# "Woooo!!! I AM MASTURBATING LIKE A MOTHER FUCK!!!" **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 26, 2004, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264 "2004-02-26T09:06:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/81 "2004-03-30T18:42:12Z")
The Regency must have a pretty explicit “menu” for their PPV porn. Either that or really good prices. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/82 "2004-03-30T19:29:47Z")
And people complained about paying $5 for this. The SDMB’s a bargain at ten times the price. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/83 "2004-03-30T19:53:53Z")
One thing that has been bugging me, in between bouts of laughter, is why Masturbating like a mother fuck? Are mother fucks better masturbaters than non-mother fucks? I picture this: Greek Chorus member #1: I’m not so sure I like the new king. Whassisname? Oedipus. Greek Chorus member #2: Yeah. I’m not sure of his qualification, but my God can that man masturbate. #1: Boy howdy, are you right. That mother fuck is the best masturbater in Thebes. #2: Damn right he is. We’re gonna kick Athen’s Ass in next years MasturbatOlympics. #1: Shit, I wish I could masturbate like a mother fuck. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/84 "2004-04-27T01:56:53Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > You should have shouted back “When done masturbating, bring pie!” But wash your hands first! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/85 "2004-04-27T02:03:35Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > Guys, you’ll never think a watermelon and a model train transformer could feel so good. You are sick. Sick, I tell you. Sick. Shit, I’m just jealous that I didn’t come up with that line. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/86 "2004-04-27T13:50:37Z")
Two questions: Why does this thread keep coming back (heh)? and Why do I keep opening it? Okay, three questions: Aren’t the “real” Olympics in Athens this summer? Thanks, **Hamlet**. I’m going to have that little scenario playing in my head any time I hear about the Athens Olympics now. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2004, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/87 "2004-04-27T15:15:18Z")
featherlou, it comes back because it’s an immortal classic. We open it back up because we’re pathetic. _L_ ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2004, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/88 "2004-06-16T14:23:06Z")
_From The Onion, posted 6-16-2004_ Mugger Can’t Believe Crap Victim Has On MP3 Player BOSTON—Following the successful mugging of a jogger in Franklin Park, petty criminal Derek Mesker announced Monday that he cannot believe the shit he’s found on his victim’s Philips 20GB MP3 player. “3 Doors Down? Maroon 5!” Mesker said, scrolling through the songs. “The new Counting Crows?! Man, I’m glad I pistol-whipped that **motherfuck**.” Mesker added that the first thing he did was toss the device’s “gay-ass” teal neoprene case. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2004, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/89 "2004-06-16T21:06:27Z")
I have a confession. Periodically, since this thread was released into the Doper Wild, I have had this utter compulsion to shout out at the most inopportune times (library, funeral, pap smear. in a grid lock.) this thread title. Just for grins and giggles. Cause it’s just so funny. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2004, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/90 "2004-06-16T21:18:16Z")
Its risen again, any chance of another incredible line like this? or a post like **Tentacle Monster** ’s. I love this thread so much. Ahem… **Tentacle Monster** any chance of getting my hands on those videos my… friend is having real trouble ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2004, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264/91 "2004-06-16T21:39:26Z")
Did he follow it up with a “Vote Quimby!”? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/woooo-i-am-masturbating-like-a-mother-fuck/231264.md?page=4)