# "Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 26, 2004, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264 "2004-02-26T09:06:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2004, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/61 "2004-02-28T18:22:46Z")
[QUOTE=dwalinMr. Schwarzenneger is a bilingual hermaphrodite/eunuch, with two identical pairs of male genitalia-one works, one doesn’t! [/QUOTE] I understand that there are some videos about from early in his career that would disprove your assertion here. But, to assure that **phantomdiver** does not come after me with butcher knife and evil glare in eye, I will not suggest that you validate my assertion for yourself! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2004, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/62 "2004-02-28T18:55:52Z")
I just hope you didn’t hear that line coming from the kitchen (assuming that the Hyatt Regency has a restaurant…) ---
**Author:** ![netscape\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8c91f0/32.png) [@netscape\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/netscape_6)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2004, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/63 "2004-02-28T21:01:59Z")
This thread brings a smile to my face when ever I see it. You should make it a, for lack of better word, sticky:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/64 "2004-02-29T01:51:00Z")
Can’t get the hang of masturbating? Do you spend hours banging away on your genitalia with nothing to show for it but a tired arm and a sore crotch? Well, I have a solution. I have produced a series of videos showing you guys and gals fool-proof ways to choke your chicken or butter your muffin. My techniques are guaranteed to leave you satisfied in 20 minutes or less. Soon, you’ll be able to tell your friends “Woooo! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!” After you’re done with the first video, _The Beginner’s Guide To Beating Off_, you can move on to _Gadgetry for your Genitals_, which shows you how you can use common household items, with a little modification, to lighten your load. Guys, you’ll never think a watermelon and a model train transformer could feel so good. And you ladies, you’ll actually look forward to doing the laundry with my little ‘spin cycle’ trick! Just call 1-800-JACK-OFF. For twelve easy payments of 19.99, you may never have to date again! And these videos come with Tentacle Monster’s guarantee: If you still can’t have an orgasm after watching these videos, I’ll come to your house and get you off myself! Disclaimer: Tentacle Monster’s guarantee only applies to women under the age of 50 who weigh less than 300 pounds. Schoolgirl uniform a plus. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/65 "2004-02-29T19:33:06Z")
**Tentacle Monster** , that was disgusting and hilarious. BTW, I’m still waiting for sig line permission. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/66 "2004-02-29T21:57:08Z")
You’re welcome to quote me any way you please, so long as you remember that there’s a four line max for sigs. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [February 29, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/67 "2004-02-29T22:55:46Z")
Thank you, **Larry**. I always do remember the limit, but it’s the thought that counts. **Smeghead** , still waiting for your okay. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2004, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/68 "2004-03-01T08:26:19Z")
Oh, yeah, sure. Knock yourself out. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/69 "2004-03-27T17:48:23Z")
**Tentacle Monster** that was brilliance ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/70 "2004-03-27T20:39:29Z")
**TentacleMonster** , I can just hear the sales pitch for that, with the background music of…_Beat It_ by Michael Jackson. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/71 "2004-03-27T20:45:20Z")
_takes a bow_ ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/72 "2004-03-28T02:31:38Z")
ur life must be pretty boring eh ? ---
**Author:** ![dantheman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dantheman/32/9421_2.png) [@dantheman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dantheman)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/73 "2004-03-28T02:41:55Z")
> [@vasyachkin](#): > > ur life must be pretty boring eh ? Ja, very boring, jes. I cannot tell if I am getting head of myself. ---
**Author:** ![pencilpusher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d6d6ee/32.png) [@pencilpusher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pencilpusher)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/74 "2004-03-28T03:51:54Z")
Dog I’d forgotten about THIS thread. Once again Mr.Pusher thinks his wife has lost it because she cannot stop giggling… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/75 "2004-03-28T15:42:32Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > “If it wasn’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.” > -Overheard by Lewis Black Horse porn. \*" How was she?" " Neigh bad." \* ---
**Author:** ![htns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@htns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/htns)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/76 "2004-03-28T20:56:39Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Bolding mine: > > I love how you’ve neutered Arnie 😃 Die Fueherin of California? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vasyachkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c5a1d2/32.png) [@vasyachkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vasyachkin)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/77 "2004-03-29T00:35:34Z")
> [@dantheman](#): > > Ja, very boring, jes. I cannot tell if I am getting head of myself. i was referring to the op. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/78 "2004-03-29T07:02:42Z")
Anyone remember the movie, _The Longest Day_? Remember what Robert Mitchum says to the soldier who finally finds a weapon on Omaha beach? I tell you, that is the exact sound clip that plays in my mind whenever I hear or read something like the phrase in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/79 "2004-03-29T08:44:21Z")
All this time later, I still periodically think to myself, “Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!” and chuckle quietly. ---
**Author:** ![chattywine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5daacb/32.png) [@chattywine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chattywine)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/80 "2004-03-29T20:19:52Z")
What **Smeghead** said. Always makes me ‘heh’. Thank you thank you thank you very much **Muad’Dib** [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264.md?page=5)