tarrsk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarrsk)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/25 "2004-01-11T01:53:41Z")
My bet’s on Chewie. The evidence is all against Worf- he gets the crap beaten out of him every other episode! Whereas Chewie really only “loses” once, when he gets stuck in a jail cell by Jabba the Hutt, and even then it was purposeful, part of an elaborate scheme to rescue Han! Plus, if you include the Expanded Universe stuff… Apparently the only thing that can kill Chewbacca is an entire planetoid landing on his head. ---
**Author:** ![Stoneburg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Stoneburg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoneburg)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/26 "2004-01-11T01:54:15Z")
I’ve always been amazed (well… not always and not very amazed actually but anyway…) at how much Klingons **suck** at fighting. Those big heads seem to hurt their agility, they don’t seem to be any stronger then humans and have at best average technique. Basically they (oddly enough…) seem to be like a bit bulky humans with big clumsy heads. Now a wookie is a lot taller then a human (greater range), a **lot** stronger **and** has on multiple occasions been seen not only soundly beating one, but **multiple** human opponents. Klingons just have a rep, they can’t back it up. A middle-aged wookie with a strained back and killer hangover would probably beat the best fighter the Klingons could scrounge up, without breaking a sweat (I’m not sure wookies sweat, they have fur after all, maybe they just pant like odgs to get rid of excess body heat). ---
**Author:** ![Kinthalis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kinthalis/32/16084_2.png) [@Kinthalis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kinthalis)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/27 "2004-01-11T02:53:10Z")
I agree witht he whole repp thing. Hearing the HUE-mans talk about klingons you’d think they were the epitome of martial skill and combat prowess. When you actually see them in action however they plain old suck. Pregnant ladies beat on them for fun, chicks in dresses can lay a beat down on them. It’s pathetic, really. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/28 "2004-01-11T07:30:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Hearing the HUE-mans talk about klingons you’d think they were the epitome of martial skill and combat prowess. > > When you actually see them in action however they plain old suck. Remember, that just means the Federation humans are, on average, just even bigger wusses. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/29 "2004-01-11T07:42:28Z")
Depends on the shirt, man, depends on the shirt. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/30 "2004-01-11T08:45:12Z")
The shirt? Back in TOS era, the guys with the red shirts were the craptaculars. In TNG era, the COMMANDING OFFICERS were wearing the red shirts. What does THAT tell you? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2004, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/31 "2004-01-11T11:46:54Z")
If the Klingon was Worf, the wookiee would kick his ass to effectively and succinctly demonstrate to the audience what a bad-ass wookiees are. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/32 "2004-01-12T06:45:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\* > Wookiees, as depicted by the hunting scene from _The Black Fleet Crisis_, emphasize patience, tactics, skill, and even more patience. \*\* Typical SW geek, pulling stuff from the books to make a point. Books don’t count-anyone can stick anything in a book…or do I get to use all the stuff from ST books that makes Klingons true warriors? ---
**Author:** ![Tarrsk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/97f17d/32.png) [@Tarrsk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tarrsk)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/33 "2004-01-12T07:28:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > \*\*Typical SW geek, pulling stuff from the books to make a point. Books don’t count-anyone can stick anything in a book…or do I get to use all the stuff from ST books that makes Klingons true warriors? \*\* The difference here being that the SW books are considered to be canon (albeit a slightly lower “tier” of canon than the films), and have a distinct continuity, while the ST books have no canon standing at all. So yes, it _is_ fair to bring in stuff from the SW books, because they “officially” happened (some of the stuff in the books have even made it into the prequel films, the planet of Coruscant being the most obvious example). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Long\_Road](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@The\_Long\_Road](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Long_Road)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/34 "2004-01-12T07:50:30Z")
Every episode of ST:TNG had Worf suggesting they do something like raise the shields and Picard telling him no. Worf would just look very mad in a passive-aggressive sort of way. A Wookie would have ripped Picards bald head off and ate his brain like a slurpy. For some reason this makes me have to choose the Wookie. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 9:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/35 "2004-01-12T09:10:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > \*\*The shirt? Back in TOS era, the guys with the red shirts were the craptaculars. In TNG era, the COMMANDING OFFICERS were wearing the red shirts. > > What does THAT tell you? 😃 \*\* It tells me that Starfleet buys in bulk. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/36 "2004-01-12T14:45:34Z")
Wookie wins. No Contest. For all the talk by Worf to his son of “learing the way of the Warrior.” Apparently the way of the warrior involves getting your butt kicked by the bad guy of the week. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpsmack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Chimpsmack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpsmack)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/37 "2004-01-12T23:31:44Z")
The wookie is just too strong. It doesn’t matter how much technique the Klingon has learned putzing around in the holodeck, I doubt he’s going to be able to do significant damage with strikes, and I’m betting Chewie just powers out of armbars and defends the choke by removing his opponents arms. Besides, don’t wookies carry around a set of massive claws? I gotta say… Wookie by TKO (opponent’s death) R1, 1:03 ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2004, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/38 "2004-01-13T02:28:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Typical SW geek, pulling stuff from the books to make a point. Books don’t count-anyone can stick anything in a book Typical Trekkie geek, ignorant of what’s “in” and what’s “out”… "“Just what is Star Wars canon, and what is not? The one sure answer: The Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition- the three films themselves as executive-produced, and in the case of Star Wars written and directed, by George Lucas, are canon. Coming in a close second we have the authorized adaptations of the films: **the novels** , radio dramas, and comics.” (Bolding mine) > [@](#): > > or do I get to use all the stuff from ST books that makes Klingons true warriors? When Paramount says you can, sure. “As a rule of thumb, the events that take place within the live action episodes and movies are canon, or official Star Trek facts. Story lines, characters, events, stardates, etc. that take place within the fictional novels, the Animated Adventures, and the various comic lines are not canon.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2004, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/39 "2004-01-16T06:38:24Z")
k! wookie \> klingon [rank’em](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=4457732#post4457732) * * * Wolverine \> shoggoth \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> rhinocerous \> hippo \> giraffe \> polar bear \> **wookie** \> deinonychus \> tiger \> lion \> velociraptor \> Troll \> gorilla \> hyena \> cheetah \> pro-wrestlers \> Orc \> **klingon** \> man \> R.O.U.S. \> alsatian \> ostrich \> pig \> cow \> raccoon \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> platypus \> chihuahua \> rat \> gerbil \> hamster \> trap door spider \> cricket \> mayfly \> earthworm \> shark \> octopus \> mackerel \> ebola \> Jabberwocky ---
**Author:** ![oAMADEUSo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@oAMADEUSo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oAMADEUSo)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665/40 "2004-01-16T16:03:46Z")
Hand to hand Wookie, no conest. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wookie-v-klingon/223665.md?page=3)